


We walked a million hills

by Scyllaya



Series: Trinity [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Blood and Gore, M/M, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-28
Updated: 2012-10-28
Packaged: 2017-11-17 05:46:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 97,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/548256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scyllaya/pseuds/Scyllaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean, Castiel and Gabriel live the life they wanted to have. Their biggest problem should be synchronizing their crazy schedules, unfortunately life is never that simple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at Nov. 16th, 2011, on Livejournal. http://scyllaya.livejournal.com/64522.html
> 
> Warnings: graphic violence, death, gore, graphic sexual content. Mentions of child abuse.
> 
> Title from: Nirvana - The Man Who Sold The World
> 
> Art by kraehi (see link at chapters)

_Seven years later..._

 

Chapter One

 

Cas hated Nevada, hated it with burning passion and every fiber of his being, and there were no words how much more Pam hated Nevada. Of course he just spent three spectacularly awful weeks on field training so the hatred was more than understandable, but if he was honest it wasn't Nevada itself he abhorred, but the nasty storm that caught them completely unexpectedly a few days ago and caused him to almost crash his chopper.

This was his first ride with the Sikorsky HH-60G Pave Hawk without a senior pilot sitting beside him and he almost destroyed a $15.8 million aircraft, not to mention possibly seriously injuring or killing himself, Pam – his co-pilot –, the flight engineer, the gunner, oh and the twelve troops he was transporting. He lost control for a second as the FLIR shot down and he had no idea where they were as the wind got them off course and the sand was too thick to see properly. They didn't have radio-connection with base-camp either for at least 5-10 minutes, it looked like they would crash down and burn, but by some divine miracle he could put his baby down.

Pam was a rock, she didn't lose her cool for a second. She was making it up as they went and Castiel could not have wished for anyone better than her to have onboard for something like this. He also may have looked calm and collected and in complete control of the helicopter, but he was – truth to be told – scared out of his mind that he and Pam had the life of fourteen people in their hands. He flew with passengers before, but this did not sink in up until this point. When they finally touched down and he let out a breath Pamela laughed out loud and told him through the radio that he really was a freakin' angel.

Annoying thing about the radio was that everyone could hear what you said and this remark spread like wildfire on the base after the news went around how he got out of the storm safely and now everyone called him simply 'Angel' even the Captain. Some of the troopers that were onboard with him in the storm told him that when they went to a real warzone they hoped they could ride with him. He really was glad to hear that, but he was still struggling with the knowledge, the responsibility that was on him everytime he took off. It was new, something he should've known already. That if something like this was to happen he was the one to save them, the one they trusted to get them down safely. It was a frightening thought, even if he seemingly passed his first big test in a real emergency.

He really fucking hated Nevada.

Pamela was almost asleep in the passenger seat and Jake was silent on the backseat of the car. It was the usual routine as they were the two other people from the base who lived in Denver like he did. Well, this time they were a lot more tired and worn than usual, but it was just a relief to finally go home.

Cas couldn't wait to get back to the apartment and just bury himself in the bed between Dean and Gabriel. He hated being away for so long and not seeing them every day, but he knew from the start that it would be like this so he dealt with it. The road from Colorado Springs to Denver was a usual one at this point, but even if it was a long way between the city and the base not even now did he regret insisting on buying an apartment in Denver back when they were discussing where to live. Dean and Gabriel both wanted to move somewhere else, maybe to Castle Rock since it was between Denver and Springs, so that Cas didn't have to drive so much almost daily, but he wouldn't have any of it. He had a very predictable schedule and could even stay home for longer periods of time after being away, while both Dean and Gabriel worked crazy hours and could be called in anytime for emergencies let it be a weekend or the middle of the night. They had to be close to their workplaces. Cas didn't, so he told them where to shove their concerns about him having to drive too much.

He thought from the first second that the apartment was perfect for them and that he wanted to live there. He couldn't explain properly why, it just felt like home even if it was not a house or even remotely similar to the way they grew up. It was pretty close to Saint Anthony, the hospital Gabriel worked at. Castiel was more than surprised back when Gabriel started there as an intern since they had anything but fond memories of the place, but Gabe just shrugged it off saying that they saved his life there so it's a good place. Some of doctors and nurses, who worked there even back when Gabriel was hurt, remembered him. Castiel couldn't imagine how that didn't bother him, but seemingly it didn't. He wouldn't have fought tooth and nail to be employed there after his internship ended if he didn't honestly wanted to work there.

Dean had to drive to the station a lot too, but that he didn't mind one bit and he agreed that Gabriel had to be the closest to work. His team could very much handle a raid without him if he was late after an emergency call, but Gabriel had patients to worry about and he was on the ER more than not so being able to be in the hospital in ten minutes was more than good.

Cas stopped at the usual spot where Jake always got out.

'Thanks for the ride, man' he said.

'Stop thanking me. See you in a week' Cas said his goodbye too.

'Yeah sure, Angel. See ya, Pam.'

'Bye Jake' Pamela waved after him as the tall trooper disappeared towards his apartment building. 'Drop me off at the Colorado Boulevard' she said after a moment.

'That's rather far from your apartment' Castiel frowned.

'It's close enough, I got someone to pick me up, and you have a hot date with your men, I don't want you wasting your time on me' she smiled suggestively over at him. Pamela was the only one from his acquaintances who knew that Dean and Gabriel were not just his roommates and childhood friends. Castiel figured that meant she was his friend even if it was strange to think of anyone besides Dean and Gabriel like that, but Pam was his co-pilot and they were paired up since years, it would've been ridiculous not to trust her and be close to her after all this time.

'Oh yes indeed I have' he answered then, just a hint of a smile touching his lips. Pam laughed delightfully.

After he dropped her off he headed directly to the apartment, his tiredness vanished at the prospect of being home again. He smiled when he caught the sight of Dean's black Impala and Gabriel's red Dodge in the garage and parked down next to them in his usual spot. His blue 4x4 Nissan Patrol looked gigantic next to the two classic cars, but no matter what Dean told him over and over again he needed a car he could drive in any kind of weather and terrain let it be snow, rain, mud, sand or even in the middle of an apocalypse at the side of a mountain if it came down to it. Dean insisted that one could drive his Impala all across the country even if it was a freakin' apocalypse, Cas threatened him with driving it to Nevada and testing it out in the desert, that shut Dean up for a while, since Cas had the resources to make his threat into reality.

He waved hi to Andy who worked nights at the front-desk of the apartment-complex and headed towards the elevator with his duffel on his shoulder. It was rather late, but now the tension was finally seeping out of him so he felt a lot better and less worn.

He heard the TV as he walked into the apartment so he dropped down his bag and turned towards the living room immediately. Gabriel sat up on the couch and a smile spread on his face as he looked at him immediately.

'Oh, there's my brave little soldier' he greeted. Cas managed not to roll his eyes at his usual greeting and stalked across the room until he reached the sofa, he put one hand on the back of the couch and the other on Gabriel's neck.

'Not a soldier' he grumbled and kissed away the small laughter that bubbled up in Gabe, the older man pulled him closer by burying both of his hands in his hair and they kissed for what seemed like ages. He knew he missed his lovers when he was away but when he got back it always filled him with joy that he was missed as well. They parted to catch their breaths.

'Yeah sorry, brave little trooper then' Gabriel chuckled as he stroked his fingers through his hair while his amber eyes roamed Castiel's face like he was making sure that every tiny detail was exactly the way he remembered them. Cas kissed him again, this time just a short peck on the lips.

'Where's Dean?' he asked as they parted again and he finally went around the couch to flop down next to Gabriel, well almost half on top of him, but he always craved physical contact when he was away for a long time.

'He's been waiting with me, but they got a tip so he got called in for a raid, Victor picked him up on his way in' Gabriel explained, his tone was his usual forced nonchalance. Cas knew very well that Gabe always worried whenever Dean went on a raid, Cas thought it was justified, but he never called him on trying to hide it. To be honest he was worried too to a level most of the time. He was worried back when Dean was just a uniform. He figured the family-members of police officers all did, but Dean joined the S.W.A.T. little over a year ago and one couldn't help to worry a lot more about someone who's job was to kick down doors and arrest or shoot down criminals who were too well armed for the regular officers. Not that Castiel didn't have faith in Dean's skills and his capability of taking care of himself, but they were entitled to be concerned for his well-being.

'Shouldn't you be sleeping already?' Castiel asked.

'Nah, I'm good at not sleeping' Gabriel answered with a smile, Cas frowned at him. 'Oh relax, I only have to get in tomorrow afternoon, I have plenty of time.' He explained. 'So, how was field training?' he asked then. Castiel shifted to turn towards him completely and leaned as close as he could in their current position.

'I was away for three weeks' he said in a low tone. 'How about I drag you to the bedroom instead and let you fuck me good and proper... we can chat after.'

Gabriel's eyes darkened immediately at his words and the arm that was draped around Cas' waist tightened.

'Good plan' he admitted and pulled Cas down for another kiss, this time with more heat, not the deep tender exploration that was his welcome, but something that already managed to light fire up in his belly. He did pull away after a few moments. After being uncomfortable for weeks on the field – in the fucking Nevada desert – he wanted to get into their big and comfortable bed where they had plenty of space. He pulled away from Gabriel but twisted his fingers in the front of his T-shirt to yank him up from the couch and dragged him towards the bedroom. Gabe went more than willingly, always enjoying when Castiel got a little bossy with him.

As soon as they were close enough to the bed Cas pulled on him and turned them around to shove him down onto the mattress and climb on top of him, already yanking the T-shirt over his head then pulling back to remove his own.

'Sure you don't wanna wait for Dean?' Gabriel asked.

'Three weeks, Gabriel' Cas reminded him again as he finally kicked his boots off and unbuckled his belt. 'I'll have my way with him later.' Gabriel chuckled and pulled him down for a kiss that ended up being fast and messy as they got out of the rest of their clothes as hastily as possible. Castiel straddled his hips as soon as they were naked and pushed down onto him with his entire body, Gabriel captured his lips as he draped his arms around him, one hand going up to the back of his neck, while the other cupped his ass to pull him even closer. Castiel was already hard as their dicks lined up, but Gabriel was well on his way too. Cas started to move on top of him, rolling his hips down, giving him delicious friction to get him to reach full hardness.

His body fitted to Gabriel's perfectly and they moved together, kissed and touched with ease and certainty, knowing what the other wanted, the familiarity just ignited the heat in them, made their bodies crave the other after too much time spent without contact. Castiel dragged his lips away from Gabriel's but just to mouth and lick on the skin of his neck, sucking the flesh in his mouth a little. Gabriel pushed up with his hips in reaction, his grip on Cas tight and strong. The younger man pulled away a little and looked at the small mark he left behind on Gabriel's neck, which should give something to the nurses in Saint Anthony to tease him about.

He pulled away more after that and Gabriel eased up his hold on his body as he knew where he wanted to go and let him slide off of him to reach the nightstand. He just opened the right drawer when he felt Gabriel move and drape over him, his arms coming around him on both sides, stroking the skin on his stomach and chest while he put kisses on his spine and shoulder blades. Castiel chuckled when he felt his lips on his nape as he was slightly ticklish there, but he didn't squirm away just pushed back towards the heat of Gabriel's body behind him and he was sure that he wanted it this way as he felt the older man's hard length.

He finally found one of the bottles in the drawer and pulled his weight back onto the bed, straightening up to his knees. Gabriel stayed close to his back, straightened up with him then kissed his shoulder as his hands wandered lower. One taking the bottle out of his hand the other closing around his dick. Castiel let out a moan and pushed back on Gabriel again.

'I think I want you like this' Gabriel said in a low tone, his hand slow but tight on his length, but it was only enough to keep him turned on, not to get him off.

'Well then hurry up, or I'm gonna pin you to the bed and ride your dick instead' Gabriel's voice deepened down to a growl as his hand tightened around Castiel's cock. Such comments never stopped being a huge turn on for him and both Dean and Cas used it shamelessly, sometimes not even paying attention to what was leaving their mouths as things heated up. Gabe stroked hard a few times before pushing Cas forward to his hands and knees giving himself access to prepare him.

He was not teasing, neither of them was in the mood for that right now and Cas moaned biting down on his lower lip as the first slick finger entered him.

'Hmm, always so tight when being gone for long' Gabriel commented as he pushed in deeper, knowing Cas' limit and how fast he could go. He ran a soothing hand down Cas' spine, not like the younger man needed much to relax to Gabriel's touch, his body opened up with ease letting his lover push in with a second finger soon.

Castiel arched his back and pushed himself back on the fingers inside of him and Gabe let his nails ran down his back this time, just with a little pressure, not hard enough to leave a mark. He let out a moan again and tried to get the fingers deeper with the movements of his hips and Gabriel pushed them inside harder to give him what he asked for, scissoring and twisting them a bit. Castiel really fucking missed being at home. His fingers tightened in the sheets and pillows when Gabriel finally pushed his fingers down on his prostrate, he didn't bother trying to keep his voice down as pleasure washed over him. Gabriel repeated the movement a few times, making the dark-haired man writhe before him before pushing in a third finger to stretch him more.

'Gabriel' Cas moaned as he let his elbows descend down on the mattress, his hips pushing closer to the other man and the fingers still working him open.

'Easy Cas' Gabriel remarked, his voice breathy and thick with restrained want. 'You get what you want, you know I'll give it to you.' Castiel just moaned as a reply, he knew that well. Not like it ever made him stop from demanding more from the very first touch. Gabriel always managed to do that, somehow touching him just the right way, he could feel the promise of more in every movement, it was there just out of reach, something you could practically taste on your lips and you just had to ask for it. Dean called him an evil sex demon after he made him beg to be fucked with just idle touches of his fingers and tongue. Castiel agreed, even if watching Gabriel taking Dean apart like that, reducing him to heavy moans and begging was still one of his favorite things to watch.

He let out a small noise as Gabriel pulled out his fingers and he was really glad that the other was not in a teasing mood because he really wanted to have more and it would do nothing good to his sanity if Gabriel dragged this out. The slick head of Gabriel's cock pushing at his hole was just too promising and Castiel tried to push back onto it.

'Really pushy today, aren't you?' Gabriel said, Cas didn't have to turn back towards him to know that he was looking down on him with that fond and teasing smile on his face, his eyes darkened by lust but dancing with amusement.

'Fuck me, Gabriel. Give us what we want' he replied and groaned deep in his throat as Gabriel pushed inside. 'Oh, fuck I missed you' he breathed as Gabe's dick filled him up, he's been thinking about this exact moment in the last days so much. He was way too close to come already.

'Missed you too' Gabriel told him as he bottomed out. He stayed still for a little bit to let Cas relax, then he started to move speeding up to a hard pace after only a few thrusts. Castiel gripped the sheets under him tighter and moved in sync with Gabriel, pushing back to meet every thrust. He didn't have to ask for it, didn't have to demand what he wanted, being claimed and taken and sated hard and fast, Gabriel knew. He was not in a playful mood so he didn't make him ask for it, just gave it to him exactly as he wanted, knowing his body and his wants. Cas knew he wouldn't last long, not after so much time, not with Gabriel fucking him exactly the way he fantasized about it while being away. He moved and moaned and pushed back towards Gabriel again and again, already feeling the edge of his climax and chasing it with abandon. Sweat was breaking out on his skin, gathering on his forehead and temple, sliding down his heated skin, then he couldn't keep his head up anymore when Gabriel's dick brushed his prostate as he found his right angle. He just groaned loudly, his own rhythm breaking even if Gabriel's didn't despite Cas clenching down around him.

'Oh fuck, I love it when you're so hungry for it Cas' Gabriel told him, his voice deep and wrecked, he was close Cas could tell.

'Harder' Cas stuttered out as a reply, he was so close now he needed more, just a bit more. Gabriel gripped his hips tight and complied, thrusting into his body with force while letting out a loud moan. Cas closed one hand around his own hard cock, not wanting Gabriel to move or stop or slow down and he was coming all over his fingers and the sheets only after a few strokes. His muscles clenched and tightened in his entire body as his orgasm washed over him and that managed to get Gabriel out of his rhythm as he groaned loudly while he thrust into him hard and deeply before coming, following Castiel over the edge.

They stayed in place for a little while then Gabe pulled out and dropped down onto the bed, Cas only had the energy to lie down next to him on his side and avoid falling into the wet spot.

'I really enjoy coming home' Castiel told him and smiled as Gabriel chuckled and put a kiss on his damp forehead then captured his lips in a kiss. They stayed still for a while next to one another, only barely touching, their skin cooling off and their breathing evening out.

'So, how was Nevada?' Gabriel asked.

'Arid' Castiel answered.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter II

 

'Ok, how was the field training in the arid Nevada then?' Gabriel asked with a chuckle. Trust Castiel to state the obvious, somehow he still found it cute.

'I almost crashed' Castiel answered.

'What?!' Gabriel exclaimed as he sat up and looked down at the younger man.

'We got into a storm, I barely managed to land' he said and Gabriel just blinked down at him in disbelief at how he could say this with such a calm tone. 'The guys who were onboard think that I saved them, that other pilots would've failed. I don't know about that, but it was... well scary, I didn't have a senior pilot with me just Pam.'

Gabriel let out a breath and lay back down next to Castiel, draping his arm over his waist.

'Now I'm gonna be worried about your field trainings too, awesome' he remarked.

'You shouldn't be' Cas told him.

'Too late' he answered. He was used to being worried about Dean, that there was a chance he's gonna get a call one day that something happened to him while he was chasing some bad guy or that an ambulance will rush him in to his ER. Cas was a different matter, with him he usually only worried that he was going to come home one day with the news that he will be sent to the other side of the world into some fucking war for months. Well seems like he didn't need to go that far to find danger.

'You know I can't help it' he answered at last. 'I always worry about you two.'

'Sorry' Cas said quietly, Gabriel chuckled.

'S'okay, it's who you are... I'm dealing with it remarkably.' At least he thought he was, he lost count how many times he shut his mouth even if he was bothered by something in Dean's or Cas' job, but he would be damned if he was gonna start bitching like some Stepford wife, whining about the oh so dangerous jobs the other two had. He still had his dignity intact thank you very much, so he was not bitching... usually.

'Everyone started calling me like my Mom' Cas said then. Gabriel frowned.

'What? You mean “Angel”?' he asked and Cas groaned.

'Yes' he grumbled out. 'Pam called me one when I put the chopper down and everyone just started it, even the Captain' Gabriel chuckled despite the angry look Castiel leveled him with. 'They can never find out that my Mom calls me like that' he said.

'Ok, Angel' Gabriel laughed.

'Don't start please. It just sounds all kinds of wrong coming from you.' Gabriel just laughed louder at his tone then kissed him to get the frown off his face.

'Your secret is safe with me' he said after they parted. 'Can't say anything for Dean though' he added.

'It's okay. He's easy to bribe' Castiel said.

'No, I'm not' came the answer and both Cas and Gabriel turned towards the door. Dean stood there leaning against the doorway. His eyes taking in the sight of his two lovers naked and wrapped up around each other on their bed. 'Why am I not surprised that I find you two this way?' he added. 'And that I was left out of the fun.'

'Just the first round' Castiel told him and Dean grinned as he strolled across the room. He knelt on the bed and reached out for Cas who pulled away from Gabriel to kiss him. They didn't let go of each other for a very long time and Gabriel just enjoyed watching them explore each others’ mouths and see how very much they missed each other as well.

'Welcome home' Dean breathed out as they broke the kiss and Castiel smiled at him. Dean turned towards Gabriel then. 'Hey' he smiled and leaned down for a kiss.

'Hey, big boy' Gabriel greeted too before kissing the younger man on the lips. Their kiss was a lot shorter but it was just the two of them in the last three weeks and they saw each other this morning, they didn't get the chance to start missing each other.

Castiel reached out for Dean as soon as the kiss ended to pull him down onto the bed but he stopped mid-movement as Dean hissed when he gripped his upper-arm.

'You're injured?' Gabriel asked right away as his brows descended into a frown.

'It's nothing' Dean replied immediately.

'Let me see' Gabriel told him.

'I told you it's nothing' Dean said, Gabriel just looked at him because really, he should've known by now that there was no arguing about something like this. Dean sighed as he started to shrug off his jacket, it hurt him to do so Gabe could tell. The second Dean's jacket was off Gabriel's body went rigid with anger and he found himself struggling not to start shouting as Dean's T-shirt was soaked at the shoulder and blood was running down his arm.

'You're fucking bleeding' he exclaimed anyway and got closer to push the shirt up and take a look.

'It doesn't hurt' Dean told him, but Gabriel paid him no attention. He peeled the T-shirt sleeve sticking to Dean's skin away and had to take a deep breath to calm himself.

'How on Earth did they let you come home with a wound like this?' he asked. They should've taken him to the ER, this was not a band-aid level gash. It was obviously done by a sharp object, probably a knife, but it was too wide and deep so stitches were definitely needed. Dean didn't answer so Gabriel looked up at him.

'I just... I didn't think it was this bad, okay? It didn't hurt at all...' he trailed off and had a guilty look on his face, which meant that he didn't tell that he got injured. So fucking typical Dean Winchester macho bullshit.

'You are such a fucking moron sometimes' he hissed, unable to contain his anger completely as he stood up and grabbed his pants from to floor and put them back on.

'I just wanted to get home soon, okay? I knew it wasn't anything too bad as it didn't hurt so...'

'Yes, because you fucking know how bad an injury is with your body pumped full with adrenaline... and you are obviously wrong as I have to stitch you up!'

'Just...'

'Get your shirt off and stay there' Gabriel interrupted him sternly. 'And don't get blood on the fucking sheets!' he warned before he marched out of the bedroom to get his med kit.

Unbelievable. How could anyone expect him not to be pissed as fuck? One thing he asked from Dean, one fucking thing! Just that he watch out for himself as much as he could, that he doesn't take any illness of injury lightly. He had a fucking dangerous job to begin with he really could've been a bit more considerate when it came to his health and safety, especially since Gabriel fucking asked him to every damn time something like this happened. Because it happened, again and again and Gabriel was really fucking fed up with Dean being so reckless. He washed his hands and grabbed his kit.

When he got back into the room Dean and Castiel fell silent, they were obviously talking up until this point. Cas had a piece of cloth pressed to Dean's wound and Gabriel could see that he too was a bit angry, but not remotely as much as Gabriel. Dean just turned towards him and looked up at him with mixture of guilt and plea, but no way in hell was he gonna let him off this easily.

Castiel moved away to give him space and he put down the kit on the bed. It was not the regular all-day med-kit of course, but something a bit more well-equipped.

'Gabriel--'

'Shut up' Gabe interrupted before Dean could start and took over holding the cloth from Cas before he replaced it with a clean gauze. Castiel climbed down from the bed and he too put his pants back on. Gabriel went on disinfecting the wound silently.

'Listen Gabe--' Dean started again.

'I said shut up and you may want to listen when I have sharp objects I intend using on you' Gabriel snapped at him and Dean fell silent again taking a large breath. Castiel sat back down onto the bed to the other side of Dean and the two shared a quick glance. Gabriel contemplated for a second not using any anesthesia, but even if he was pissed he would've felt bad about it so he disregarded the thought. After he was done with disinfecting the wound he sprayed it over with lidocaine. He put on a pair of gloves to do the stitches.

'What was it?' he asked. He had a good guess, but it was still important to know.

'A knife' Dean answered. 'One of the bastards got me before we could take him down.'

'Was it rusty at all?'

'No, shiny steel knife, I won't need a tetanus shot' the younger man replied and Gabriel hummed in agreement as he pierced the skin with the needle to stitch the gash up. Dean did tense, but he didn't make a sound. He could tell that Dean wanted to speak again, explain himself and probably apologize, but Gabriel didn't want to hear it. He heard probably every variation of Dean's explanations already. Getting himself injured because of his own stupidity seemed to be a super power of his.

Gabriel finished quickly and taped the wound down tightly after wiping down the blood then he took off the gloves and put everything back into his kit swiftly and stood up and went out to take it back to its place without a word. He caught the sound of low hushed words back from the bedroom, but he didn't strain his ears to hear what the other two were talking about.

'Dean' he heard Castiel say in a low, stern tone after a few seconds a lot louder so he was not surprised by the sound of footsteps another moment later. He wanted to tell Dean to save his apologies, but before he could get a word out two arms wrapped around him from behind and the familiar shape and warmth of Dean's body pressed up to him. The younger man rested his head next to his, his chin bumping to Gabe's ear, his breath ghosting over his skin on his temple. They stayed like this for long moments, Gabriel wanting to pull away or push Dean off but he was not really able to do it.

'I know you don't want to hear it, but... I'm sorry, okay? I just... Cas was coming home and I wanted to be back as soon as possible and it really didn't hurt so I was not paying attention... I watch out now, I promise I do--'

'Well, I don't see that happening at all' Gabriel interrupted. 'And fine, you want me start whining like a fucking chick? You can have it. I don't ask for much, Dean. This I asked of you... about a dozen times and you just don't give a fuck' He snapped angrily. Dean's arms tightened around him before he could pull away or turn around.

'Not true and you know it' Dean replied, not letting go of him. In moments like this Gabriel thought back at the times when he was the bigger one from the two of them and he could drag the other around all he wanted. But Dean wasn't just tall he got really big as he put on all the extra muscles over the years, not that Gabriel was not in form, he spent way enough time in the hospital's gym when he had nothing better to do, but he still felt stupidly small sometimes.

'Just let go... I wanna go to sleep now' Gabriel sighed, but of course Dean refused.

'I'm gonna ask Victor to put me to sniper duty' he said after a beat of silence. The words made Gabriel stop as he knew how being there with the rest of the squad working as a team on the first line was something very important for Dean. He took a deep breath again.

'That's not it Dean' he told him. 'I don't want you to switch your position or job... just want you to fucking take care of yourself...'

'I've been thinking about it for a while now' Dean said. 'I know you worry, I know Cas worries... and if I can make it better than I should do it, right? S'what I thought.'

'I don't want you to stop doing what you want' Gabriel said to him and it was true. He wouldn't want Dean and Cas to ask him something like this either.

'What I want is to make that frown disappear from your face whenever I get called in for work unexpectedly' Dean said as he pulled even closer and put a kiss on the side of Gabriel's head.

'You love kicking down doors' Gabriel remarked quietly.

'I love you more' the younger man answered right away. 'And I dig the sniper gig, I swear' he added before Gabriel could reply. 'I did it before, I can watch the back of the guys, watching over them from afar and all that. I like doing that too, I'll be fine, I'm good at it and it's a lot less dangerous.'

Gabe took another breath and finally let himself lean back to Dean's body and covered one of his arms with his own, stroking the skin with his fingers.

'Forgive me?' Dean asked as he buried his nose in Gabriel's hair and rubbed his face to his head like some huge cat and Gabriel was willing to bet his Dodge that he was making that “I'm too cute to be angry at” face, which he luckily couldn't see at the moment. He was not entirely immune to it.

'We'll see how long you can go without doing something fucking stupid again' he said, but his tone was a lot lighter and lost its edge of hostility it carried up until this point and Dean surely could hear that.

'I'll be good' the younger man promised as he put a kiss on his cheek and he was most definitely smiling. He finally let go of Gabe, who wanted to head back to the bedroom right away, but Dean grabbed his arm and moved after him closing the distance between them as soon as Gabriel stopped and sealed his lips to the shorter man's. And of course Gabriel couldn't find it in him to pull away from the hot welcoming mouth so he parted his lips and let Dean kiss him properly. The younger man just pulled closer and slid his fingers into his hair. It was mighty unfair how his anger and the tension so easily slipped out of him like this. Dean was always so efficient in sweetening him up, the bastard. Dean moved again and pushed on Gabriel until his back hit the wall of the hallway and he could cover him with his body.

'I would appreciate it if you two came back to the bedroom if you managed to make up.' They parted and both turned towards Castiel who was looking at them expectantly. Dean chuckled.

'Sorry' he smiled easily. Cas regarded him with a considering look before he locked his eyes on Gabriel. He knew that look on Castiel's face all too well so he smiled back in a way of agreement.

'Don't think for a second that just because you don't have to sleep on the couch you're already off the hook' Cas said seriously. Gabriel finally managed to slip out of Dean's grasp and he walked back to the bedroom without looking back at Dean, his fingers brushing Castiel's arm as he walked passed him. Cas turned and followed him.

'I'm not getting any tonight, am I?' Dean asked as he followed and Gabriel laughed quietly at his already resigned tone while he settled in the bed, deciding to shower in the morning. He noticed that Cas changed the sheets while he was out talking with Dean, he also had his pajama pants on now that Gabriel took a closer look. Castiel climbed after him into the bed while Dean stood at the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest looking at the two of them.

'Well, you have to be trained somehow' Cas said half to his pillow as he settled down under the sheets and crawled closer to Gabriel. Dean huffed out a breath but didn't say anything, he knew better than that. He went and disappeared in the bathroom for a while then the lights were off and Gabriel felt as the bed dipped down and Dean climbed in settling on his other side. He too slid closer to Gabriel throwing an arm over him to reach out and touch Castiel, their arms met draped over Gabriel. Two giant octopuses, that's what they were, always encircling him and folding their bodies all around him the both of them. Again he felt small like always, but also he found it to be the safest place in the whole world or at least it felt like it, so he didn't really mind at all.

'Can we at least have sex in the morning before I have to get to work?' Dean asked after a little while.

'Shut up, Dean ' Cas mumbled, his voice sounded tired so he was grumpy now.

'Yeah, love you too Cas' Dean replied with a sigh and Gabriel couldn't help but chuckle.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter III

 

Dean never really thought in length about Gabriel at work. Sure he found the scrubs and the coat hot – even if he only ever saw the former at home – it was sorta a having his own Dr. Sexy MD kinda thing. He lost count how many times he jumped on Gabriel when he got home and found him in his blue scrubs after or before work.

He didn't like Saint Anthony, neither did Cas. He couldn't forget that nightmare of a night they thought Gabriel was going to die, nor the days after when he was so broken and weak. Whenever he looked at the building it just left a sour taste in his mouth and it made him edgy. He avoided getting into the building and he managed to do so as Gabriel's been working there for years and he never once set a foot inside. This time though he decided to suck it up.

Sure Gabriel was not exactly angry with him anymore, but they were also not a 100% okay yet. After all this time he could easily tell. After Cas filled him in about his almost crash in Nevada Dean could finally get why Gabriel was angrier than usual about his unattended wound. But this way it was without a doubt the last push he needed to make his decision about switching to sniper position. And sure he managed to calm Gabe down, but it was kinda a tell tale sign he was still a bit pissed that he didn't join in when Dean and Cas had their proper reunion in the morning. He had no doubt that Gabriel wouldn't resist him for a second and that this wasn't actually problem, but still... Gabriel being mad at him even a little was like an unpleasant itching under his skin that wouldn't go away no matter what until they were perfectly fine again.

He was used to argue with Cas, they have always been like that, there was no changing it. It didn't mean he didn't love him like crazy, they just clashed this way. There was fire and tension between them that couldn't be tamed, not even after years, he didn't mind. With Gabriel though it was different. They did tend to bicker about what to have for dinner or about TV shows or other trivial things like that, but that was basically all just joking and flirting, nothing more. Real arguments with Gabriel he hated more than anything. He was the silently furious type, keeping his anger restrained, Dean was not surprised about that. Him on the other had a horrible tendency to get pissed as fuck easily and he was not the type of guy to keep his mouth shut for long or keeping it quiet either. Gabriel hated shouting and fell silent if someone did, but his silences spoke volumes. Sometimes there were such dark storms in his amber eyes that Dean would've been freakin' scared if he didn't know for certain that Gabriel was also very much against physical violence. It was a mystery how Gabriel could be that intimidating for him with his height disadvantage.

So while this was not a real big argument he still could read Gabriel's silence well and it just didn't sit right with him. He paused once before he entered the hospital and he scolded himself for it. He walked around a bit following the signs to find the right place then walked up to the nurse desk as soon as he spotted it.

'Hey!' he greeted the red-head nurse that was filling out some documents behind the desk. 'I'm looking for Gabriel Morgenstern, could you tell me where I can find him?'

'Do you have an appointment?' the nurse asked without looking up.

'No, I'm--'

'Dr. Morgenstern's consulting hours are Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 9 AM to 12 and again from 2 to 5 in the afternoon. Other times he works on the ER so he only takes emergency cases, unless this is an emergency, please call in beforehand and make an appointment.'

Dean couldn't help the little smirk when he heard her call Gabe “Dr. Morgenstern”, it just sounded hot.

'No, I'm not his patient. I'm his friend and I just dropped in to see him' Dean explained. The red-head nurse stopped and looked up at him immediately, there was strange expression on her face, Dean would've called it shock even if it didn't make sense.

'Friend?' she asked and Dean frowned.

'Yes, so can you tell me where he is?' he asked.

'Becky' the nurse called but she didn't take her eyes off of Dean. Another nurse, a blond one also in scrubs, joined her.

'Hmm?'

'The gentleman says he's Dr. Morgenstern's... _friend_.' And after that tone, sure enough this second nurse started to stare at him in the same strange way the red-head was looking at him.

'Is there a problem or something?' Dean asked, his voice evening out from friendly to his deep “cop-voice” or so did Cas call it. The two nurses just kept looking at him for another second. He was about to ask what the hell was going on when two guys stopped next to them pushing a hospital gurney with a very obvious dead body covered up in a sheet on it.

'Problem Anna?' asked the first guy with beard, wearing glasses. The red-head snapped out of her staring.

'No, nothing Ed. Just... a _friend_ of Dr. Morgenstern dropped by.'

'What?' the second guy spoke up while an incredulous smile spread on his face. 'You're shitting me. No way Dr. M has things like... _friends_.'

'Excuse me?' Dean turned towards the guy with a deep frown and a very openly hostile look on his face. The guy obviously didn't have good survival instincts as he didn't notice or ignored Dean's scowl.

'Well, um... you know... he's just sort of... scary' the blond nurse said.

'More like freakin' terrifying if you ask me' the guy said again.

'Gabriel?' Dean asked. 'Morgenstern. This tall, blondish hair, bright eyes.'

'Yeah' the guy nodded. Ok, this was getting really-really strange.

'Ok that's just... he's like the kindest guy ever' he said, completely caught off guard by the weird conversation. Sure he knew Gabe could look scary when he was really pissed, but that happened very rarely. Ed snorted.

'Yeah sure, tell that Dr. Wids.'

'Oh you know that's just gossip' the red-haired nurse, Anna cut in.

'Who's Dr. Wids?' Dean couldn't help but ask.

'He was the head of cardiology before he pissed off Dr. M and got kicked out of here so fast that he didn't even know what hit him' Ed said.

'Well he was kinda a douche nozzle' the other guy added as he leaned to the side of the gurney. 'I don't miss him.'

'Why do you think the guy got fired because of Gabriel?' Dean asked.

'Everyone knows' Becky got closer as she leaned over the nurse desk and her voice got quiet and secretive.

'And not just because of the pretty spectacular temper tantrum Dr. Wids had right after he got laid off.'

'So you don't piss off Dr. M, cause it's a bad idea.'

'Damn right it's a bad idea, Harry' Ed nodded. 'We know the drill, it's the law of S.A.'

'It's the Law' Harry nodded in agreement while he shoot Dean a dramatic look.

'And once you're on the black list, you just wish you were fired' Ed commented.

'I remember when he freaked out nurse Garland' Harry mused.

'Oh holy crap the guy's like 400 pounds and he was crying like a baby the entire night.'

'So yeah y'know, I wouldn't think that Dr. M has any friends... maybe some huge well-trained vicious dogs that guard his lair.'

'And Dr. Colainn' Becky said.

'Yeah, Dr. Colainn and some alligators in the basement' Harry concluded and Dean really couldn't follow his train of thoughts that much at this point.

'Who's Dr. Colainn?' This was officially the most bizarre conversation of Dean's life.

'Ah, shhs... he's coming' Anna warned before Dean could get an answer to his question, he looked around but he didn't know who the nurse meant, that until he heard Gabriel's voice from behind the computers and shells on the other side of the nurse desk.

'Nurse Rosen, I remember telling you to give Mr. Donovan his medication about half an hour ago' he started without a greeting.

'Yes, I was on my way--'

'Oh by all means, do not hurry. I'm sure the family will understand when I explain to them that their uncle is dead because our nurses were too busy gossiping during work hours.'

'Yes, I'll go right away' Becky chirped as she grabbed a small plate and hurried away.

'I need the charts from Mrs. Benton, Mr. Imaya and Mr. Farlow' Gabriel continued as he put down several folders after he finished signing the documents in them. Anna started collecting what was asked. 'Nurse Milton, does this look like the morgue to you?'

'Um, no.'

'Huh, thought so... I am not going crazy, so what on Earth is a dead body doing here?'

'On our way down Dr. M' Harry told him.

'Either you're gone from sight in the next 10 seconds or I'm going to shove you two into a body bag and considering that the level of brain activity is around the same as our downstairs residents', no one will notice the difference.'

'Already gone' Ed said as they rolled the gurney towards the elevator.

'Good, 3 seconds left.'

'Wow... just wow' Dean commented and Gabriel finally looked up and towards him. His expression shifting from surprise to shock then concern.

'Dean, wha-- what are you doing here? Everything alright? Did something happen? Are you hurt?' he walked closer until he too was on Dean's side of the nurse desk. And yes, he was wearing the white coat over his dark blue scrubs, even the stethoscope was in place around his neck and Dean just wanted the drag him into the closest supply closet to have his way with him, the way he saw Dr. Piccolo and the new surgeon do in Dr. Sexy.

'No, calm down. I'm fine.'

'Cas?'

'Cas is fine too, relax. I just dropped by.' Gabriel frowned.

'Just like that?'

'Just like that, why? Can't I visit you unexpectedly?' Gabriel actually snorted.

'You and Cas avoid this place like the plague' he told him matter of factly.

'Yeah, well... I wanted to see if you had time to have dinner with me... since you'll be here all night.'

'Cas has been away for weeks and you're here wanting to have dinner instead of spending time with him?' Gabriel's tone and expression told Dean clearly how strange and crazy he found this.

'Yeah, don't try to find the logic in it' Dean told him.

'Dean, I can't get out of here right now' Gabriel said.

'And where do you normally eat then?' he asked.

'Here in the cafeteria.'

'Sounds awesome' Dean smiled. Gabriel frowned and looked at him searchingly and maybe even a bit suspiciously.

'What did you do?' he asked.

'Nothing, I swear' Dean laughed. 'Scout's honor, I'm squeaky clean, just wanted to come see you.'

'You've never been a scout' Gabriel deadpanned then turned towards the nurse who did her best not to seem like she's paying attention. 'Nurse Milton, draw blood from Mr. Imaya and take it to the lab, I need white-cell count, hemoglobin level and check blood-sugar. Mrs. Benton needs her bandages changed and see if Mr. Farlow needs more pain medication. Beep me if there's anything.'

'Yes, Dr. Morgenstern' the nurse nodded.

'C'mon' Gabriel said as he started walking down the corridor, Dean walked besides him.

'You know, you're seriously hot throwing out orders like that' he remarked with a grin. Gabriel rolled his eyes, but a small smirk was forming on his lips.

'Instructions' he corrected. 'And I'm the physician in attendance. I'm in charge, if something is screwed up then it's my head on the chopping table.'

'Okay, and how did you become the boogeyman of Saint Anthony?' Dean asked next as he spotted the cafeteria sign at the end of the corridor. Gabriel glanced at him.

'Ignore Ed and Harry, they're crazy' he said simply.

'No kidding, but you're totally telling me the Dr. Wids story' Gabriel sighed the second the name was out of Dean's mouth.

'Ancient history, not important' he said as he pushed open the door, yeah like Dean's curiosity could be sated like that. Not many were inside as it was getting late and the visiting hours were almost over. Gabriel took a plate and Dean followed him as they grabbed some food from what was left. Dean payed and they sat down.

'How's your wound?' Gabriel asked.

'Much better, thanks' Dean replied.

'Did you change the bandage?'

'Yes, and I also disinfected it again just in case.' It's not like Dean wasn't proud of Gabriel for finishing med school and becoming a doctor, but sometimes it was freakin' annoying. He switched into “doctor-mode” almost instantly whenever any injury or sickness was in sight at home and there was of course no arguing with him about such things.

'So, Cas is at home available and willing... and you're here eating shitty hospital food with me... what gives?'

'Nothing, I told you... just wanted to come and have dinner with you, figured you would enjoy a little relaxing company before pulling an all-nighter.'

'Dean' Gabriel intoned, not satisfied with the answer. Dean put his sandwich down and took a deep breath.

'I just... hate it when you're pissed at me' Dean said.

'I'm not pissed at you anymore, I was last night... we're good now.'

'Oh that's such a load of bull Gabe, it's the same thing that was on...' Dean fell silent without finishing his sentence as he realized what he wanted to say. It was the same thing as on Monday, a few days ago, when Gabriel told him he was not pissed, but he ended up going in to the hospital for almost the entire night saying he was worried about one of his patients, while he didn't say anything about it a few hours before. And it wasn't just this week, but many other days he could suddenly replay in his mind. Gabriel looked at him curiously as he fell silent.

'Why do we argue so much lately?' he asked as his voice fell quiet. Gabriel looked at him for a few moments before he shook his head.

'I don't know, Dean' he admitted and they both stayed silent for a while. Dean took a deep breath and ran his hand down his face.

'Ok... this... fucking scares me right now' he said. Because they were not like this, never like this...

'Hey, no... there's nothing wrong, okay? It's just... fuck, I don't know... we're working all the time... I have hellish shifts, long hours, nights and weekends included, and it won't change for another few years, and you get dragged in at impossible hours. Normally we don't even see each other properly for days.'

'Well that's not true' Dean argued.

'Oh really? When was the last time the two of us had time for anything but a quickie?' he asked as he raised an eyebrow. He didn't seem angry, he was neutral, stating a fact. Dean frowned as he thought about it for a moment and well fuck-it, it was true.

'And Cas is just gone for days or weeks at a time so when he's actually there we sorta just...'

'All around him' Dean finished.

'I'm not saying it's bad... just... maybe that's why... fuck if I know Dean, I hate talking about shit like this' Gabriel finished abruptly and he took a bite from his own sandwich, most likely to shut himself up. Dean was quiet for a few moments thinking about it.

'Well, Cas is home and I'm here eating shitty hospital food with you and I'm sure he doesn't mind.'

Gabriel looked up at him again and smiled a moment later and Dean knew they were fine instantly. Because it was not a teasing smirk or a grin, but one of his gentle smiles he only ever directed at him or Castiel. And Dean wanted to do nothing more but kiss him long and deep and just pull him in and wrap his arms around him, god he loved it that he could do that, that he was big and tall enough to draw him close and cover him with his body. He wanted to stand up and do it, he was practically itching to do so, but he forgot to ask how open and out Gabriel was in front of his colleagues. Considering the reactions he got introducing himself as a friend, he guessed not much. And really what was up with that?

'I have finished my fantastic survey!' came a loud voice from behind Dean before he could ask anything. Gabriel sighed.

'Beat it Pete' he said. A guy in dark green scrubs stopped at their table wearing a smirk that would've rivaled Gabriel's at any given moment. His dark brown hair was short, maybe even shorter than Dean's, he was probably around the same age as Gabriel, maybe a bit older. He didn't even acknowledge Dean's presence, didn't even glance at him.

'Oh no, you just have to hear it' he said still smirking as he got a piece of paper out of his pocket. He cleared his throat before he started speaking again. He was rather theatrical all about it and Dean shot a questioning look at Gabriel, who just shook his head.

'Okay, so results of the amazing “Who is Dr. Morgenstern questionnaire”. A was chosen by 23% of the staff and says that you're the Anti-Christ.' Gabriel threw his napkin down onto the table while he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. He stared at the other doctor in an unimpressed way, Dean listened, not sure whether he should be amused or not.

'B answer – 17% or the staff of Saint Anthony – that you're a demon from the seventh level of Hell.'

'You really have this much free time on your hands?' Gabriel asked, but was ignored. Pete continued without a beat.

'C answer is my personal favorite and was chosen by 55% of the staff. You're the result of a scientific experiment of an actual super villain.' He was grinning really hard now.

'I know I will regret asking, but what did the last 5% say?' Gabriel asked as he rubbed his eyes.

'Oh they refused to answer because I quote: “It is too dangerous to invoke your name within the hospital walls”... and well a few interns said there was nothing strange with you, but y'know... they're new, I'm totally gonna send Ed and Harry to them so they can tell all about their quest of finding your secret laboratory.'

'Give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up with our 70 year-old nymphomaniac patient' Gabriel said.

'Oh Gabriel, don't mock Miss. Burik, she's a sweetheart' Pete replied immediately. Gabriel rolled his eyes, but Dean saw that he played the annoyance, he knew how Gabriel looked when he was getting angry, this wasn't it.

'Don't you have someone to cut up?' Gabriel asked.

'Nope, you have my complete attention. Don't get too excited.'

'Eat me, Pete.'

'Aw... would if I could, you're taken' he smirked and Dean thought it was time to draw some attention on himself.

'Hey' he greeted. Pete turned towards him right away.

'Hey' he greeted as well then narrowed his eyes as he looked Dean over. 'Hazel' he said, Dean frowned. 'Hazel eyes' Pete clarified. 'You must be Dean.'

He didn't expect to be recognized by anyone here, so he was confused for a moment then bits of the previous conversation with the nurses and the two nut-jobs from the morgue came back to him.

'You're Dr. Colainn' he said as he was absolutely sure about it while he reached out and they shook hands. Pete grinned at him.

'Bingo. Damn Gabriel, you were not exaggerating. The other one this hot too?' he asked as he glanced back at the blond man. It was Gabriel's turn to smirk at his colleague and it was one of his dirtier grins, that suggested all kinds of naughty secrets. 'Ah you lucky bastard. I hate you so much right now.'

'No you don't' Gabriel answered simply with a chuckle. Then he looked back at Dean again. 'Gotta go now' he said.

'Yeah, sure' Dean answered as they stood up, Pete got out of the way as Gabriel walked closer.

'Um, thanks for dropping by... I know you hate this place.'

'I think I'm starting to be okay with it' Dean answered with a smile as he ran his fingers down Gabriel's forearm. 'I'm gonna be at work when you get home, so I'll see you...'

'When you get home from work' Gabriel answered.

'Maybe I drop in with a coffee on my way to work early tomorrow morning' Dean suggested. Gabriel seemed surprised for a second, then he huffed out a small laugh.

'Yeah I think I'd like that' he said.

'Cool, see you then' Gabriel turned to leave after that.

'Ah, c'mon don't I get to see a kiss or something?' Pete asked, almost whined.

'Shut up, Pete' Gabriel grumbled as he got him to move with a hard shove on his back. Dean chuckled and headed out himself.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter IV

 

'I don't care what Sasha says' Cas grumbled into the phone. 'There is no way I'm helping you convince Mom so you can spend the summer in Saint Petersburg. '

'Naaaaaaher Cas! I'm turning 18 this year, I shouldn't even need Mom's permission' Jesse answered.

'Don't cuss' Castiel told him dutifully. 'And you will always need her say-so if you plan to have anything to do with her side of the family. And no matter what Sasha says his Dad won't say yes until Mom tells him it's allowed.'

'That's why I need your help dammit. Why can't you help me?'

'You seriously don't know the answer to that question?' Castiel asked.

'Oh fuck that Cas, please. I've been talking about this with Sasha and Aunt Sofiya for months now. Mom will listen to you...'

'I said no, Jesse' Castiel said with conviction. 'I'm on Dad's side in this.' He knew that his little brother will be angry with him for a long time, but he couldn't change his mind about this.

'Oh fucking fine, I figure something else out then. Thanks for nothing' he fumed on the other side.

'It's better for you...'

'Yes, sorry Mr. Perfect, you know what's best for me of course' he said in a mocking tone. 'Do us all a favor and tell Gabriel to get that stick out of your ass.'

'Jesse!'

'Later' the teen answered before he hung up without saying goodbye. Most definitely angry, it was expected really, but Jesse was angry with him on a regular basis so nothing new under the sun. So he couldn't be the “cool” older brother that bought him alcohol or helped him convince their parents about something they didn't want to allow, but when he agreed with them there was nothing much to say. But Jesse did manage to rile him up with his quick temper constantly, he was just grateful that his phone rang after he parked down in the basement. This sort of conversations was not meant to be held while driving.

He frowned for a second when most of the apartment was dark as he got in. The TV was on, but no one was in the living room. Cas turned it off then smiled as he heard the noise from their bedroom. That explained it, he remembered something about both Dean and Gabriel being free for the afternoon and night in the same time, it happened rarely. Cas couldn't find it in himself to feel left out for a second. He noticed some sort of tension between his two lovers, so they obviously needed a little alone time. He hummed pleasantly when he thought about how they most likely spent their entire afternoon and while his skin itched to join them right away he first went to turn off the lights in the kitchen.

He was not actually surprised about the mess on the counter and the table... and the floor. He had absolutely no intention to clean up after them though. He did put the chocolate syrup and the whipped cream back into the fridge... seriously, these two. Anything that was sweet, sticky or messy was right up in their alley. He was definitely buying some sweet flavored body butter for whoever's birthday was up next... or maybe tomorrow.

He dropped his coat, shirt, shoes and socks down in the living room and finally headed for the bedroom. He pushed the door open quietly, he could as it was not closed and it took a considerable amount of self-restrain not to moan at the sight of them on the bed.

Gabriel was lying on his back with Dean on top of him, both of them naked and taken from Gabe's wet hair not that long out of the shower. They were kissing as they lay in each others’ arms leisurely grinding their hips together. Gabriel had one hand on the back of Dean's skull, angling his head into the kiss, while his other hand was all the way down on Dean's ass. Well, actually between his cheeks, slowly stroking, moving his fingers right over Dean's hole, but not inside, just teasing him, always teasing. Dean moved above him like a giant graceful cat, a tamed tiger in Gabriel's hands, his back shiny and slick with water or sweat and the muscles were flexing under his skin at every movement he made, a delicious sight really. He was turned on Castiel could tell right away, the way he moved just screamed that he wanted more and soon.

Dean was such a bottom, for Cas it was completely irrelevant he didn't have a preference and he enjoyed both role, but Dean... oh he was a bottom alright, out and out. It took a few years to get him to be able to say that he liked being fucked more than being the one doing the fucking without him trying to protect his masculinity for days after. Then he said fuck it and faced what he liked head on admitting it to himself and stating that liking it more didn't make him less of a man and both Cas and Gabe “rewarded” him for getting over his minor sexual crisis... thoroughly. Castiel blamed it ever becoming an issue in the first place on some of the guys Dean went to the academy with. Since he sorted it out he was comfortable in his skin again like he was before. Not like he didn't get in the mood to top once in a while, but it was rare and Cas was more than happy to be at service in such occasions.

A low moan erupted from Dean as Gabriel pushed two fingers into him in one go, he was obviously still somewhat loose from a previous round. Cas watched as Gabriel's fingers moved in and out while he licked his lips absentmindedly. Neither of them noticed him yet they were so wrapped up in what they were doing, but Cas didn't mind. He liked to watch... a lot, not that he planned to stay by the door the entire night. Dean moved his hips in sync with Gabriel's fingers getting them deeper as small noises fell from his lips. Gabriel moved his lips away from Dean's to mouth and bite at the skin on his throat, his hand on the back of Dean's neck, keeping him in place with the simple gesture.

If Dean was a bottom than Gabriel was a top if there ever was one, but considering that he was practically a control-freak about everything in his life it was not surprising. He wasn't strict or OCD about things but Castiel knew that under the cheerful demeanor and jokes he was making sure things went the way he wanted them constantly. Cas understood why he never allowed himself not to be in control, God of course he did, and there was nothing wrong with it, it was actually reassuring. He always knew that Gabriel kept things in check, that there was nothing in their lives Gabriel didn't pay attention to. For Cas it has always been like that, Gabriel was his safety net from the second he could grip his arm on the playground they met so many years ago, he was his strength, the one who made him feel that he was strong in return. And while Gabriel enjoyed when Cas was bossy in bed or when Dean got demanding, Cas just knew that things were still going the way Gabriel wanted them. Not that it was that obvious, he was rather subtle actually.

Just like right now, the way Dean was in his arms, how the younger man was moving exactly as he wanted him to, light touches here and there, a kiss and a bite to the right places, he was in control. Not like he had much to do with Dean, he was so very... willing and eager, almost wanton under Gabriel's attention. He was pliant to Castiel's touch as well when they were taking it slow instead of hot and heavy, but it was different. The two of them were like two planets circling each other, dragged close and not able to ever pull away, sometimes clashing in battles for dominance but never letting go, also equals... Gabriel though, he was Dean's sun. Always has been. One of the reasons he loved watching them being together was the way Dean's body reacted to Gabriel's touches, how fully and completely he gave himself over without a fragment of hesitation. It didn't mean that Dean loved him less he knew that, the way he felt about Gabriel was also very different from the love he felt for Dean. Incomparable.

Dean moaned loudly as his body jerked in pleasure, Gabriel obviously reaching his prostate with his fingers and Castiel decided that he had enough of watching. He walked closer to the bed in long but silent steps and stopped. Gabriel spotted him and a smile curled up his lips, Cas smiled back then followed Gabriel's gaze as he looked to the side. The lube bottle was lying on the bed, Cas reached for it and slicked up his fingers Dean still didn't notice him. He was too distracted obviously.

'Want something more, big boy?' Gabriel asked.

'Yes' Dean moaned immediately as he pushed himself down more on Gabriel's fingers, it was Cas' cue if he ever heard one so he reached out to push one of his fingers into Dean alongside Gabriel's digits. He could definitely give Dean credit for not jumping in surprise... much. He jerked a little, but he was still in Gabriel's arms so it was not that big a movement.

'Cas' he breathed out as he swallowed.

'Hello, Dean' Castiel replied calmly as he managed to push his finger in completely, he moved it in the same time Gabriel moved his hand. Castiel took in the sight of Dean moving and quietly moaning between them and knew what he wanted. He glanced at Gabriel and dark golden eyes reflected his own desires while the older man went back to kiss and lick on Dean's neck.

Castiel pushed in a second finger slowly, Dean tensed only for a second then he relaxed and Cas could slip it inside easily.

'You up for the full ride tonight?' Castiel asked as he started to move his hand again, this time pushing in when Gabriel pulled his fingers out. His other hand came up to stroke Dean's spine. 'You want to take us both?' he kept his voice calm even if it slipped deeper, he knew Dean loved that. His answer first was a deep moan that was very close to an actual growl while he buried one of his hands in Gabriel's wet hair, his head turned to the side, mouth falling open, and lips touching Gabriel's temple.

'Fuck yes' he answered.

It was not the first time they did this even if they didn't do it that often. As great as it was Dean actually had to work... or walk properly for that matter and this was not that easy on him no matter how much he loved it, especially since Gabriel was well, pretty big on his own. Not that Castiel or Dean had any reason to be shy, but they were both average and Gabriel was slightly better equipped in this area. Nothing too intimidating, just the size where you needed a lot of practice if you wanted to deep-throat, not that Dean or Cas minded practicing a lot per se. The first time they decided to do this they weren't sure Dean could do it even if he insisted that he could, it turned out he was right in the end.

They stretched Dean a little bit more moving their fingers sometimes in sync, sometimes changing pace. Then Cas pulled his fingers out and Gabriel followed. Dean sat up, sitting on Gabriel's legs as he twisted his body a little to kiss Castiel while Gabriel slicked himself up with more lube with a few long strokes. Dean turned back towards him and leaned down for a kiss while he slid a bit forward to get into the right position. Cas couldn't help but reach out and grip Gabriel's dick to angle it to the right position, not like his help was needed, but it just felt good to guide his length into Dean's body and watch how the hard flesh slipped inside, stretching the muscles out around it. Dean let out a low satisfied moan as he kept one hand on the bed and the other on Gabriel's chest and they stared at each other the entire time until Gabriel filled him up completely. Cas undressed as Dean started moving a little getting used to being stretched, relaxing his body completely, both of Gabriel's hands were on his hips guiding his movements gently.

When the last of Castiel's clothes hit the floor he moved closer again and encircled Dean with his arms, putting open mouthed kisses on the top of his spine then the back of his neck as he stroked Dean's stomach and even closed his fingers around his hard cock for a little while moving his hand slowly but not gripping with enough strength for it to be anything but a little teasing. There was no reason to hurry and Castiel liked to drag things out when they could. Dean moved his hips slowly, pushing himself down onto Gabriel's dick while thrusting up into Castiel's fist as well.

'Cas' he called out, getting impatient. Cas couldn't help but smile at his tone and glance down to Gabriel, it would've been too much fun to play around for a longer time, drive Dean a little crazy, he just looked way too good like that. His skin all hot and sweaty, his muscles trembling with want and moaning out the filthiest things to get what he wanted. But looking down at Gabriel and his lust-blown eyes it was obvious that they would not do that tonight. Oh well, next time. He pulled his hand back from Dean's dick to slick it up again and push first one finger into him next to Gabriel's dick. Both men moaned at the intrusion and Dean relaxed easily for now, never stopping the light rocking of his hips. Gabriel did still him by gripping his hips a bit more tightly when Cas started to push in a second slick finger. He moved them in and out slowly, being gentle with the stretching. Dean of course started squirming after a little while. It was rather amusing how Gabriel reached up and gripped the back of his neck and Castiel put his hand on his back to push him down at the exact same moment in reaction, moving him down into Gabriel's arms for a kiss.

'Take it easy' Gabriel breathed into his mouth as they parted.

'Ah y'know... I have you inside of me, all deep and hot, fucking perfect and I have to stay still... drives me crazy' Dean answered, Gabriel chuckled as he kissed him again, practically shoving his tongue into his mouth all messily. Castiel pushed in a third slick finger and Dean groaned into the kiss while he clenched down around Gabriel's dick and Cas' fingers. Starting to relax a moment later as both of them ran soothing hands down his back and sides.

'Cas... c'mon' Dean moaned out as his mouth was free again.

'Patience' Castiel told him, no longer being able to keep his voice completely calm.

'No, now... c'mon get inside of me. It'll feel so good, both of you fucking me, so tightly pressed together, slick and hot, throbbing right next to each other. You know how good I will feel, I know you want it now, to fuck me until I can't move, can't talk... ah fuck--' Gabriel's hips snapped up giving him a hard thrust making him choke on his words. Castiel spread his fingers one more time before pulling them out to slick himself up, he was unbelievably hard now and saw no reason to hold off giving Dean what he was asking for.

He pushed in slowly, all of them groaning... tight, hot and almost too much, almost. Gabriel was kissing Dean again as Castiel slowly eased inside stretching him so much wider than his fingers did. Gabriel felt hot and hard next to him in the tight channel and yes feeling him like this was one of the best things in doing this. They were all panting heavily by the time he was inside as far as he could go. Dean's muscles were all tight and trembling with both pain and pleasure. Soon as he was in Cas stopped and took a few calming breaths while they let Dean relax. It was doomed to be over way too soon, the feeling of being this closely together was just too intense for any of them to hold out for long.

'Dean?' he panted out in question, he just had to move and soon and he knew Gabriel was the same. The man nodded before he managed to find his voice.

'I'm ok... ok... fuck me' he did not need to ask twice this time. Castiel had the better angle to start moving inside of him, Gabriel's thrusts were smaller not having much space to move with Dean on top of him even if the younger man tried to keep most of his weight on his arms, his elbows resting on the bed next to Gabriel's head. He let out a guttural moan as Castiel and Gabriel found their rhythm. After that it was just the feel of each other no thought left for anything else.

First they kept thrusting into him together, moving at the same time while holding onto Dean helping him to brace himself against the thrusts, then they switched up their pace, Castiel's dick sliding into Dean's body when Gabriel pulled out and Dean stopped trying to move with them and just let them fuck him.

There were only moans left instead of words and Castiel felt that he was very close and he couldn't be blamed with the feel of Gabriel moving next to him and Dean clenching down around them again and again as pleasure ripped across his body when his sensitive spot was touched deep inside. He gripped Dean's shoulder and hip tightly and Gabriel's arms were around the man between them too as their rhythm started to falter. Dean lost it first, his body tensing up as he buried his face in Gabriel's neck his muscles locking up tightly while he came all over between himself and Gabriel.

Castiel held on for a little longer, biting his lips as he kept thrusting into Dean's body as he rode out his orgasm. He was close, so close. He clasped down on Gabriel's hand when he felt it on Dean's hip and he gave himself over to his climax thrusting into Dean coming inside of him, making him even more hot and slick inside. Gabriel came a moment later, Cas felt him get over the edge emptying himself inside, making them all even more wet and slippery. They were all panting heavily and Castiel managed to pull out gently before his limbs refused to hold him up any longer and he dropped down onto the bed. Dean was breathing hard not moving from top of Gabriel for long moments before the older man gave him a shove to roll him down from his body, slipping out. Dean groaned in displeasure and threw an arm and a leg around Gabriel not moving an inch away from him. Castiel moved closer to line up to Dean's back. Kissing his shoulder.

'That's what you wanted, big boy?' Gabriel asked, he was breathless, but the amusement and satisfaction was loud and clear in his voice. Dean mumbled something incoherent into his neck and that made Castiel chuckle.

'I think he's out for a while' he remarked as he let his fingers trail up and down Dean's side. Gabriel kept his fingers in Dean's short hair and hummed as he pressed a kiss to his forehead.

'I don't think I can move either' he said after.

'I hear you' Cas mumbled as tiredness was seeping into his muscles, making him all sleepy.

'We're gonna be so gross in the morning' Gabriel remarked, but didn't move.

'And you will have to clean the kitchen too' Cas reminded him, Gabriel groaned. 'At least you didn't get honey or chocolate all over the bed' Cas told him, his eyes slipping closed.

'I tried' Gabriel chuckled. 'Dean didn't leave any on me by the time we got here.'

Castiel's lips curled into a smile. Seriously, these two.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter V

 

'Y'know sometimes you're more entertaining than National Geographic' Pete started as a way of greeting as he flopped down right across Gabriel in the doctor's lounge.

'Only sometimes?' Gabriel asked without looking up from the paperwork he tried to catch up with in his lunch break. He hated it with passion and no matter how much he tried to pay attention he always got behind. He had no idea how Pete managed to be always on time with everything, there had to be a secret.

'Other times you're capable of acting like a decent human being' Pete said with the same nonchalant voice. Gabriel took a calming breath, oh he just fucking knew this was coming.

'I don't have time for this today' he said.

'Well, you're shit out of luck then' his colleague – his friend he assumed – told him. In some ways Pete was so very much like him that it was almost scary, other ways he was completely different, this was of course one of the moments when they disagreed on something and Gabriel didn't have to guess what exactly it was.

'It's not my problem, Pete' he said still not looking up from his paperwork.

'Your patient, your problem.'

'My problem ended when she was treated' Gabriel told him.

'She was fucking terrified, still is and you can't take five minutes out of your oh so busy schedule? Or tell her that things will be fine?'

'Well, first of all there is absolutely no guarantee that things will be _fine_ ' Gabriel started as he finally put his pen down to look up at the other doctor. 'And if she wants a hand to hold she should call her fucking husband. Being the shoulder to cry on is not in my job description.'

'Yes, because God forbid you show a little sympathy, you really don't have the decency to reassure her?'

'Hey, I told her everything that was relevant.'

'Relevant?' Pete huffed out a laugh. 'I swear Gabriel, you are such a heartless son of a bitch sometimes.' Gabriel kept looking at him for another second before he went back to his paperwork.

'I told you, if she needs a hand to hold she should look for it elsewhere and forget all about that “not wanting her husband to see her like this” crap.'

'What would you do in her shoes?'

'I don't think I have the legs for high heels.'

'Gabriel...'

'I would fucking call my family. No, it wouldn't even get this far, the second I could open my mouth I would demand someone to get them to me. She's a fucking idiot and I'm not going to be her pretend BFF so she can dump all her shit on me. I did my fucking job, she is as well as she can be. And that is it. And you know what? Maybe she should be fucking terrified, maybe that will get some sense into her finally.'

He was getting pissed about this. Maybe Pete was the type to sit at a patient's bedside and discuss emotions for hours until he could coax them into doing something they should've been able to think of all on their own, but Gabriel sure as hell won't waste so much time on someone who wouldn't call a probably worried husband because of vanity's sake, and probably out of shame but whatever. She was not even his responsibility anymore.

Pete was silent for long moments but Gabriel knew better than to think that he could spend the rest of his lunchtime in peace.

'By family... you mean Dean and Cas, right?' Pete asked.

'Who else would I mean?' Gabriel answered after a short pause, a lot more quietly than before. He still didn't know what possessed him when he told Pete about Dean and Cas, or anything else about himself for that matter. He should've just kept his mouth shut, it would've made a lot of things easier. Pete had a tendency to not mind his own business.

'And I know for a fact that they're absolutely the most important people in your life' Pete continued. Gabriel stopped for a second, even if he didn't like where the conversation was going this was not something he would ever deny.

'And? You going somewhere with this?' he prompted.

'Only that you grew up together, and been together like the way you are for like what, around seven years now... and I bet my diploma, hell even a fucking limb, that they don't know half of some of the shit I know about you.'

Gabriel looked up sharply the warning already on the tip of his tongue and most definitely written all over his face. If Pete really thought they were going to have _that_ conversation, then he was fucking mistaken. His friend already put his hands up in a placating and surrendering gesture.

'I'm just saying, if you put her situation in that light, maybe you'll be able to sympathize with her a bit, don'cha think?' Gabriel kept glaring at him until Pete actually started fidgeting a little, only after that did he turn back to his paperwork.

'No, I can't' he replied briefly. Pete sighed and leaned closer putting his elbows on his knees.

'Fine, dammit. Consider this then. All this shit this woman got going... should be a warning.' Gabriel looked back up at him. 'The bigger a pile of dirt is the less likely it is that it stays buried forever.'

'What part of “we are not fucking talking about this” did you not understand the first two hundred times?' Gabriel snapped at him, that edge of a warning creeping back into his voice.

'Ever considered that maybe the reason you can't stand her is because the whole thing hits just too close to home?' Pete continued ignoring his warning.

'Pete, I swear to God--'

'I am not trying to fight you here, Gabriel' Pete interrupted. 'I'm your friend, the hell knows why, but I am. I'm saying this, keep saying it again and again because it _will_ come back to bite you I the ass and you damn know it too.'

Gabriel took a breath and stayed quiet for a few moments. Then he closed his folders and started gathering them up.

'My lunch break's over, I gotta go back to the ER' he said and considered the discussion to be over and stood up.

'Yeah sure, pretend I never opened my mouth' Pete snorted.

'I will, and you wanna know why? Because it's none of your fucking business what I'm telling them and what not.' Pete stood up to and took a step closer.

'I had it up here with you Gabriel' he said, frustration clear in his voice. 'I'm trying to help you here, but if you wanna keep pretending that you're...'

“ _Code orange. All staff report to the ER. Code Orange. All staff report to the ER, immediately._ ” it boomed from all speakers interrupting them.

'Shit!' Gabriel exclaimed and threw his paperwork down onto the table and hurried out.

'What's code orange again?' Pete asked following him closely.

'Mass casualty' Gabriel answered.

'Shit!'

They took the stairs instead of the elevator so they arrived to the ER on the ground floor in record time. The Dean of Medicine Dr. Benton was already giving out his instructions, he was an old geezer but knew how to get things done fast and efficiently, Gabriel liked that about him. Plus he was the one who operated him back when Michael landed him here, it was hard not to have a certain amount of respect and gratefulness towards him.

'…the entire building collapsed on 1800 Broadway and the Trinity United Methodist Church got hit by the rumble, we don't know what caused it or how many people were in either of the buildings, but most likely hundreds and that is an optimistic guess, the first ambulances will arrive within minutes. The triage of casualties is necessary so all non-emergency cases will have to wait. The EMT staff already on the scene needs assistance' he glanced around the crowd of nurses and doctors. 'Dr. Petrel, Dr. Luise, Dr. Colainn, Dr. Morgenstern and Dr. Reed get in gear for field work and join the EMTs, we'll see if more staff is needed there or not when we know more. Triage is in order until further notice and nobody gets home for a while. Everyone go, the first casualties are on their way. Go!'

The staff started moving like a busy beehive and Gabriel joined Pete and the other 3 doctors – also around his age not surprisingly – to get in the medical coverall and grab extra EMT medical bags. He never had to get on the field before and he did not look forward to having to tend to casualties in what he expected to be all dirt and chaos instead of the clean hospital wards he was used to, but to hell with it he was of course a logical choice from Dr. Benton instead of other doctors who were for example in their fifties or over 200 pounds.

Pete looked at him briefly when they were ready to go but for once in his life he managed to keep his mouth shut, Gabriel had no doubt that their conversation was not over and he will hear more about it after this emergency was over and he did not look forward to it.

x~x~x

When Gabriel arrived to the scene it was exactly what he expected. Dirt, casualties and chaos all around. The twenty-storey building was completely down, not a single floor remained, just an enormous pile of rumble, the air was heavy with dust and giant pieces of concrete and metal covered everything along with shattered glass all around. It didn't hit the church completely, the tower was still standing but most of it was crushed just like all cars next to it in the parking lot, he didn't let himself think of how many people were still stuck under the rumble, that was not his job, he was there to tend to those who were out, stabilize and send them off with the ambulance. He was sure that they all will be here for a very long time.

After two hours he was already covered in an irritating sheet of dust and with more blood than he was comfortable with, but again they were not in the hospital so there was no way for him to get cleaned up. But the hardest was the horrible amount of people. Most were shocked, scared or downright panicking on top of being injured making everything a lot harder to deal with, and even some who got lucky and only had the smallest wounds happened to think that they were dying and needed a doctor right away. One big guy was screaming uncontrollably – and loudly – about his broken ankle for seemingly forever, Gabriel could even hear him inside the ambulance as he was taken away.

There was a lot of medical staff there, but even so there were just too many people for them to be able to help everyone immediately. Gabriel was in the middle of securing a woman's neck and broken shoulder and collarbone, barely managing to stop the bleeding temporarily, bandaging the wound where the dislocated bone pierced the skin for it to hold until the EMTs rushed her into one of the hospitals when a guy showed up. He was walking on his own legs, was not bleeding, was only a little beat up and dirty. He held the hand of a little girl, who was also walking on her own feet and was equally dirty.

'Doctor... my daughter, she hit her head...' he started when the woman was taken away by the EMTs. Gabriel glanced at the girl who had a small, bleeding wound on her forehead. Her dirty face was all grimy from dust and tears and she seemed scared, but otherwise fine. Gabriel knelt down in front of her.

'How many fingers I'm showing?' he asked as he held up one hand.

'Three' the girl answered correctly. Gabriel took out his little flashlight.

'Ok, keep your eyes on my finger' she did and Gabriel checked her pupils then moved his finger and saw that the girl could follow it perfectly. No sign of any head trauma, the gash on her forehead was also pretty shallow. He took out a piece of clean gauze and put it on the bleeding wound.

'Hold this here' he told her and the girl did. Gabriel stood up. 'She is very lightly injured, she will have to wait.'

He turned to go, but the guy stopped him with a big hand on his shoulder.

'No, wait a second, this is it?! She hit her head she needs to get into a hospital... see if she's okay, make an MRI or something!'

'Your daughter is fine and there are a lot of people here who are much more severely injured, so she will have to wait' he said again, a bit slower and turned again, but the guy was not letting him go. Fucking perfect.

'She needs medical attention, now!' he argued.

'There are people here without limbs and some whose insides are spread all over the pavement and you really wanna start bitching with me here about a bleeding scratch?' he asked sternly, annoyance already bubbling up in him. The guy looked at him in shock that almost immediately morphed into rage.

'Listen here you--'

'Sir, I have to ask you to step back!' a stern voice interrupted and there was Dean quickly coming towards them, an intimidating amount of muscle in a 6' 1" tall package with a big black police vest on him. The way too worried father let go of Gabriel immediately. 'The doctor is needed to see other, more heavily injured people.' he added with the same deep stern cop voice. Then he glanced over to Gabriel and nodded with his head to another direction. And they left behind the fuming guy.

'Thanks' Gabriel said. 'People are starting to get really edgy.'

'And you look like shit' Dean observed.

'Why thanks. I will look worse, where are we going?'

'I was trying to get any sort of doctor or EMT for a man the firemen found just now, but everyone was elbow deep in someone's intestines.'

'I was too, you caught me in a good moment.'

'Yeah, you were only about to get your face bashed in.'

'I should not be dealing with such shit' Gabriel said as they cut thought a crowd of lightly injured people, most got blankets and some water and were waiting around, standing or sitting on the pavement.

'Oh, one guy got so panicky about his girlfriend still not being found that the EMTs had to sedate him to get him to the hospital. It's crazy, man... everything is.'

'What was this anyway?'

'Hell if I know, everyone's just trying to get the people out and keep the calm, but it's just gonna get worse. But everyone's way too ready to start screaming “terrorist-attack” and that's not going to do any good for the calm.'

'You don't have to tell me' Gabriel mumbled. There were too many people here, too many injured and not enough staff to help. 'Seeing you here does calm me down a little though' Gabriel admitted.

'I wouldn't be surprised if we saw Cas too' Dean replied after he smiled a little.

'How so?' Gabriel asked and he finally spotted a guy lying on the ground a police officer leaning over him.

'There are not enough ambulances or medical helicopters. Even some of the police choppers are used to transport the injured so they're calling them in from to base, they will most likely bring medics too.'

'That's good to hear because there are just not enough of us here' Gabriel said, he saw now that the cop was trying to hold a bandage on a heavy bleeding wound so he started running to take his place.

'Oh fucking finally' the cop exclaimed in relief as Gabriel took his place.

'Need help, Gabe?' Dean asked.

'Open my bag and give me what I tell you' Gabriel answered his focus already on the man very rapidly bleeding out under his hands. He asked the cops to find an EMT and tell them that he has someone who needs to be transported but after that he was completely focused on the task and Dean turned out to be very good assistance, but then again Gabriel made sure that both Dean and Cas were up-to-date in their first aid knowledge. Dean may have been bitching about it and Cas seemed nothing but bored about it, but now it turned out to be not so useless.

The guy was still alive by the time some EMTs could show up and take him away. Gabriel gathered his stuff then, onto the next one.

'Listen Dean, until we get more hands here you really should help out the EMTs, okay?'

'Fine, should I go with you?' he asked.

'No, I'll be okay' Gabriel told him, he saw on Dean's face that the younger man wanted nothing more than kiss him or hug him right now, he had that look on his face, but of course this was not the time or place for such things.

'Don't get punched' he said instead.

'Can't promise anything' Gabriel said as he hurried away. It was going to be a very long day and probably night. He had even more blood and dirt on his overall than before but it was not something he could afford to be bothered by. It was a miracle that no one died in his arms today... yet. Two firemen were gesturing him to hurry to another man so he forced all unnecessary thoughts out of his mind and got to work again.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter VI

 

Dean spent the next hour going all around of what remained of the building and the church, lending a hand where he could, but mostly just trying to make sure that the EMTs and doctors could do their jobs properly, trying to prevent any of the scared or panicking injured to do something stupid. Some were angry because the doctors only went to the more seriously injured first, so those with lighter wounds had to sit around and wait without any medical attention. Dean knew that it sucked, but there was nothing to do about it. He wasn't really that much of an expert in first-aid, but some of the docs were really grateful for his help, even if he did nothing but held bandages with the right pressure or helped calming people down. Gabriel fucking demanded it from him to know shit like this, and here it was, he was right about it being vital, Dean was never gonna hear the end of it.

Almost the entire PD was about, detectives and uniforms alike, they needed everyone to be out and help things along. Fortunately it seemed like all hospitals sent at least a few doctors out to help out the paramedics. Luckily the NDMS teams and DMATs also arrived at this point, they had even better equipment for situations like these. The chaos was still too big and the rest of the building that was still somehow standing was way too unstable from what Dean overheard and they just didn't know how many people may be buried under, nor that how many of them could be still alive. They managed to get most of the people out of the church, but even there they couldn't tell whether everyone was out or not. It would take days until they could move the bigger beams and cement blocks.

Dean was not squeamish about blood and dirt, especially not about the latter, but now that he was helping the medics he started to feel like he was getting over his limit of twisted bones, bleeding wounds and torn skin. But yeah, Gabriel asked him to help out so he was going to suck it up, and people needed all the available help so if he was capable of doing something he was gonna do it, no question. He almost threw up at one point when a godawful stench hit his nose, he couldn't smell anything but blood and dirt for a while but this was even more horrible. The paramedic told him after the injured man was taken away, that some organs have been lacerated when the man got injured on his abdomen. He could keep the content of his stomach inside with great effort, but he was still wondering how the fuck Gabriel was working on the ER dealing with injuries like this 50 hours a week. Hospital shows did not show a proper picture of what was part of the job.

'Dean!' he turned around at the sound of his name and saw that Pete Colainn was jogging towards him, he was also wearing the same medical coverall Gabriel did and the same type of medical bag was hanging off his shoulder and if it was possible he was even more bloody and dirty than Gabriel was when Dean last saw him a while back.

'Need something?' Dean asked right away, because they didn't have time for chatting that was for sure.

'Yeah damn, I found someone, but I need an extra pair of hands and it's pretty hard to find those around here.'

'Sure man, I'm here' Pete turned around and started hurrying back towards the direction he came from, Dean right behind him. They had to climb over blocks of cement and two broken steel beams on their way. Pete seemed pretty determined on their way, not saying a word and Dean didn't questioned him either. They finally stopped after a few minutes of walking and Pete crouched down next to a hole that looked like it used to be a window.

'Hey! Amanda! Can you hear me? I'm back, are you all right?' he yelled down.

'I'm here...' came the shaky female voice from down under.

'Ok, I want you to move to the side as much as you can, I'm going to get down and help you climb out if it's possible' Pete told the woman, the turned back towards Dean. 'You gonna have to help me get down and hand me my bag once I'm in' he said. Dean looked at the hole and the debris all around them.

'You sure know what you're doing?' he asked. Yes, there was someone down there, but maybe it would've been better to call an NDMS team to get her out.

'They just found a dozen people buried under this fucking building on the other side, there's no one else here so just help me' Pete told him and Dean shut up. Pete dropped down his bag and waited. Dean found a place where he could fit his foot and hold onto a metal bar. Pete held onto his arm as he turned around to climb in. He was a pretty skinny guy, now that Dean looked at him properly and around Gabriel's height so he was not that heavy. He tried to help him descend as much as he could leaning over the hole and the darkness inside. Then Pete let go of his arm and Dean heard a thud after a little sound of shuffling.

'You okay?' he yelled down immediately.

'Yes, I'm fine. Give me my bag' Pete called out so Dean did that. 'Thanks' came the answer. 'Stay here Dean, I'm gonna check how badly hurt Amanda is, and if she's fine enough you will have to help me get her out!'

'Got it, not moving' Dean yelled back. After that Dean didn't hear much as Pete and the woman were talking quietly as she was checked over.

He didn't know how much time passed, but it was the first minutes of silence and relaxation he could get in a while. After this was over he would sleep for days, he wasn't here for that long and he knew that he will be here for long hours, maybe deep into the night, but he already felt drained. Not physically tired, but in every other way. All the cries of hurt and anger of people, all the blood and agony, the dirt and noise... it was a lot. Gabriel looked so confident and certain as he moved from one injured to the next, perfectly in control, aware of what had to be done and Dean was absolutely sure that Castiel would take all what was happening here just as easily. He really had steel nerves or what the hell, usually nothing unfazed him, he was trained for dangerous and chaotic situations. Dean was a freakin' SWAT guy, he was used to danger sure, for bullets to be flying over his head, not for to be covered in dust and blood while people cried for help everywhere around him. But he was going to do what needed to be done dammit. He was not someone to lose his nerve, he won't start now, most definitely not while he knew that Gabriel was out here saving lives working his ass off.

'Dean!' Pete's voice tore him away from his thoughts and his body jumped into action right away.

'I'm here!'

'Amanda is not seriously injured. I'm going to help her climb up as much as I can from down here, but you have to reach in and pull her out, okay?'

'Yeah, got it' he confirmed and settled to the hole again.

'Okay, be ready' Pete told him from somewhere down, it was so freakin' dark down there that Dean couldn't see a damn thing. He waited, trying to see anything until suddenly a mop of dirty red hair and a face showed up. Dean reached down immediately and grabbed hold of the woman's forearm tightly. She reached up with her other hand holding onto Dean's arm and he in return reached down with his other arm, his legs secure as much as possible.

He felt when Pete couldn't push on her anymore as all her weight suddenly settled on his arms, but she was not that big so even if it was pretty hard to pull her up he could manage. He was sure that she scraped her knees and legs as she climbed over the edge, but she was already covered with bruises and scratches. At least she could move on her own.

'You're okay' Dean tried to calm her as she sat down to the ground. 'Pete!' Dean called down, he was wondering how he was going to climb out.

'Take her to the paramedics' the doctor said.

'I gotta help you climb back out first' Dean told him.

'No, just go. I think I heard something, I'm gonna check if there are more people here' he said.

'What? Hell no! Are you out of your mind?!' Dean yelled down. 'Get the hell out of there and leave it to the NDMS team!'

'Who knows how long until they have any free people for this' Pete answered. 'I'm here now so I will help, I think I heard someone so I have to check!'

'No fucking way Pete, this shit can collapse on you!' Dean warned.

'I'm not gonna leave people in here!' the doctor yelled back. 'Take Amanda and tell the NDMS team that I'm here, they will come when they can, I'll be fine!'

'Pete!' this was just not happening. 'Son of a bitch.' He turned back to the red-head. 'Amanda, listen to me' he waited until her eyes locked on him. 'You can walk, right?' he asked.

'Yes' she answered, she was shaken up, but seemed fine.

'Okay, I want you to stand up and start walking in that direction' he pointed with his hand. 'Just find anybody. Firemen, police, medics it doesn't matter. Tell them that you were under and that they have to come here, okay?' she was hesitant. 'Listen, the guy who just got you out is down there, we need more people in case there are more people there. Can you do this for me Amanda, walk there and call for help?'

She nodded now, more firmly and Dean helped her stand up. Still shaky, but she started walking, she only looked back once.

'Un-fucking-believable' he cursed as he turned back towards the hole. He loosened his belt and hooked it on the iron bar he held onto before. When he checked that it was stable he held onto it and lowered down over the edge. Not as secure as when he had proper equipment and he couldn't see jack-shit. He was willing to descend down on a side of a building instead of this any given day.

He held onto the belt as long as possible and tried to find footing on the cement and metal under his feet. It was not easy, but Pete could climb down on his own fine and Dean was taller. He let go and landed relatively easily. It was not that deep, that he knew.

'Pete!' he called. No answer. 'Pete! I can't see shit, answer me dammit!' he held out his hands and moved a bit further inside, he watched his head as he had no idea how high the hole was.

'What the hell are you doing here?' came the answer finally and Pete showed up holding a flashlight in his hand, more dirty than he was before he got down here.

'You said you heard people' Dean told him. 'How are you gonna move anybody all by yourself, genius?' Pete rolled his eyes at him before he reached into his bag and gave Dean a smaller, but still good flashlight.

'Watch your step' he warmed. 'Gabriel's gonna skin me alive if I get even a scratch on you.'

'But only after he kicked my ass for getting down here in the first place' Dean told him, because bloody hell Gabriel will be so fucking pissed when he hears about this.

Pete walked slowly, carefully and Dean followed him in the same manner. He had to bend down a little not to hit his head after a little while.

'Anybody in here?' Pete called. 'Hello!'

'You sure you heard something?' Dean asked.

'Shh' Pete hushed him and moved even deeper. Then he suddenly stopped, fell silent before moving forward quickly, Dean didn't see what caught his eyes, but then he could direct his flashlight in the correct direction. It was... probably a body. Pete was already down on one knee hovering over the shape by the time Dean moved closer. The first thing Dean noticed was when his next step caused some sort of a wet squishy sound, as he looked down with the flashlight it was only to see that they were standing in a pool of blood. The person pinned under the debris had to be dead. There was just too much blood, one metal bar went right through him... it was a guy, his head was so bloody that Dean couldn't see the face and when he noticed that the skull was cracked open and it wasn't just blood pooling around his head he had to turn away, move back. He tried to breath through his mouth, but he got dizzy nonetheless. Yeah it was his job to shoot people when it came down to it, but someone's brain splattered around in the dirty pool of blood was just not for him.

'Dean?' He had to lean to the wall, or whatever the hell it was. A steady surface. 'You doing okay?'

'No, not really... I bet he was not the one calling out' he managed to say.

'Probably not' Pete answered. 'Get back to the entrance, there's more air there.'

'I'm good, just one second.'

'Dean...'

'I said, I'm good' he told him sternly. He was not some swooning girl, he could handle it dammit.

'No need to play tough, y'know' Pete told him. 'You don't _have_ to handle it.'

'Sure I do' Dean answered, and Pete actually snorted.

'You pass out on me, I will not drag your sorry ass back out' he said.

'Anyone ever tell you that you're an ass?' Dean asked in return.

'Certainly' Pete told him. 'Blame your man for it.' The doctor stood up from the body and directed his flashlight in another direction. 'I really think you should get back to the entrance.'

'Not a chance' Dean said as he straightened up again.

'Suit yourself' Pete said as he started walking deeper, Dean followed.

'You know it's pretty fucking stupid of us to be down here, right?' Dean said after a few moments of silence. He had to bend down even more now.

'I told you to stay outside.'

'I'm already down here so nothing to do' Dean answered. Pete sighed, but dropped it.

'Y'know Gabriel would've never came down here' Pete said after a short while.

'Why would you say that?' Dean asked with a frown that the other could not see of course.

'Well, for one it was pretty fucking stupid as you so brilliantly pointed it out, he wouldn't have risked it' the doctor started. 'And second, this would not have been his job. Gabriel doesn't do anything that is not strictly his responsibility.'

Dean's frown deepened.

'Aren't you guys like... friends or something?' Dean asked after a beat of silence.

'Hmm... I suppose' came the answer.

'Then why are you talking shit about him right now? And to me of all people?' It was not surprising that he started to get a bit annoyed. Pete chuckled quietly.

'Yeah, sorry about that. We had a... little misunderstanding earlier today. I think I'm still pissed at him.'

'What about?' Dean asked. The conversation was good, it took his mind off of what he saw earlier.

'Nothing unusual... he's just hard to deal with on some days.' Dean stayed quiet for a moment.

'It doesn't feel like you're talking about Gabriel at all, dude. How the hell could he be difficult?' Dean asked incredulously. He was pretty strict about medical stuff, probably that's what Pete meant.

'Oh trust me Dean, I am talking about him.'

'What the hell is that supposed to mean?' Dean snapped at him because seriously, he had a limit and no one, absolutely no one was allowed to talk shit about Gabriel in front of him and he didn't like Pete's tone one bit. The doctor stopped and turned towards him with a sigh. He was opening his mouth to reply when a deep sound of a crack interrupted him. The sound made a cold shiver run down Dean's spine and the way he couldn't tell where it came from exactly, above them or next to them, was unnerving.

Pete glanced around quickly as some dust fell from the debris above them.

'Okay, let's get out of here' he said. Dean nodded, best idea he heard all day. He turned around and took two steps before the sound of the crack came again, much louder, much nearer. Too sudden, too fast, something hit him on the head, he heard Pete yell, but the darkness reached him first.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter VII

 

'Hawk21, all systems clear, ready for take-off. Over.' Cas said in the radio.

' _This is Base, Hawk21 you got clearance. Fly safe, Angel. Over._ '

'Roger, Base. Hawk21 taking off. Angel out.'

The helicopter lifted off from the ground smoothly, his crew and extra passengers all on board. Five medics and seven special troops to help with search and rescue in Denver. A cold feeling settled in Castiel's stomach the second he heard that a building collapsed in the city and he tried his best to squash it down completely. When they got the exact info on where it happened he managed to calm himself down a little as it was not in the immediate vicinity of either Gabriel's or Dean's workplace. He of course knew that if they called the base for help with medical evacuation than it meant that the damage was severe and there were a lot of human casualties. The air ambulances of Denver and the EMTs and the doctors the hospitals could provide were overloaded and not able to attend to everyone in need. It was the exact thing Castiel was trained for, search and rescue, and while he knew that they usually did a lot more work on civil grounds he really never expected having to fly to his own city for his first real ride.

The weather was flawless and the city was only 70 miles away so they were expected to arrive in 20 minutes to the scene of the accident. Castiel focused on the machine of course, taking care to fly as smoothly as possible, but his mind wandered to Dean and Gabriel again and again. He was sure that both were already in the middle of this mess. Gabriel was most definitely overridden with patients and he was also sure that the PD sent almost everybody to the scene to keep up the peace as much as possible, as things tended to turn messy in chaos if the law enforcement was not on ground zero.

He was not, by any sense of the word, an experienced pilot, but he found himself flying towards their destination and keeping up his short conversation with Pam by reflex. He also was aware of the other choppers flying not that far away from him, also heading towards Denver of course.

They arrived to the scene within the 20 minutes and it looked a lot worse than he imagined.

'Jesus' Pam commented as she looked out. The building mostly collapsed on itself, but about half of it tilted to the side and fell on the church and the parking lot in front of it, the dust was still big and everything looked broken all around it. Like someone took a large rock and threw it onto thin ice. The road, the pavement the parking lot was broken to pieces, large cracks were scattered everywhere under and around the remains.

Pam navigated him to the position they could land in and Castiel put down the aircraft with textbook smoothness. His first instructor at the academy told him he had a very good natural instinct when it came to flying, he had to learn a lot of course, but hearing that gave him the first affirmation he needed to know that he was indeed on the right path, that he chose right when deciding on aiming for becoming a pilot.

The medical team and the troops left the chopper and only Cas and his crew stayed. He had to help with transporting casualties to hospitals in Denver so they waited until they were needed. It couldn't have been more than four minutes before two EMTs appeared carrying a woman on a litter while a third guided several less injured, but obviously all in need of further medical help, towards the helicopter. They put the severely injured woman in first then two helped the others climb in while one attended to the woman, keeping an air balloon on her face and pumping steadily. Everyone was secured with some help from Rosso. Who was actually the gunner and had nothing to do on civil ground, but he said he didn't care, if they flew the whole crew flew. Castiel could agree with that, besides it would've been foolish to leave only one behind as Pam and Aaron – the flight engineer – were never superfluous. So Rosso tagged along this time too not caring that he didn't actually have to. Right now it was good that he was there, helping the EMTs to get everyone safely on board.

The second they were done Pam got on the radio to contact the Denver EMD as Castiel started to lift up again from the ground.

'This is USAF Hawk21 calling Denver EMD, over.'

' _This is EMD, Hawk21. I can hear you._ '

'We have one severely and nine moderately injured from the Broadway site, where do we bring them? Over.' There was a bit of silence in the other end then the male voice came back.

' _Exempla St. Joseph can take them right away, Hawk21_ ' came the answer.

'Copy that, we're on our way. Hawk21 out.'

He didn't even have to wait for Pam to get the exact location into their system Cas already turned North-East where he knew the Franklin street was.

'Advantages of home ground, is it Angel?' Pam asked while she finished putting in the location.

'I'd rather not have this advantage again' Castiel answered, because this was his home and he hated to see the chaos underneath.

x~x~x

They were on their seventh turn from the Broadway to various hospitals. They were waiting for the EMTs to get back from the hospital so that they could ride back with them, the rotors not stopping for a second on the high rooftop. Castiel felt like the flow of injured people would never stop. On their second ride the EMTs were doing CPR constantly on an older man and Castiel had no idea whether he survived or not after they took him out and rushed him into the ER. On this ride there were at least five children in his helicopter who got injured in the church, only one of them broken up so badly that there was more gauze and blood on her than clothes and skin. Castiel kept his attention on flying after seeing that.

 _'Hawk21, this is Base, do you copy?'_ came from the radio, a bit unexpectedly.

'Loud and clear, Base. Over.' Pam answered.

_'Incoming call, Turner from the Ivy Division for Angel, switching you over.'_

'Copy that, Base' Castiel replied. He really should've expected it, so he was not that surprised.

 _'Hawk21, Angel do you copy?'_ came his father's voice over the radio and hearing him within all of this happening in his city it was a bigger relief than anything else could've been. They didn't meet much at Fort Carson as the Army's Ivy Divison his Father belonged to and the Air Force 13 ASOS – Cas' squadron – was not located that close to one another in Colorado Springs. And when they had field training, the 13 ASOS going out supporting the Army's operations his Father was Lt. Colonel Turner, even for him, it was not the place and time for father-son bonding or anything like that. It never stopped to amaze Cas how his always cheerful and easy-going Father slipped into the commanding role once he was on field. He was intimidating in a way that maybe could've put even John Winchester to shame.

'Yes, loud and clearly, Colonel' he answered on the radio.

 _'How bad is it there, son?'_ he asked then.

'Severe. The casualties are in the low hundreds and they are still in the middle of looking for people. The PD is keeping the calm so it seems, the medical help is starting to be enough now that we brought extra help, but the personnel is still overwhelmed, especially the hospitals. The lightly injured still cannot have any medical help.'

 _'As I heard you'll be all out for a very long time and we're sending more people out as well'_ James replied.

'Sounds like a very good idea. No matter what, it's still mostly chaos and I don't see that changing anytime soon.'

_'Unfortunately only time and hard work can do that.'_

'Anything on what might've caused it?' Castiel asked. He was absolutely sure that there were people working on that already and his Father had a high enough rank and good connections to know anything almost immediately.

 _'Too early to tell'_ he answered shortly, which told more than enough to Castiel in itself. They probably had a few guesses, but it was most likely not something to discuss on radio. ' _Gabe and Dean?_ ' his father asked next.

'Couldn't talk with them yet' he answered. He couldn't reach either of them on their phones before he took off. 'I'm sure they both have their hands full right now.' He saw that the EMTs were back walking towards them on the roof. 'The paramedics are back, I'm taking off again.'

 _'All right. Fly safe, Castiel'_ his father told him.

'On time, on target' Cas replied and he heard his father huff out a small laugh in answer.

_'Turner out.'_

The EMTs jumped back into the chopper and Castiel took off to head back to the Broadway site.

This time when they took off the EMD called them and they got the instruction to land closer to the ruins of the building, almost in the middle of it as they had some patients that couldn't be dragged all over the place to reach a medical helicopter. And of course Cas' Pave Hawk was a lot better in precisions flying and landing and also had a lot more place inside so they could transport more people even if they had to be laid down.

He did not feel particularly good about landing half on the debris, but it was his job so he just made sure to keep his mind focused on his machine this time. This was not an idle landing on a completely secure surface so he had to be careful. The area he could land on was small, barely enough to put down the chopper and he probably took longer to position than normally, but it was only an extra minute or so, broadly speaking he felt comfortable with that much delay.

He took in the scene around them after he was down and his eyes focused on the several NDMS members carrying injured towards the chopper immediately, and he surprisingly easily spotted the one dark-blue medical coverall among the gray DMS jumpsuits. But he was sure that he would recognize Gabriel anywhere, anytime from afar. He was the one holding both of his hands on a woman's thigh, and judging by the amount of blood it was to stop her from bleeding out through her femoral artery. He didn't look up for a second, not at the helicopter or anyone for that matter, he was completely focused on his task at hand.

Pamela was already talking with the EMD about where to take the patients while everyone got in. Because of the noise of the rotors and him wearing his headset he couldn't hear what Gabriel and the DMS crew were talking about, he just waited until Rosso told him that they were settled and good to go. He took off immediately and headed this time towards east to the Rose Medical Center, the closest hospital that had enough capacity to take this round of patients. He was there within minutes of course and the hospital staff was waiting at the helipad. Gabriel along with the other DMS guys got out and rushed the patients inside. He saw Gabriel talking to the doctors awaiting them, but it was still him holding the injury, he was most likely giving them all information about the patient's condition and would probably run along with them until she was in surgery.

'Give him a headset when he gets back' he asked Pam as he looked over to her. She looked back at him with a raised eyebrow and held up the headset she was already holding in her hand. She knew him so well.

Castiel started to notice the metallic smell of blood inside the helicopter now and was sure that it was worse for Aaron and Rosso, but they would have to deal with that. They had to wait a bit longer this time before anyone came back out. Two from the DMS team arrived back first then he finally caught the sight of Gabriel getting back towards them. Seemed like he had the chance to wash his hands and face quickly as there was a lot less dirt and blood on him than there was when he got inside. Well, his coverall was still a mess, but he obviously couldn't change those. Pam handed the headset back, Aaron took it from her and most likely practically shoved it into Gabriel's hands when he got in.

'Gabriel' Cas called him.

'Cas. Thought it might've been you' came the answer.

'How long have you been on the field?' he asked then.

'No clue, six-seven hours...' he answered. 'Didn't really stop to check my watch' he added.

'How are you holding up?' he asked next, because he knew Gabriel was good at his job of course and that he was used to emergency situations, but this was different.

'I'm fine Cas, it's more tiring than the ER, but you also don't really have to think too much about diagnosis.' Cas was glad to hear his voice and being able to talk to him even if he couldn't get out of his seat and turn around to see him as well. He was lucky to catch him even this way. 'I could kill for a shower' Gabriel added. 'But that ain't happening for a while.' Castiel smiled at that and it was good that he could, despite the situation.

'How many people can still be out there?' he asked then.

'No friggin' clue, the fucking thing collapsed in the worst time possible and we have a bunch of casualties from the church too. We're still in the middle of helping those with the worst injuries, but at least we can finally spare some time for others too.'

The rest of the DMS rescues were coming back now so they didn't have much time as they had to head back right away.

'Do you know anything about Dean?' Castiel asked.

'Saw him a few hours ago... he's out there somewhere. Told him to make himself real useful and help out the EMTs and doctors. He at least has a decent first-aid knowledge, the cops without that can deal with keeping people calm.'

'You two are going to be dead on your feet when this is over' Castiel remarked.

'I definitely have to stay for another twelve hours or so at least... or a lot more, depends.'

'You need to catch a break in all this' Castiel reminded him.

'I will, when we have this under control as much as possible and I can get home and sleep in my own bed' Gabriel told him. Everyone was inside again so Castiel took off from the ground to turn back.

'If you don't stop and rest, Dean won't either' Castiel told him because he knew it was true, if Gabriel was out here than Castiel was willing to bet anything that Dean would stay for as long as he did.

'I get him to rest if I see him next time and he looks real beaten up' Gabriel promised. Castiel almost had the urge to snort, because Dean was likely to listen, sure.

'You'll have to deal with me if that's not happening. Rest too once in a while Gabriel, you're more help that way.'

'Fine' Gabriel answered after a pause.

'All right, watch out for yourself' Castiel said as he landed and the DMS guys got out.

'Of course' Gabriel replied and as he saw from the corner or his eye Pam getting back the headset he felt a hand on his shoulder so he turned and caught Gabriel smile at him briefly with a quick squeeze to his shoulder before he too turned and left the helicopter, medical bag firmly in place and getting back in the middle of the chaos.

He didn't have much time to stay still as they had another group of casualties already waiting for them to take them to one of the hospitals. The way the building collapsed, the roads near-by could not be used so normal ambulances could only get to the edge of it and people just had to be taken away by helicopters from the middle of it all. The Pave Hawk could go around 500 miles with the external tanks in place so they still had a few circles in them before they had to get back to base to re-fuel.

He wasn't sure whether he would be sent back after they went back to the base or will another crew take over, but he had his bet on the latter. They had other pilots ready for such situations and it was unadvised for anyone to fly after a certain amount of hours, especially since in this situation much care and precision was needed. He was also sure that the second he was free to go he would jump in his car and drive back to Denver right to the Broadway site. Because seriously, if Dean and Gabriel were going to be out for who knows how long, the least he could do was to volunteer and help and be there too. Not like he could go home and sit down on the couch or go to sleep while the other two was out in debris and dirt and blood. He could probably join the soldiers who were sent out to help on the ground.

He didn't see Gabriel again in his last turns, but again he didn't expect to. The sun was setting down already when they had to turn and head back towards Colorado Springs to get the helicopter re-fueled in Fort Carson. They already knew that they were done for now and another crew would go out to take over their role. The interior stank of blood mostly, probably that will have to be cleaned out as well. Castiel just couldn't wait to land and get back to Denver even if it would take longer by car than he was comfortable with.

They got permission to land and got down and Castiel could finally switch off the rotors for the first time in long hours. He only just got his headset off when he saw his Father hurrying towards them across the helipad. Castiel unbuckled himself and got out, an uneasy feeling settled in his stomach, because the way his Father moved, held his body, it just screamed worry.

'Dad. What's wrong?' he asked immediately. After Castiel reached his full height and put some muscle on in the academy he was astonished how much he looked like his father, he had of course gray in his black hair now and the wrinkles on his face got deeper, but he was still in very good form naturally, so they were still very similar. The look on his Father's face didn't promise anything good right now.

'Dean went missing' James said and Castiel was sure he actually felt the color drain from his face.

'What? How, where?'

'We've been I touch with the Denver PD and his squad leader reported him missing from the Broadway site.'

'But, how could that happen?' he asked, because Dean was with the EMTs, so how can he just go missing, it didn't make sense.

'One woman told the paramedics that she was rescued by a doctor and a police officer where she was trapped under the building, she knew the doctor stayed down to look for other people, so we assume that maybe they both went down... we don't know.'

'A doctor?'

'Not Gabriel, I talked with a... Henricksen, he asked Gabriel first when he noticed Dean was nowhere, but it's maybe one of his colleagues. I don't know.'

'How didn't anybody notice this until now?' Castiel asked as his hands clenched into fists.

'You know how the place looks like, Castiel' his Father told him in an understanding tone, because no matter how upsetting this was Cas knew exactly how two guys not being there could easily go unnoticed.

'I gotta get back to Denver, right now' he said firmly.

'C'mon, we catch a ride with the next helicopter going back' his Father told him and turned, Castiel followed. His heart was beating erratically in his chest as they hurried over to a different helipad. His father was also wearing a military combat uniform fit for field, and Castiel was grateful that he was coming along. Million thoughts rushed in his head, but one was the loudest. Dean had to be alright, he just had to be.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter VIII

 

Gabriel could admit that he hated this. Hated the constant smell of iron and dust, hated the dried blood and dirt on his clothes and under his nails. And most definitely he hated that there were people, everywhere. It was not like the ER, where after a few hours he could take a shower and get into a new pair of clean scrubs and just sit down in the doctor's lounge for a little peace and quiet. This didn't stop for a second. And not just all the casualties – even if finally it seemed like they managed to get to all severely injured – but all the other masses of people. Paramedics and rescue teams, police, firemen, volunteers and the freakin' media. Naturally. It soon would be dark he knew, he guessed it was around 7-8 PM maybe, the sun would be gone completely very shortly. It would make everything even more difficult.

Seeing Cas was good, to know he was also here, it settled him down. Calmed that unpleasant feeling in his stomach that he felt after so many hours of being out here. It wasn't so bad, he was doing his job, he knew what he had to do so only the circumstances were different from his everyday life.

He hated the noise the most. The constant sound of the people, some yelling for help or in search of others, the sound of the helicopter rotors, the sirens of ambulances and fire-trucks and the smallest, but most jarring thing was the glass everywhere. People and vehicles moved and the sound of breaking glass followed and god, it annoyed him. The worst was closest to the church where the giant stained-glass windows shattered.

He found himself staring at a woman who was gathering glass-pieces from the pavement to make place for a few kids to sit down and the unwanted sight of Grace rushed into his mind. Michael always broke some of her more valuable possessions – vases and crystal glasses – whenever he was really angry. It was impossible to ever forget the sight of his mother kneeling on the carpet and cleaning up the mess the next day, picking up the shattered pieces of glass and porcelain carefully with thin white fingers...

'Gabriel!' He tore his gaze away from the woman and looked up at the tall frame of Victor Henricksen, Dean's squad-leader and partner, who was walking towards him.

'Hey Victor, need anything?' he asked.

'Have you seen Dean?' Victor asked in return without missing a beat.

'Um, yeah... a few hours ago, why?' he frowned.

'No one saw him in the past five hours,' explained Henricksen, his shoulders set in tense lines, rigid even if he stood and talked confidently.

'Well, he has to be around here somewhere,' Gabriel replied.

'Except we have a woman among the casualties who's looking for the doctor and the cop who got her out from under the building, she said the doctor went down to look for others and that the cop told her to find the paramedics, which she did, but now she started to search for them to thank them, except they're nowhere,' he paused as he took a larger breath. 'I looked everywhere, I asked around and Dean's the only cop on scene I don't know where the hell is. And the girl's description fits him. Noticed you here, hoped you saw him.'

Gabriel just kept looking at Victor for a bit as the news settled.

'No,' he answered then. 'I didn't see him... hell, maybe in 6-7 hours. I saw him not long after got here.'

'Goddamit' Victor cursed and Gabriel saw that his mind was racing with what could be the possible course of action.

'Where's this woman?' he asked and his voice came out a lot steadier than he expected it.

'C'mon,' Victor turned and Gabriel followed. Surprisingly they were not headed towards one of the groups of people who were gathered around the ambulances, but to where the police vans parked down. They were only a few guys standing around here, Gabriel didn't know whether he met them before or not.

'I don't need a doctor,' the woman spoke immediately after she saw Gabriel.

'That's not why I'm here,' Gabriel told her. He opened up his coverall on the front after he put his bag down and searched for his phone that was in his trousers underneath the whole get-up. He managed to fish it out and started searching through his folders. Normally, he would've been embarrassed about having photos of Dean and Cas on his cell, but to hell with it now. 'Was this the cop who helped you out?' he asked and turned the phone towards her after he found the right picture of Dean. Her eyes widened in recognition almost immediately so Gabriel didn't even need to hear her answer.

'Yes! That's him, very tall guy,' she answered.

'Shit, this is just what we needed,' Victor cursed again as he pressed the hell of his hands to his eyes. Gabriel put his phone away and took a few calming breaths when he felt that his pulse was rising, he needed a clear head.

'The doc was wearing clothes like you,' the woman added after a everyone fell silent. Gabriel looked down on her again.

'You mean this?' he asked as he pulled on his medical coverall.

'Yeah, just like this one' the red-head nodded. And Gabriel really wanted to curse now.

'You know who it could've been?' Victor asked him.

'Yeah,' Gabriel breathed out. 'Pete Colainn, I saw everyone else from Saint Anthony's in the past hour or so.'

Victor moved around the van until he could reach in for the radio and Gabriel heard him giving out the information about Dean and Pete missing, high chance of them being buried somewhere, and asking for help in the search, it was mostly background noise for Gabe. He just tried to breathe properly. It couldn't be that hard, right?

'A team should be here soon to help us. Miss Greene, are you sure you cannot lead us to where you last seen Dr. Colainn and officer Winchester?' Victor asked the woman.

'I told you,' she answered. 'I already went there, but the hole... it's just not there anymore.'

'We will still ask you to come with us and show us the place so that we know where to start our search,' Victor told her. 'You wanna stick with us?' he turned to Gabriel next.

'Um, yeah... sure,' he nodded. He didn't follow the conversations going on around him, Victor giving out orders to get some people who had nothing urgent to do to help out. Gabriel trailed along, his breathing even and slow again now that he paid attention to it. He didn't let his mind go through the list of possibilities, because no... they didn't know enough to guess. He felt the beginning of a headache, a low thrum of pain in his skull and that didn't really happen to him in years. Not a good sign.

The red-haired woman led them to a side that was closer to the church's main entrance. Not many people moved around here since this side was evacuated in the afternoon. It was strange in a way to stand there and do nothing, being still was never Gabriel's forte and his mind was already screaming at him for not doing anything. A few guys dressed in the NDMS coveralls joined them and they started discussing how to search and how were the chances to actually find Dean and Pete.

'So, how do we start?' he asked. 'I think we wasted more than enough time. It's already been hours with none of us noticing they were gone.'

'We need to wait for a few things if we wanna move the larger cement-blocks' one of the guys answered. Gabriel knew that, of course he did. It was not like they could start digging them up with their hands.

'So we just stand around doing nothing for now?' he asked and the short pause that followed his question was answer enough for him. 'Yeah, I don't have time for that' he stated. He had to do something. If he couldn't get to Dean, than something else, anything was better than standing there and looking at the mountain of debris. Staying still was not an option, there was no way he could handle that.

He turned his back on the small group and walked away to join the paramedics again.

x~x~x

Dealing with moderate injuries was only a bit easier than the long hours spent with the critical cases. There was also a lot more of them, and now they actually had time to check over some that were only lightly injured, even if only once in a while. This was more of the case of patching up gashes, resetting shoulders and cleaning and bandaging up people before sending them over to the hospitals.

Gabriel could imagine how the staff in all of the medical establishments were still overwhelmed and crowded so it was best if they did everything they could right on field before sending the people in for further tending. He very pointedly didn't think about how the search for Dean was going. He would be unable to work if he let himself think too long about it and he had a job here, there were still people waiting for hours on end for any sort of medical help, so he just couldn't do that. With Pete gone they couldn't afford him throwing in the towel. This he could do, nothing else, so he would do it.

Gabriel didn't know how much time passed, he wasn't paying attention to anything else but the injuries in front of him. He noticed that it turned dark and that besides the street lights there were large reflectors and lights put up to all available places to give all the extra light the medical corps and rescue teams needed. Gabriel was just glad that at least the weather was good, no cold or rain to make everything even harder for them.

'Gabriel!'

'One second,' he replied without looking up. He finished up the bandage on a teenager's leg and told him to get it properly cleaned and re-bandaged as soon as it was possible even if he knew that the kid would have to wait for a long while for that one. Castiel was standing not that far away from him, still in his USAF jumpsuit.

'Hey Cas,' he greeted.

'What are you doing here?' Castiel asked.

'What does it look like I'm doing?' Gabriel asked in return. 'I'm doing my job.' Cas brows furrowed very deeply at those words and he stared silently at Gabriel for a while.

'Dean is... buried somewhere under this, a lot of people searching for him, doing everything they can to find him... and you're working,' Castiel summarized. 'You're not even there.'

'Exactly,' Gabriel agreed. 'A lot of people are looking, it's better if I'm here.' Castiel's face turned incredulous immediately and his frown didn't disappear either. 'What?' Gabriel asked.

'It's Dean... and _your friend_ in danger. Who knows how badly hurt... and you come back to work? Just like that?'

'What else am I supposed to do?'

'Just be there!' Castiel replied. 'I arrived back and expected you to be among the people looking for them and you're here, two corners away, I had to spend at least 30 minutes looking for you.'

'It's not like I can do anything,' Gabriel told him. 'So why exactly should I be there at all?'

'You're serious,' Castiel stated, he looked taken aback.

'Yes!'

'What is wrong with you?!' Castiel exclaimed.

'What?'

'You're just standing here, doing your job like nothing happened! You're not even upset, how can you be not upset?!' It was Gabriel's turn to be taken aback for a moment at those words.

'Well, you know what... yes, I'm doing my job, because that's the best I can do right now,' he said in a calmer tone, but then again compared to Castiel right now, it was not that hard to sound calm. He looked wrecked, his face paler than usual and he was a lot more fidgety and shaken up than Gabriel ever saw him before.

'Are you fucking serious?' Cas asked.

'I can't magically find him, Cas! Nor can I dig up the whole fucking building! But guess what, there are still dozens and dozens of people here, hurting and bleeding. So yes, I'm going to do my goddamn job and help them, because I can't help Dean, but _this_ I can do! It's a lot better than sitting around doing nothing! So if this means there's something wrong with me, than so fucking be it!'

'Gabriel--'

'I don't have time for this,' he added and his voice dropped down back to its normal level, the edge of anger drifting away to nothing. Then he turned around and walked away. God-fucking-dammit.

x~x~x

Cas didn't follow him or called after him so Gabriel went on his way and he ended up going from one patient from the other until he found himself on the other side of the church, where most of the damage was. The people here got blankets and water, mostly from volunteers, and had the lightest injuries but Gabriel stayed to check over everyone. There were enough doctors for the more severe cases so he felt it was time to do this. Besides, he wasn't sure how successful he would be in doing something more complex than stitching up a gash or cleaning out and bandaging a wound. His hands were shaking a little the first time he got on gloves again and prepared the needle to make the stitches. He just had to focus on his breathing for a while again, he got himself that little extra time by fiddling around in his bag more than necessary, he didn't think anybody noticed. When he got to the wound his hands were steady again.

It took him quite some time to check over all people, but at least there were a lot of them whom he could tell that if it was possible they could go home as they didn't need to get into a hospital. Someone should've done this already to spare them from sitting around and waiting for hours, but they just didn't have anybody. Right now at least Gabriel felt like he was helping out a lot of people, so he continued to do this. He figured he could until he ran out of bandages or something.

He was on his way from one group to another when an agitated voice yelled 'Hey' at him. It took him a few moments to recognize the overly worried jackass dad he encountered back in the afternoon. He didn't look any less irritated now, Gabriel had no clue what he was still doing here for one thing. He should've taken his daughter home already.

'Yes?' he asked as he stopped.

'We've been waiting... all day' he started.

'Is this about your daughter?' Gabriel interrupted. 'Sir, there's nothing wrong with her. You should've taken her home.'

'She hit her head' the guy insisted.

'Does she behave any differently from the way I last saw her? Besides being tired or scared? Is she disoriented? Does she have problems with her sight? Does her head hurt at all?'

'She has to be taken to a hospital and she is ignored by everyone, none of you bastards are doing your jobs properly!'

'She has such a small injury that can be treated with a simple band-aid, she doesn't even need stitches. Take her home and let her sleep. She is fine,' Gabriel explained again as calm and reasonably as he could muster in his current state. He counted it as a miracle that he didn't tell the guy to go fuck himself the second he opened his mouth. He looked at the guy pointedly and he really was hoping that he would finally get the message and go home. Then he turned around to continue his walk.

'She's just a kid and you don't care? Hey! I'm taking to you, you little prick!'

Ignore, just ignore. It was always the best thing to do.

'What kinda doctor are you, huh? Not giving a fuck about a kid? Huh, what the fuck is wrong with you?!'

He wanted to ignore him, he really did, but the second he felt a hand grabbing his overall and yank on him, he couldn't. He turned around the second he was pulled backwards. He grabbed the guy's wrist and twisted on it when he found his balance. The guy being obviously surprised didn't react, nor did he actually had time to react before Gabriel pulled one of his legs out from under him by hooking one feet in his ankle. The guy landed face-first on the pavement with a heavy thud. Gabriel held onto his wrist now bent in an obviously painful angle, twisted behind his back, while he put his other hand on the guy's nape to keep him in place.

'Now listen very closely. Here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna let you go and after I did, you get your daughter and take her home,' he told the guy in a low tone. 'And I dare you to try pulling some shit like this again and I'm gonna break your wrist instead of just straining it. You understand me?'

Gabriel waited until he guy nodded, completely silent but visibly freaked out of his mind, not even struggling. He let go of him and stood up at the same time. Apparently the guy fully intended to listen to his advice as he walked away hurriedly without looking back. He was clutching his wrist that would swell up very shortly, Gabriel knew.

He felt his own heavy heartbeat in his chest and heard the blood rushing in his ears, the adrenaline working its way through his body very swiftly. Maybe he shouldn't have, maybe he had to, he shouldn't care, or it would be bad if he didn't. He had absolutely no idea. What is wrong with him? ... Why did everybody seem to ask that same fucking question? He hated it, he hated this question more than anything. There was nothing wrong with him, nothing. He was doing his job, he was doing it perfectly. He was keeping it together, he was helping. He was not going to fail here, dammit. And just... what the fuck was he going to do if Dean was lying dead somewhere... the idiot getting himself in danger. Never listening to him, never. Fucking Pete and his stupid over-active conscience and fucking hero-complex... and fucking Castiel, looking so terrified... and angry...

He found himself at the half-fallen walls of the church and he had to sit down a little, just to catch his breath, just until the adrenaline cleared out of his blood. Just to think clearly again, until he couldn't feel the pumping blood in his veins and the throbbing pain behind his eyes.

God, he just... can't...

 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter IX

 

Dean woke up to throbbing pain in the back of his skull, and darkness. He coughed violently as he tasted cement dust in his throat and mouth. He was dizzy, he knew that without moving and he had no idea where the hell he was. He was lying on something hard, tiny sharp rocks digging into his side and chest. He was lying on his stomach so he tried to turn around, and his head was spinning just from that movement. He coughed again. Pain shoot into his shoulder this time and he groaned in displeasure as the small rocks were digging painfully into his back now.

'Dean,' he heard and he had no idea first who was calling him, but then he realized and everything came rushing back to him.

'Pete, you okay, man?' he asked.

'Not even remotely' the doctor answered. 'But God, you've been unconscious for a long time... I heard you were breathing, but... fuck. At least you woke up.'

'This shit collapsed on us, right?' Dean asked. It was a redundant question, he knew that, but he just had to say something.

'Yeah, not our lucky day.'

'No kidding,' Dean said. 'How long have I been out?'

'I have no idea, a very long time, I tried yelling at you, but you were not responding.'

Dean's eyes tried to adjust to the darkness but there was absolutely no light. He couldn't see a damn thing no matter how hard he tried.

'Are our flashlights gone?' he asked.

'Yeah, I... couldn't exactly start looking for them... I'm kinda... stuck here.'

'Shit man, how bad?' Dean asked.

'Not now. Are you hurt, can you move?' Pete asked.

'I'm hurting all over and maybe I'm gonna throw up, but yeah I can,' Dean answered.

'Ok, you gotta...' Pete took a large breath before he continued, his voice really didn't sound good now that Dean paid attention to it. 'Look around and... my bag is not buried maybe.'

Dean wasn't sure whether he should risk trying to stand up as he had no idea how much space they had. He didn't collide with anything when he turned around. At least it seemed like they had enough air even after who knows how much time passed while Dean was passed out. He rolled over to his side and slowly got up and raised his hand up too not to hit his head. He was on his knees when his hand reached something hard above them. Not much space then. He crawled back to all fours even if his head was swimming just from this movement and he started to search the ground.

'Any idea where I should be looking?' he asked the doctor.

'Somewhere a bit closer to me would be advisable,' came Pete's answer.

'What would it take for you to stop being a smartass?' Dean asked as he crawled closer to where he heard Pete's voice.

'Death... probably.'

'Yeah, I doubt I'm gonna get that lucky,' Dean answered. He was closer now and continued his search, it was pretty hard without seeing anything at all and with small bits of concrete digging into his hands and knees. Then his hand found something and yes, it felt like a bag's band. He pulled on it and was so freakin' relieved when it moved without a problem.

'Got it,' he said out loud and crawled closer to where he guessed Pete was. 'You got anymore flashlights in this?'

'No um... we had the two... have some glow sticks, they should be on the right side in a small pocket.' Dean tried to feel it up and find the small pocket and again it was challenging until he noticed the small faint glow coming from one of the sides.

'I think one of them broke already,' he said and the second he opened the little side-pocket green light filled their hole, not completely but at least he could see now. He turned to Pete immediately to look how badly he was stuck.

'Oh fuck,' he breathed out. Pete was lying on his side, almost on his stomach, and he was stuck under what looked like a giant metal bearing bar that ended in a block of concrete. Both of his legs disappeared in the rumble around mid-tight. It took Dean a few moments to take in the whole view. 'Shit, are you bleeding?' he asked when he noticed Pete's bloody hands.

'Not much now,' the doctor answered as he gestured to his forearm that was very roughly bandaged up with what looked like a piece of shirt. 'I improvised a little after you wouldn't wake up,' Pete explained.

'Ok, what do I do now?' Dean asked as he put the glow stick down so that it gave them enough light to see each other and the bag.

'Uhh... you just... you could bandage my arm... I basically just tied it up so I don't bleed all over the place...'

'Yeah, I can do that,' Dean told him and opened up the bag and started looking around in it. He expected everything to be in chaos inside, but apparently the bag was the luckiest. He managed to get out all that he needed and he re-bandaged Pete's arm while the doctor instructed him what exactly he needed to do once in a while. Dean knew mostly, but he was still glad that he didn't have to do without help, cause he didn't wanna mess this up. It looked okay when he was done, it'll have to do for now.

'Anything else?' he asked.

'Umm... a little morphine would be good actually,' Pete told him.

'That bad?' Dean asked in return as he started to search in the bad again.

'Yeah, it's pretty shitty,' answered Pete. Dean didn't argue with him. He was the doctor after all.

'Okay, so besides the morphine... what are we gonna do?'

'Is there anything we can do?' Pete asked. 'I've been thinking about this while you were having your beauty sleep and... uhh... not sure we can.'

'Bull, there's always something to do,' Dean answered right away. He finally found the ampoules inside the bag. 'Which one should I give you?'

'10 mg' Pete answered without Dean having to elaborate.

'I don't need a syringe for this, right?' Dean asked because sure he knew first aid, but he sure as hell would not know how to use a syringe properly.

'Nah, just... give it to me, I do the rest,' Pete answered and Dean tore the wrapping off of the small vial and handed it over. He put everything back into the bag carefully right after. His hazy mind was thinking of their possibilities in the mean time.

Pete breathed out in relief when he managed to sting the needle of the ampoule just above his waist and Dean turned back to take the empty vial away from him.

'I think I'm gonna look around, maybe there is a route out. I mean, we have air so it's not sealed.'

'Air coming in is not really a guarantee that anyone can climb out of here. And I'm not moving from here without considerable help.'

'Well, we are not that far away from the surface,' Dean told him. 'So maybe I find something we can use to show that we're here. I'm gonna take another glow stick.'

'Maybe we should save those up,' Pete told him.

'One of these things light for twelve hours, we have enough.'

'You'd be surprised how long it can take to bury someone out from under a building,' the doctor answered him quietly.

'I'm gonna look if I can find any of the flashlights first then.' He picked up the glow stick to light his way as he crawled in the too low space. It took him quite some time, but he actually found both flashlights, even if one of them was broken, they could use the batteries from it if needed at least. He took the glow stick back to Pete then turned to look if there was any way out.

His knees were hurting like a bitch only after a few minutes and he cut up his hand on some glass. He had to stop several times too when dizziness and nausea came over him. A way out of course he didn't find. It was too much to hope for anyways.

x~x~x

'We can't just sit around and do nothing,' Dean said for probably the hundredth time in the last hours. He was pretty sure that at least a few hours passed, he never was a wristwatch kinda guy and his cellphone was broken so he had no real idea of how long he's been awake or how long they've been buried.

'Trust me, I would be more than happy to sit,' Pete answered. He was not doing good. Dean shed his jacket and they managed to fold it under Pete so that he didn't have to lie on the cold ground and to make his position just a bit more comfortable, well... considering. He was pale, trembled in his entire body and cold sweat covered his skin. It wasn't just his legs being stuck because he couldn't feel most of that, Pete told him that it would hurt mostly when they removed the weight from it. A lot of his muscles and bones ached from having to lie on the ground for this long in that very uncomfortable position he was in. There was nothing Dean could do beyond what he already did for him. It was just his own helplessness that drove him nuts.

The only victory he could count was that so far he managed not to throw up. He was pretty damn sure – even without Pete confirming it to him – that he had a concussion. He was still dizzy and felt tired. The pressure in his head didn't ease up, the pain dulled away into a constant ache, but it was there. They talked as there was nothing else to do, Pete made him repeat his birthday date and his address every once in a while despite Dean telling him that he should worry about himself and not Dean's concussion.

'Yeah well, as you said... I need to do something. I can't move, but this I can do.'

'No risk of me falling asleep here though,' Dean said. He was not completely honest about that because he did feel really tired. He had no idea whether it was because of the concussion or just the long day behind him.

'Better safe than sorry,' Pete told him. Dean was sitting close to the doctor so that he didn't have to use the flashlight, the glow stick gave enough light. He was also very thirsty now, but unfortunately water was something Pete's medical bag didn't have. From the way Pete stopped during speech to lick his lips repeatedly, he was pretty damn thirsty too. Unlike Dean he lost blood too so it must've been worse for him.

'Do you think they started looking for us?' Pete asked.

'Yeah, of course they did.'

'I don't know, things must be still pretty damn hectic up there, not sure they noticed we're gone.'

'Gabriel's out there, he surely--'

'Nah,' Pete interrupted. 'He has a very single-minded focus, he's dealing with patients so we're probably as far away from his mind as possible.'

'What kinda friends are you guys?' Dean couldn't help but ask. 'He never mentioned you, not once and you only seem to be bitching about him.'

'It's not like it's a good idea to bitch at him directly too much,' Pete remarked. 'And sure he didn't talk about me, s'not like we got _that_ close.'

'How long have you known each other?' Dean found himself ask.

'Uh... around... 10 years... give or take...'

'What?' Dean turned to look at the doctor, more than a little stunned by the answer.

'We've been roommates for a year in college you know,' Pete added and Dean just blinked down at him in utter bewilderment. 'Of course you don't know.'

Pete was blinking slowly now, he seemed drained and more than a little dazed.

'I'm sure he doesn't talk about anything work-related... colleagues or patients... the ones he saved or the ones he lost...' Pete took a larger breath, his eyes falling shot for a little while. His gaze was unfocused when he opened his eyes again, his speech slurred and tired. Dean wasn't even sure he knew where he was and who he was talking to at this point.

'He felt so guilty when that kid died last year... was broken up about it for weeks... I could tell... bet you have no idea what I'm talking about... you don't know jack squat about... anything he doesn't want you to know... and you won't ever force him to talk... s'you just... let him pretend he's always fine... I think I'm delirious,' he finished seemingly realizing what kind of a condition he was in. The trembles in his body turned into full body-shudders and he was sweating considerably now, his eyelids heavy and slow, his breathing ragged and shallow. Dean just sat there in the green light of the glow stick with wide eyes, running Pete's words over in his head.

This was, he didn't even know what the hell to think of it. His own mind was slow and hazy, the fog never lifting off of it, but what the actual fuck? Pete fell silent after that.

'Pete? You with me?' he asked and didn't get an answer. 'Pete!' he leaned closer to shake his shoulder right away and the doctor opened his eyes with a start. 'You really gotta hold out, man. Gabriel's gonna be fucking pissed and no way am I going to face him alone... who am I gonna blame for this crap if not you?'

'Can't blame the dead guy,' Pete murmured. Dean had to swallow before he could answer.

'Exactly,' he agreed. 'So we're both getting out of here.' Pete nodded, or tied to anyways.

Then the glow stick's light dimmed and darkened out next to them.

'Fuck,' Dean breathed out as he searched for a new one. He refracted it and green light filled the hole again. He looked down at the one that faded out and wanted to curse again, because fuck... twelve hours passed and there was still no sign of help.

x~x~x

Dean tried to talk about anything and he tried even harder to get Pete to talk as the doctor was less lucid as time passed. He took another ampoule of morphine when the pain was starting to get too much again. He was hurting and his legs weren't even free yet. Dean started to be more than a little worried in the green-litten darkness. That until a small noise caught his ear from somewhere above their heads. He lifted himself up to his knees and tried to listen.

'What is it?' Pete asked.

'Shhh,' Dean hushed him and there it was again, the sound of something. 'Hey!' he yelled. 'Help! We're here!!'

This wouldn't do, he had no idea how thick the rumble was above them, he looked around furiously until his eyes fell on the large metal bar that pinned Pete to the ground.

'Cover your ears,' he told the doctor as he found a larger piece of cement. Pete did as he was told even if moving his arms seemed to take him quite a lot of effort. Then Dean started banging on the metal with the rock, the sound was sharp and filled the small hole completely. The noise made his ears ring and it hurt a little immediately, but he kept banging for another few moments. Then he stopped and waited for any sound coming from above them. He was breathing hard and his head started to spin, he exhausted himself even from this and the nausea was coming back. There was nothing.

He started banging on the metal again, forcefully hitting the cement piece to it, the loud noise filling up the space again. He stopped when his shoulder started to hurt after a few moments and he was panting as he listened. His ears were ringing from the noise very unpleasantly now.

Then there it was, the sound of something clinking to the metal, the noise vibrating in the pillar under Dean's hands. It was definitely not an accidental noise, someone heard them.

'Oh, thank God,' he breathed out. 'Pete!' he crouched down next to the doctor again. 'We're almost outta here man.'

“Almost” turned out to be quite a long while, but hearing all the sound coming from above them was reassuring, it was only a matter of time now. The first trace of light shining through the debris was probably one of the most beautiful things Dean has ever seen. He knew he was exaggerating, but after so much time down here, it was like divine light shining down on them right from Heaven.

'Hey!' he yelled again.

'Dean!' came the answer and hearing that flooded him with relief. He literally never was happier to hear this voice.

'Cas!' he yelled back. He wanted to say more, maybe climb closer to see him, but his throat was dry and he was tired, and he just couldn't.

'Dean... damn, hold on, we get you out right away!'

'Make it fast, Pete is stuck!' he yelled back.

'Where is he stuck?' asked an unfamiliar voice.

'Under this metal pillar,' Dean yelled back. 'The one I banged on!'

'Okay, try to move away from the hole as far as you can for now' the man said. 'And cover your faces if you can.'

'Got it!' Dean replied. He put the medical bag between the hole and Pete and since they didn't have anything else he got the jacked out from under the doctor to get themselves the asked cover.

Cement moved with a loud noise as the hole widened and more light shone in, but it filled up everything with dust in the same time.

'Dean!' came Cas' voice again so he peeked out from under the jacket.

'Yeah?'

'Can you come closer and out now?' Castiel asked.

'What about Pete?' he asked.

'The rescue team will have to go down and they need to remove a lot more rubble to get him out, you gotta come out first.'

'Just go,' Pete said. 'I'm so freakin' tired of your face by now.' Dean huffed out a laugh.

'You know what pal, I think I like you after all,' he said. 'Just hold on, they're getting you out of here.'

'Yeah-yeah, just get the hell out already,' the doctor told him. Dean let his hand rest on his shoulder and squeezed it a little before he started crawling towards the exit. Breathing clean air was one of the best things ever and the second he was out he was pulled into Cas' arms, the other man holding onto him tightly.

'Figures it's you finding me,' Dean told him. 'You're really a damn angel after all.'

'C'mon, we need to get you into the hospital,' Cas said as he eased up his hold and they could finally look at each other. Cas' eyes were red and tired but clear and the blue depths shined with relief and happiness. Dean wanted to stand up, but he didn't really manage so he was helped over to a stretcher and was lifted up and carried away. Castiel didn't move from his side. Victor entered his field of vision for a moment telling him that he scared the crap out of a lot of people.

'Dean!'

'Gabriel' he turned his head to be able to look and he saw Gabriel rushing towards them and to his surprise, James right behind him.

'Are you ok?' Gabriel asked.

'Better now,' Dean told him.

'Where's Pete?' the older man asked.

'He's stuck, they're trying to get him out now,' he answered. Gabriel seemed to think for a second.

'Cas will go with you to the hospital. I'll go after you later with Pete, okay?' he asked.

'Yeah, don't be late, get his annoying ass outta there,' Dean nodded and managed to squeeze Gabriel's hand when he reached out towards him before he rushed away.

The trip to the hospital went in a blur and Dean couldn't recall most of what was happening since he got his pain medication. He knew Cas was close, but other than that... just blurry images and darkness mostly.

He woke up in a hospital bed and the first thing he noticed was the sun, it was daylight again. He had no way of knowing how much time passed or how much he was actually hurt, just that he was aching all over. He was in a hospital gown and had an IV stuck in his arm. His other hand was held and he saw Castiel sitting on a chair next to his bed when his vision cleared out.

'Hey.'

'Hey,' Castiel smiled when he looked at him. 'You scared me you know,' he said. He looked very tired, but glad.

'Sorry,' Dean said and squeezed his hand reassuringly. He looked around. They were separated with heavy curtains on two sides in a larger ward. He could still look out at the door.

'There are no singular rooms,' Castiel informed him. 'All hospitals are full.'

'Yeah, no problem. Where's Gabriel?' Cas took a breath.

'Not back yet.'

'What? How much time passed?'

'Around ten hours.' Dean was pretty sure that he paled hearing that.

'And they still couldn't get Pete out?' he asked, because fucking hell, no way was he still lying there in that fucking hole in the dirt, pinned under that goddamn pillar.

'I don't know, I've been here,' Castiel told him.

'Can't we like... call Gabriel or something?'

'His cellphone's switched off or his battery's low. I don't know.'

'Can't we do something?'

'Yes, you can rest. That's the only thing for you to do,' Castiel told him sternly and Dean wanted to argue, but he knew there was no point.

Gabriel showed up around an hour later. Suddenly he was there standing at the door of the ward leaning against the doorframe. He was still wearing his medical coverall. He was still covered in dried blood, dust and dirt, clothes, skin and hair alike. He seemed worn and tired.

'Gabriel--' Dean started, sitting up straighter in the bed. Gabriel was staring silently at some random point on the floor a few feet away from him. 'Gab--'

'Pete didn't make it,' Gabriel interrupted him with the statement. His tone even and his gaze not moving from whatever he was looking at, if he was looking at something specific at all.

'Shit... Gabriel.'

'I'm so sorry,' Castiel said.  Gabriel walked inside and grabbed Dean's chart from the foot of the bed looking over it without saying another word. Dean glanced at Castiel, who was looking at Gabriel too, before licking his lips to speak again.

'Gabe, I'm so sorry... fuck, listen I should've stopped him from going down there... I know... I should've just...'

'Dean,' Gabriel interrupted him again with the same even tone he spoke before and it started to unnerve Dean a little, because he had absolutely no idea what was going through the head of the other man. 'I've been up and working non-stop for the past thirty hours and the only guy I could remotely get along with in this place currently lies cold in the morgue so... uh... how about you _don't_ explain it to me... and you just do whatever any of my colleagues tell you and I uh... go home and sleep, okay?'

He finally looked up after he put the chart back to its place. His even tone didn't falter, he seemed to be searching for his own words though, but the whole air of calm around him was unnerving. Dean just wanted to pull him in his arms tell him how sorry he was and hold onto him until this cold demeanor vanished. Gabriel didn't look like he would appreciate that right now and that left an unpleasant feeling in Dean's stomach.

'Okay,' he answered quietly, because he had no clue what else to say.

'Good,' Gabriel said and turned to leave.

'Gabriel,' Castiel spoke up. 'Don't drive, take a cab.'

'Yeah, sure,' the older man replied and he was out the door a moment later.

'What? Cas, no! Go with him,' Dean turned towards the blue-eyed man.

'He's angry, he needs some space,' Castiel answered.

'He's hurting Cas, go with him,' Dean insisted.

'You're hurting too and Gabriel needs to rest and calm down first,' Cas told him. In Dean's eyes Gabriel seemed too calm already, but maybe Cas was right, he had no idea. He just knew that he was supposed to be doing something, and he couldn't. Useless again, like in that fucking whole trapped with Pete. Pete... no way, that annoying little... fuck! Gabriel just lost a friend, and he was lying in this stupid hospital bed.

'He shouldn't be alone right now. Cas, for God's sake, go with him,' Dean pleaded. 'I'm fucking fine.' Castiel got closer and gripped both his hands with his own.

'You're shaking Dean, you're not fine,' he told him in a stern voice. Looking down on his own hands made Dean realize that he was right, he _was_ shaking and not just a little. He knew now why Cas told him that Gabriel needed to calm down, that was the quiet coldness Dean saw, anger. Gabriel was always silent when being angry, but being this still... he must've been furious. Dean took large breaths to stop the tremors in his body and let Castiel hold onto him until it quieted down into nothing but the smallest tremble.

x~x~x

Gabriel grabbed a cab and got home. He ignored Andy at the desk and went up to the apartment. He undressed, took a shower, washed his hair, practically automatically. He couldn't get the blood and the dirt out from under his fingernails completely and he actually felt like the thin sheet of dust was still covering his skin and the inside of his throat. Mostly... he didn't know how he felt. Too much and too little at the same time. Mostly numb, he was too exhausted to think, the fatigue made his limbs feel like lead.

Droplets of water were dripping from his hair down to the carpet and Gabriel's eyes fell on the dirty pile of clothes he tossed down. He got closer and fished out his cellphone, turning it on again. He leaned to the night-stand while he sat down to the floor as he was scrolling thought the names. His finger hesitated before he pressed the call button. He had to wait for a long while as it rang and he almost decided to hang up before a tired voice came from the other side of the line.

'Kali... hey, it's me... um, been a while... yeah, more than a while... I know it's late for you just... listen... uh, it's about Pete...'

 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter X

Castiel stayed with Dean all afternoon, and even the whole night despite his resistance. He wanted Castiel to go home and rest, to check up on Gabriel, but as far as Cas was concerned Dean needed him more right now. Gabriel liked to be left alone for a while if something was bothering him, and if anyone babied him or started making a fuss whether he was fine or not before he himself made the first step he just got even more angry. Cas was sure that once he was cleaned up and rested, it would be much easier to be there for him or deal with him in general. He would be worried about Dean and would get back to them in no time. Dean on the other hand was shaken up a little by what happened, but considering that he was buried under a building for over twelve hours it was understandable.

Because of his concussion Cas couldn't let him sleep for long, The doctor who checked on him said that it was bad enough that he didn't seem to remember bits and pieces about his rescue nor the circa 10 hours after it. He spent that time mostly asleep, but he had to be wakened up every hour. Not like it seemed like he remembered any of that. Every time he woke up he asked where Gabriel was, Castiel always told him, but the next time Dean was woken up he asked the question again, and he was always surprised when Cas told him that Gabe was still out at the Broadway site. His pain medication may had something to do with that too. Castiel was just glad that apparently he could recall everything that was happening now. It meant that his concussion was not that bad.

His Father checked in on him during the night before he drove home to Castle Rock and ordered Castiel to get a shower and change his clothes. Luckily he could talk some nurse into allowing him to get cleaned up at the hospital, so he didn't have to be away from Dean for long. His Dad told him that both John and Katrina said that they would visit the next day.

The next morning Dean was doing better, but not much. Castiel figured that Gabriel being so harsh and short with him the previous day on top of everything else that happened did not help his peace of mind one bit. Dean was always more likely to take things to heart when it came to Gabriel, or Sam. Castiel never saw him getting truly upset or actually hurt by words alone except when it was because of his little brother or Gabe. Others just didn't have that effect on him. Considering everything, Castiel was a bit angry with Gabriel. He understood that he just lost a friend, but him not being there for a single minute while they were searching for Dean and not being able to say that he was glad Dean was fine, that was just not something Cas could understand, no matter how hard he tried. He would've needed Gabriel to be there with him when they couldn't find Dean and they were searching hour after hour hopelessly. He would've needed Gabriel to just tell Dean that of course none of this was his fault and he couldn't have done anything to save Pete. Instead he told him to shut up and left right after. Cas just couldn't understand him when he was like this, always walking away from such things. God forbid Gabriel Morgenstern faced a problem head on when it was immediate instead of hours or days after when it quieted down as much as possible.

So Castiel knew that Dean was thinking about whether there was something he could've done differently, whether there was anything that could've saved the doctor he was trapped together with. He knew Dean, of course he was asking himself that question, but he wouldn't have been this deeply in thought if Gabriel would've just told him not to. He really hoped that after getting proper rest Gabriel would think clearly enough to remedy this, because he too knew how likely Dean was to blame himself even for things that were way out of his control.

He left Dean alone for a while to get them breakfast and spotted Gabriel on the corridor. First he thought that he must've just arrived, but he was wearing scrubs and was talking about something with a nurse pointing out things on a chart. Castiel frowned and walked closer, because that was just not possible.

'Gabriel.'

'Hey Cas,' he greeted. 'That's all for now Nurse Rosen,' he said to the nurse and the blond woman walked away with the chart.

'How long have you been here?' Cas asked. Gabriel glanced at the clock on the wall behind the nurse station.

'Three hours.' Cas just looked at him for a moment, waiting for the explanation that never came.

'Why didn't you come see Dean yet?' he asked after he realized that Gabe didn't want to add anything else.

'I talked with his doctor already, I know he's fine,' Gabriel answered.

'That's not the point,' Castiel said, and he was sure he was getting angry now. Angry and very confused, because this was just so out of anything resembling sense that he had no words for it. 'You came in... to work? And you didn't come to check up on Dean, what...' no, he had absolutely no idea how to put this into words.

'Well, we have patients, literally everywhere, and we're already one doctor short, so...'

'What?' Cas asked stunned, because no, he did not just say that. 'Don't tell me, that you just said that you don't have _time_ to check up on Dean.' The calmness in his tone was forced now, because the blood rushing in his ears indicated nothing but anger.

'Listen, Cas--'

'Why are you arguing about this?' he asked incredulously. 'This is _Dean_. You're supposed to love him or is that not the case?'

Gabriel looked at him sharply this time, finally a reaction that was not calm nonchalance.

'Of course I do,' he said.

'Then why aren't you there already? Seeing how he is, personally! Tell him that you're glad he's fine and that nothing was his fault. That he couldn't have done anything and that what matters is that he's okay. He needs to hear these things, and especially from you!'

Gabriel averted his gaze for a moment and took a large breath.

'Ok, give me a minute. I'll be right there,' he said as he picked up another chart from the desk.

'Now, Gabriel!' Cas told him sternly covering the chart with his hand.

'I said, give me a fucking minute, Cas!' Gabriel snapped at him and yanked the chart away and turned his back to walk off. Castiel was too shocked by the response to stop him. He ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

'God, what the hell is happening?' he asked himself before he headed back to Dean's room with the food.

Gabriel showed up half an hour later. Castiel pointedly didn't tell Dean that he saw him before, it was not the time to talk about such things.

'Gabe,' and again the second Gabriel showed up at the door of the ward Dean sat up straighter in the bed. Gabriel walked closer without a word and yanked the curtains shut, hiding them from the rest of the room. He then went to Dean and pulled him into a kiss, holding his face with both hands and capturing his lips with his own. After they parted Gabriel sat down and pulled Dean closer to him, wrapped his arms around him so Dean could rest his chin on his shoulder or bury his face in his neck.

'I'm glad you're fine,' Gabriel said as he ran his fingers through Dean's short hair.

'I'm so sorry about Pete,' Dean answered.

'Nothing of it was your fault,' Gabriel told him. 'You couldn't have done anything.' Dean breathed out deeply.

'I'm still sorry,' he said.

'What matters is that you're okay,' Gabriel said quietly and he put a small kiss to the side of Dean's head. He glanced up at Castiel after that, his expression questioning, like he was asking for something or willing him to calm down now, it was hard to tell. Cas felt how his anger eased up and he put a hand on Gabriel's reassuringly, again it was not the time for an argument. Gabriel was here finally, that was what mattered for now. Something strange was nagging the back of his mind, but he couldn't put a finger on what it was exactly. He should have felt completely relieved now that Gabriel came and did tell Dean exactly what Castiel told him to say, but for some reason, he was not.

x~x~x

Dean was released from the hospital the next day after they could finally do an MRI and see that he had no damage in his head. On their way home Gabriel told them that he too got some time off so he would be home for a while. Castiel would've been surprised if he didn't get a break from work. And since both Dean and Gabriel were to stay home for a while Castiel also pulled some strings – called his Father – and got himself some time off.

Things were... off somehow. Dean was recovering just fine, Gabriel and his silence was more worrying in the first two days. Dean also kept looking at him with a particular frown on his face and many times Cas got the impression that he wanted to talk about something, but he didn't find it in himself to actually bring it up. One evening when Gabriel was in the shower Dean turned towards him on the bed and told him that maybe they should bring Pete up.

'I don't know anything about him,' Castiel said. 'What am I supposed to say?'

'That's just it, Cas,' Dean said. 'Pete told me, while we were down there, that he'd been friends with Gabriel for 10 years, that they'd been roommates in college. And we don't know a single thing about him... it's just... I feel like... I don't know Cas, like there are things we should be asking about, but I have no idea what the questions are.'

Castiel turned it over in his head and was willing to admit that he didn't know either. When he asked Gabriel how he was doing when he came to bed he just told them with a sleepy smile that he was much better. Castiel couldn't tell whether it was true or not, it seemed too soon for Gabriel to be completely fine, but he looked like he was.

The next day he was a lot more energetic than before, talked a lot like usual, so it looked like he really was much better, even Dean seemed less worried. Castiel had every reason to believe that they were on the right track again. They prepared to watch a movie together, comfortably on the couch with all the snacks Dean and Gabriel liked. They didn't have time to do things like this in a long time now, so Castiel was really looking forward to it. So of course it was when the doorbell rang.

He was the one to open the door since Dean and Gabriel were in the middle of deciding which dipping sauce would be best. Outside stood a slender dark-skinned woman, Arabesque or Indian, Cas wasn't sure. She wore a dark form-fitting dress and she practically eyed him up and down the second Castiel opened the door.

'Can I help you?' Castiel asked.

'Yes,' she drawled. She didn't have an accent and was talking in a smooth calm tone. 'Is Gabriel home?' Castiel frowned in surprise.

'And who are you?' he couldn't help but ask. She scoffed or maybe it was a laugh.

'Of course,' she said. 'Why am I not surprised?' Castiel was waiting for her to elaborate, but her gaze drifted away from Castiel. She was looking somewhere inside the apartment. Her face softened a little and she let out a breath.

'Kali.' Cas turned around to look at Gabriel. Dean's head popped up at the living-room entryway too. The woman – Kali – paid Cas no attention and walked past him without a glance, marching into their place with ease, she didn't stop until she could throw her arms around Gabriel in a hug.

Gabriel seemed more than a little shocked at first, not returning the gesture.

'What are you doing here?' he asked in an obviously stunned voice.

'You called me,' Kali answered.

'Yeah but...' he finally returned the hug and after he did Kali pulled back a little, not much, just that they could look at each other. 'I didn't think you would fly here all the way from India.'

'Well, I did,' she stated. It was Gabriel's turn to huff out a breath. He looked down at the floor averting his gaze.

'Pete...' he started.

'I know,' Kali said while she raised Gabriel's head by putting her hands on his cheeks, then she embraced him again, this time Gabriel hugged back easily. All of it seemed to be more than a little familiar. Castiel had about a hundred questions in his head two seconds flat as he shut the door.

'Um, not to interrupt, but...' Dean spoke up, obviously wanting to interrupt. Gabriel let go of Kali a second later, even taking a step back from her. 'Who is she?'

Gabriel looked at Dean, then back at the woman. Obviously searching for the right words.

'I could use a drink' Kali spoke up before Gabriel could speak. 'Kitchen?'

'Right... this way,' Gabriel turned and headed towards the kitchen. Kali followed and of course so did Dean and Castiel. Kali put her handbag down as she looked around, her eyes scanning everything again.

'I don't really trust anyone to make me a decent tea,' she talked again. 'And I'm sure a cup would do you wonders too.'

Dean and Cas stopped in the doorway, while Gabriel hovered somewhere around the table. He too seemed uncertain by Kali's presence, but he didn't stop her from starting her search in the kitchen.

'Kali, this really isn't a good time for...'

'Hold kæft og sæt dig ned,' Kali replied sharply. Cas looked at Dean and saw his own surprise reflecting on his face. When Gabriel replied the whole thing turned even more bizarre.

'Huns ikke med mig,' he said as he crossed his arms over his chest. Cas was too surprised to interrupt.

'Jeg sagde "hold kæft",' Kali said, this time with an almost commanding tone as she turned back towards Gabriel. He looked back at her before rolling his eyes and sitting down to one of the chairs.  Kali went back to open up the cupboards, continuing her search. 'Enten gør jeg det her, eller også får jeg snart et opkald om at du har blæst din hjerne ud.'

Gabriel stared at the back of her head for a moment before replying. 'Du ved at jeg ikke er selvmorderisk,' he said in a quiet voice.

'Nå, tak Gud for lille barmhjertighed,' Kali said with a sigh.

'Du behøver ikke at gøre dette,' Gabriel told her.

'Jeg har allerede fløjet jorden rundt,' Kali said as she glanced back with a small smile. 'Du kan ikke smide mig ud nu.'

'What is going on?' Dean spoke up, obviously getting over his surprise. Kali and Gabriel shared a look that again seemed all way too familiar for Castiel's taste.

'I just asked what sort of teas you have in this house,' Kali told them, Castiel didn't believe it for a second.

'Okay, who is she?' he asked Gabriel.

'Guys, this is Kali Surendra' he introduced finally. 'We went to school together... in Copenhagen.'

Kali scoffed. 'Really?' she turned back to Gabriel, this time with two mugs in her hand. She put them down to the table before going back to the cupboard. 'Next time you're going to introduce me as some drinking-buddy?'

'So you were not in school together?' Dean asked, still frowning. He crossed his arms over his chest as he was eying her.

'Well, we did go to school together for three years,' she said then turned and looked at them. 'But we also lived together for two.' She didn't wait for their reaction before she turned back to the cupboard. Castiel was too surprised to speak up. Dean just kept frowning. 'And been engaged for one.'

'Excuse me?!' Castiel asked in utter bewilderment.

'Kali!' Gabriel said with a hint of anger in his voice. 'TMI of the century.'

'I'm not some sort of a dirty secret, Gabriel' she answered with the same tone. 'So deal with it.'

'I'm sorry, I think my concussion is acting up again,' Dean said as he took a step inside the kitchen looking at Gabriel now. 'Because I think I just heard that you were engaged... to her,' he pointed at Kali.

'No concussion,' she said.

'Not helping, Kali,' Gabriel commented.

'Oh, I am definitely not going to make _this_ conversation easier on you,' she replied.

'Gabriel, what the hell?' Cas asked. Gabriel took a breath and looked skywards.

'You know what? We are not having this conversation in this set-up,' he said then he picked up Kali's bag and walked across the kitchen to grab her arm, pulling her out of the kitchen.

'Hey, my tea,' she protested.

'Forget the fucking tea, Kali,' Gabriel told her. 'I'll get back in an hour' he said.

'Whoa, no!' Dean protested too as he stepped in the way and put a hand on Gabriel's chest to stop him. 'Your _ex-fiancée_ just walked into our apartment from out of nowhere. You can't walk out of the door like this! Not this time.' His voice was stern and deep, very rarely like this towards Gabriel. The frown was still firmly on his face too. Castiel knew by looking at the stubborn set of his features that there was no way he was going to let this one go.

'You owe us an explanation,' Castiel said. 'And no, it can't wait.'

'I happen to agree,' Kali said as she pulled her arm out of Gabriel's grip. She took her bag away from him too. 'You finish the tea then, don't mess it up,' she added before walking into the living room. Castiel agreed with Dean completely, but the look on Gabriel's face was fearful at best, and that just didn't mean anything good.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter XI

 

Castiel and Dean looked pissed, or that's how Gabriel guessed. Well, they did look pissed, but it was hard to tell with all the confusion and questions getting into the mix. Looking at the living room how Dean and Cas sat on the couch, Kali in one of the armchairs comfortably, like she's been coming here for years, was bizarre. Like two of his worlds suddenly collided and he didn't actually know how to deal with it.

He put down Kali's tea on the coffee table where there was room next to the DVDs and snacks. Gabriel was pretty sure the movie-plan got way canceled. He poured Kali's tea in a teacup – they actually had a set even if they never used it before – but his own was in a big comfortable mug. Kali always shook her head whenever he refused to use those silly delicate cups. Dean and Cas didn't want any, it was not surprising. Kali raised her cup and looked up to stare at Gabriel the second she recognized the smell.

'My-my Gabriel, you actually have Nilgiri tea in your home. Color me impressed, darling.' She did sound impressed and looked very pleased with her cup. Dean was scowling at her.

'I didn't even know we had any kind of tea,' he remarked.

'Forget the tea already,' Cas interrupted. He was staring at Gabriel and not their guest. Those deep blue eyes boring into him was a lot more unnerving than Dean's almost angry scowl that Kali of course fully ignored, not even glancing towards the couch. Gabe knew that being ignored like this would piss Dean off, he was sure of it.

'Are you planning to start talking now?' Castiel asked.

'I don't know what's there to talk about,' Gabriel answered.

'How about explaining this chick sitting in our living room?' Dean prompted. Gabriel finished taking a sip from his mug, the taste and the scent filled him with nostalgia. Many afternoons and even more evenings spent sitting in Perch's Tea Room on the Kronprinsensgade, he could almost imagine the smell of his favorite cinnamon rolls. He should find a place in the city that sold something like those; he had no idea why he didn't look for it before in all these years.

'Gabriel,' Cas sounded impatient, that was never a good sign.

'There's nothing to explain,' he said. 'We met, we dated, got engaged, we broke up and moved to two different continents. End of story.'

'You still have a delightful tendency of simplifying things,' Kali told him.

'How's your new fiancé?' Gabriel shot back.

'He wanted me to stop working, pop out a bunch of babies and be a housewife,' she answered calmly.

'Fed him to some alligators?' Gabriel asked with a small smile tugging on his lips.

'Planned to, he ran away,' Kali answered coolly and it made Gabriel laugh. She had a very strange sense of humor, but Gabriel liked it nonetheless, it was not something everyone could understand. Dean just blinked at the exchange and Cas had that little confused frown on his face as well.

'Ok, fine, if it was “end of story”, what is she doing here? Sipping tea in our fucking living room?' Gabriel couldn't get Dean's anger, not really. Sure some questions and surprise was expected, but anger? He wasn't even sure how to explain. He just had to call Kali, he had so many reasons, but he had no idea whether they would make sense to either of his lovers. He stroked over his eyebrow with a finger as he tried to come up with the right answer that would calm things down instead of making it worse.

'Well, considering that one of my oldest friends just passed away, it would've been rather inconsiderate of Gabriel not to inform me about it,' Kali answered instead of him, finally looking over to Castiel and Dean. Her brown eyes sharply settling on them. Gabriel knew that look on her face, she was taking stock of the two men. Her eyes roamed the rooms and the furniture in the apartment the same way, like she was taking everything into account and deciding whether it was good enough for whatever intended purpose they had. If it would've been anyone else Gabriel would've found it strange for someone to look at people this way, with Kali it was the most natural thing in the world.

'And just because I've been involved with Gabriel, it does not give you the right to bark at me like a dog fending for its territory,' she told Dean, then her attention switched to Castiel. 'Or to look at me like I'm some sort of a pathogen infecting your precious little home. Especially not since I've been up for the past three days and just flew 15 hours so that I don't miss a funeral.' Her gaze turned angry and a lot colder as she spoke. 'I have things to settle and I need to catch a few hours of sleep,' she continued turning her eyes back on Gabriel, like the two other men were not even in the room anymore. 'Please show me out, Gabriel.'

She stood and Gabriel followed. Once they were at the door they were far enough from the living room for them to speak.

'You know, we could've avoided all of this, if you would've just called me and told me you were coming,' Gabriel said to her.

'I'm aware,' she said. 'But can you blame me for wanting to see these two with my own eyes?' Gabriel huffed out a laugh.

'Guess not.'

'Well, you can take me out to dinner tomorrow and we can talk in peace then.'

'Sounds good,' Gabriel shrugged. Even with Kali snapping at them, or especially because of it, Gabriel did not look forward to the conversation that was waiting for him back in the living room.

'Don't let them push you too much,' Kali warned.

'They're not like that,' Gabriel answered right away.

'Your rose-colored glasses are surgically attached to your thick skull,' the woman stated as she tapped his forehead with a finger.

'They're not,' Gabriel said again.

'Or so you say, you stupid clown' she shook her head and leaned in for another hug. Gabriel returned it.

'Harpy,' he muttered and Kali laughed quietly.

'Oh, I can't believe this, but I really missed you,' she said.

'Missed you too,' Gabriel said before letting her go. 'No one would've been able to turn this day so upside down as you just did.'

'I have a wonderful sense for dramatics,' she smiled. 'And I had to take a good look at the adversaries.'

Gabriel raised his eyebrows, but Kali smiled again putting a hand on his cheek.

'Just joking, love. See you tomorrow.' She turned around and walked down the corridor towards the elevator and Gabriel took a deep breath before heading back to the living room.

Dean and Cas were talking, but fell silent as Gabe got back, the air of anger around Dean subdued, that was good. Castiel still looked displeased though. He knew that there was just no way out of this one, so he flopped back down to his sitting-chair picking up his mug, the tea was getting cold now.

'Fine, lets hear it,' he said.

'Ok, look we get that you called her because of Pete,' Dean started. 'It's just...' he looked over to Castiel. Who looked back, and they shared a look Gabriel was not sure how to interpret. He actually had no idea whether he's going to be chewed out right now or not.

'Why have we never heard about her before?' Castiel asked. 'Not a word, Gabriel. That you had someone, that you lived together, were engaged. And we don't understand why.'

'It's not like it was in any way relevant,' Gabriel answered.

'How could this be not relevant?' Dean asked incredulously. 'That you don't talk about such things. First I thought it was just Pete, but now her? Why would you keep such things from us, it just makes no sense to me.'

'I was back, it was over. And it's not like you ever asked.'

'Oh, so we were supposed to ask you whether you had a fiancée back in Denmark?' Dean scowled. Gabriel bit back what he first wanted to answer to that one and took another sip from the tea.

'Well, I don't know Dean, maybe ask anything at all about Denmark? You didn't. And like I said, it was not relevant after I came back.'

'You just jumped out of an engagement before you came back, how on Earth is that something “not relevant”?' Castiel asked, now the frustration was clear on his face, combined with Dean's angry scowl... just fucking perfect. Exactly what he wanted right now.

'Fine, you wanna know? I met her through Pete and yes, we went out, even moved in together, even got fucking engaged. But you wanna know what happened? I asked her to come back to the US with me and she said no. She wanted me to go to India with her, but I couldn't. Because I wanted to come back, because I promised _you two_ that I won't be gone forever, that I will come back. And that's what I wanted, because I couldn't stand the thought of never coming back and see you again. And she said no, because she told me that she will not be second in my life. So there, we broke up, she flew away. I gave her up and came back despite having no idea whether any of you would be willing to talk to me at all. But you did, I was happy about that, but I loved her and she left and the last thing I wanted was to think about her, let alone talk about her. So tell me, in what fucking shape or form was that relevant in any possible way? Does it matter in any way after all these years?'

He knew he was getting angry, very much so, but he couldn't help it. Not with this, not about this. He didn't wait for an answer, the next words were stumbling out of his mouth without a second thought.

'And you wanna know why I don't talk about any of this shit? Because you don't bother to know! I lived in Denmark for three years, but I've been back for more than seven and you never asked me how my life there was, not once. How did I manage to get along on my own, when you fucking knew that I left to deal with my life, to get myself in order and pull my shit together! Because you fucking hate it that I went away, everything about those three years! You hated that I was gone, and you hated hearing about it the one fucking time I opened my mouth! The same with my fucking work! You can't stand the building, because you have bad memories?! Boo fucking hoo! That was me, you know?! Me! That happened to me! And you're the ones who can't stand it?! That it's too much for you?! What the hell is that supposed to be, huh?! And now!! I'm being interrogated like some fucking criminal, because it's the biggest sin on the whole fucking world, that I dare to have a single fucking thing in my god-forsaken life, that doesn't belong to you two!'

His mug shattered on the wall with a loud crack and only then did it register that he threw it in the first place. He was panting and shaking, and god he never yelled in his entire life like this. His blood was pumping in his ear made him hear his own heavy heartbeat, his throat already felt sore from raising his voice this much.

'Gabri—' Dean tried.

'Not a word,' Gabriel interrupted. His voice dropping down back to its normal volume right away, even if his breathing was still heavy. 'This conversation ends here.'

He didn't wait for an answer, but turned and walked out of the room. They didn't stop him, which was definitely good. He didn't go to their bedroom, but to one of the other bedrooms they had furnished despite them not using it. He closed the door and locked it. His head was throbbing now, unsurprisingly, so he sat down to just breathe properly. He couldn't tell later how long he was sitting there.

x~x~x

There was a knock on the door, later. Probably much later as it was dark outside already.

'Gabriel,' came Cas' voice from the other side. He didn't feel like answering. 'I know we've been... offensive about Kali, we just... nevermind, just... we didn't know Pete, for several reasons so it seems, but... you're obviously hurting. I want you to know that we're here. You're just... I feel like there is still something you're not telling us, since what happened on the Broadway you've been... I don't even know, temperamental... distant... just plain strange, Gabriel... I don't know what's going on with you.'

Gabriel heard a soft thud from the other side and knew that Cas sat down.

'You always came to us, whenever something was wrong, you came to us, or called and let us come to you. Now it's like you don't even talk to us, like you don't want to talk to us. You've been arguing with Dean so much, you also started arguing with me... Gabriel, what's going on? You have to... just please. Whatever it is, we can deal with it... it's us. You always said nothing can go wrong, because it's us. So just... open the door please.'

He stayed silent for a little bit, thinking about it.

'I don't wanna talk right now,' he answered finally, his voice was a bit scratchy because of the sudden and heavy strain on it. He really was not used to shouting at all. Right now he thought the less he talked the better, because God, every time he opened his mouth lately things just got worse, so he really had to figure out how to say things without doing more damage. Everything was so messed up already and he really had no clue how to clean it up.

'Ok, not now then. We have time, it doesn't have to be right now,' Castiel answered from the other side of the door. 'Will you let me in now?'

'Dean there with you too?'

'No, he went to get some fresh air, probably will drive around for a while.' Gabriel hesitated for a moment, but then reached up and unlocked the door. It opened slowly a few seconds later, filling the darkened room with light from the corridor. Then Castiel stepped in and sat down to the carpet next to him, sharing the silence for a little while.

'Would you have opened if Dean was still here too?' Cas asked.

'Yeah,' he shrugged, it's not like he could say no for long to either of them. 'He's angry, right?' He asked a moment later, but continued without waiting for an answer. 'Of course he is, hell, you're angry too.'

'It's just...'

'You and Dean... you're the most important to me,' he said. 'Always have been, always will be... I just... want you to know that.' Castiel's hand was on his cheek next, the younger man getting a bit closer, his forehead resting on Gabriel's temple.

'We know, of course we know. Gabriel...'

'It's gonna be okay, it's a... it's us Cas, it's not supposed to go wrong y'know.'

'Gabriel, you're worrying me,' Cas answered. And wasn't that just worst reaction he could get? Undoubtedly.

'I think I wanna go to sleep now,' he said and stood up to go over to the master bedroom. He hoped to fall asleep soon, because this day caused enough trouble already so he just wanted it to end already. He was still somewhat awake when Cas got into bed next to him, but he was fast asleep by the time Dean got home.

x~x~x

'Hey,' Dean whispered quietly from the doorway and Cas looked up at him from the bed. 'Is he asleep?' he gestured at Gabriel. Cas looked down at the sleeping form next to him then nodded at Dean. The other man waved him to come out. Castiel carefully got up from the bed and walked out to the corridor silently, pulling the door closed behind himself a little.

'Did he say anything?' Dean asked. Castiel shook his head.

'That we're the most important to him, he wants us to know that.' Dean took a large breath leaning against the wall. Cas stepped next to him and did the same. 'Where were you?'

'I went to Saint Anthony. Figured, if there is any place to find something out...' he trailed off.

'And?' Cas prompted.

'Gabe's not on vacation, he's on a “strongly recommended personal leave”.'

'What?'

'His boss told him to take some time off after he trashed a bathroom the day I was released.'

Castiel looked at Dean and blinked in surprise taking in the information.

'You mean, the day Pete died,' he corrected.

'Yeah, this is... I don't know Cas. I don't fucking know what to do!' Dean seemed desperate, tired, maybe even confused and Castiel was the same. 'He's... he's never been like this! He hates such things. It's like he's this... completely different person.'

'Maybe...' Castiel started. 'That's the problem.'

'What?'

'We didn't know how close he was to Pete, but he was. He's grieving, Dean. He's sad and angry... he's always been so silent when he's angry, because Michael was always yelling and breaking things. So I think he just needs to let it out now, because it's too much, he can't get over it so easily. He has too many things bottled up.'

'Doesn't explain all this shit like... Kali,' Dean added, sounding angry and still confused a little.

'Maybe so, but... we should give it a rest, give him time. For a few weeks only, until Pete's death is not hovering all over him like this.' Dean ran a hand down his face, his head tilting back to the wall.

'Yeah, okay. Kali will be gone the hell back to India too by then.'

'The sooner the better,' Castiel agreed. 'Are you well?'

Dean shrugged. 'I don't know, I just... feels like we didn't pay enough attention and it makes me feel like shit.' Castiel moved closer to him and took one of his hands in his.

'It's going to be fine, we'll get through this.'

Dean reached out to pull him closer, wrapping his free arm around his back and holding on tightly, his breath shallow and quicker than usual. Cas kissed his temple, the corner of his eye and returned the embrace, his arms wrapped around the other man just as tightly. Dean put a kiss on his cheek in answer.

'It's going to be fine,' Castiel repeated even if his voice almost broke at the last word. 

 


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter XII

Dean sat on the couch, a cold beer in his hand. The TV was only a background noise even if he was sitting in front of it staring at it. His mind was rushing with too many things to pay attention to it. He got home early from work as there was nothing for him to do. It was a very quiet day and they had no big case to work on either. They never showed the boring weeks between the big raids and cases in cop shows. Stupid procedural cop shows, like there were terrorists, tense hostage holding bank robbers, international diamond thieves, serial-killers or ex-spies creating havoc every week in a big city. Dean was always grateful for quiet days, it meant less chance of somebody dying, because of a bad guy or by his hands. It was the one thing about being a sniper that bothered Dean a bit, the body count. No cop killed as many people as snipers did, even more than an average SWAT member. So yeah, quiet and boring days were always nice. He was also pretty sure that he wouldn't be able to get his head to focus on a case completely, not with how things were going.

The front door opened and Dean turned in time to see Cas getting into the living room.

'You're home early,' Dean remarked.

'I only had some paper work to do,' Cas answered and flopped down to the couch too. 'Gabriel?'

Dean snorted. 'What do you think?' Castiel sighed. 'Note on the fridge, afternoon shift.'

'He works too much,' Cas said.

'Gee, you think? The last time I saw him awake was about four days ago, he's either in the hospital or asleep.' He took another swing from his beer and turned back to the TV. Castiel took a larger breath again.

'You worry too much,' he said and Dean rolled his eyes. 'It's true, don't argue. You lost some weight too.'

'I'm fine,' he said sternly.

'You're not.'

'Ok, I'm not,' he admitted angrily. 'And you wanna know why, Cas? Because I know we agreed to give him time, but it's been weeks and it's just getting worse. He's barely talking to us, he's never home... he's... It's like we're losing him, Cas.'

'No, stop. Don't think like that.'

'I can't stop. Something's wrong, something's going so very wrong with us and I don't know what. I don't know why... I don't know what I could've...'

'No,' Castiel interrupted him sternly, turning him so that he had to look at him. 'None of this could've possibly been your fault, not in any way, you understand me?'

'We've been arguing so much, even before the Broadway and Pete's death... I just.'

'I've been arguing with him too,' Castiel told him. Dean raised an eyebrow. 'What? Don't you go forgetting that I'm easy to anger with certain things.' Which was of course very true. Just thinking back to the way they've been with each other growing up, especially in their teens. Even after they got together they had spectacular shouting matches. The memory actually made him chuckle.

'What is it?' Cas asked.

'I don't know, it's just... we got so peaceful, with each other. I don't even remember the last time you shouted my ears off.' A soft small smile appeared on Cas' lips.

'Hm, well you grew up finally, you not being an annoying brat helped a lot.'

Dean started laughing at that and pulled Castiel closer to kiss him, wrapped one arm around his neck. He smiled into the kiss and it was a good feeling, because he really didn't have much to smile about in the last weeks. He pulled back with a sigh as the thought entered his mind.

'I know something is wrong, I just don't know what and I can't figure it out, so I don't know how to help.'

'Dean, he's not letting us help,' Castiel told him. Dean scowled at that.

'So, what? Does that mean we sit back and do nothing?'

'Of course not, just... I don't want to be worrying about you too.'

'I'm fine, really. I can handle stress, believe me. You don't have to worry.'

'I know,' Cas nodded. 'But one ought to show that they care.'

'I know already that you do, Cas.'

'That's not the point in it, is it?' And Dean huffed out a small laugh, because that was true. 'But I still think you're too stressed and tense about this, and it's not good for any of us.'

'I don't think I can do anything against it.'

'Well, I can,' Cas said and one look at his face was enough to know what he meant.

'Listen, Cas--'

'Shut up,' he interrupted and sealed his lips on Dean's, coaxing his mouth open with his tongue. Once he got what he wanted he pressed closer to him until Dean leaned back on the couch, his back sliding down until his head rested on the soft armrest. Castiel didn't press his body down on his, but kept kissing him while kneeling on the couch. First his hands were resting the sides of Dean's neck, but then he slid them down first to his chest then down to his stomach slowly, his fingers firmly pressing into his flesh. Cas slid his hands up under his t-shirt so Dean in return put his own hands on the small of his back pulling his shirt out of his trousers. Now that he felt the warmth of Castiel's body so close to his own and felt his hands on his naked skin he realized that yes, he really-really needed this.

Castiel reached down to Dean's jeans and undid his belt, then the button and the zipper quickly. Dean let out a satisfied noise at that, he was getting hard now. Castiel didn't waste any time pressing his palm down on the hardening flesh. Dean closed his eyes, because even through his boxers, this felt really good. Cas leaned forward as he slid a bit further away from Dean. After a moment he could feel Castiel's breath through the thin material and that caused his dick to stiffen a bit more. He was all too eager to lift his hips when Cas started yanking his jeans down. He didn't pull them off completely, only enough to give him all the space he needed to go on. He stroked Dean through his boxers, coaxing him to full hardness with firm touches, then he pulled the boxers down too to expose the hardened flesh.

Castiel leaned down to mouth on his stomach, where he left the t-shirt ridden up. His lips and teeth tasted and grazed his skin as slender fingers wrapped around his erection. Dean closed his eyes and relaxed into the couch at the feel of the long leisure strokes. Castiel mouthed at his hipbones now, inching closer and closer to where Dean wanted him every passing second. His hand moved down to tease and fondle his balls and Dean felt his hot breath on the soft sensitive skin of his dick, he hardened even more and started biting his lips in anticipation.

He didn't have to wait long for Castiel's full lips to touch his cock, first he kissed the head, then moved down on the side to lick along a vein running there. He licked and mouthed at the whole of it, making it wet and slick. He closed his hand around the length and started to move it, Dean could tell that he licked at his own palm too, because his dick was sliding in the warm fist easily.

'Cas,' he breathed out, he raised his hand and buried it in the other man's thick short hair, his fingers digging into his skull. Castiel's tongue slid up to the tip of his dick and he licked away the moisture that gathered there before closing his lips around the head, sucking at it. Dean groaned loudly at the feel of it. Cas licked at the slit and twirled his tongue around the thick head then sucked more into his mouth. Dean's hip thrust up a little involuntary, Cas put his free hand on his hip after that and started bobbing his head up and down. Dean's fingers tightened in his hair, his hand following the movement, not pushing... not yet.

Castiel's mouth was hot and wet around his dick, and he sucked more and took him deeper every time he moved his head. The heat was building in the pit of Dean's stomach and he couldn't stop himself now from putting a little pressure on the back of Cas' head, and like always, he got a moan as an answer.

'Fuck, that's it,' Dean hissed out as his dick slipped even deeper into Castiel's throat. Cas let go of his hip so Dean was free to thrust up into his mouth gently, which made it even better. He moaned and bit down on his lips again, his hand was still the one guiding the movements of Cas' head. He was getting closer and closer, all other thoughts fleeing his mind, his skin growing hot and tight, his heart hammering in his chest. He didn't need to warn Cas, he could always tell when Dean was getting close and he never pulled back, he always sucked him through it, swallowing down every drop. Just like now, he sucked even harder as he noticed the signs Dean was giving, moaning around the length in his mouth. The deep sound just added to the building pleasure Dean felt. Then the other man reached out again to tease at his balls and the touch gave the extra spark of pleasure he needed. It was enough to send him over the edge, his muscles tensing up in his body and he emptied himself in Castiel's mouth. He thrust up into his willing mouth a few times, a bit harder than before, but again he knew Castiel could take it without a problem, he was just too damn good at this.

Castiel kept sucking gently as Dean came off from his high then let him slip out of his mouth before he became too sensitive.

'God, thanks,' he breathed out and pulled Castiel up to kiss him deeply. His lips were red and swollen, wet enough that they weren't chapped like usual. Castiel kissed him back immediately, his hand coming up to stroke at Dean's short hair.

'You're welcome,' Cas said as they parted. Dean caught the small pleased smile on his lips.

'Give me a minute then I'm going to town too,' he said with a smirk, as he slotted a knee between Cas' legs and pressed up. There was a start of a hard-on there alright. Cas shut his eyes for a second at the movement than looked back down at Dean.

'Feeling better?' Cas asked.

'Yeah a little,' and it was true. Nothing was solved, but he managed to calm down and relax. The knowledge that he was not alone in trying to fix this, but that he had Castiel with him, helped a lot too. He should've known this of course, but he was just too worked up over everything to think it through properly. 'In fact, I think I know what we should do.'

'Really?'

'Yeah. The waiting period ends here, we're gonna sit him down and not moving until we get some answers.'

'You really think that's a good idea? He has a bad tendency of walking out of such things.'

'Dude, if I have to tie him to the bed, I will. I have handcuffs, y'know.' Cas huffed out a laugh at that. 'I am not going to sit around and do nothing. It's the two of us, Cas. We gotta be able to get it out of him what's going on.'

'You're serious,' Cas stated, not a question at this point. 'Teaming up on him? One room, locked doors?'

'Yeah,' Dean nodded.

'Bit drastic.'

'It's been almost a month, Cas. I am all for going drastic.' Castiel seemed to think about it for a second then he nodded firmly.

'Alright, did he leave on the note when he'll be back from work?'

Dean huffed. 'Does he ever?' he asked. He stretched a bit to reach his cellphone in his jeans, not bothering to move. It's not like he had issues with talking with Gabriel while Cas was on top of him and his dick was not even back in his pants.

'Don't try his cell, it's always turned off at work,' Castiel reminded and Dean looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

'I know,' he answered and searched for Gabe's office number in his contact list. They seriously needed a gameplan here, because Gabriel was a tough nut to crack. Knowing when he would be back got number one on the to-do list, they can go from there.

The phone rang a few times, but there was no answer.

'Not picking up,' he answered.

'He's probably in the ER,' Cas suggested. He looked utterly comfortable lying on top of Dean, it didn't seem like he wanted to move. Dean let his free hand rest on the small of his back and pushed his fingers under his shirt to trace his skin absentmindedly. It calmed him.

'Gonna call the hospital,' Dean said.

'You could just wait and try again later.'

'Maybe he won't get back to his office at all. I'm gonna ask for him and if he can't come to the phone I can just leave him a message that he should call me back.'

The phone only rang two times this time before a pleasant female voice answered with 'St. Anthony Hospital & Medical Center, how may I help you?'

'Hello, I'd like to talk to Dr. Gabriel Morgenstern from the ER, please. I couldn't reach him in his office.'

'I'm switching you over to the ER Nurse station, please hold,' there was a click, a little music and after a few moments a different female voice picked up and Dean repeated that he wanted to speak with Gabriel. Dean was pretty sure that he recognized the red-haired nurse's voice, but he wasn't sure.

'I'm sorry, Dr. Morgenstern is not working right now,' she answered and Dean blinked in surprise. 'If this is a medical matter, or you would like to get an appointment I could sign you up or I can direct you to the physician in attendance, Dr. Surendra.'

'No this is not a med-- excuse me, who?' he definitely didn't hear that one right.

'The physician in attendance right now is Dr. Surendra, so if you'd like me to--'

'Surendra?' Dean repeated interrupting the woman and Castiel pulled up a bit to be able to look at him. There was a frown forming on his face, probably in answer to the one that was deepening on Dean's. 'As in... Kali Surendra?' he asked slowly. Because no, there was just no way in hell...

'Yes, would you like me to switch you over to her office or sign you up for an appointment?'

'No,' Dean replied numbly and he put down the phone without saying goodbye.

'Dean what?' Castiel asked with a frown. 'What about Kali?'

Dean took a calming breath to keep himself from smashing his own phone to bits and pieces, but the blood was pumping in his ears all right. Fucking dick.

'Dean!' Cas urged him again.

'She... didn't exactly go back home to India,' he explained with clenched teeth. 

 


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter XIII

 

This was not the first time Cas saw Dean being angry. Of course it wasn't, many times it was him he was angry at after all, but this kind of anger has never been directed at Gabriel before. This time Dean was furious and while Castiel was also angry he found himself trying to calm down, because he was almost sure there would be a need for someone with a slightly cooler head if they didn't want this to end nasty.

Gabriel got home two hours after Dean's call to Saint Anthony. Unsurprisingly, those two hours only managed to get Dean even more riled up. By the time they heard the front door open his shoulders were tense with anger and he had a really dark expression on his face, jaw clenched, brows furrowed deep, lips pressed together tightly. Castiel intended to stand fully behind Dean in this, but in the same time he was a bit concerned. He could understand him of course, lying was one of the few things that managed to tick Dean off and up until this point he took it rather peacefully. If it would've been anyone else but Gabriel acting this way, he would've exploded weeks ago.

Dean stood up from the couch and walked to the living-room entryway, Castiel followed. Gabriel turned the corner after closing the front door behind him and he stopped the second he saw Dean and Cas standing there. He looked first at Dean then at Cas with a guarded expression on his face.

'Hey, guys,' he greeted and put his bag down, not moving further inside. He obviously noticed that there was something going on.

'How was work?' Dean asked. His tone was normal enough, but anyone who knew him would've been able to recognize the anger hidden in it, Gabriel did too of course. His face turned even more guarded if that was possible. Dean stood right in front of Gabriel and they looked at each other from the two opposite walls of the hallway. Castiel stayed a step behind Dean, leaning against the wall under the arch of the living-room entryway.

'Pretty much like every workday,' Gabriel answered. 'Lots of blood, lots of noise, stupid nurses.'

'Nothing out of the ordinary?'

'Why do you ask?' Gabriel frowned.

'Oh, I don't know. I just thought that maybe there was something worth mentioning.'

'Not really.'

Dean snorted and shook his head. 'Ok, this is so fucking great... I'm going to say it like this then: When did you plan on telling us that your ex-girlfriend didn't leave the country? That she's staying for good, that she's actually working with you now?'

Gabriel's eyes widened a little at those words, then he looked away. 'Oh.'

'Oh? That's it?' Dean asked, he crossed his arms over his chest and took a step closer. Gabriel was looking at some random spot somewhere at the level of Dean's stomach.

'She's um... was looking for a reason to get away from home, her parents didn't like her kicking out her last fiancé... so, she was here, she could get work right away... so...' Gabriel shrugged and trailed off.

'That's all fine and good, but doesn't explain why you had to lie about her being gone,' Dean snapped. He was just barely keeping himself from shouting, it was easy to tell.

'I never said that she left,' Gabriel said and Dean looked so furious for a second that Cas decided to interrupt.

'You're keeping things from us, Gabriel,' he said in a calm tone. 'I don't see how that is any different from lying.'

Dean glanced at him for a second before turning back to look at Gabriel again.

'You wanna explain it to me... why you... didn't tell that she stayed, then? Oh and while we're at it, I'd really like to know where were you in the past hours, because you were not at work.' The forced calm was back in Dean's voice, but it was better than shouting Castiel figured. He was also sure that Dean would not be able to control himself anymore than this. 'And don't you dare say it's not relevant,' he added when Gabriel didn't answer right away.

Gabriel rubbed a hand over his forehead and eyebrow. He didn't look so indifferent now, if anything, he started to look very flustered. Dean kept looking – glaring – at him with his arms crossed and Castiel tried to look like he was patiently waiting, but he himself was angered by this whole situation, so he didn't have any idea how well he managed.

'I knew you won't like Kali staying,' Gabriel said.

'Sure, because it's so much better to find it out this way,' Dean retorted immediately.

'I didn't think--'

'What?' Castiel interrupted him. 'That we would notice? Or ever find out?'

'Makes sense considering there are things you managed to keep from us for years,' Dean added. Gabriel stayed silent at that. 'It makes me wonder, almost constantly, what else there is we don't know about. What you decided was better kept in secret, because I can just feel it that there's more.'

Gabriel leaned against the wall, resting his back to it after taking a step back. He took a few deep breaths, but stayed silent.

'You know, calling Kali because of Pete... I get that. I didn't have to like it, but... I got it. I didn't say a word after the first day, but this? The only ones keeping secrets are those who actually have something to hide, Gabriel. So, I wanna know what you're hiding right now. Where were you?'

Dean walked closer again until he was face-to-face with the shorter man only a small distance between them. Gabriel pointedly kept his gaze away, Castiel didn't take that as a good sign. The silence was heavy between them, too many unanswered question, too many possible conclusions, none of them good.

'Are you fucking her?' Dean asked then after a very long silence and even Castiel cringed at the question.

'No,' Gabriel said right away.

'Give me one good reason to believe that,' Dean replied.

'It's not like that,' Gabriel said.

'Then how is it?' Dean asked again and Gabriel looked up at him, glanced over at Castiel too. He looked like he wanted to speak, but he ended up just running his fingers over his hair in frustration.

'You know what I think?' Dean asked. 'That the chick that left you when you wanted her, realized that she was a moron, so she just hopped on a plane at the first opportunity, flew across the whole world, left everything behind and moved here, to your city, started working in your hospital. Really flattering if someone does all that for you. Not even Hollywood can come up with a better chick-flick. There's just one thing about this, Gabe. Even if you decide to go back to the bitch that already kicked you out once, I mean I can hardly stop you and it's your fucking business. You should just have the decency after all these years to say it to our faces instead of sneaking around, lying to us. Tell it outright, now, just stop treating us like this.'

'It's really not like that,' Gabriel was objecting, but his tone was quiet. Everything about him was quiet. Castiel didn't want to think about it, but everything right now just screamed at them that Dean was right, and that just couldn't be. Not like this, Castiel refused to believe it.

'How is it?' Cas asked this time. Gabriel looked at him, but glanced away from him too almost immediately.

'Just... I just need her to be around, ok?'

'That makes it sound like it's _exactly_ how I think it is,' Dean said.

'It's not.'

'Then explain!' Dean said in a harsher tone, he was getting agitated again. Gabriel seemed to be searching for words he couldn't find. It looked like he wanted to step away so Dean put his fingers on his chest, keeping him in place. 'You said we're the most important to you... and I find it _really_ hard to believe that right now.'

'It's true,' Gabriel told him. 'Just... Dean, please.'

'Answer me.'

'Dean...' Cas tried to interrupt.

'We are not letting this go, Cas,' Dean told him sternly looking back. His tone left no room for an argument. He turned back to Gabriel, his face angry and expectant. Gabe was still standing at the wall, his arms just hanging at his sides, but his fists were clenched tightly, Cas noticed now that he looked.

'We're supposed to mean something to you, right?' Dean continued. 'Just answer me, Gabriel.' Dean's voice had an edge of desperation in it and Castiel knew right away that he was at his limit, that he was too angry, too tired, too hurt to continue this argument like this for long.

'Gabriel, I swear to God... if you don't open your mouth and answer my fucking question...' him standing so close and being this angry made Gabriel look really small standing by the wall silently. 'Goddamit Gabe!' Dean yelled and slammed his hand to the wall next to Gabriel's head. Gabriel flinched away, violently, shutting his eyes and his whole body just tensing up and pressing into the wall. It was like watching a car crash. Castiel knew Dean wouldn't hit him, he would never do that, no matter how angry he was, but Gabriel thinking he would, even if only for a moment, that was bad enough. And right now he looked without a doubt like he was expecting to be hit. Dean must've noticed right away too.

'Back off, Dean,' Gabriel said in a very very quiet tone.

'Gabriel, you know I'd nev--'

'Just... back off,' Gabriel repeated in a numb voice, his eyes opening up again. He was so still that Castiel could barely see him breathing. Cas took a cautious step closer to them as Dean stepped back pulling his hands away very quickly. Gabriel visibly relaxed a second later.

'I'm sorry,' he said as he stepped away and was out of the front door in a second. Dean groaned and banged his forehead to the wall with a quiet thud.

'Dean?'

'Go after him, Cas. Get him back,' he said. Castiel side-stepped him and ran out to the corridor after Gabriel. He saw how the elevator door closed and started going down to the garage level when he looked out. He cursed under his breath, and also at the fact that they lived on the 7th floor. Still, it was worth a try, so he ran down the corridor in the other direction towards the stairway. He pushed open the doors and started rushing down the stairs, floor after floor. He has never been more grateful that he didn't have some office job that would leave him in a bad form. He was a bit out of breath still by the time he got down and he really hoped that he would be lucky.

The Dodge of course was not parking at its usual spot by the time he got there, he only caught a hint of red at the exit on the other side of the garage when he looked around.

'Fuck,' he cursed and he really-really wanted to break something.

Dean was still standing in the hallway when Cas got back to their apartment, they shared a silent look of defeat.

'This could've gone better,' Dean said.

'Understatement,' Cas agreed as he leaned to the wall too. They were silent for long minutes.

x~x~x

Only half an hour later Dean was ready to call in to the PD to give out a warrant for Gabriel's car. Castiel managed to talk him out of it, for now.

'I'm calling him then,' Dean said.

'You think he's gonna pick up?'

'If not, I'm leaving a message.' Dean went and picked up his cell from the coffee table and dialed. A few seconds later they heard the familiar intro of Metallica's “Enter Sandman” coming from the hallway. 'Dammit,' Dean cursed while Cas went out to get the cellphone. It was in Gabriel's bag.

'Where do you think he went?' Castiel asked.

'If it would be me, I'd go to the closest bar and drink, but...'

'Not likely with Gabriel,' Castiel finished.

'St. Anthony?' Dean offered.

'He has to know it's the first place where we would look for him,' Castiel answered.

'I still think I should give out a warrant, you know how easy it is to spot a red '71 Dodge Challenger in this city?'

'You are not going to use the Denver Police for our personal problems,' Castiel told him.

'It doesn't have to be a warrant, I could just ask the guys to tell the patrols to keep an eye out for it.' Castiel took a breath.

'You can call in if we don't hear about him in the next 2 hours,' Cas told him then looked down at the phone in his hand. He unlocked it and went to the contact list.

'What are you looking for?' Dean asked. Cas huffed when he found it and showed it to Dean. 'KS?'

'Kali,' Castiel said. 'Or that's my guess anyways,' he added and hit call. Dean clenched his jaw as he realized that maybe Gabriel went to her. After a few rings Cas got an answer.

'What can I do you for, darling?' came Kali's voice from the other end and Castiel tired not to be angered by the petname.

'It's Castiel,' he said. There was a breath of silence, before he got an answer.

'What happened?' she asked.

'Is Gabriel with you?' Castiel asked ignoring her question.

'Tell me, what happened,' she said. Castiel wanted to roll his eyes.

'Argument, is he there?' Kali let out a long string of angry words on the other end, it was probably in Hindi, and most likely nothing pleasant.

'I'm going over,' she said.

'You shouldn't--'

'Shut up,' she snapped and hung up.

'She's coming over.'

'Why?' Dean frowned.

'No clue, but at least we know Gabriel's not with her.' This piece of information was a lot less reassuring than it should've been.

Kali rang their doorbell only fifteen minutes later. Just like last time they saw her, she was wearing some nice form-fitting skirt and blouse and she strolled into their apartment like she owned it.

'What on Earth did you two clingy idiots do this time?' she said as a way of hello.

'Excuse me?' Dean crossed his arms and frowned down at the woman.

'You're not excused. So?'

'I don't see how this is any of your business,' Castiel told her.

'It's my business because I happen to care about Gabriel. And because I happen to know that he had a spectacularly miserable day, so whatever it was you decided to interrogate him about, I'm sure it just went delightfully.'

They both stared at her for a moment.

'Why'd you stay in Denver?' Dean asked.

'This was what it was about? Oh sweet Lord, getting your panties in a twist over something so trivial.' Castiel wouldn't have called the matter trivial by any sense of the word, but he didn't bother to correct her. Kali walked into the living room and flopped down to one of the armchairs.

'Did you stay to get him back?' Dean asked outright. Kali turned towards him and she huffed out a small laugh after looking at him for a moment. It visibly irritated Dean.

'There's nothing to get back, when he didn't even belong to me in the first place, you blind, spoiled little brats. Even half across the world it was always just about you.'

'You really have the nerve to sit in our apartment insulting us?' Dean asked.

'Oh, I have for sure and even than some,' she answered him. 'I mean, do you even _know_ , Gabriel?'

'Ok, listen Princess, just because you spent that three years with him, it doesn't mean you know him better than we do,' Dean told her.

'Really? Fine. How many times was he arrested?' she asked.

'None,' Castiel frowned.

'Four,' she leveled him with a look. 'Twice for vandalism, once for illegal drug possession and once for... hm, public indecency.' The hint of a smile on her lips told more than enough about what kind of public indecency that was.

'What?' Dean stared at her.

'Who was his favorite professor? Why did he fight tooth and nail to get a job at St. Anthony? Who was the first girl he slept with? Who was the first guy he slept with? Do you even know how he drinks his coffee?'

'Black, four sugar,' Castiel told her, while he ran the other questions over in his mind.

'Well, I guess that's something,' she answered.

Dean shook his head. 'Well, this just proves that there's even more he kept from us than I first thought.'

'No,' Kali objected. 'This only proves that you know some kid you grew up together with and somehow fail to see that he is not exactly like that person anymore. These are not secrets, you just assume things about him, and he doesn't bother to correct you, and most of these are things he doesn't like to talk about so he won't bring them up on his own.' She leaned back in the chair rested her temple on two fingers. She took a breath. 'We shouldn't argue... is there anyone, anyone at all in Denver Gabriel gets along with? Even a little?'

Both of them were already shaking their heads by the time Kali finished the question.

'It's not like any of us have more that one or two close friends,' Dean said. 'This “I live with this two other guys” part tends to get... unpleasant.'

'That's putting it mildly,' Castiel added. Kali nodded.

'He always goes to someone, when something like this happens,' she said. 'But if there's no one...' she trailed off and for the first time her pretty face darkened with real concern.

'Ok, that's it! I don't care I'm calling in,' Dean said as he pulled out his cell again. This time Cas didn't argue. Dean started talking after a few moments passed. 'Hey Ellen, this is Dean. I need a favor. Could you get the word out that the patrols should keep an eye out for a car? Red Dodge Challenger, license plate GVS 5Y0... ...yes, that's Gabriel's car, why do you know that?... … no it was not stolen, just… It's important, okay? Please... … Thanks, Ellen. I owe you one.' He hung up and ran a hand down his face. Shrugging at Cas, not knowing what else to do. Castiel didn't know either.

They sat around in an awkward, tense silence for the next 10-15 minutes, then Dean's phone rang. It was too soon for the PD to call back, they couldn't have find the car already.

'Yeah?' Dean answered. 'What? When?' he frowned deeply and both Cas and Kali were looking at his every word. When Dean looked up at Cas he looked a lot more concerned than before. 'Yeah, I got it... … I don't know Ellen... … yeah, that'd be good. Thanks.' He put the phone down and looked up.

'An officer already reported an abandoned red Dodge at the Washington Park, about half an hour ago. Ellen got back to him for the license plate, it's Gabriel's.'

'Where he could've gone from there?' Cas asked.

'I don't know,' Dean shook his head.

x~x~x

Undoubtedly the worst thing was the phone ringing loudly just after one falls asleep. Second worst thing was banging toes, shin-bones or any other sensitive areas into hard unidentified object in the dark while going for said ringing phone.

'This better be important.'

'I'm sorry to call you at home this late, Doctor, but... Gabriel Morgenstern is here. He doesn't look good... not good at all.'

'Oh, okay... uh... shit... right, don't let him leave. I'll be there in... 10 minutes.'

And _that_ was definitely the third worst thing on the list.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ Chapter XIII Art - Disagreement](http://kraehi.deviantart.com/art/Trinity-Verse-II-Disagreement-256595131)


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter XIV

 

Chuck jogged up the stairs to the first floor, the only part of the building where all the lights were actually on. Madison – assistant/psychology student on professional practice – was sitting on the edge of her desk. And Gabriel sat on the ugly brown sofa they put up in front of the office, because yeah ugly, but comfy so Chuck liked it. Gabriel's elbows were resting on his knees, head bowed down, not a good sign.

'Dr. Shurley,' Madison greeted as soon as she noticed him, Gabriel raised his head too and oh well, this will be a long night.

'Hello Madison. Gabriel.'

'Hey Chuck,' the young man said. More silent than his normal tone.

'You're lucky Madison was still here,' he said.

'I would've waited,' Gabriel shrugged. 'And I knew she'd be here, I heard this afternoon that she has to work on an essay.'

'Very observant,' Madison said.

'And a bit stalkerish,' Chuck added. 'You look horrible,' he said then.

'Thanks.'

'So, what happened?' Gabriel looked up at him again, expression closed-off, but more defeated than it's been in a very long time.

'I'm ruining my life,' he said dimly. Chuck sat down next to him with a sigh.

'Gabriel, you know that most of the time things are not even remotely as bad as you think they are.'

'This time it is, believe me,' Gabriel answered and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

'Ok... Madison, could you make us some coffee, please?' Chuck looked up at his assistant. 'And then you can go home now, of course.'

'Sure, Dr. Shurley. Four sugar each?'

'Like always,' Chuck smiled at her, then touched Gabriel's shoulder only for a second to get his attention. 'C'mon, lets get inside, this is an ugly corridor,' he stood up to unlock and open his office's door. 'And then you can tell me, in detail, what happened exactly.'

Gabriel just nodded silently and followed.

x~x~x

'Well, you can't say I didn't warn you,' Chuck said. Gabriel stopped his pacing in the office for a moment to look down at him.

'Yes, thank you. That's very helpful.'

'Someone has to say it,' Chuck told him.

'Oh, fuck you,' Gabriel snapped.

'Fuck me?' Chuck blinked. 'Didn't I get out of my comfortable bed to come here? Aren't we talking in my office at some godforsaken hour of the night?'

'It's only past midnight,' Gabriel said.

'Yes, which is a perfectly fine time of the day for a therapy session.'

'Kick me out then.'

'You know I'm not gonna do _that_ ,' Chuck smiled as he put his glasses down.

'Yeah,' Gabriel ran his hand through his hair. 'Fuck, yes, I know. Sorry, Chuck.'

'Ok, so... now that I have a better insight... are you sure I can't talk you into going home right now?' Gabriel was already shaking his head.

'I can't.'

'You do realize that Dean and Castiel are probably worried sick at this point? And that Dean probably feels very guilty about the way you two parted?'

'Don't guilt-trip me, Chuck. I know...'

'Then?' Chuck prompted.

'I can't go back like this,' Gabriel said shaking his head again. Chuck sighed.

'You have to go somewhere.'

'There's nowhere to go.'

'You absolutely sure about that?'

'I can't go home, and if I go to Kali's, it'll just make things worse, so no... I have nowhere to go.'

'How about in Castle Rock?' Chuck asked then. Gabriel looked at him for a moment before answering.

'There's no one in Castle Rock either,' he said.

'Only the rest of your family,' Chuck told him.

'Cas' family, and Dean's family... _my_ family lives a new life in Chicago and is in State Penitentiary.'

'Gabriel, we talked about this... even back when you were in high school. I know this is hard for you, but try to think it through, all right? I'm not the only one willing to help you if something like this happens. I am here, you know that, but the way you fragmented your life is not doing anyone any good in the long run, it would be really time to piece all these separate parts back together. I know it's a leap of faith, but--'

'I can't dump this shit all over their lives, Chuck,' Gabriel interrupted.

'You are a part of their lives.'

'Yeah, hard luck, huh?' Gabriel huffed.

'I think it'll be best for me to call someone in Castle Rock.'

'No,' Gabriel objected.

'Then what else, Gabriel?' Chuck asked. 'I'm open to suggestions.'

'I'm gonna get a hotel room I guess.'

'Putting aside the fact that being alone is possibly the worst thing you could do, let’s say you do that. And after that?'

Gabriel shrugged. 'I think of something.'

'Which, I assume does not involve going home.' Gabriel stayed silent which was answer on its own. 'You're running away again.'

'They were so angry, Chuck,' he said then, back to a quiet tone. 'So fucking angry, and I screwed up, I know I did, and I've been trying to fix this, but there was not enough time, if only I had more time… they'll keep asking questions I can't answer, and I'm just gonna stand there like some retarded moron, frozen on the spot just like today and it will just piss them off more--'

'Ok, ok... don't get your head in a loop about this.'

'I was better, Chuck. I know I was fucking better... now I'm ruining everything.'

'Alright, if not Dean and Cas, than someone else,' he said as he stood up from his place to walk over to his desk. 'I'm gonna make a phone call and we can drive down to Castle Rock.' Gabriel immediately moved closer and hovered not far away from Chuck by the desk.

'But... what am I supposed to say, what are they going to think? What am I gonna do there? They're gonna ask questions... how am I gonna answer without making things worse, I always answer with the wrong things, Chuck...'

'All right, listen. You came here for my help and I am going to help, but you have to do what I tell you for that, okay?' Gabriel seemed uncertain, looking away and getting lost in his thoughts again. 'You're combining being impulsive and indecisive in the most... fascinating way,' Chuck remarked staring at him with a smile. Gabriel glared at him before rolling his eyes and moving away from the desk.

'You can't force me into this, okay? I have to give you permission to call a 3rd party,' Gabriel said with a tone very much like that of a petulant child's. Chuck sighed again.

'We are not going anywhere like this. You either let me do what I think is best, or you know where the door is.'

Gabriel looked at him in shock, but it was rapidly turning into alarm.

'Don't cut me off, Chuck,' he asked.

'I'm not, but you have to trust me. You are my focus here, you know that. So whatever I do, it's for you. You wanted to do things your way, but it's not working, so it's my turn to call the shots. M'kay?'

Gabriel looked at him silently for a long moment, before he shrugged with forced nonchalance. 'Yeah, whatever.' Chuck smiled in encouragement and maybe a little in happy triumph and went for the phone again.

Gabriel of course started pacing in the office back and forth only after a few minutes, but he stopped objecting at least.

x~x~x

Late night phone calls rarely meant anything good. Usually the ones calling in the middle of the night were police, hospitals, the army or something worse, so when Katrina's eyes popped open at the sound of the phone ringing, it was very real dread that she felt clutching at her chest. With James being away for a few days again, Castiel and Dean having such high-risk jobs and Sam studying all the way over in California, she had at least a hundred horrible things that may have happened rushing through her mind while she got up to pick up.

Hearing about Dean being buried a few weeks back was bad enough, it just proved that any day she could get the worst phone call ever. She really had to get her boys to visit more often, to see them as much as possible. They worked too much, she could barely see them. And with Jesse soon graduating all her boys would be all grown up and away. It made her proud and sad at the same time, unavoidable things to feel as a parent.

She was relieved at first that it was not a stranger working at some hospital or police station calling her as she was an ICE number, but that relief was soon washed away by confusion, then concern. She remembered Charles Shurley's name even if she only talked with him once, almost a good eleven years ago or even more, she didn't remember the exact date.

She put on a dressing gown over her nightgown and went down to a kitchen to make herself and her unexpected guests some coffee while she waited. She kept most of the lights off, not wanting to wake Jesse up as he had school the next day and it was close to 1 AM now. She wanted to call Castiel as soon as she could, but Dr. Shurley asked her, almost pleaded her not to. Which was the strangest thing, but she agreed to wait at least until they got there. She didn't think it would be possible to change her mind about that phone call, but it turned out she was wrong.

She opened the front door after hearing the soft knock. Dr. Shurley – short, thin, bearded man – stood in the front and he greeted Katrina with a seemingly shy, a bit awkward smile. Gabriel stood a step behind and he didn't turn his head when the door opened. His hair was unruly and windswept and he looked a lot paler than the last time Katrina saw him. He was staring across the street – with round almost unblinking eyes – at the large brick house the Morgensterns lived in for many years.

'Really glad I could reach you, Mrs. Turner,' Dr. Shurley started. 'Even if I know it's very late.'

'It is no problem,' she answered, but she was not looking at him while she answered. 'Gabriel?' The young man finally turned his gaze away from the house and looked at her. He was paler, it wasn't just the dim light, he also had some dark shadows under his eyes. Right now he seemed so tired and lost that she just wanted to wrap him up in a blanket and make him a mug of hot chocolate he liked so much as a kid.

'I'm really sorry to bother you, Katrina,' he said.

'No, no such thing,' she shook her head. 'Come on in already.' She stepped aside and gestured inside.

'Gabriel, I need a few minutes to talk with Mrs. Turner. Go ahead, and I'll see you tomorrow, well... later today.'

'Sure,' Gabriel answered and went inside without another word. Dr. Shurley waited until he was out of the entry way before turning his gaze back to Katrina.

'Mrs. Turner--'

'Katrina, please,' she corrected. This was really not the situation for formalities.

'Okay, Chuck then. So, Katrina. I really must ask a few things, I cannot stay, but it's important. First of all I really must ask you not to call either Dean or Castiel just yet.'

'But they must be very worried right now,' Katrina argued.

'Yes, but if you call them they will come here, and Gabriel would be out of the door in a second. He needs to sleep, calm down and clear his head, because right now he is way too worked up over this.'

Katrina sighed. 'I just...' she ran a hand through her hair, she didn't bother with combing it so right now it was a big black mess. 'I didn't even know Gabriel was back in therapy.'

'That's because he wasn't,' Chuck explained. 'He only showed up at my office this week. We had like two sessions, and oh, I really wish he would've come sooner, but he's just stubborn.'

'But... he really doesn't look well. Is it so bad, I don't even know what is happening. I know one of his colleagues passed away.'

Chuck closed his eyes and swayed his head a bit contemplating the question, before he finally nodded. 'That's a part of it, yes... but right now, it's more than that. I'm asking you not to call them because we don't want things to get worse.'

'But what is wrong exactly?'

'I'm sorry, I really wish I could explain, but I have yet to get Gabriel's consent in telling anything about this to anyone. It took me a long while just to convince him to come here.'

'What am I supposed to do?'

'Just get him to rest, sleep would be best, I'll come back in the morning.'

'I really can't keep Castiel and Dean worrying all-night long.' Chuck sighed.

'All right, but if you call them, just let them know Gabriel is fine and that he would be here later, not that he's here right now.'

'You're telling me to lie to my son?' she asked.

'Basically,' Chuck nodded. 'I really wouldn't ask this if it wasn't necessary, but...' he trailed off and Katrina took a large breath.

'Fine, just tell me how bad it is then?'

'Bad. Like I said, I really wish he would've come sooner,' he answered.

'On a scale of one to ten?' she asked. Chuck turned this over his head staying silent for a moment.

'Lets say eight,' he said finally. 'But only because he actually had the presence of mind to show up at my office.'

'Ok... so sleep. Anything else?'

'Just that he's not intruding right now, but from what Gabriel told me about you a few years back, I'm sure that's not something I have to remind you of,' he smiled that awkward smile of his again at that. 'I really must go, I will come back in the morning.'

'Alright, thank you so much, Chuck.'

'Oh, don't thank me yet,' he said and walked back to the road towards his car while Katrina shut the door and walked back inside the house.

Gabriel was sitting in the living room, the light from the hallway only lit it up half-way, so the first thing Katrina did was switching on the standing lamp in the corner to give some light and color to the room. Gabriel looked up at her for a moment before turning his eyes away. Katrina sat down next to him.

'Is there anything I could get you? Are you hungry maybe?' Gabriel shook his head. 'Is there anything... at all, you might want to talk about?' Gabriel shifted nervously, his shoulders tensing up again. 'I don't mean tonight, but anything... just to talk. I see you so rarely.'

'I can't really... think of anything,' Gabriel replied, but the tension at least slipped out of him.

'Ok, I'm going to get myself some coffee and something for you too. I'll be right back, ok?' Gabriel nodded and Katrina rested her hand on his shoulder before standing up and going to the kitchen.

She put some water on for hot chocolate – that could never hurt – and picked up the phone again to dial. Castiel picked up at the first ring, not surprisingly.

'Yes?' From just that word it was clear how anxious he was. His tone was too harsh, voice too loud.

'It's me, angel,' she said.

'Mom? What is it? Why do you call so late?' he asked.

'It's about Gabriel, sweetheart.'

'Gabriel? Wha-- how do you know? Did you see him, did you talk to him?'

'Yes, I talked to him. He's fine. He's going to come down here tomorrow. He just, didn't sound so well, so I thought I let you know.'

'Do you know where he is right now?' Castiel asked right away. Katrina put down two mugs to the counter, filled one with coffee and started to prepare the other one for hot chocolate.

'No,' she answered. It really left a bad taste in her mouth to say this, but looking at Gabriel, it was just a few hours anyway. 'I'm sorry, honey. What happened?'

'That would be really too long to explain over the phone,' Castiel answered.

'Fine, but we are talking tomorrow.'

'Of course.'

'Get some sleep, and tell Dean to rest too.'

'Not likely for either to happen.' She poured the hot water into the mug and started stirring it to get it done.

'I'm _telling_ you to sleep, not asking you. It's not up for debate.'

Castiel chuckled tiredly. 'Yes, mother,' he said dutifully. ' Ya lyublyu tebya,' he added after a breath.

'Ya toje lyublyu tebya, angel,' she answered, smiling into the phone before they hung up.

Gabriel was sitting in the exact same spot when she got back to the living room with the two mugs.

'You didn't call them, right?' he asked without looking up.

'And hand you back over when I have you all to myself for the first time in... years. Not a chance. Here.' She held out the mug and Gabriel took it after a moment. 'No marshmallows, I wasn't expecting you.'

'Thank you,' he said, but just held the mug without drinking. 'James?'

'Washington,' she answered. 'He'll be back in a few days.' He nodded and they sat in silence for a few moments, Katrina was sipping her coffee, Gabriel was just holding the mug in his hands.

'I'm really sorry for showing up like this,' he spoke up then quietly.

'Well, I'm not. I'm always happy to see you,' she smiled, but Gabriel was keeping his eyes averted so he had no way of seeing it. 'Gabriel, I'm not saying you have to. On the contrary, you could just go up to Castiel's room and get some sleep if you wanted, but I just have to ask... are you really sure, that you don't want to tell me what's wrong?'

Gabriel stayed silent for long moments after this, but he didn't tense up again at least.

'I would have to talk about things you would probably not like to know about,' he said then.

'Are you sure?' she asked.

'Yes, and some of it is really not something you should hear from me.' There was something in his tone that made Katrina realize what he might be talking about.

'That something has to do anything with you and Dean and Castiel, and the reason you still live all together?'

That got a reaction as Gabriel turned his head to stare at her with slightly widened eyes, she had to smile at that.

'I may not always be the most observant person, but I recognize love when I see it.' Gabriel looked away at that again, bowing his head slightly.

'Does James or John... know?' he asked then.

'They tend to be a lot more observant than I,' Katrina answered. Gabriel had nothing to say to that apparently. He stayed silent for long moment. 'You got into a fight?'

Gabriel nodded.

'What about?' she asked carefully. She finished her coffee and put the mug down to the coffee-table. Gabriel put his mug down too, his drink untouched. This time he shook his head in answer. It was enough to take a glance at his face for Katrina's heart to clench painfully. He looked just so scared and so very lost, guilty and rueful. 'Gabriel. You can tell me.'

'You really shouldn't bother, Katrina.'

She had to reach out now, taking hold of one hand and tilting her head to capture Gabriel's gaze. She only started talking when the amber eyes were locked on her again. 'Listen to me. I may not have given birth to you, but you are my boy, you hear me? Love you like you were my own. So don't tell me not to bother.' Some emotion rushed over Gabriel's face as he was turning away. Katrina put her other hand on his cheek to stop him. 'No, no. Look at me. Look at me, I do. So whatever happens, you can always, always come here. Come to me.'

'Katrina--'

'I mean it. So just tell me. You're hurting, I can see. Let me help you, you never let me help you,' she stroked back some of the hair that was falling into Gabriel's eyes behind his ear and tried to keep his attention on her. 'I felt like I failed you so many times, when you were right here, but I didn't see, I didn't know... 'she could feel the tears burning in her eyes now, but she managed to hold them back. 'Please, this time. I'm here, tell me. Let me help you, Gabriel.'

'No, don't cry, Katrina,' he said in a small voice, both his hands held onto hers a moment later as he turned a bit on the couch to look at her. She stroked her other hand down his cheek.

'Tell me, Gabriel, solnyshko moyo, what's wrong? Please, tell me.' Her tone was pleading and she was looking into his torn and tired face and just wanted to make it better, there had to be a way to make it better.

She felt the second Gabriel gave in, like the strings were cut and he just sagged. All fight, all of his composure just slipping away, like he was too tired to hold himself up, his hands were trembling where he was holding onto the woman's.

'It's me,' he said after a long pause. Almost a whisper, too quiet, too small, too sad. 'I'm wrong.'

'No,' she shook her head. 'Don't say that.' She drew him closer into a hug and Gabriel went willingly, resting his head on her shoulder and breathing heavily, it was not just his hands, his whole body was trembling. 'You're not wrong, not you. There's nothing wrong with you.'

She held him tighter when she heard the first sob and stroked his hair as gingerly as she could. She did not see him cry, not once in the past fourteen years. But right now she held the same boy she soothed back then, the one who woke up in the middle of the night, being afraid that his brother would still be there when he got home from the hospital. So she whispered quiet words, held him close and told him it would be all right and she didn't try to hold back her own tears anymore.

 


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter XV

 

Dean was silent during the drive to Castle Rock. Hell, he was silent all morning and he knew that Cas was bothered by it, but he was still glad the other didn't force him to talk. He had so many things gnawing at his mind. It was like it was impossible for him to grab a hold of one emotion and stick with it. Anger turned to worry, fear, guilt, confusion and he just didn't know whether it would get better or worse after they got down to the Turner house.

Victor was not happy about him missing another day, but Dean just had to come down and luckily Ellen was completely okay with it. They would have to pick up Gabe's car later thought. Dean didn't even dare to ask what Castiel's superior had to say about him not showing up today. They both almost used up all their possible leaves. Dean had some more left because he was gone from work for medical reasons at first. It's not like either of them would've been to any use with so little sleep behind them anyways.

He was gripping the wheel too tightly after the Impala turned the corner to the familiar street and even after he stopped and parked the car down in front of the house, he didn't move to get out.

'Dean?' Cas questioned when he realized that he was the only one reaching for the door.

'Maybe it would be better if I waited here,' he said.

'No.'

'Maybe he doesn't wanna see me.'

'Dean, no. Trust me, you have to come in.' Dean took a breath and shut his eyes for a second to calm down then nodded firmly. 'Besides,' Cas added. 'If I go inside alone you can bet my Mom will be out of the door to drag you inside in a second.'

'Yeah, probably,' Dean breathed out a small laugh. It eased the tension out of him. They both got out of the car and walked up to the house and got in without knocking. Well, Dean would've knocked, but Cas got there first and he never saw the point of knocking on the door of his old house, even if he didn't live there anymore.

'Mom, we're here!' Castiel announced to the house in general and for a second Dean forgot all his worries in the calming familiarity of the moment. Hundreds and hundreds of days when they walked through this door. Katrina appeared a few moments later, coming from the direction of the kitchen.

'Oh, so good to see you both,' she said and walked up to them. First wrapping Castiel in a hug and putting a kiss on his cheek, then she let go and embraced Dean too. She looked a bit tired, her face seemed more crinkled than usual.

'Is Gabriel here already?' Cas asked.

'Yes,' Katrina nodded. ' _But_ no arguing and no interrogation,' she said firmly. 'In the kitchen,' she said then nodding her head in that direction. Cas hurried past her, Dean followed, but with a lot less speed. He couldn't help it, he was still anxious. He was so angry at Gabriel the previous day, but after he left he just grew more worried and now he just didn't know what to do. He was glad he was fine, but he was still confused and still angry. He wasn't angry enough to start demanding answers again, but despite feeling guilty for losing his head and yelling at Gabriel, he still felt like he had a right to get answers. It was fucking confusing, so he had no idea what to do.

When he stepped inside the kitchen Castiel had his arms around Gabriel's shoulders in a tight, almost bone-crushing hug. He heard that they were talking in quiet whispers, but he couldn't understand what. He moved closer without thinking about it until he was standing right next to them. Cas let go of Gabriel a few moments later and the urge to reach out and do the same and hug him was big, but he resisted. He never felt the need to be this cautious around Gabriel, but right now he didn't know whether the gesture would be welcomed like it was from Cas. The thought of Gabriel maybe not wanting him to do something like this twisted something in his chest very painfully, yet he didn't move.

Gabriel looked at him the next moment and the need to reach out and make sure he was fine flared up in Dean again. He was pale and looked more tired than after a twenty hour shift. His eyes had dark circles under them and they looked red and a little bit swollen, like he rubbed on them too much.

'Hey,' he said lamely. His voice quiet, uncertain like he himself was. He was very much surprised when Gabriel closed the distance between them. The shorter man rested his forehead on his collarbone, arms coming up to wrap around his middle and clutch at his t-shirt. Dean wrapped him in his arms and held him close immediately. Ok, he could do this, he was allowed to do this, things weren't so bad between them then. He was so relieved that he had no words for it.

'I'm sorry,' Gabriel said quietly.

'Sorry too...' Dean answered. Then his arms tightened a little right before the next words left his mouth. 'But you know I'd never--' he took a breath and tried again, because just having to say this out loud was painful. 'I'd never lay a finger on you,' he whispered.

'I know,' Gabriel was saying, nodding even before Dean finished. 'I know, Dean. I'm sorry, I just freaked out.'

Dean nodded, squeezing him one more time before letting go. With relief came back his thousand questions, but Gabriel really looked so worn and tired that he just couldn't bring himself to ask any of them.

'You scared us, y'know,' he said instead. It was an understatement, he was damn terrified after the first few hours passed. 'We didn't know where you could've gone, even freakin' Kali came over after we called her. And then you left your car in the Washington Park, and you left your cell at home and we just... fuck,' ok, so maybe the relief was not enough to get all tension out of him.

'Ok, that was one too many things in one breath,' came an unfamiliar voice from somewhere around them, so he turned around swiftly. A skinny, bearded guy – around forty maybe, it was hard to tell – was sitting at the kitchen-table. It was on the other side of the room, so Dean didn't see him, because he didn't even glance in that direction after he noticed Gabriel. Castiel seemed just as surprised to find someone else in there.

'Who the hell are you?' Dean asked.

'Charles Shurley,' he answered and smiled, but Dean just blinked at him in confusion, because it seemed like the name was supposed to mean something to him.

'As in Chuck,' Gabriel added. Recognition lit up in Dean and he shared a look with Castiel, he saw the mirror of his own expression.

'As in, Chuck... the shrink Chuck?' Dean asked.

'Yes, the shrink Chuck,' Chuck answered and he sipped from his coffee.

'Excuse me, but what are you doing here?' Castiel asked with a frown.

'Just making sure that this... reunion is going smoothly,' he answered simply with a shrug. 'Anything else I might say would have to wait until I finally get permission from Gabriel to talk.' He looked at Gabriel from his spot with a patiently expectant expression, that very small smile never disappeared from his face. 'Gabriel?'

Both Dean and Castiel looked at Gabe at that, he ran his hand through his hair nervously. He licked his lips before he answered.

'I don't want this Chuck,' he said quietly.

'I don't see how you have an option. As I said yesterday, the way you wanted to handle this is not working, so it's time to follow my way. And that involves first and foremost explaining everything to your family, especially to Dean and Castiel.'

'Explaining what?' Dean asked turning back towards Chuck again. The doctor only glanced at him, then he looked back at Gabriel.

'Gabriel,' Katrina spoke up standing only a few steps away from Dean. He turned to look at her, even if Gabriel didn't. She spoke patiently and reassuringly. 'There's nothing to be afraid of, honey. It won't change anything.'

'It'll change everything,' Gabriel answered, finally looking up at her. Dean just kept frowning at the exchange, and Castiel seemed equally confused. Gabriel took a breath and tilted his head back looking up, before shaking his head. 'Fine, fuck it. Chuck, you can tell everyone who you think should know.'

His tone was resigned and angry and Dean didn't understand it, but he just looked back at the psychiatrist sitting at the table instead of commenting, because now he really wanted to know what the hell was going on.

x~x~x

When they arrived to Chuck's office later that day it was the first time Dean saw Gabriel completely relaxed. He wasn't noticeably tense, but he was silent and it was like he expected Dean and Cas to start bombing him with questions again, which they didn't do. Dean absolutely had no idea where he found the patience to stay silent, but he managed. Gabriel still looking like shit helped with that. Katrina saying goodbye to him with a hug a quiet “I'll call you tonight” also made Dean worried, she just didn't get this very affectionate and protective unless something was wrong.

Chuck motioned all of them to sit down, which they did. Dean still didn't understand why Gabriel couldn't tell them what the hell was going on, it just made him even more worried. Gabriel sat at the end of the couch. There was enough space between him and Dean for another person to sit down. Cas sat on Dean's other side. He was also very quiet the whole time. The whole silent non-talking thing was really getting on Dean's nerves. Chuck sat in an armchair almost in front of them.

'Ok, so first of all. Gabriel, how are you doing?' he asked.

Gabriel scoffed. 'What do you think?'

'I don't think you actually have to be in the room if you don't want to be, I won't say anything you didn't hear before.'

Gabriel stood up so fast from the couch like it was burning him.

'But don't go anywhere,' Chuck asked.

'No, I'll just... be outside,' he said and left the room without looking at either Dean or Cas.

'Why doesn't Gabriel have to stay?' Castiel asked with a frown.

'Because of the things I'm going to say and the questions you will probably ask,' Chuck said.

'Ok, will you just finally tell us what the hell is going on?' Dean demanded.

'Is there something... wrong with Gabriel?' Castiel asked carefully.

'Well, first of all don't phrase that question like this if Gabriel's in the room,' Chuck answered. 'And umm... well, there is something. I asked to be the one to explain this to you, because most of the things Gabriel wouldn't be able to put into words. Also there are things I need to make you aware of that I could not tell Gabriel.'

'You're freaking me out here now,' Dean interrupted.

'Right, I'm running ahead of myself' Chuck shifted in his seat. 'Gabriel has, what can be labeled as Emotional Deprivation Disorder – EDD for short – and I'm sure you never heard of it before, because it's just... a term.'

'And what exactly is this supposed to mean?' Dean asked.

'It's a syndrome which usually develops from a lack of authentic affirmation and emotional strengthening in one's life which can result in a stunted emotional growth.  It's mostly common with people who's been institutionalized and even more common by those who's been abused from a very young age. It's a when one been criticized, neglected or emotionally rejected by primary caregivers early in life.'

Dean started at the doc for long moments before he turned to share a look with Cas, he seemed as uncertain as he did, maybe less confused.

'Is this about Michael then?' Castiel asked.

'He is a large part of this, but no, not just him. It is a problem with the behavior and the reactions of all parental figures. In Gabriel's case his first and only memory of his father is that of him leaving. Grace, Gabriel's mother, was not really the most emotionally expressive person if you might remember.'

'She always seemed... detached,' Cas said as in a confirmation. Dean could remember that too. She was working a lot, was rarely at home. Dean didn't even remember talking to her more than three times or so in all their lives. She was never at the playground with them when they were kids, she was never the one watching over them.

'And that left Michael as the primary parental figure, and I'm sure I don't need to explain why that was... bad.'

'Cause he was a fucking bastard,' Dean said right away with an angry scowl.

'He was a very disturbed young man, yes,' Chuck agreed.

'Ok, so this... EDD thing you mentioned. Is this something that appeared recently or…'

'No, that's something that has been there basically his entire life.'

'But, how is that possible?' Cas interrupted this time. 'How could we not notice something like this? Maybe he kept things in secret, but we do pay attention to each other... it's...' he ran a hand thought his hair frustratedly.

'The same way no one knew what was happening in the Morgenstern house until it almost ended in tragedy,' Chuck replied in a patient tone.

'So was he... pretending to be fine?' Castiel asked.

'No, he was fine for the most part,' Chuck said. Dean leaned his elbows on his knees.

'Fine, I get how and why this is... there. I still don't know what exactly it's supposed to be,' Dean spoke up again. 'You said... uh... stunted emotional growth?'

'Yes, people with EDD often fail to reach the full emotional maturity of an adult. Depending on the background there's a very high variety of symptoms. In Gabriel's case first I thought, back when he started therapy in his teens, that I was dealing with repressive or anxiety disorder, but time showed of course that it was not the case. If I had to put it on a scale, Gabriel has a moderate case of EDD, so he is in no way a danger to himself, luckily. I was really relieved when I figured out that he didn't develop any self-harming or suicidal tendencies, not back in his teens and not ever since. We all can be very grateful for that.'

Dean and Cas just listened silently. Dean for his part still couldn't believe that they were having this conversation. Gabriel was okay, how could he be not okay all these years?

'I still don't get it,' Dean said. 'I thought he only had to go to therapy to help him deal with what Michael has done, back when he felt really bad, when he was drinking and stuff.'

'That's true,' Chuck said. 'But you must understand... I know you two were very young, but you see, what was for you a horrible night and witnessing a long recovery time after, it was the entirety of Gabriel's childhood. That last event was only the most severe one in a very long line of emotional and physical neglect and abuse. That is something that leaves a permanent mark on a person, it's not something that can ever be fully dealt with.'

Dean let a long breath as he let this sink in. He knew, of course he knew that Michael didn't just get violent from one day to another, but he never really thought it through in detail and he suddenly felt bad for it.

'But Gabriel never showed any sign that he was effected by this,' he said. 'I mean, sure there are a few things, little things, like the way he hates yelling and violence-'

'How he very carefully keeps everything under his control,' Castiel added.

'Yes, but they seemed natural, and not at all like something was wrong with him.'

'Again, let us refrain from saying it like that, ok?' Chuck reminded him. 'Well, the fact that something like this didn't happen sooner, is... almost astonishing. As I said before, he was fine for the most part, and after he summarized to me how he lived in the past ten years or so since I last saw him, I could understand why he managed to stay perfectly balanced for such a long time.'

'Could you explain it to us why it happened now and not before?' Castiel asked.

'Certainly. Let’s start at the beginning.'

 


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter XVI

'Like I said before, Gabriel's been in a poor emotional environment from a very young age, that has turned abusive rather early in his life. So as it is usually with children like this he was struggling with establishing social contacts with others.' Both Cas and Dean moved and opened their mouths to argue immediately, but Chuck put up a hand to silence them. 'It is true, still is. Gabriel still finds it hard to build any sort of non-professional non-work-related connection with people. You two were different, I'm sure that's why you wanted to argue. He's become friends with you quickly and easily. True.' Chuck looked at both of them as he leaned back in his armchair. 'But around that time neither of you were the most social. Not like other children, right?'

'Oh,' Castiel reacted. 'Yes, I've always been a quiet child, even more so after my Mother's miscarriage.'

'And I stopped talking for a while after my Mom died,' Dean added.

'Which means that you both had trouble getting along with children of your age, Gabriel picked up on that certainly. Even if he was not consciously thinking it through, he reached out because of the sense of similarity he got. And in comparison to his home, with you two he could be the guardian, the ideal, the decision maker, he was heard when he talked, or even looked up on.'

'He thought we were like him,' Castiel said.

'Yes, and it was also his reaction to how he was treated. He built himself a power role with this. Two similar, but younger kids, who listened to him and followed him around, or do I remember incorrectly from what Gabriel told me from your childhood?'

'No, we were inseparable from him,' Dean said. 'We couldn't even stand each other, but we were still  going wherever he wanted to go.'

'I was very much clinging to him, especially in the first months,' Castiel added. 'Before Dean moved to the neighborhood. There were days I refused to let go of him,' he smiled a little at that memory.

Chuck smiled too a little. 'Again it was very fortunate that Gabriel dealt with his situation by differentiating himself from Michael and not trying to assimilate with him. In most cases those who are in an abusive environment tend to develop an aggressive and equally abusive behavior themselves.'

'Gabriel's the least aggressive person I know,' Castiel said.

'He does have a lot of pent up stress and aggression in him,' Chuck said. 'But just like before, even now he is differentiating himself from Michael, it's completely second-nature, but he sees every act of violence as harmful and wrong behavior. He feels very guilty whenever he actually does anything violent in the rare case he does lose his patience.'

'So these things we're talking about. They started when he was a kid, but they're still there,' Dean tried to clarify.

'Yes, most of them are. Like I said there are a lot of symptoms, but what is mostly present in Gabriel is his problem with establishing new social contacts, dealing with frustration and anger, his limited emotional investment in people and his incapability of emotional surrender. He may seem very courageous and energetic, especially when he has something bothering him and he tries to hide it. He has a lot of insecurities and uncertainty in him, he's usually concerned that he will hurt the people close to him, or that he will disappoint them by not being able to live up to expectations or won't be able to handle a situation he is put in. He is sensitive to criticism and judgment, especially from people who matter to him or he looks up on. To avoid most of this he has a sort of urge to perfection, to do whatever he does as perfectly as possible. And he is also capable of a very single-minded focus when he wants to avoid thinking or dealing with a situation. That actually makes him very good at his job or whatever he does, because he can just turn off everything else in his mind and focus on one thing at a time.'

'All of this?' Dean asked. He didn't know whether he should be shocked or horrified, probably both.

'Well, these are the moderate problems. The biggest of all, which is the root of many of the things I just said is that he's not able to comprehend unconditional love.'

'I'm not sure I understand that,' Castiel said with a frown.

'He cannot understand it, in any possible way. He sees it always as an exchange maybe. If he does something for someone, he will get something in return. He basically sees himself as being undeserving of love and affection, so whatever act of care and kindness he receives, he only gets it out of gratitude or as a sort of reward to his achievements or because he has given what was expected of him. He often looks suspiciously at any token of affection, doubting the sincerity of it if it's been given when he has done nothing to earn it.'

'That's crazy,' Dean breathed out.

'Another word I would advise not to use around Gabriel,' Chuck replied before he continued. 'So of course it is not surprising that Gabriel has a very limited number of people he has any sort of emotional connection with, and he lost one, a very important one.'

'You mean his friend, Pete?' Castiel asked.

'Yes,' Chuck nodded. 'Gabriel often needs some sort of reassurance in many things he does, but he also needs a bit of limitation. Having a few stable people around him he can rely on about this solves the problem, Pete was such a stable person. He could tell him when he was doing fine or even remind him, harshly if necessary, when he was stepping out of line. Gabriel has taken his loss hard, so he did the only thing he could think of and tried to reach out to someone else from his very thin circle of reliable people.'

'Kali,' Cas said.

'And we got fucking pissed about it,' Dean added with a groan.

'Yes, Gabriel tried to get himself in order on his own, but he didn't really manage and you two being... frustrated about his behavior just made it harder, and the whole thing escalated to the point where it all fell apart like a house of cards. To this it adds that he thinks that if he fails to be the one he is expected to be, or act how he is needed to act, give what he is supposed to give, he will lose everything that is given to him, all of it. And that's exactly what happened recently, he thinks he failed for losing so much control over his life and himself.'

'So...' Cas frowned, he really wasn't sure he understood it correctly. 'Like, we will stop loving him because of it?'

'Yes.'

'But... why not come to us?' Dean asked. These things felt way too big to digest all at once and most of it he just couldn't understand. 'Why did he have to go to Pete or Kali, why not us?'

'Because you two are... everything. I can't say it any other way, his whole world revolves around you two since... always. When you were kids, taking care of you two was the thing he focused on to get away, what he used to not think about what awaited him in his home. You're the only ones he ever managed to build up a deep social, emotional, affectionate connection with. He always tried to make sure first and foremost that from all the people, he doesn't disappoint or hurt you in any way.'

'If it's so important that he has stable people around him, that he can trust, who he is connected with, then why did he move away for three years? He told us that he had to go, to see if he can... be without us around,' Dean asked. 'But then, he shouldn't have.' Right now he felt like that three years he spent away just harmed them, because if it's really that hard for Gabriel to get acquaintances, to fit in with people, than Chuck should've talked him out of it. He really wanted to know now what happened with Gabriel abroad, how he was coping. Why the fuck did they never ask? Why didn't it ever come up?

'Yes, that was something Gabriel decided on his own and I tried to encourage him for willing to make such a big step. There were of course many reasons why I found it to be a bad idea, but his reasons to go outweighed them.'

'What reasons?' Castiel asked.

'Even back then, he didn't want to reveal the problems he was struggling with to you. Mostly, I mean the things I already mentioned to you. I wanted him to talk with you honestly, but he insisted that he shouldn't burden you with it. And after all you were quite young, so I agreed that maybe you wouldn't have understood all of it.'

'That's a load of crap,' Dean said. 'We knew what happened with him, he could've said something.'

'Let’s not argue about the past, we cannot change it,' Chuck told him. 'He didn't change much when it comes to you two. Going to you, admitting this, for him it would be like admitting that he is not like you expect him to be, or what he thinks you expect of him. And if he's not... I can't explain it better, because for us this doesn't seem like a logical train of thoughts probably. But it's like, if he's not like he's supposed to be, he's losing you, because he failed. And that's like the most terrifying prospect.'

Both Dean and Castiel stayed silent for what seemed like minutes, but Chuck didn't say a thing while they wrapped their heads around this.

'Ah, okay... so, this is just a lot,' Dean explained why they were speechless again.

'No, of course. It is, I mean, you'd think that, but it's not as bad as it sounds, okay?' Chuck reassured them.

'And what do we do now?' Castiel asked. 'He needs... therapy? Treatment... medication?' the last part he said very uncertainly.

'No, no medication,' Chuck shook his head right away. 'Like I said, it's not that bad. First of all, yes, I'd like him to come at least once a week and we might need to talk about one thing or another once in a while as well.'

'Is he... going to be different, from now on?' Dean asked carefully.

'Oh, not at all. He just needs to get through this, find his footing, his balance again. And once he feels comfortable in his skin as much as he's capable of, he will be back to just the way he was before.'

'So, this EDD won't be like... cured with therapy?' Dean asked.

'It's not a sickness, it's a personality disorder. It's always been there, always will be there. We could maybe get rid of a symptom or two, or ease up some of his anxieties, but it won't ever be gone fully. I mean, this is not something that actually hinders him in work, or makes him in any way a dysfunctional person, not by a long shot. And I can tell you, that he would also be a completely different person if it was possible to make this, go away.'

'Alright,' Castiel nodded. Dean had no idea how he managed to sound calm even now. 'So therapy, what is that we could do?'

'Well, the fact that this didn't happen before probably means, that you are being reassuring and affectionate with him to begin with. That is one of the keys, a harmonious emotional environment. What would be new, is to get Gabriel to understand that he can show these “weaknesses” in front of you without there being any fall-out. He needs reassurance in many things when he is doubting himself, but he also needs to be told when he's getting too emotionally detached from people. You only need to learn the signs, because he is _very_ good at pretending to be fine. It is really something easy to deal with, even if he does need a bit more attention than an average adult, it's not much. I'm sure you're willing to... try at least?'

'That's not a question,' Cas said right away and Dean was nodding too. 'This is how the rest of our lives is going to be like, so of course we are going to learn.'

Chuck smiled in a pleased way and if Dean was not mistaken, he was relieved too. The doctor continued.

'Alright. Well, I think everything else we can discuss later. Most important thing right now, is to convince Gabriel that you knowing all these things about him did not change the way you feel. It may take a little time until he gets comfortable with this new set-up. I can only ask you to be patient for a little while longer. Ok, I think you should go out to him now.'

'Wouldn't it be better if we called him back in?' Dean asked.

'He expects to be thrown out of your lives, I'm pretty sure it would be hard to get him to come back in,' Chuck said and stood up, so Dean and Castiel got up from the sofa too.

'Thank you, Dr. Shurley,' Castiel said as he reached out a hand to shake hands with the doctor. He shook it with a small smile.

'Chuck is fine,' he said then he turned and shook Dean's hand too. 'Not to call me by my first name when I'm this deep in your personal life would be weird, I don't know how other doctors stand it.'

'Yeah, ok. Thanks then, Chuck. We're gonna talk later then,' Dean said as goodbye.

'Oh, one more thing,' Chuck spoke up before they could get out of the office. 'Watch out that he doesn't take too much painkillers for his headache. He gets headaches when he's upset sometimes. I know he's a doctor, and he won't take too much, but... it's mostly just psychosomatic, so he still shouldn't overdo it.'

Both of them nodded and left the office after that.

x~x~x

They noticed Gabriel sitting on that ugly brown couch that was in the waiting room and they both started walking towards him after they shared a glance. Luckily no one else was in the room, not even Chuck's assistant. Gabriel looked up after a moment, obviously noticing that someone was approaching, but he soon turned his eyes away and continued to just stare at his hands. His shoulders were slumped, defeated and he rested his elbows on his knees. He really did look like someone who expected the worst to come.

Dean sat down on his left, while Castiel to his right, but they both stayed silent for now.

'I'm sorry,' Gabriel said after a bit. Voice quiet and just as defeated as he looked like. 'I know I should've... said something, but... how do you start a conversation like this, huh? Nice weather today, isn't it... oh, by the way I'm actually not alright in the head...'

'Don't say that,' Castiel interrupted. 'You're fine, there's nothing wrong with you.'

'Have you looked at me lately, Cas? Because if you have, you know that's a load of crap,' Gabriel said, finally looking up again and turning his pained eyes on Castiel.

'Ok, maybe you're not completely fine,' Dean admitted.

Gabriel huffed. 'Understatement.'

'But, you're gonna be better,' Dean added.

'I... maybe Chuck didn't explain this to you correctly, but... I'm never going to be better, Dean. I thought I was, but I was wrong,' Gabriel said and let his forehead rest on his hand, falling silent again. 'You can say it,' he spoke again after a while. Dean and Cas shared a look over his head, a confused one at first, then they realized almost the same time. Right, he expected to be kicked out of their lives because of this. This was still the hardest to understand, how he could actually believe that.

'Alright, I start,' Castiel said and Gabriel's shoulders visibly tensed at the words. Then Castiel reached down to put his hands on Gabriel's cheeks, he turned his head towards him and kissed him on the lips. Gabriel was surprised, it was easy to tell, his hands just hovered somewhere between not knowing what to do and wanting to reach out. Castiel kissed him, a lazy drag of lips, almost innocent, a slow and sweet motion of mouths and he didn't let go of the other man until he kissed back, even if only a little. He leaned back after that and looked at the confused amber eyes. He just had to smile at the surprise and sliver of hope written all over Gabriel's face.

'I love you,' Castiel said, staring into his eyes, leaving one of his hands on his cheek. 'And I don't care if you're not perfect.'

Gabriel's face closed off a little and he seemed like he was searching for words, but Dean slid closer and wrapped an arm around him from behind before he could speak. Dean rested his head to Gabriel's and talked close to his ear in a very quiet tone.

'I love you and I want us all to go home together,' he said. Gabriel took a large breath and glanced for a moment skywards before nodding. Dean put a kiss to the side of his head and pulled him to his feet, Castiel got up with them. Their walk to the Impala was silent and so was the car ride, but they went home together and slept in the same bed, wrapped around each other like so many nights before.

 


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter XVII

 

'What are you reading again?' Dean asked suddenly and Cas almost jumped closing the book.

'You scared me,' Castiel told him.

'That's also not something that happens everyday,' Dean blinked in surprise. 'Seriously, what makes you jump out of your skin?'

Castiel huffed out a breath and showed the cover.

'Healing the Unaffirmed: Recognizing Emotional Deprivation Disorder,' Dean read out loud. 'Dude, Gabriel's gonna flip if he sees that.'

'I know,' Castiel sighed. 'But I have to get information from somewhere, have to learn this.'

'Chuck tells us everything we need to know.'

'I can't call him ten times a day whenever I have a question,' Cas explained.

'You have too many questions, Cas,' Dean remarked.

'I am trying to do my best to accommodate to our situation, I don't see you doing anything.'

'Whoa, hey dude... I'm doing enough, ok? I'm paying attention to him, he's better now too, things may be going slowly, but they are still progressing fine.'

'Yes, he's been doing better in the past days, but he is still very silent around you.' He cut in when Dean opened his mouth to interrupt. 'He is, things are... tense between you two, even still. You have to talk with him.'

'And say what? I suck at talking.'

'I know that talking about such things is not your forte Dean, but you have to do it now.'

'No, listen. I have no problem saying out loud what he means to me, okay? I have no problem telling it to you either.'

'Well, than what is the matter? He needs our support now, you gotta take the time to get things straight between you two, because that's something the two of you have to settle. I tried helping with it and it's just not working.'

'I want to help him, Cas. More than anything, I want to help him, but there's no way I can, if he doesn't freakin' trust me.'

'You know it's not a matter of trust for him,' Castiel chided after Dean's tone got a bit harsher with his last statement.

'It is for me!' Dean said sternly and Castiel sighed again.

'Fine, I talk with him first about this after I get home from the base,' he said. 'You're not dressed,' he observed then. 'No work today, when did you get home? I didn't wake up'

'After 4 AM, there's nothing to do until the lab is done with the stuff we found so there's no need for me today, if there's anything Victor will call me. I shouldn't even be awake right now.'

'Gabriel's still asleep? I think he has night-shift this week.'

'Yeah,' Dean nodded.

'Go back to sleep, Dean,' Cas said standing up from the couch. 'I try to get home before Gabriel has to go to work.'

'Yeah, ok,' Dean nodded.

Gabriel didn't stay to listen any longer by the bedroom door when they kissed goodbye. Castiel went to get ready to leave, and Gabriel slid back under the covers of the bed burying his head in the pillows, his mind racing with way too many things again. When Dean got back to get a few more hours of sleep he slid under the covers too, but stayed at the other side of the bed. Gabriel couldn't really go back to sleep.

x~x~x

Dean actually started when he noticed Gabriel in the mirror, he groaned as he put a hand on the sink before looking back up.

'Geez, how long have you been standing there?' he asked.

'A while,' Gabriel said standing inside of the bathroom by the wall next to the door.

Dean shook his head, huffing out a laugh. 'Not that I don't enjoy you watching me,' he started then dried up his face from the last traces of water and shaving cream. He put the towel down and turned around leaning against the sink. Still just in his boxers as he didn't bother to dress up after his shower yet. 'What is it?' he asked.

'Heard you and Cas talking this morning,' Gabriel said. Dean glanced skywards.

'Gabe--'

'No, just hear me out,' Gabriel continued putting up a hand to silence the younger man. 'You both are struggling to deal with this. I hate it. I do. I hate that you need to talk about things like this. And I never wanted you to having to deal with this, at all.'

'Gabriel, you don't get to decide what we want to deal with and what not,' Dean told him.

'I know, it's just... it's like you're constantly walking on eggshells around me and... you don't talk to me the same way, you don't treat me the same way, hell, neither of you is even looking at me the same way as before and that's...' he took a breath, but trailed off, not really sure how to continue. Dean was silent for a little while.

'Listen, you gotta give all of us a little bit more time till we get used to this. It's gonna get better then, we're just... a bit out of the loop and trying to figure out things.'

'Yeah... so didn't want to get this shit all over your lives.'

'We had a right to know,' Dean told him in a firm tone.

'Maybe, but you certainly didn't deserve to get burdened with it,' he let out a breath. 'Because this is definitely not the bright happy future you imagined in the beginning.'

'Such things are never the way one imagines them. That is life, Gabriel. Sometimes there are difficult things to handle, you know that better than anyone. It's not like Cas and me don't have problems once in a while, I know it's different, but--'

'It is different,' Gabriel agreed. 'When we were kids, being with you guys was the only time when I felt like, I could breathe, I was not alone, cause we were the same. I felt like it, that we were alike, I think we were... but,' he really had to look away now for a moment, to gather his thoughts and get himself to say them out loud. Dean waited in silence, giving him the time to struggle out the words. 'But now, I look at you, I look at Castiel and... you’re just... perfect,' he said silently managing to look back up at Dean again. 'But I'm still broken, and I always will be, that's just not something that's ever gonna change, and you really don't deserve me pulling you down like this.'

'No, Gabriel.'

'You're gonna be fine. You were perfectly fine before, being the two of you, so you're going to be fine.'

'What?' Dean finally stepped away from the sink, a frown forming on his face.

'I know you mean well, I know you both want to help and feel like you have to stick with me after everything we've been through together, but... I really can't do this to you.'

'Are you... trying to break up with us right now? With Cas not even being here?' Dean asked. He sounded disbelieving and maybe a little angry, it was expected really.

'I know neither of you would be willing to make this step, but it's necessary, so I'm going to do it,' Gabriel answered. It's just better for everyone.

Dean ran a hand down his face, seemingly speechless for long moments, before his expression turned determined and he locked his stormy green eyes on Gabriel.

'You know what, Gabriel? I had enough,' he said and Gabe really thought that he knew what he meant by that. That he finally reached his limit with all the bullshit that came along with Gabriel, because surely it was for a long while coming now. Dean was across the room in two steps, pressing Gabriel up against the wall so that his back collided with a heavy thud. The older man didn't have time to react, not enough time for his brain to decide what was happening and how he should feel – confusion, fear, panic – it just happened too fast. Dean's much larger form towered over him and two hands gripped his face tightly, while his entire body was pressed so close to the tiles that he had  no chance of moving and then Dean was kissing him. If it could be called a kiss with the violent way Dean slammed his mouth to his, Gabriel's head getting tilted up and knocked to the wall behind him. He tensed for a second by the onslaught, Dean's lips hard and unyielding on his, forcing his mouth open and practically shoving his tongue inside. The kiss was fast, all biting teeth and a fervent slide of mouths. All the while he was completely pinned to the wall without any chance to move with Dean being much bigger and stronger than he was.

The heavy beating of his heart was not from fear though, but something much hotter burning in his gut. He didn't even notice that he stared to kiss back only after he was already doing it. Dean just pressed even closer to him when he did, with something close to a growl rumbling in his chest, that Gabriel could feel in his own chest. The fact that Dean was only in his boxers also meant that there was just an enormous amount of warm naked flesh pressed up against him.

When Dean finally let go of his lips, they practically hurt, they felt swollen and sensitive. Both of them were panting hard, staying inches away just breathing to each others' mouth.

'I fucking suck at talking, but I'm going to get this in your head. You're not walking out on us. Not now, not ever. I won't let you,' Dean said. His voice still at the edge of being angry, but it had a different tone in it too, something darker and more heated.

'Dean--' Gabriel tried to interrupt.

'Shut up. I want you in my life and I don't fucking care if it's not a perfect life. I can't explain it to you with big words, and I don't know how to say it for you to understand, but...' he reached down and grabbed one of Gabriel's hands, pulled it up and pressed it to his own chest as he leaned a bit away, but still keeping Gabriel trapped. 'Here, feel this? … The way my heart fucking wants to explode out of my chest? How hard it's beating in here?' Gabriel could, of course, it was a rapid, heavy beat under his fingers, just as fast as his own pulse was. 'That's why I want you, because that's how you make me feel when I can kiss you, when we're this close, this is what you do to me. Screw everything else. This is what matters.' He still kept Gabriel's hand pressed close to his chest. He was still breathing hard and was searching Gabriel's face with his eyes. 'Tell me you don't feel just like this, and I let you go right away.'

'No,' Gabriel said immediately, moving his hand to grab hold of Dean's and press it to his own chest where his heart was beating vehemently in his ribcage. Dean caught his eyes with his own, making him look at him, he could've counted his freckles from this close up.

'As long as it's like this,' he said. 'I am not fucking letting you go anywhere.' Gabriel just stared up at him, his mind was too overwhelmed by their proximity, so he just nodded. Dean immediately sealed their lips together, his kiss just as hard and hot as it was before. His hands slid down Gabriel's sides, cupped his ass and he groaned deeply into their kiss. Gabriel let out a probably undignified, surprised yelp when he was suddenly picked up and propped to the wall by Dean's body, the position forcing him to put his arms around Dean's shoulders and his legs around his waist to hold on. Dean didn't let go of his mouth for a second and he pressed his hips forward heavily making Gabriel moan a little brokenly. Dean's mouth traveled down to his neck after he broke the kiss. Gabriel was... it was weird to be in the position and he had no idea what to actually do besides holding on.

'I'm strong enough to carry you now,' Dean breathed in his neck.

'You don't have to carry me,' Gabriel told him after a few gulps of breath.

'I want to, sometimes you should let me... when you need me to.' Gabriel's arms tightened around Dean's neck at the words.

'Dean.'

'Do you trust me?' the younger man asked, his mouth next to Gabriel's ear. He didn't hesitate to answer.

'Yes, I do, of course I do,' he told him. Dean kissed him again in reaction and pulled him off the wall, but didn't put him down. He just tightened his grip on Gabriel's body and walked out to the bedroom. They landed so heavily on the bed that Gabriel was almost surprised it didn't break down with a loud crack. He couldn't pay attention to it thought, with Dean being hot and heavy on top of him, feeling his hardness pressing down onto Gabriel's through two layers of thin clothing. He didn't need to ask or utter a word to know what Dean wanted to do. Surprisingly, there was only the barest hint of nervousness in him. Maybe there was just no space left for any other emotion in him right now with the overwhelming amount of heat and want burning under his skin.

Dean practically tore his t-shirt off of him and immediately returned to suck and bite marks into his neck then chest. Gabriel moaned every time he felt his flesh being sucked into Dean's hot mouth, knowing that the tiniest blood vessels were breaking and painting his skin with deep red bruises. His own hands were roaming Dean's back, fingers digging into muscle. Dean reached lower and got rid of Gabriel's sleeping pants with the same amount of vehemence he got rid of the tee. He made Gabriel spread his legs by sliding his hands up on his inner thighs, then he settled between them sucking and biting on a nipple, making Gabriel arch his back up from the bed. Dean rose to his knees and reached out to the night-stand, he yanked the drawer out so quickly that it fell out and landed on the floor with a loud crash, everything form inside of it scattering around the carpet. He did manage to grab the lube. When he settled back on top of Gabriel his eyes were burning with so much want and lust that it made shivers run down Gabe's spine and he just wanted something, anything, just more and right the hell now.

Dean kissed him again as he opened the bottle with practiced hands and slicked up his fingers. He didn't waste any time and Gabriel didn't want him to. His muscles tensed, mostly with excitement, when Dean reached down and one slick finger circled his opening.

'I can't believe I never did this to you before,' Dean said.

'Nobody did this to me before,' Gabriel reminded him. Dean pressed in his finger as an answer and Gabriel pulled him down for a hard, messy kiss. The kiss distracted him enough that he relaxed around the intrusion relatively easily and Dean could pretty soon move the digit in and out of him. It was... so different, so very different, but he just had to have more. He pushed his hips down on the finger.

'Dean, more...' he breathed, he felt like he was going to explode or burn up from the inside out. Everything was just so intense, his nerve-endings were all hyper-sensitive and lighting him up like a Christmas tree. Dean pressed in with two fingers, a bit harder than before and Gabriel cried out in pain and oh so much pleasure. Now he understood, the way Dean or Cas writhed under him so-so many times before, how they begged him for more, always for more. Oh, he so got it now. Dean put his free hand on his cheek, his thumb sliding to his parted lips, his green eyes lust-blown and almost looking black the way he was looking down on him, enjoying his reactions.

'Oh, that's it. Lemme get you back on all the times you blew my mind,' Dean said and crooked his fingers, Gabriel knowing all too well what he was looking for. He found it alright, and Gabriel cried out in pleasure again, his muscles tensing in his body, his cock completely hard and leaking now, bumping to his stomach whenever he moved. And he moved a lot, pressing his hips down on Dean's fingers, getting them deeper and the younger man let him, watching him.

The third finger burned, the stretch was too sudden, but pleasure soon washed away almost all traces of it. Gabriel was beyond words at this point or if he was saying anything, he couldn't follow, he was panting Dean's name maybe. He knew his throat already felt dry from all the moans and noises that were spilling from his red-bitten lips. Dean pulled out his fingers suddenly and tore down and got rid of his boxers as quickly as he could. He ran his lubed hand over his own hard dick a few times, squeezing at the hilt before leaning back over on top of Gabriel and pressing the slick head to his stretched hole. One of his hands grabbed a hold of Gabriel's hair tightly, the other pressed one of his legs further out and he pushed in.

Both of Gabriel's arms wrapped around Dean as the thick head slipped inside past the tight ring of muscle and both of them groaned at the feel of it. Dean didn't stop, but pressed inside with a steady thrust until he bottomed out and Gabriel was biting his lips so hard that he could taste blood on his tongue. His hands dug into Dean's back viciously, because he had to hold onto something, but he couldn't keep his hands in place and his short nails were running down Dean's sweat-slick skin.

Dean stopped for a moment when he was fully inside, his face coming down to mouth at Gabriel's neck again, the skin there was so sensitive, Gabriel was sure it was covered with angry red marks all around.

'You okay?' Dean asked breathlessly, he was shaking, like every ounce of self-control he had was needed to just stay still.

'Move,' Gabriel groaned out and he didn't have to ask twice. Dean pulled out and thrust back in, he felt so big, so hot inside. After a few slower thrusts Dean could speed up and Gabriel lost the last traces of his clear head as the lubed flesh moved inside of him. Dean's hips were slamming forward, Gabriel could feel how he was stretched and filled and Dean, there was just Dean. Strong, beautiful Dean, whose darkened green eyes were locked on Gabriel's face. Sweat was running down his face and way too soon his movements became erratic and he dropped his head back down to Gabriel's neck. His hips were snapping forward in hard, powerful thrusts and Gabriel gripped him tightly, pulling him close, just breathing, or trying to. His leaking cock got trapped between their stomachs and after that, all it took was for Dean's dick to brush his prostate and he was coming. His body locking up in pleasure as he clawed at Dean's back, moaning out loudly. Dean groaned as Gabriel clenched down around him. He bit down on Gabriel's neck, following him over the edge after a few more sharp thrusts into his body. The hot wetness spreading inside him made him even slicker while Dean rode out his orgasm, not stopping only after he was completely spent. He pulled out and rolled off, not collapsing on Gabriel. They were both panting really hard, not enough breath to even speak for very long moments.

'Oh God,' Dean panted out then, Gabriel just nodded. 'It seems like... we had some... tension to get out of our systems,' he added.

'And than some,' Gabriel agreed. Dean – by some miracle – managed to move and rolled closer to kiss Gabriel again. A lot more gently this time. It was sloppy and tired, but just perfect. He pulled away with a smile, before he glanced Gabriel over and almost winced.

'Shit, I didn't think I could get this much of a... biter,'  he said, his eyes trailing all over Gabriel's neck and shoulders and chest. Gabriel huffed.

'I liked it,' he said. Dean chuckled at that and flopped back down to the bed on his stomach, too tired to hold himself up any longer. It was Gabriel's turn to stare. 'Yes, that's gonna hurt.'

'Hm?'

'Your back,' Gabriel clarified. 'Once all the happy hormones are out of you.'

'Ah, nail marks are the praise to an awesome performance, I'm gonna love every single one of it.'

'We'll see about that tomorrow,' Gabriel told him. Dean's back was covered with angry red lines, some of them deep enough that it was almost bleeding. They've never been so rough with each other.

'So... you okay?' Dean asked. Gabriel turned towards him to his side, almost wincing as the first trace of pain flared up in his backside.

'Much better,' he answered.

'No more idiot ideas about leaving?'

'None,' he confirmed.

'Good,' Dean smiled. 'I don't wanna hear another word about it ever again.'

'You won't,' Gabriel promised. No running away.

When Castiel got home Gabriel was already recovered enough to be able to move, even if he was walking a bit funny. He walked right up to the younger man and kissed him long and deep, right there standing in the hall. Castiel opened his mouth and kissed him back without hesitation and when Gabriel slid his hand up to his chest he could feel how heavily his heart started to beat almost immediately and he actually smiled into the kiss feeling that. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter XVII Art - Reconnection http://kraehi.deviantart.com/art/Trinity-Verse-II-Reconnection-261559550


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter XVIII

Castiel stretched on the bed, shaking off sleep from his mind then he blinked open his eyes when he felt empty space on his right before his hand reached a warm body. Dean slid closer at the touch, obviously waking up, but still mostly just reacting unconsciously. A moment later Castiel had a lot of his warm skin pressed up to his body as Dean rolled half on top of him, throwing an arm and a leg over his body. Always like a big puppy. The thought made him smile as he ran his fingers through Dean's short hair enjoying the quiet moment. He really liked Sundays lately.

They had this new rule: no work on Sunday. Because both Dean and Gabriel tended to do that a lot before, but now there was an “only emergency work” agreement between them and Castiel liked it. He knew there would be times when he would be forced to be away for a while and miss their new routine, but it was inevitable, he would stay home as much as he could too.

They could stay in bed late on Sundays, have all their meals together or simply just spend time together. They watched movies and stayed home. They drove down to Castle Rock every second week for a family lunch. Katrina said it would be so and no one dared to argue. She still fussed over Gabriel a bit more than before, but otherwise things were fine. Cas was actually surprised by how well his Father and John were treating well... everything they always thought would be a problem. His Dad actually laughed at him saying “You didn't really think this was a secret, right?”. John seemed a bit more uncertain, but apparently he decided on not saying anything about anything as the best course of action on his part. They all let him go with that.

'Where's Gabriel?' Dean mumbled, his head buried in the pillow above Cas' shoulder. Castiel stayed quiet for another moment listening to any noise coming from outside of the room so that he could guess.

'The TVs on,' he said then.

'How the hell is he up already? It's early.'

'It's almost nine,' Castiel said glancing at the clock on the wall.

'Freakin' early,' Dean grumbled and he shifted even closer. Castiel chuckled and turned to kiss him on the lips.

'It's late enough,' he told him.

'You're both freaks,' Dean replied. 'But seriously, he's not sleeping enough,' he added a second later.

'He sleeps fine, he's just not used to sleep too much at a time because of work,' Castiel answered. Dean seemed to think about this for moment. Even if he had time to sleep Gabriel found it hard to do so, mostly he's been sleeping only a few hours at a time for years now, so the “staying in bed late on Sundays” part of their day was not his forte.

'Yeah, ok you're right,' he agreed finally. 'He could stay in bed though.'

'Don't you think he would be bored with both of us asleep?'

'Maybe, but it would be totally worth it after we woke up,' he said with a smile and pulled closer again, putting kisses on Castiel's neck. Castiel leaned into the touches and turned towards the other man. It soon turned into long and lazy kisses as they tangled up in the sheets. Castiel really enjoyed Sundays.

They emerged from the bedroom sometime later, but didn't find Gabriel in front of the TV in the living room, but in the kitchen and they both just stared for a few long moments to make sure they were not imagining the sight.

'Please tell me you're not cooking,' Dean said.

'Shut up,' Gabriel answered right away. 'I can cook... well, better than Cas.'

'Everyone cooks better than Cas,' Dean answered immediately.

'I'd be offended if it wasn't true,' Castiel answered calmly as he walked over to the coffee-machine. He was immensely happy that there was some already made.

'It's pancakes, I can make pancakes, it's easy,' Gabriel told them.

'Cas burnt down the stove when making two eggs,' Dean reminded him.

'Again, I wish I could be offended by that,' Castiel remarked sipping his coffee and Gabriel chuckled. Dean walked up right behind Gabriel, putting one arm across his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder looking down on what he was doing.

'They look edible,' he said.

'They _are_ edible,' Gabriel insisted. 'You don't want any, you won't get any.'

'Never said I don't want to eat it,' Dean told him and kissed his neck. 'They smell awesome. Didn't know you could make pancakes.'

'Lived on my own for quite a while,' Gabriel shrugged. Dean resumed looking down on what he was doing over his shoulder, his hand tracing idle patterns on Gabriel's stomach.

He was immensely physical with Gabriel lately. They've never been like that before, neither of them. They kissed each other hi or goodbye, but such touches only happened when it was directly leading up to sex. Now, Dean was always casually touching him like this. An arm around his waist, a hand on his leg and so on. Dean didn't really have it in him to be affectionate with words and up until recently Castiel was convinced that he didn't like this sort of display of affection either. He was obviously wrong. He also thought that Gabriel wasn't the PDA type, but he should've remembered how he was, when they were kids. He just never initiated it in quite a lot of years, but he did lean into the touches, smiled in a pleased way, obviously enjoying it.

Castiel thought about doing the same, but he was sure that it would've been... awkward on his part. He was perfectly fine in the bedroom, when his touches had intent, but he was really not good with being so casual with it. He didn't mind, this was something between Dean and Gabriel, it was their way to show how they felt for each other without them having to say a word. It was like him and Dean always just sharing a look or staring at each other, it was enough to know what the other thought. He knew everything he needed to know from the way Dean looked back at him, without having to touch each other. And him and Gabriel, well, they could actually talk. Gabriel always called him during the day when he had to speak with someone. He could calm him down or reassure him even over the phone. It seemed like Gabriel found it much easier to put it in words what was going through his head, when he talked to Cas. And just like Castiel didn't try to mimic Dean's casual physicality with Gabriel, Dean didn't try to get Gabriel to talk to him if he rather wanted to talk with Cas, he just kissed him and smiled. He told Castiel that he would listen, but wouldn't know what to say anyway, so he was fine with it. They asked Chuck about it and he said it was a suitable balance with Gabriel still having issues with complete emotional surrender. And anyway, it worked, so they were fine. Castiel didn't envy Dean being the one to draw Gabriel in his arms like this and Dean didn't envy that he wasn't the one Gabriel called when he needed to hear a supporting voice.

Dean insisted that they eat in the living room and Gabriel was easy enough to convince and Cas too had to admit that it was easy to eat their food even without a table so he didn't put up too much of a fight. They just wanted to settle down when the doorbell rang. Dean and Cas shared a glance while Gabriel put down his plate and got up to open the door.

'Please tell me it's not who I think it is,' Dean sighed dramatically.

'Sorry,' Gabriel said before he disappeared towards the entryway. He came back after a few moments but this time the sound of high-heels tapping on the wooden floor accompanied him.

'Hello boys.'

'Kali,' they greeted both with equal enthusiasm. Gabriel settled back on the couch.

'Ever thought about moving to the other side of the city?' Dean asked as she settled down in an armchair. She lived only a few blocks away as they found out a little while back, Dean was less than pleased about it. Castiel wasn't delighted about it either, but they knew she was important to Gabriel so they didn't complain, much. She had an annoying tendency to drop by on her way to work, sometimes even on her way home. They dealt with it. There was only one rule they sat up, no dinner or drinks or anything of sort with her in private. Gabriel didn't argue about it.

'I swear I'm gonna leave the door open one day and we're gonna have dirty, bendy sex, that you will walk in on.'

'Go ahead,' Kali answered turning to Dean without missing a beat, completely unfazed and even smiling a little. Dean stared some daggers at her before he went back to his pancakes without replying.

'Coffee?' Castiel offered, just to move on the conversation. Dean and Kali could keep on snapping at each other for _hours_. Gabriel seemed more amused than he had any right to be.

'I don't drink coffee, you should learn how to make my tea,' she replied.

'You can make your own damn tea, princess,' Dean grumbled. Kali rolled her eyes, but stood up.

'This is not how you treat a guest,' she remarked.

'You're not a guest, you're the plague,' Dean answered. Kali kissed her middle finger elegantly before walking towards the kitchen.

'Yeah, right back atcha, sweetheart,' Dean smiled at her unpleasantly. 'Can I shoot her?' he asked once she was out of the room.

'I don't think we could get rid of the body,' Castiel told him.

'She would come back to haunt you forever,' Gabriel added with a smile playing on his lips. Dean sighed and took another bite from his pancakes. 'She's baiting you because you let her,' Gabriel added. 'She won't stop until she finds it entertaining when you get all grumpy and jealous.'

'Not jealous,' Dean said.

'You almost had me fooled,' Castiel remarked, Dean shot him a look that made Cas smile. He didn't like Kali, but he had to agree that there was something in Dean being all riled up like this that was really amusing to watch. Dean leaned back to Gabriel the next moment, putting his fork down and sliding his hand down his leg.

'Not jealous, because you're in our bed and we're the ones you make pancakes for,' he grinned and kissed Gabriel just below his ear, then on the lips when the other man turned his head towards him.

'And coffee,' Castiel said as he stood up, finishing his breakfast and heading back to the kitchen needing more coffee. No he was no way addicted to caffeine in any shape or form, no matter what Dean said, he just liked it and had a high tolerance so he had to drink more than one at a time. He leaned down to Gabriel on his way for a short peck on the lips before he headed towards the kitchen to refill his mug. He passed Kali on his way to the kitchen as she was walking back to the living room with her tea.

A few moments later a surprised exclamation from Gabriel and a loud “No fucking way!” from Dean made Cas look up in surprise and he went back to the other room as soon as he could. Kali was sipping her tea, Gabriel had his head resting on his hands, while Dean was staring at a newspaper in his hand.

'What is it?' he asked.

'Gabriel's in the front page of The Denver Post,' Dean told him turning around to look at him. He had a pretty stunned expression on his face. Castiel blinked in surprise.

'What?' he hurried across the room to look at the Sunday Edition in Dean's hand. The headline caught his eyes first so he knew that it was an article about the 'Broadway Disaster', as they labeled it. He focused on the picture and his eyes widened, because they were right.

'Why would anyone take a picture like this?' Gabriel asked.

Said picture was taken somewhere around the time the sun was setting that day as the reflectors were already on, but it wasn't completely dark yet on it. On the left side the edge of one of the medical helicopters was seen and an EMT guy, who was reaching out of from it with his arms, on the right side was Gabriel in his medical coverall standing on the debris that covered the ground. He was holding a small child in his right arm, handing him over to the man in the helicopter, while a slightly older, crying little girl was clinging to his medical bag. He was dirty and bloody, just like Castiel remembered how he looked after so many hours out in the field.

'Are you kidding?' Kali asked. 'A young handsome white doctor, looking completely dirty and worn rescuing crying kids in the middle of chaos, o _f course_ some journalist took a picture of it.'

'No, c'mon... don't they have to ask for permission for such things or something?' Gabriel asked and he sounded torn between being annoyed, embarrassed and distressed.

'I don't think so,' Kali shrugged. Gabriel just groaned and rested his forehead on the heels of his hands again.

'Oh, come on, Gabriel, this is not a bad thing,' Castiel said calmly.

'Yeah, fifteen minutes of fame,' Dean added. 'You look real heroic.'

'I wasn't,' Gabriel replied immediately.

'Don't get yourself worked up over it,' Castiel told him, again in a placating tone.

'I like it,' Dean said then, looking at the picture again. He had a hint of pride in his tone now. 'We should frame it.'

'No fucking way,' Gabriel said as he snapped the newspaper away from Dean's hand. Dean smiled up at him.

'You do realize that there's at least half a million copies of that, right?' Gabriel groaned again and this time Kali chuckled, so the man turned to glare at her.

'Don't look at me like that,' she said. 'Just like Castiel said, this is not a bad thing. It may get the hospital some extra attention and maybe even some benefactors, you could have very good advantages if you wanted to post to some medical journals. Hm?'

'I don't write to medical journals.'

'Which is still a damn shame, since you wrote better than anyone in our year.'

'I am not having this conversation again,' Gabriel said. Kali put up her hands in a surrendering gesture.

'What conversation?' Castiel asked.

'No,' Gabriel turned toward Castiel and Dean. 'I don't care how it's something everyone does to get forward. I don't want to be on a front page, I don't want my name in medical journals and I don't want to talk in front of an audience in conferences. I want to do my damn job, that is it. Is that too much to ask for? I don't care if I spend my entire life working on the ER, I like it, I can do it.'

'Okay,' Dean said.

'It's up to you,' Castiel added and Gabriel's shoulders relaxed as he breathed out.

'Ok, at least only those will recognize me, who know me anyway,' Gabriel said.

'Your name's on page 5,' Kali supplied helpfully. For a moment it seemed like Gabriel wanted to curse again, but then he visibly gave up on it. He pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers, the newspaper still clutched in his other hand. Castiel took a mental note to buy a new one that was not all wrinkled.

'I have to run,' Kali said suddenly looking at her watch. She put her cup down to the coffee-table and stood up. 'Digest it, I came to show you, so that you won't be surprised on Monday at work.'

'Yeah, thanks,' Gabriel said, his tone got clipped. Kali just brushed her hand down his shoulder and turned to leave. No one moved to see her out, but she was obviously not expecting it anyway.

'What's really bothering you about the picture?' Castiel asked after he heard the front door close. Gabriel crossed his arms, staying silent for a while. Cas glanced at Dean, who looked back for a second before he reached out to pull Gabriel back to the couch so that he sat between them. Gabriel huffed in mild annoyance as he flopped down. Dean draped his arm over his waist and rested his hand on Gabriel's tight. He also turned a little and Gabriel had to shift to sit comfortably, the half of his back resting on Dean's chest.  Castiel kept looking at him, but waited.

'It's not me, that picture, and everyone who looks at it, will think that I am,' Gabriel said finally. Castiel saw that Dean frowned at the words, but he on the other hand understood what Gabriel meant by it. The picture really looked all dramatic and heroic, Gabriel certainly didn't see himself as any sort of a “hero”, so he probably didn't want people thinking that he was.

'You cannot expect anything less from the media than to dramatize things, but... it is you on the picture. You were helping people, it's not a lie.'

'I was doing my job, nothing else...' he took a breath before he continued. 'Pete climbed under a building in hope to save as many people as possible, dying there,' his hand moved on top of Dean's, squeezing tightly, a gesture to reassure that he was indeed there and safe, maybe it was even an  unconscious movement. 'I wouldn't have done that... he should be on that picture, not me. I just happened to be the one to attend to those two injured kids, there was nothing heroic about it. I was distracting myself with work so that I didn't have to think about what could've happened to you, Dean.'

There were long moments of silence after Gabriel's words. Castiel had to think for a minute to decide what to say and how to say it. Dean stayed silent too of course, but he was a supporting presence, staying close to Gabriel, but looking at Cas.

'You could tell them about it,' Castiel said then.

'What do you mean?' Gabriel asked.

'Well, you're on their front page. I'm sure they would be willing to pay attention to what you have to say about that day. Tell them, your version, about Pete.'

Gabriel seemed to think about this deeply.

'I don't think I can talk to some journalist about him,' he said finally.

'You could write it yourself,' Castiel said.

'No way--'

'Kali just said you're pretty good at it,' Dean spoke up.

'It's still up to you, but if the photo bothers you this much, than maybe it is good to do something about it.' Gabriel fell silent again looking at Castiel, then turning his gaze away, obviously thinking. He glanced down at the newspaper in his hand.

'They'll probably ignore me.'

'Don't be so sure about that,' Cas smiled.

'Dibs on reading it first,' Dean said suddenly, even raising a hand like some excited child, and Gabriel huffed out a laugh.

Two weeks later The Denver Post published Gabriel's article in the Sunday Edition and this time he didn't protest against Dean's idea of framing it, even if he was grumbling a lot under his nose. Castiel put a copy of the issue with Gabriel on the front page behind a few books in the study, maybe they could frame that too one day when Gabriel didn't mind that much seeing it anymore. 

 


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter XIX

Dean woke up to Gabriel's alarm. He recognized the ring-tone, because seriously, only Gabriel would set the freakin' “Johnny Bravo” theme song as his alarm. They all had different music for their alarm, Dean suspected that the nice melody with the soft female voice that signaled when Cas had to get up was actually from a Disney flick, but he rather liked it, so he didn't dare to ask in case he was right. His own phone rang with Deep Purple's “Smoke on the Water”, because really who wouldn't wanna wake up to that?

He reached out to the nightstand and managed to turn Gabriel's phone off right at the “Man, I'm pretty” part, okay, so it was actually amusing to wake up to it, but still. It was really too fucking early this time. The drapes were closed, but he just knew that it ought to be still dark outside. Gabriel moved to sit up, but Dean rolled closer to him and kept him in place with an arm across his middle, he buried his face in his neck too.

'Sleep Dean, I gotta go,' Gabriel whispered. Dean mumbled his protest without any actual words as he pushed himself up on an arm to kiss Gabriel. The other man chuckled into the kiss before he kissed back and while it started out as a lazy drag of lips, Dean soon found himself waking up thanks to it.

'Dean, really... I gotta go...' Gabriel managed to say, even if Dean wasn't really in the mood to let his mouth do anything else than kissing him back for a while. The small nightlights above their bed turned on suddenly and Dean finally let go of Gabriel's lips to look over to Castiel. Cas rubbed sleep out of his eyes as he looked them over.

'Well, aren't we starting early today,' he remarked.

'No, I have to go... we're not starting anything,' Gabriel protested. Dean shared a look with Castiel. 'No, no teaming up on me guys. I...' Castiel silenced him with a kiss. Gabriel moaned when the insistent tongue licked open his mouth and he kissed back a second later. Dean let his hand on Gabriel's stomach, his fingers sliding on skin while the other two kissed.

'Guys, seriously. I'm gonna be late,' Gabriel said when Castiel let go of his lips finally. Dean captured Castiel's blue gaze, smiled and pulled him up in a heated open-mouthed kiss. Castiel's hand closed around the back of his neck and Dean stroked his side.

'Oh, you bastards,' Gabriel breathed out a moment later, which was justified to be honest. Because there was one thing that managed to push all of Gabriel's buttons and turn him on more than anything besides Castiel's wanton demands and Dean's filthy mouth, and that was when they were ravishing each other like this in front of him, and all of them knew that. Yes, they were putting up a show for him, it was fun for so many reasons. Dean felt Gabriel's hand on his hip and was sure that he reached out to put a hand on Castiel too. He lifted up to his knees and Cas followed his lead. Castiel let his hand travel down Dean's chest, to his stomach, then even lower until he could slide it around him and grip his ass. Gabriel was between them so they couldn't really move closer. Dean broke the kiss to actually see his surroundings and straddled Gabriel's hips the next second, Castiel moved behind him and it really was like a well-practiced choreography. Gabriel's eyes looked dark in the dim light as he was looking up at them, he was not complaining about having to leave now.

Castiel rested his hand on Dean's stomach, stroking the skin there as his mouth descended to the side of his neck, Dean tilted his head back, arching his neck to give Cas more room and of course a nice view to Gabriel. There was a second set of hands on his hips a moment later, Gabriel's fingers digging in and teasing the edge of his boxers. He leaned back into Cas, his back pressed to his chest, his ass to his very interested dick and enjoyed the feel of lips on his neck.

Castiel's hand traveled up to his throat first, before descending down again, briefly teasing a nipple, making it hard immediately, then his fingers spread on his stomach and finally landed on his boxers,  his little finger just barely sliding under it. Dean wasn't sure if he wanted to tease him or Gabriel, probably both of them.

'Keep going,' Gabriel said and Castiel obeyed, sliding his hand inside Dean's boxers and wrapping his fingers around the hardened flesh. Dean let out a small satisfied moan, while Gabriel tugged down his boxers to expose him completely. Castiel's hand moved slowly, but his grip was tight, just like Dean liked it. He finally opened his eyes and let his head fall forward so he could look down at Gabriel again. The hungry look was expected, Dean could never get tired of seeing it. Castiel mouthed at his shoulder, while his hand moved steadily.

'Cas, I was hard from the second I woke up,' he said then. Castiel hummed, before he raised his lips from Dean's skin.

'Hard and fast?'

'Hard and fast,' Dean agreed, his hips thrusting forward into Castiel's fist and it was Gabriel who let out a small noise at their words. He was also the one who slid a bit up on the bed to reach the nightstand for the lube. Cas took it from him as Gabriel settled back down, his back was resting on the pillows now, head to the headboard, but his legs still rested between Dean's knees on the bed. He kept watching them and while Dean didn't think of himself as vain, nor as an exhibitionist, he just loved Gabriel's dark golden gaze on his body as he was getting undone by Castiel's hands.

Cas was true to his words and Dean soon had two slick fingers inside of his body. Cas prepped him quickly, but he wasn't rough, Dean will thank him for that later, because while he and Gabriel tended to forget about the aftermath during sex, Cas never did. Dean really didn't need it in his life to get to work walking funny. The stretch was not too much this way, and Dean relaxed easily around Cas' fingers, the heat burning in his gut soon prompting him to rock his hips back down on them, asking for more.

'Cas,' he said, his breathing picked up already, his voice not unaffected either.

'More, huh?' Cas breathed into his ear. 'What do you say, Gabriel? Should I give Dean what he's asking for, or maybe tease him some more?' he crooked his fingers a little at the last words that tore a moan out of Dean, but he soon opened his eyes again to look down on Gabriel. Apparently he was calling the shots, Dean had to admit that he liked this game.

'No, c'mon Gabe, you know you like watching how Cas fucks me, tell him to do it' Cas' fingers tightened around his dick again, which cut off his words as he groaned. 'Now.'

'Castiel,' Gabriel spoke after he licked his lips. His boxers were very visibly tented and Dean had the urge to reach out and take him in his hand or mouth, but he couldn't do it in his current position.  He looked like he was a second away from turning Dean around and fucking him himself, so Dean knew that there will be no more teasing this time. 'Do it,' he said finally, his eyes were roaming, drinking in the sight of them. Cas let out an approving noise and pushed Dean forward, letting go of his dick, his fingers sliding out after a few more final twists.

Dean put his hands down on the bed on either side of Gabriel. His head ended up above his stomach and he didn't resist the urge to taste and lick on the skin in front of him, he let his weight rest on his elbows as he leaned down, which of course exposed him to no end, since his knees were still firmly on the bed. The tightening of Castiel's fingers on his hips told him enough about how much his lover liked him in this position. One of Gabriel's hands slid across his shoulder to his shoulder blade, the other rested on the back of his neck as he mouthed on the skin on Gabriel's stomach and his navel.

He felt the blunt head of Cas' cock at his slick opening a moment later and he almost bit down on Gabriel's flesh in reaction, he stopped himself and just sucked the skin into his mouth, it earned him a moan. He also couldn't hold back the sound rumbling in his throat when Cas pushed inside. He wanted to trail lower, to mouth at Gabriel's hipbone and other things, but Cas kept him in place and he couldn't move.

'Gabriel... scoot up,' he managed to say, but then he moaned as Cas slid even deeper, his hard dick filling Dean up slowly, his hands tightened in the sheets. Gabriel luckily didn't have to be told twice as he moved up on the bed until his back leaned to the headboard and everything else was just in the right position for Dean.

He nuzzled at the hardness under the thin material, breathing in deeply and mouthing at it. Gabriel's hand slid into his hair, the other gripped his shoulder. He was completely distracted by his task when Castiel pushed a little harder, finally getting all the way in and Dean breathed out his name, his face was still buried in Gabriel's crotch so he felt his dick twitch under his cheek.

Castiel rocked his hips a little, moving his dick inside a bit as Dean relaxed completely and adjusted to his length. Dean reached out and pulled Gabriel's boxers down now that he could focus a bit again. Gabriel sucked in a breath as his dick was freed and oh yes, he was hard and leaking, watching them always turned him on so much. Dean licked the head, gathering the moisture with his tongue and Gabriel moaned his name, he started mouthing on the flesh and Gabriel's hand tightened in his hair. Cas was still rocking into him gently, still waiting, Dean didn't have to turn back to know that he was watching. Watching how Dean's hole stretched and clenched around his dick and how Dean was licking and mouthing on Gabriel's dick. Yeah, ok, maybe he actually was a little bit of an exhibitionist, because he liked it a hell of a lot when his lovers watched him.

He closed his lips around the head of Gabe's dick and sucked and that was the exact moment when Castiel pulled out and thrust back in, making Dean moan around the hardness in his mouth.

'Fuck,' Gabriel cursed under his breath when Dean took more of him into his mouth, still sucking as Castiel continued with the slow, but deep thrusts into his body. He couldn't deep-throat Gabe, Cas he managed after enough practice, but Gabriel was just too big for him. It never stopped Dean from going down as much as he could thought, taking as much of him in his mouth as he was able to without chocking on it and Gabriel always, just like now, moaned so deliciously, the sound going straight to Dean's dick.

Cas stopped going slow then, but Dean didn't mind, he was stretched, relaxed and slick and so hard it was almost painful, he had Gabriel moaning and thrusting a little up in his mouth, he just wanted to lose his mind now. Castiel started thrusting into him in earnest, his pace hard and fast, both his hands tight on Dean's hips. Gabriel stopped grabbing his hair too hardly, but his fingers were still sliding on his skull, stroking his head as his dick moved in and out of Dean's mouth.

Castiel lost it first, his rhythm becoming hard and a little erratic, his fingers sliding on Dean's sweat slick skin as he thrust into him, coming inside and riding out his orgasm with the same heavy pace. Dean moaned again, there was no finesse in the movement of his mouth at this point, his jaw hurt already and spit was running down the side of his mouth and Gabriel's dick. It was completely messy and loud and Gabriel loved it from the sounds of it. He warned Dean when he was getting close, he almost always did, even if Dean never pulled back, and he just sucked harder when Gabriel got over the edge and emptied himself in his mouth. He was pulled up from his position a moment later, his back  pressing to Cas' chest again and Gabriel moved right after him, sealing his lips on his, kissing away his own taste. Castiel's mouth was attached to his neck again and a hand closed around his hard dick, jerking him off hard and fast and he was too far gone to try and figure out who the hand belonged to, not like he cared. He came hard, groaning into Gabriel's mouth, his muscles tightening as pleasure washed over him and he rode out the wave with two sets of lips and four hands roaming his body, absolutely perfect. His first coherent thought was that he really was one lucky son of a bitch.

'That was awesome,' he grinned as he was catching his breath.

'You're awesome,' Gabriel told him, kissing him on the lips one more time. Castiel hummed in agreement.

'Two hot guys in my bed, I'd be nuts not to take advantage of that,' he said, his body felt relaxed and sated. He felt fucking fantastic to be honest, best morning in a long while.

'Shit, I'm so late,' Gabriel said catching sight of the clock on the wall and he moved away, rolling out of bed. He was maybe a little bit hazy, but he managed to dash over to the bathroom.

'We're so mean,' Castiel said.

'He can blame it on the traffic,' Dean answered. They flopped back to the bed, not getting up yet, they still had plenty of time to clean up, get dressed and go to work. The room was lighter now, it was not dark outside anymore, morning light was peeking in from under the drapes. Gabriel rushed out of the bathroom a few minutes later, not shaved, but clean and he probably pointedly didn't look towards the bed while he gathered some clothes from the wardrobe and got dressed in record speed. He looked positively disheveled, his hair was a bit wet and Dean was almost sure that he was wearing one of Cas' t-shirts, but Dean thought he looked better than ever. When he finally had his cellphone and everything else in his shoulder bag he went to the door, opened it, then ran back to the bed like he just remembered something. He knelt down and pulled first Dean then Cas into a fast, hard kiss.

'Bastards,' he said again in a light tone. 'Gotta run,' he added and was out of the bedroom and the apartment in a blink. He was still going to be a few minutes late probably, but Dean was way too pleased to feel too bad about it.

x~x~x

Dean hoped Gabriel would call him back in time before he had to go, but he obviously still didn't go on a break since Dean's massage, so he called Castiel instead. He was already in gear, bullet-proof vest in place, he only had to put the mask and helmet on.

' _Hello Dean,_ ' came Cas' deep voice from the other end.

'Hey Cas, I'm gonna be home late tonight, we're moving out. I wanted to call Gabriel, but his cell is off, could you maybe call him at the end of his shift?'

' _I planned to do that anyway,_ ' Castiel answered. ' _I won't be able to get out of here for quite a while either._ '

'What happened?' Dean asked with a frown.

' _We're having a “surprise inspection” tomorrow, and a lot of unfinished paperwork,_ ' Castiel sighed.

'Your Dad gave you a heads up?'

' _Sometimes I feel bad about the privileges he gets me, this is not one of those days,_ ' he said. ' _When will you get home?_ '

'No clue, 3-4 AM? Maybe later, depends on the situation. I sent Gabriel a text message, but...'

' _I will call him when his shift ends, I think I will be here till midnight at least too,_ ' Castiel said.

'He's gonna be fine, right?' Dean asked. Sometimes Cas was better at judging such things and right now Dean just wanted to be sure that Gabriel being alone tonight and going to bed on his own will be okay. He assumed he would be perfectly fine, but still.

' _Of course he will be, Dean,_ ' Cas reassured him. ' _It's just one night, he knows that such things can happen and even if he goes to bed without us, we're gonna be there when he wakes up. I'm gonna tell him that my Dad's here too, and that my Mom would be probably up to some long chatting over the phone._ '

'Ok, that's good,' Dean breathed out. 'He can talk with Katrina for hours if he wants to.'

' _Yes. Be careful, Dean,_ ' Castiel said then. ' _Watch out for yourself._ '

'You got it,' Dean answered right away with a smile. 'Tell Gabe I'm going home as soon as I can,' he added.

' _He knows that, but I will. Bye, Dean._ '

'Bye, Cas.'

'Dean! Get your ass out already,' came Victor's voice from towards the door and Dean grabbed his helmet at hurried out.

x~x~x

'Figures he would make sure you call me,' Gabriel chuckled as he stepped into the elevator. Andy at the desk looked weirder than normal and if he would have to guess, Gabriel would've said he was drugged out of his mind. Or maybe it was his norm, he never really paid that much attention.

‘ _You know him_ ,’ Castiel said. ‘ _Sorry about this._ ’

‘Hey, no problem. I’m a big boy Cas, I can eat and go to sleep on my own y’know.’

‘ _We just like to be around you._ ’

‘Cas, I get it... don’t worry. I’m fine, and I know I’m always saying this, but I’m being honest this time, scout’s honor’ Castiel chuckled this time.

‘ _You’ve never been a scout_ ,’ he answered as expected.

‘I’m okay, Castiel,’ Gabriel told him.

‘ _I hope to get back as soon as possible, but both of us will be in the bed, under the covers with you by the time you have to wake up again_.’

‘Yeah, crushing me under your weight, you two giant over-grown octopuses.’ Castiel laughed fondly and it brought a smile to Gabriel’s face.

‘ _Call me if there’s anything, okay? I’m mostly just sitting at this desk._ ’

‘Yes, fine,’ he agreed. Both of them were so protective of him still, and he wanted to be annoyed by all the fussing, but he liked it too much and well, it felt really nice to be honest. ‘Don’t poison yourself with coffee, you gonna trash your heart if you keep up with the amount of daily caffeine you have.’

‘ _Understood, doctor._ ’ Castiel said in a very serious tone and the way he uttered “doctor” actually sent a shiver down Gabriel’s spine as he stepped out of the elevator. Damn it, he was growing a brand new kink here. Not good.

‘Ok, shut up. I’ll see you later.’

‘ _Yes, good night, Gabriel._ ’

‘Night, Cas,’ he pocketed his phone and walked to their door, getting his keys out as he was finally able to take a look at the envelopes that he got from the mailbox. Mostly bills, no surprise there. He slid the key into the lock, trying not to let the slippery letters fall out of his other hand.

‘Gabriel.’

He turned around and his fingers went numb, the white envelopes scattered around the pastel colored fitted carpet. He literally couldn’t breath, not at all. He may have looked very different right now, but Gabriel would always recognize him. His voice was way too quiet, way too small when he breathed out the name.

‘Michael.’ 

 


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter XX

Brother. Gabriel could never forget any detail about Michael. Not his deep green stormy eyes, the strong lines of his face nor his voice and the stiff way he used to form the words. He was tall, always standing straight, his shoulders wide and his tone commanding. His face was always stern except when he was very young, but Gabriel didn’t remember much of that brother, the kind brother. He remembered the Michael he feared.

The man standing before him was undoubtedly Michael, but not exactly. His hair was longer than ever Gabriel remembered his to be, he had thick stubble on his face that soon would turn into a beard ,while Michael always used to be clean-shaven. He was still taller than Gabriel, but he didn’t look that tall, in fact, he looked a lot smaller than his height would’ve indicated now that Gabriel managed to grab a hold of his brain and stop it from riling uncontrollably into panic. His shoulders were hunched, not much, but it was visible. He was a lot thinner. His chin was not up straight, his pose was not strong and commanding, on the contrary. He looked edgy and twitchy and looked like he would want to be anywhere but here. And if Gabriel was good at something, it was picking up on somebody being vulnerable. It calmed him down and the next time he spoke his voice was a lot more steady.

‘What are you doing here? How did you find me?’

Michael licked his lips before he spoke up again and only now did Gabriel notice that he was not making eye-contact.

‘I’m no fugitive, I didn’t escape or something,’ he said. ‘I’m free, got out 2 months ago... don’t call the cops.’

Gabriel was tempted to do so, but even if Michael looked like a shadow of his former self, he didn’t wanna risk anything acting too inconsiderately.

‘What are you doing here?’ he asked again, a bit more sternly. Michael looked pained for a second before he opened his mouth again.

‘I didn’t wanna do this, Gabriel. I swear I didn’t. I wanted to contact you... maybe later, but not this. You gotta believe me I didn’t wanna do this.’

Gabriel frowned and a sharp feel of dread gripped his chest at the words.

‘Do what?’ he asked.

‘Tsk tsk tsk. Always with the dramatics, Mikey,’ a third voice interrupted them and Gabriel’s head whipped up to look in that direction. This guy stepped out from behind the corner of the hallway, so no wonder Gabriel didn’t see him. Short dirty blond hair, faded jeans and shirt and he was of course way bigger than Gabriel, just fantastic.

‘Nick, please let’s just go,' Michael asked the other guy and that unpleasant feeling was growing inside of Gabriel.

'After I've been listening to you whining and bitching about little brother for years, you just wanna turn tail and run away? No, not happening, Mikey.'

'How do you even get here?' Gabriel asked, because they shouldn't be standing here, on his floor of all places dammit.

'Oh, you'd be astound how much information they give out to immediate family-members,' the Nick guy said in a musing tone as he landed a hand on Michael's shoulder. He flinched, fuck this was bad. He had no idea what was going on, but it was absolutely not good.

'What do you want?' he asked and congratulated himself for still being able to keep his voice even and steady.

'Why don't we discuss that inside?' Nick asked.

'Here's good,' Gabriel replied right away.

'We don't want to disturb your neighbors, now do we?' he asked. The tone was still light, but Gabriel could see through it, and it was anything but friendly. His mind raced, trying to figure out what to do. He could yell, some of the neighbors had to be home, right? He had nowhere to run, with both Michael and Nick standing between him and the rest of the hallway, he wasn't even sure Michael was a treat, he looked thoroughly freaked out, so maybe not. It's not like he could run far, the elevator would take too long to open.

'Gabriel, don't make this messier than it has to be,' Nick told him lightly with raised eyebrows, like he was silly for not doing what he was told already. The guy was seriously giving him the creeps now, but he didn't move. He sure as hell won't get behind close doors with these two, not on his own free will. God, he was in so much shit right now. Why him? Why couldn't he have peace in his godforsaken life for once? Nick sighed dramatically and moved one of his hands. Gabriel couldn't see him properly, because he was half standing behind Michael still, but Dean brought enough guns home for him to recognize the metallic click that reached his ears. Fuck.

'Now open the door, before I happen to find myself wanting to add some fresh warm colors to these dull walls.'

God, he wished he knew what was happening, but right now he was only sure that he didn't wanna end up as fingerpaint on the wall, so he reached to the lock again and turned to key to open the door.  Nick shoved a little at Michael and pointedly looked at Gabriel too, so they walked inside.

x~x~x

'Feel free to explain it to me what the hell is going on here,' Gabriel said after a little while. Nick was strolling around the apartment like he owned it. Of course he had the key to the locked front door now and he was never too far from the living room, where he told Gabriel to sit down. Michael was just standing by the wall silently ever since they got inside, and Gabriel hated not knowing what was happening. He hated that he was fucking threatened with a gun in his own home and that he knew that no one will be coming home for a long while. That piece of information he kept to himself, they didn't have to know who lived here with him, nor when they will be back. He was stupidly happy that they were not the “hang photos of ourselves everywhere” kinda guys. They had paintings and framed rock posters on the walls, but nothing personal.

'Oh, Mikey and I were roomies in that luxury hotel everyone calls “Colorado State Penitentiary”,' Nick supplied helpfully as he walked back into the room. He really was never far away from them. 'Such a disadvantageous name, but I guess it should be, not like anyone wants to end up there.'

Nick walked back in to his line of vision until he was standing right next to Michel at the wall.

'Like two peas in a pod, weren't we Mikey?' he asked, his voice dropping down a little lower, a little quieter. 'Sharing space like that for so many years, it brings people together you know?' he added and looked at Gabriel, but he just stared back at him without answering. Nick kept his cold blue eyes locked on his face for one more second before he turned his head back to Michael. 'Yes, all the BFF things one could imagine. Watching out the other doesn't get stabbed in the yard, or bent over in the showers... hmm... my-my, yes I had to pay close attention to watch out for our little Mikey.'

Michael kept his gaze pointedly at a random spot and he didn't seem like he wanted to say anything unless he had to.

'We even got matching tattoos,' Nick said almost cheerfully and he grabbed Michael's wrist to raise his arm, the other man was not fighting him. Said “tattoo” was two deep, long scars and nasty burn on the inside of Michael's forearm and Gabriel did his absolute best not to react, because Nick's eyes were locked on his face the entire time. After a long tense second he dropped Michael's arm and walked past him. Gabriel didn't know whether he was trying to intimidate him or was plain crazy, but either way he was already more than a little anxious about his situation. He was really proud of himself for keeping calm, he needed a clear head, he needed it, if he lost it he was done and over with, he knew for sure, he had to think. Nick walked into the bedroom casually, fucking bastard.

'Michael,' Gabriel hissed in a low, quiet tone. 'Talk!'

'I'm sorry, I didn't want to come here.'

'You told me that already, it's not helping shit. What is going on?'

'I've been sending you postcards,' Michael said after a pause. 'But then suddenly, the post sent them back, you moved away... I kept writing them, even if I couldn't send them anywhere... I just, I tried... but I had nowhere to go when I got out, just to Nick. He's been out for a year. I wanted to meet you, or just talk to you... something, just to send a letter at least, but I didn't know where you were...' he hurriedly reached in his pocket and pulled out a crumpled peace of newspaper. 'But then I saw you in the paper,' he said. 'I recognized you, y'know. I didn't even need to check the name, I knew it was you, even if the last time I saw you--' he bit his words and fell silent abruptly.

'I was thirteen and you were beating my face into a pulp,' Gabriel found himself saying without a conscious thought. His voice a lot more detached than he would've expected it to sound. Michael winced again and his shoulders slumped as he kept staring down at the crumpled paper in his hands, his fingers never stopped moving, he was smoothing out the newspaper piece again and again in a nervous gesture.

'Christ, I'm not like that anymore, I swear I'm not, you gotta believe me that.'

'I don't care. I have your psycho cell-mate holding me hostage in my own fucking apartment for whatever reason, and I'm pretty sure he wants to blow my brains out. So excuse me, if I'm not glad we're catching up.' Michael looked up at him, but only for a moment, he had that pained expression on his face again. Good, it should hurt, should hurt a lot more. Gabriel didn't really know where all this anger was bubbling up from within, but it was there. Anger made him stupid and reckless, so it really was not good.

'I was trying to think of the best way to contact you,' Michael said after a pause. 'Nick saw me looking at this,' he said holding up that damned Denver Post front page, then he glanced up at the bedroom door. 'And he got mad,' he said very quietly.

'Great,' Gabriel muttered. So he had a pissed pscyho in his apartment, with a gun. Fate was a bitch and she damn well hated him to no end, he was sure of it. His mind trailed to the gun Dean kept at home, but it was locked away, no way could he get it. They had knives in the kitchen, but that was a lousy weapon against someone with a gun.

'Really... I would've expected at least a few fluffy handcuffs or something,' Nick said as he showed up at the bedroom door. 'You looked like the kinky type,' he observed. Gabriel ignored him. 'So, are we expecting a Mrs. to show up anytime soon?' he asked then. Gabriel didn't answer. 'You are a young doctor, working at a hospital ER. I'm sure you cannot afford this place on your own, even if I know that Grandma Morgenstern was loaded. So tell me, girlfriend, fiancée? Who are we expecting?'

Gabriel didn't answer.

'Ok, we can get to the end of this differently,' he said and went to Gabriel's bag that was dropped down at the end of the couch. He was searching for a while before he got Gabriel's cellphone out. 'Am I gonna find a “Sweetie” a “Baby” or a “Darling” in this?' he asked. 'No, you don't look like a guy who would put those in as contacts... lets see the emergency numbers then.'

Pissed pscyho, who was not a complete moron. Awesome.

'Dean... and Castiel. Well, I remember hearing the second name before... still being buddies with childhood friends?' he raised an eyebrow to look at Gabriel again. 'Why so silent Dr. Morgenstern?'

'Nick...'

'Shut up, Mikey,' he said without looking at Michael. 'Which one lives here?' he asked then, Gabriel didn't answer. 'When will he get back?' He walked closer this time until he was standing right in front of Gabriel. 'Still no answer?' he asked.

This time Gabriel had a way too good view of the gun as Nick pulled it out of the back of his jeans and raised it. Suddenly, he felt very cold.

'Nick!' Michael exclaimed, pushing himself off the wall.

'I said, _shut up_!' Nick barked at him. 'You are not trying enough to make my stay here entertaining, Gabriel,' he said. 'So how about we play the game where you answer when I ask you a question, hm? Sure you don't want me to get too annoyed, right?'

Gabriel slowly looked up at the guy. The gun barrel just inches away from his head, that was new. And yet, he just felt... not sure. He wasn't scared, he knew how it felt to be scared, this wasn't it. Maybe he was angry, it almost felt like that, but it was a slow burn. He was sure as hell that he won't tell a single thing about Dean or Castiel to some crazy bastard, not ever. So he let his eyes land on the gun before he looked up at the sharp eyes that were looking back at him.

'Fuck you.'

The gun barrel got pressed to his forehead, it was cold, and very unpleasant. The gun oil would leave a smudge on his skin, Nick used too much of it, Gabriel could smell it. He found himself in the strangest staring contest of his life with the way he and Nick were still looking at each other.

'You know, when Mikey was telling me about you... I would've expected you to be curled up in the corner in panic at this point. Would've seemed _in character,_ ' Nick remarked. 'But no... interesting. So very interesting. You know that eyes tell a lot of things about a person? I'm pretty good at telling quite much if I can look someone in the eyes. You know what I see right now, Gabriel? Something particularly similar to what I see when I look into a mirror.'

Gabriel didn't let the words get to him, fucking bastard was playing with him, and he would not allow that.

'Maybe Michael hit too hard one time too many,' he said calmly. How was he calm? So strange.

'Maybe,' Nick chuckled and pulled the gun back, finally breaking eye-contact. 'Alright, I think I'm entertained now.'

x~x~x

Kali was perfectly content with working in St. Anthony's. For starters, even if it was a public hospital it was a lot cleaner than the private clinic she was working at back in India. The relief from the constant nagging of her parents about marriage and grandchildren was also like a breath of fresh spring air. It was not like she couldn't get along on her own without them. She also enjoyed being able to see Gabriel, even if they could never be what they have been before. She had the opportunity, and she took it. Never before was she so glad about her dual citizenship than in this situation. God knows how long it would've taken to get a work visa otherwise. Like this? She didn't even think about getting on the plane back home. She had all of her stuff shipped to her, not even her parents could prevent that. They were furious, suits them right.

One thing she didn't appreciate was the bureaucracy of the US medical system. She was fed up dealing with paperwork over lunch every day. At least she was not alone in her misery as Gabriel was always doing the same thing. This time though, she cursed his name, because she was pretty sure Gabriel screwed up something. She preferred him being there in person when she wanted to chew him out, but they ended up in different shifts again this week so Gabriel already left a couple of hours ago. She waited for one of the nurses looking through the folders to find the right ones. She really hated standing around doing nothing.

'I'm sorry Dr. Surendra,' Becky said as she got back. 'I really don't know where Dr. Morgenstern might've left those. He definitely didn't bring them back here.'

'Wonderful,' Kali sighed. 'Keep looking, I will check in the doctor's lounge,' she told the nurse and headed back. They had a lazy night, not many emergency cases so far, she could always appreciate that. She searched the room, ignoring Dr. Reed who was sipping coffee at the couch. Gabriel had a bad tendency to leave stuff around, the only bad thing she could tell about his work. She got out her cellphone from her coat and turned it on, calling him. It rang for an awful long time before it switched to voice-mail.

Kali stared down at the phone with a frown, it wasn't that late. She turned it off again and went back to the nurse desk.

'Becky, beep Dr. Morgenstern, please,' she asked right away.

'Yeah, I don't think he's gonna answer,' Becky said. 'His brother's in town visiting.'

'What did you just say?' Kali looked at her.

'That his brother's in town, maybe they went out.'

'What do you know about his brother?' Kali asked and her voice dropped down a little while she frowned at the nurse, and Becky immediately looked uncertain.

'Just... Anna told me he was here today, he asked when Dr. Morgenstern's work-shift will end,'

'Shit,' she cursed right away, already fishing out her phone.

'But, Anna asked him for an ID, what? It was really his brother... what is wrong?'

Kali ignored her and rushed out of the door while she turned on the phone again and scrolled through her contact list. She was so grateful she asked Gabriel for numbers. She just knew she would need them.

She dialed Dean first, and she got really annoyed when she immediately got voicemail. She waited until the beep.

'It's Kali, Michael's out, call me back!' she hung up and went to Castiel's number. Maybe they were all home already, maybe they don't even know about this. Gabriel not picking up his phone unnerved her, he never muted it in case someone wanted to call him in for an emergency.

Castiel's phone rang and Kali found herself repeating 'come on' over and over again, just wanting to get in contact with somebody.

' _Yes?_ ' Castiel picked up.

'Finally. Castiel, it's Kali.'

' _Kali, how do you have my number, why are you calling this late?_ '

'Shut up, not important. Michael's out of jail, he was here today.' There was a second of stunned silence on the other end.

' _What? How did he escape?_ '

'Count those years.'

' _He's free, why didn't I think of this sooner?_ '

'We all had more than enough on our plates to not really think of him of all people,' Kali said then. 'Gabriel's not picking up his phone. Michael came here to ask when Gabriel will be finished with work. I'm worried.'

' _Ok, I'm already in Denver,_ ' Castiel said. ' _I'll be home soon and we'll know what's going on._ '

'I can get out of here,' Kali said. 'I'm going to your place.'

' _No, I'm almost there, no need._ '

'But what if he's dangerous?'

' _It's been fifteen years, let’s not think of the worst_ ,' Castiel said, but Kali could hear in his voice that his calm was forced.

'Shouldn't we call the police? Dean's not picking up either.'

' _Dean's on field, he won't pick up for a long while_ ,' Castiel told her. ' _And maybe there's no need for police, we'll see after I get home._ '

'Alone?'

' _I can take care of myself_ ,' Castiel answered.

'I think we should call the police,' Kali insisted. She had a very bad feeling about this.

' _Don't call 911, do you know Dean's work number?_ '

'Yes,'

' _Ask there for Lt. Ellen Harvelle, but only if I don't call you back... in an hour._ '

'Fine,' Kali said. 'Call me.'

They hung up without saying goodbye and Kali took a large breath, this conversation didn't manage to calm her down one bit.

 

Castiel just turned the corner to their street when he got to Dean's voice-mail.

'Hey, it's Cas. Listen, Kali probably left you a message already. I don't know what's going on, or whether Michael actually went to our place, but I'm almost home now. I can't wait, whatever is happening, Gabriel just can't be alone, so you can call me stupid for this later. Please call me as soon as you get this and if I don't pick up... we're probably in trouble. Hopefully, I'm just being too worried and nothing's up, but I wanted to make sure you know anyway. Call me paranoid. So... bye.'

He pocketed his phone and parked down the car to get in the building.

 


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter XXI

 

Castiel entered the building and rushed to Andy's desk right away. The young man was going through some comic book lazily, not looking sleepy despite the late hour.

'Andy.'

'Yeah?'

'Did anyone go up to our level, anyone you don't know?' Castiel asked.

'Not since I got here,' Andy said, finally looking up from the comic book. 'Why?'

'And Gabriel?' Cas asked instead of answering.

'Yeah, he got home just after I got here, why? Castiel?' but Cas was paying no attention to him anymore. He went to the elevator to get up to their floor. He was immensely relieved that Gabriel was indeed home. Hundreds of worst possible scenarios rushed through his mind in the past minutes, him being home erased some of those. He was not relaxed yet though, not until he could see him with his own eyes. More than anything he wished to find him sleeping in their bed and then he could Kali and tell her everything was fine.

The elevator ride never seemed this long in the two years since they lived here. Castiel just hoped, literally prayed that nothing was wrong, because not Michael, not now when Gabriel was finally fine again, now when they were _all_ fine again. The door opened at the 7 th floor and Castiel walked towards their apartment with certain steps. When he noticed the first white envelope on the floor he stopped abruptly, but then he took another few steps closer, regaining his composure, and sure enough, there were several letters scattered in front of their door.

His mind was rushing with his possibilities. He could call the police right away and wait for them to get here, it would be the smartest thing to do, but... Gabriel. The thought of Gabriel being alone with his brother... just no. No, he couldn't allow that. He silently stepped closer to the door and got his keys out to open the door as quietly as possible.

x~x~x

'So are you just gonna stare at me for the rest of eternity?' Gabriel asked. They've been here, for hours. Nick raided their fridge and drank a beer in all peace, while Michael continued to pretend to be invisible or something standing by the wall. Gabriel still couldn't think of any escape options, unless he actually tried to get the gun away from the fucker, which was... yeah, him going face-to-face with an over 6 feet tall armed ex-con, that would surely end well. He still had no idea what they wanted from him, which was more than a little disturbing.

'Oh, I'm just waiting for Mikey to grow some balls and speak his mind already.'

Gabriel turned to look at his brother with a questioning look when he heard it, that small quiet click of the front door lock. Nick's head whipped up at the sound, he stood up and leveled Michael with a look.

'Keep him quiet... or I will,' he said, pointing at Gabriel with his gun again. He started walking out of the living room. Before Gabriel could yell at whoever was coming home, Michael was already on him, a hand clamped down on his mouth as he was kept in place. Despite being skinnier than before, Michael was still strong. Gabriel started to struggle immediately, trying to get out of his grip. This started to feel terrifyingly familiar, but before real panic could've settled in his gut Michael pressed his forehead to his and started talking in a hurried whispering tone.

'Please, Gabriel. Stay quiet, please. He's gonna hurt you if you don't, believe me, he will and I can't let that... just, please... be quiet, please.'

Gabriel froze at the words, it was so achingly familiar, but he couldn't put a finger on it.

_“Shh, it's okay, it's gonna be okay, just be quiet. Please be quiet, little brother.”_

Something... a memory? He didn't know, it was all too vague for him to grab a hold of, but he remembered something. It was tugging at the back of his mind, Michael's voice in his head sounded too high, too young. What was this memory?

A loud thud coming from the entry hall tore him away from the traces of something forgotten and his eyes widened in alarm. Next he heard Nick letting out a pained sound and then he groaned angrily, there were a few heavy steps and then Castiel and Nick fell into the living room and entered his line of vision. Nick still had the gun, but Castiel managed to knee him in the stomach before he could raise it. The blond-haired man doubled a little over with a pained grunt, but still evaded when Cas wanted to punch him in the face and charged at him, getting both off them off their feet as they landed hard at the wooden floor right in front of the TV. There was a short struggle between them, that ended when Cas managed to get on top. Castiel was holding the wrist that held the gun, his grip strong, but Nick held onto his weapon. Castiel's other hand was around Nick's throat while the other tried to pry it off. Then Nick glanced to the side and let go of Castiel's hand quickly. He tore the DVD player out from its place and smashed it to Cas' head who went limp above him right away and Nick could toss him off of him.

Gabriel started to struggle against Michael and he managed to get out of his grip when he dug his nails into his arm as hard as he could and the older man's hold loosened. Nick got onto his feet, his nose bloody and now he looked furious, beyond furious and he raised his gun right away. Gabriel was up from the couch and at the TV in a second and got in-between them without even thinking about what he was doing. He threw himself down onto the ground to reach Castiel.

He had his eyes squeezed shut as he covered the younger man, but the gunshot never came.

He blinked open his eyes, his breathing heavy, his blood pounding in his ears. He raised his upper-body and glanced back over his shoulder. Michael was standing between them and Nick, his hand on the other man's gun-holding hand. He stood close to the other to speak in a quiet tone, but Gabriel could hear him clearly.

'Calm down, he's down... okay? Just calm down,' he was saying to him. Nick kept staring down at Gabriel and Cas on the floor with a dark look on his face before he looked at Michael and finally lowered the gun. He reached to his bloody nose to wipe it and cursed immediately in pain.

'Fuck! The fuck is this little prick? God-fucking-dammit!' He was not paying attention to them anymore. Michael looked back at him, but Gabriel turned away to check on Castiel. His head was bleeding. Dammit.

'Can I get some bandages?' he asked and looked back at Nick. Soon the blue gaze landed on him again, Nick's face was still bloody and he was going to have a nasty bruise, since Cas broke his nose very neatly.

'You know what, doc? Fine. You're fixing my nose first, and then maybe I let you patch up that little piece of shit.'

'Deal,' Gabriel said right away. He can set his nose back if he was allowed to bandage up Cas' wound in return, it was a good trade.

'Tell Mikey where you keep the stuff. I don't want you out of my sight for a second,' Nick said as he sat down to the couch and groaned in discomfort again as he put a hand on his stomach.

x~x~x

Castiel woke up slowly, but when a sharp pain shot into his head he blinked open his eyes with a groan. And wanted to jolt up as he felt that his hands were tied.

'Shh, Cas, stay still,' he heard from above him and he managed to focus on Gabriel a second later.

'Gabriel... wha--'

'Finally done with the beauty sleep? I'm not gonna lie to you, it would've been much better if you wouldn't have woken up.'

Cas wanted to sit up to look at the strange voice as suddenly everything came back to him, but Gabriel kept a hand on his chest and didn't let him move.

'Who the hell are you?' he still asked.

'Now, at least I have the advantage here, because I know everything about you... Second Lieutenant... this is a very bad picture of you by the way.'

'Let me up, Gabriel,' he said and Gabriel seemed like he wanted to argue, but then he pulled him up and propped his back to the side of the armchair. His hands were not tied up like Castiel's.

His head went dizzy from the position change, but it cleared out soon enough. He saw the man he was fighting, now with a bandage across the bridge of his nose, but his face turned into a dark purple shade – almost black – all around the gauze. Castiel felt very satisfied about that as the man was looking down at his wallet and his ID cards, he must've searched him. He still had his gun in his hand. Cas quickly looked around and noticed the black-haired man standing somewhere between the man and him and Gabriel, but out of the way. It took Castiel a lot of time to recognize Michael Morgenstern in him.

'So, what's it gonna be, Nick?' Gabriel asked as he turned to look at the blond man. He was sitting next to Castiel on the carpet.

'That's up to Mikey,' the man answered.

'Really? We're going to wait around for Michael to hold a grand speech or confess his sins, or whatever the hell you want him to do?'

'I could simply shoot you, if that would be more to your liking,' Nick told him in answer. Gabriel kept his eyes on the man for a few silent moments. Castiel could only see half of his face, but it seemed relaxed and intent to him.

'You do realize that there's nowhere for you to go from here just back to jail, right?' Gabriel asked then.

'You sure you chose the right strategy there, Gabriel? That's something that makes me wanna shoot you more.'

'No, you see... there are some things you may wanna consider,' Gabriel said as he stood up from the floor and started walking a bit closer to the other man with lazy leisure steps. Castiel immediately felt his heart in his throat and he wanted to shout at Gabriel, because what on Earth was he doing?

'Right now, this,' he spread his arms a little showing around the room, referring to their situation. 'Is, let’s say, forced entry, assault, threatening with a deadly weapon... maybe a few other moderate charges, not sure, I'm not a lawyer, nor a cop... but... yeah, it would give you a handful of years back in that... luxury hotel you mentioned earlier.'

Nick's sharp gaze was locked on Gabriel the entire time, well, not like Castiel and Michael were not staring at him too.

'But if there's a body,' Gabriel continued as he finally stood still, looking up at Nick who was looking back at him from his place at the wall. 'With you being a return customer... you'd go straight to the death row.'

He fell silent, or just leaving a pause for his words to sink in. Nick's face darkened further.

'C'mon, you're not stupid... you should've realized that on your own by now.'

'If I'm caught,' Nick said.

'Yeah right, because the police would look over the death of a moderately well-known doctor or that of an Air Force officer's... think a little. We're not some hobos in a dark alley you can take out your anger on to feel big and strong.'

Nick pushed himself off the wall and was walking closer. Castiel again just wanted to yell at Gabriel to back the hell off and shut up, but he didn't really dare to interrupt. It looked like Gabriel had a plan with this, despite it looking suicidal in Cas' eyes. Michael was not leaning against the wall either now, he looked like he wanted to move closer, but he hesitated, his eyes were constantly locked on Nick or Gabriel though.

'I would watch my tone, if I were you,' Nick warned and he stopped one step away from Gabriel. To Castiel's surprise Gabe was staring down the taller man almost without blinking. His posture sure and still looking utterly calm and almost nonchalant.

'I'm right and you know it. If anyone dies here, you're dead,' Gabriel kept going ignoring the warning completely. 'You would have that needle up in your arm so fucking fast, that you wouldn't even have time to beg some senator for mercy.'

Nick kept staring at him for another moment, but Gabriel stood his ground, just looking back at him. There was a hint of a smile on Nick's face before he raised his hand and struck Gabriel across the chin with the back of his gun.

'Nick!' Michael yelled and he was across the room and right in the other's personal space even before Gabriel hit the floor. Castiel wanted to rush to him, but the first movement made him dizzy in the head again.

'Gabriel!' he called.

'I'm fine,' Gabriel said. His tone exactly the same as before. He turned and sat up, wiping away the blood from his face with his sleeve.

'I told you to watch your tone,' Nick said.

'Stop it, Nick!' Michael argued.

'You're gonna tell me not to teach a smartass a lesson? Huh? Stop arguing with me, Mikey.'

'Leave him alone,' Michael said.

'Oh yeah, why?'

'He's my brother,' the dark-haired man answered. Such anger darkened Nick's face in a second that Castiel actually felt fear curl up in his stomach.

Nick struck Michael a lot harder than he did Gabriel. He hit him right in the face and with such power that the other stumbled and almost hit the coffee table.

' _I'm_ your brother!' Nick yelled down at him. 'I've been taking care of you! I've been watching out for you, protecting your ungrateful ass for years! You would've been dead within a month without me!!' he crouched down to Michael and grabbed his t-shirt, pulling him in a sitting position and he kept yelling, but now right in his face.

'You spent the last ten years trying to figure out how to beg yourself back into little brother's life. Don't you _get_ it? It won't happen. But you're just too stupid to get that! I just can't. Get it. In Your. _Head_!' he told him and jabbed at his forehead with his hand repeatedly to punctuate his words. 'You still don't understand, you stupid little shit? You think your big-shot doctor brother would ever again give a crap about you? You can't still possibly be that much of an idiot. I could shoot you right here in front of him and he would be more pissed about me ruining his carpet than your brain splattered on the floor. You're just an ex-con, just white trash and I'm the only one who's willing to lift a finger for you! I took you in, I _helped_ you! And this?! This is how you repay me?! Siding with him?!'

Michael kept his eyes averted and stayed down as the angry words were hissed at him. Nick maybe would've continued, but a quiet chuckle interrupted him and he looked beyond murderous when his eyes locked on Gabriel again. Castiel stared at him with wide eyes, because what the hell was he doing?!

'Something funny, Gabriel?' Nick asked in a low tone.

'Yeah,' Gabriel nodded, his chuckles almost growing into a laugh. 'You. Is this what this is about? Really? You're jealous?' he laughed a little as he shook his head, there was still blood on his face, but he acted like it wasn't even there. Nick stood up, dropping Michael and he advanced at Gabriel again. Gabriel smiled, almost grinned up at him. 'You are one pathetic son of a bitch.'

Nick looked down at him while Castiel stared in horror. For a moment he was sure that it was his head injury acting up, because no way Gabriel was taunting him. No way had he just laughed in the face of the madman with the gun.

'If you're dead, I'm dead... that's what you said,' Nick spoke finally. Gabriel hummed in agreement and nodded once. 'Well, I will greet death as an old friend. How are you going to face it?'

'I'll cross that bridge when I get to it,' Gabriel answered simply.

'You know what I think, you little bastard? I think, simply just shooting you, would be way too kind of me,' Nick said. Gabriel just kept staring up at him, his head comfortably resting at the edge of the couch. His body language, his face, still all relaxed, the laughter left his face now, but he didn't look afraid or tense, he didn't look like anything really. His face was a calm mask and Castiel absolutely had no idea what may have been going through his head. The way he was acting though? Castiel would've said, that it scared him a little. If he would've allowed himself to be honest at this moment, and he really didn't want to be honest about this.

 


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter XXII

' _Bravo team ready.._.' Dean heard in the radio. ' _…Delta Team in position..._ ' came a different voice. Then their operation leader's voice answered.

' _To all teams: stay alert and stand by._ _Snipers, stand by, but hold fire,_ ' he said and Dean wanted to curse under his breath.

'Roger,' he answered back. Said operation leader was an idiot. If Dean would've been the one running this show, he would've let the Bravo team move in already, breach that fucking left entrance and smoke out the fuckers, but no... they gave even more time to the negotiator. Dean had at least two of the bodies on the first floor in his scope several times and he could've dropped them easily. But no... fucking hold fire, for hours now. The situation was way more than tense and the negotiator sucked, Dean knew it, everyone knew it, just the idiot FBI didn't. Fucking FBI, taking over their situation. They could've handled this already if the feds wouldn't have messed it all up.

There was no negotiation with these bastards, they wouldn't be convinced, and sure as hell the FBI won't give them what they're demanding. The PD has been working on this case for weeks now, they knew what kinda people they were up against. The FBI? They had the nerve to take over this whole case, just because this one time they were on government property and not civil ground. They knew nothing about this group, nilch, nada, jack with a side of squat, only what was standing in the files, but that was obviously not everything.

Now the FBI was the boss on the scene, so it was a fucking stand-still for so damn long that Dean was afraid his fingers were going to go numb from the cool night-air. Dean knew how he could convince the bastards hiding inside to give this up, with his 11 Remington Model 700 Rifle. He has never seen anyone in his life who didn't get nervous when that little red dot landed on their skin. Not like these bastards were pros anyway, with Victor and the guys ready and in position, they could've moved in already and it would've ended hours ago! He could be curled up in bed around Gabriel, with Castiel sleeping on the other side, all of them under the warm soft blankets of their big comfortable bed. Instead, he was lying on this dirty rooftop for long hours as the temperature was dropping lower and lower. Fucking FBI.

' _One walking_ ' came suddenly in the radio and son of a bitch! How did they manage to catch one? Dean moved his rifle to look down onto the front of the building, where he saw an FBI guy dragging a guy across the street with hurried steps. He had no idea whether the agent pulled a John McLane and snatched the guy himself, or the badguy gave himself up, but he didn't have time to ponder on it for too long. All hell broke loose when someone started firing from the building. The suspect got hit first, blood painting his t-shirt red right away, then the FBI agent went down, despite him wearing a bullet-proof vest.

'Fuck!' Dean cursed and switched his attention back to the building, immediately searching for the shooter and he was sure he was not the only one, they had a few snipers up on high angle. He heard every info rushing through the radio, but he didn't really need to pay attention, the fuckers started shooting, so they could fire back now. He was scanning the windows and while he had blood rushing in his ears, his hands were steady and he kept his breathing slow and even. Only half a second passed between Dean spotting the shooter, taking aim and pulling the trigger, breaking the glass and watching how the guy fell down from his spot. He heard in the radio as the FBI agent in charge finally ordered for the teams to move in. Dean kept looking through his scope at the window and then confirmed that one body was down.

Things went pretty smoothly after, just as Dean expected. He did keep his focus on the visible entrances while the others searched all rooms, just in case though. He was paying close attention to what the others were reporting back from the inside too. He only breathed out in relief when both teams confirmed that the building was clear now. By the time they all got the order to get back down he could see the team coming out with the now unarmed and cuffed culprits and the few civvies that were stuck inside with them. Ok, so he still missed that he was not down there with them, right in the crossfire, but hell, he made his decision and he could help a helluva lot from this position too. He wondered whether that stupid “John McLane” FBI agent was alright or not. He figured he would figure it out soon enough.

'Nice shot back there,' said Caleb, Dean still couldn't figure out why Victor paired the two of them up, they were like complete opposites, and they shared a moderate amount of dislike towards each other too. Well ok, he was finally starting to get used to him and that fucking cigarette that was always between his lips, and he was damn good at what he was doing, so he helped Dean in his job a lot, that was what mattered.

Him and Caleb gathered all of their equipment, Dean taking his rifle apart swiftly, and they headed down from the roof. Dean was absolutely sure that he's going to be able to do this job for another 10-15 years, then his body will start complaining about cold rooftops and uncomfortable positions. Well, it wasn't so bad for now, but yeah he needed a hot shower and his bed badly.

Most of the guys were already just hovering around the van, masks and helmets off, guns on their shoulders, obviously waiting for everyone to be done so they could go back and then home. Victor was standing a bit further away talking with the FBI, badguys locked up and taken away. Dean felt positively good about their performance.

'What are the feds still doing here?' he asked when he joined the rest of the squad.

'Hell, if I know,' answered Virgil with a shrug. 'Making us waste more of our time for a change maybe.'

Dean snorted, he sure as hell agreed with him. They all just wanted to get the fuck out of here now.

'Dean!' he looked around and saw that Victor was gesturing him to come closer. He shot a befuddled look at the other guys, but they all just shrugged back at him, having no idea either, so Dean left his rifle with Caleb and walked over to Victor and that idiot agent who was leading this operation.

'Yeah?' he asked.

'Were you the sniper at the southeast high angle?' asked the agent.

'Yes,' Dean answered. He didn't have the urge to add “sir” to that one, the agent sure as hell was not his superior, and he proved that he was an idiot, which didn't make him deserving of any respect in Dean's book.

'You were shooting before I gave order for it,' the agent said. Dean wanted to roll his eyes.

'They were shooting at your agent. They start firing we are to respond, that's basic,' he crossed his arms over his chest and frowned down at the guy, who was luckily way shorter than him.

'So you took out the shooter,' the FBI agent said and Dean didn't like the sound of this now.

'Yes,' he said in a stern voice. 'What the hell is this about?' he asked then turning to Victor.

'By the first floor window, from where they opened fire on the agent... we didn't just find one of Garnacci's men dead, but also a hostage. Bullet wound in both cases.'

Dean kept his eyes on Victor while his words registered in his brain.

'I shoot once, and I took out the shooter,' he answered with conviction.

'Yeah well, we'll see about that,' the agent said. Dean got so angry within a second that he was sure that he would've told the guy where the hell to put his accusations in the most colorful way possible, but he already turned his back on them and was walking away. Dean turned back towards Victor right away.

'I took out the shooter. That's positive, not a hostage, I don't make mistakes like that, Victor!'

'Hey! I'm not saying you do, I trust you, you've got a hell of an aim. You just had to be told about this,' his squad-leader replied in a placating tone.

'I didn't shoot a hostage,' Dean repeated, his voice even lower than before.

'Fine, than you got nothing to worry about. Besides, there's no issue until the coroner inspects the bodies and we have the report on ballistics. That's gonna be tomorrow or the day after, okay?'

'If it's up to that agent. I'm so fucked... and not in the good way.'

Victor chuckled before he answered. 'Get it out of your head for now, you hear me?' he told him.

Dean nodded.

'Alright, let’s get going. The feds wasted more than enough of our time tonight,' Victor said and he started walking back to the rest of the team.

'Tell me about it. Was this guy ever on field before?'

'Doubt it,' Victor answered and it lifted Dean's mood a little bit, but not enough to chase all dark thoughts away from the back of his mind. He really just wanted to go home now.

x~x~x

They were on their way back to the station when Ellen contacted them on the radio. Victor called back for him and Dean crawled forward from the back of the van so he could reach the radio.

'What now?' he asked and didn't even try to pretend he wasn't grumpy.

' _Listen Dean, I want you to stay calm, but... there's trouble._ '

'What trouble?' Dean asked with a frown. He didn't like the sound of this. 'Ellen, what trouble?' he asked again when she took a breath and paused.

' _Just got off the phone with one of Gabriel's colleagues. Dr. Surendra_.'

'What happened?' he asked, trying to keep his voice even, because why the hell would Kali call Ellen, of all people.

' _Michael Morgenstern was at the hospital today_ ,' Ellen started.

'What?!'

' _Let me finish, he asked about Gabriel, nothing more. But when she couldn't reach Gabriel on the phone she tried to call you, then Castiel. She told me that Cas was on his way home and told her to contact me if he didn't call back in an hour... it's been over an hour now. I tried both of their numbers too.'_

Dean felt as his stomach dropped and he gripped the front seat tightly. He tried to breath, but it was hard. His mind filled with a thousand horrific scenarios immediately.

'I have to go there,' he said, still a bit numbly for the moment.

' _I already sent the closest patrol to your apartment, don't think of the worst yet, take a few deep breaths_.'

'I'm not gonna fucking take a deep breath,' Dean growled back at her suddenly.

' _Dean!'_ Ellen called again. ' _You gotta calm down._ '

'Calm down?! This is my home, Ellen! My family! I'm not gonna just sit and wait while some uniforms go take a look, I have to go there and right now!'

' _The hell you are, when you're like this!_ ' Ellen told him. ' _We have absolutely no idea whether there's anything wrong. You're coming back with the rest of the squad!_ '

'There is something wrong! You know why? Because that son of a bitch is out and in the city. And because neither of them would not answer their fucking phones! Especially not if Cas said he would call back! So I'm going!'

' _You are not going to do something stupid, just because you're angry, you hear me?_ ' she said very sternly.

'Well, I ain't gonna sit and do nothing' Dean answered, almost growled.

' _Henricksen,_ ' Ellen called in the radio now.

'What does your gut say, how bad is it?' Victor asked him.

'That fucker almost killed Gabriel,' Dean said angrily as he looked at him. 'Gabe was only thirteen, and he only stopped beating on him, because my Dad dragged him off of him. Now he's out, probably in my fucking apartment, and nobody's answering the phone, so what do you think how bad is it?!'

Victor kept looking at him for a moment then nodded.

'Okay, good enough for me. Wyatt, take the next left,' Victor told their driver. 'We're going to the South Wadsworth Boulevard.'

' _Sergeant, I'm warning you_ ' Ellen spoke again from the radio.

'Sorry Lieutenant, but this sounds just like our kinda trouble. You may wanna call the patrol and tell them to wait for us. We shouldn't make too much noise before we don't know exactly what's going on there.'

' _Oh for God's sake,_ ' Ellen cursed. ' _Fine, move your asses then_.' and then she was out.

Dean wanted to thank Victor for taking his side, but he just couldn't get himself to talk. His head was in a chaos and he was actually and truly afraid, he was sure that his hands would be shaking if he didn't have them clenched tightly into fists.

'Dean, you gotta wait down, you're personally involved,' Victor told him and Dean had the urge to punch him all of a sudden. The other cop must've seen the anger on his face as he continued. 'You don't have a clear head right now.'

'Fuck that!' Dean growled at him.

'You're no use to anyone, if you don't calm the hell down,' Victor said again. Dean wanted to yell or curse at him more, but he bit back his words.

'And I'm the one who knows the building and the apartment, you got no floorplan, no nothing, so you gotta rely on me,' Dean told him right away.

'Fine, we look around, see what's what, and then decide whether there's real trouble.'

'I know the best high angle to get an almost full-view at my apartment from outside,' Dean said next.

'Of course you do,' Victor sighed.

'My Dad taught me to always check how vulnerable a place is, so that I can sleep there peacefully,' Dean answered. 'And I'm telling you, no way anyone got inside, unless Gabriel or Cas let them in.'

'Not a good sign,' Victor agreed. Dean felt how his mind became less and less hazy, as he could finally focus on doing something, actively thinking about how to make sure things were gonna be fine. It eased up a little the fear, the actual fucking panic, that threatened to overwhelm him before.

x~x~x

Victor was more than a little surprised when Dean rang the bell and they were invited in right away, despite the late hour. Missouri lived in the building northwest from Dean's. A little after they moved in to their place, Dean took a good look outside from their kitchen and decided that being a little paranoid never hurt anyone. So he walked over to this building, right up to the floor and apartment he found most suitable. He was surprised when Missouri just chuckled at him when he explained why he wanted to take a look out of her window.

'Something's wrong, honey?' she asked, she looked sleepy and she obviously just got out of bed, but she still asked. Sometimes Dean found kind people so randomly.

'We're gonna have to occupy your living-room for a while,' Dean told her and since she knew already that Dean was a police officer and all of that, she let them in without complaint. Dean rushed to the window and took out his telescope right away, while Victor and Caleb got in behind him. The rest of the team were at Dean's building. The lights were on, so Dean zoomed in to take a look.

When they moved in, they decided that they didn't need the wall between the living-room and the kitchen and after checking whether it was safe, they got it taken down. It gave a lot more light to the whole place, but it had other advantages. Right now, from Missouri's apartment, Dean had a clear view through the kitchen on the bigger half of the living-room. He noticed that Victor was next to him now, probably also looking through a telescope.

He breathed out in relief when he finally spotted Gabriel, but he couldn't see all of him. He was down on the floor, doing something. Then he felt as his anger bubbled up inside of him when he spotted Michael standing by the wall.

'There, that's Michael, the one standing,' he said.

'Yeah, I got it,' Victor answered. 'We got a hostage situation going. Enter the building and secure the front entrance. Suspect is a dark haired Caucasian male in his late thirties,' he told the team on the radio.

'Only the elevator's going down to the garage, 2nd entrance on the ground floor is on the west,' Dean told Victor, who repeated the information via radio to Virgil right away.

Dean saw as Gabriel raised his hand to reach over for something out of Dean's view and that's when he noticed that his hand was bloody. He realized immediately what Gabriel was doing and that could only mean that Cas was lying on the floor.

'I'm gonna kill this bastard,' Dean said, anger flaring up inside of him even more.

'Wait, Dean... Gabriel's looking at someone else,' Victor said and Dean focused again. Gabriel was talking, he could see his lips moving, but he wasn't talking to Michael... he was looking at someone else. Victor was already on the radio again.

'Two suspects, two hostages. Virgil, move up to the seventh floor with four men and clear it out, quietly. Secure the floor and stand by,' he said.

' _Roger sergeant,_ ' Virgil confirmed back.

'Donnie, call in. We got an injured hostage, we need an ambulance and patrols to secure the garage level and the west entrance,' he gave the next order. Donnie confirmed back, but Dean was still just gripping the telescope. He only moved when he realized Caleb was setting up their gear.

'Dean, you are not taking sniper position,' Victors said sternly making Dean tear his eyes away from the apartment. 'You're gonna give us visual info, but I'm sending up Stevens for sniper. You understand me? You are not taking a firearm in your hand.'

'Yes, I got it,' Dean said and immediately turned his attention back to the apartment. Victor stood up to get out. Dean heard how he said a quick apology to Missouri on his way out, but she was just brushing it off.

'You know what I think?' Caleb said. 'What Victor doesn't know, won't hurt him.'

Dean looked down at the rifle then back at Caleb.

'You gonna get in trouble,' Dean told him, but not as an objection.

'Hey, I know I've been giving you hell sometimes about... y'know... it's weird for me, but fuck, nobody's gonna mess with your family, cause they're gonna have all of us on their asses, and you sure as hell have the right to have your finger on the trigger. And Stevens is a rookie, you shoot ten times better than him.'

Dean didn't have time to get into this one, or to answer really, so he just nodded and got in position. He zoomed and sharpened the scope-view, when he had the room in sight again he saw that Gabriel was standing and he was gesturing around the room, talking to someone.

Then Dean finally got a glimpse of their second suspect. Tall and blond, bandage on his face, but most of Gabriel's body was in the way so he didn't see all of him, he sure as hell didn't have a clear shot, wasn't even sure he could shoot the man as he saw no weapon so far, even if he was tempted.

'Second suspect, Caucasian male, blond hair, late thirties,' he reported to the team.

' _Roger that. Weapons?_ ' Virgil asked in return him.

'Negative for now, don't have a clear view,' Dean answered him.

The blond guy and Gabriel kept standing facing each other.

'What the hell are you doing?' Dean whispered quietly, mostly to himself. Then the guy hit Gabriel and he disappeared from Dean's view as he went down.

'Suspects are armed,' he told in the radio right away as he caught a glance of the gun in the guy's hand. 'I repeat, suspects are carrying firearms!'

The second the blond guy raised his gun, Dean went cold, he didn't have a shot, he couldn't pull the trigger and he almost wanted to yell for the team to kick the door down and move in, but then Michael got between Gabriel and the armed guy. The man struck him too a few moments later and they were both gone from his view. Dammit. He almost had a lock on the guy, but now he lost him.

'One suspect, three hostages,' he said on the radio. 'Blond guy, he is armed, he is the only suspect.' Because while his adrenaline was up in the skies, pumping in his veins vehemently, and his heart may have been beating heavily in his chest as he was more afraid for Gabriel and Castiel than ever before, he could still see and think clearly. No way Michael was in on this if the other guy was beating on him. Gabriel got up from the floor, leaning against the couch, wiping blood off of his face. Dean could see Castiel's legs, but not more, he had no idea how badly he was injured.

Then he saw how Gabriel started laughing, staring up at someone, Dean's first thought was that he was completely crazy, because what the actual fuck was he doing? But his second thought was; if the guy went close enough to where Gabriel was sitting, he would have a clear shot at him. So while he wanted to curse internally at whatever Gabriel was doing, he also mentally willed him to get the guy close enough for Dean to end this.

 


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter XXIII

'You know what I think, you little bastard? I think, simply just shooting you, would be way too kind of me,' Nick told him, but Gabriel still didn't drop his gaze. He just knew that Nick was waiting for it. He wanted to be the one controlling things again, he wanted to be feared. But just standing there, speaking, he couldn't achieve it anymore. The only one who looked afraid of him was Michael, but his fear was not enough. No, surely he had more than enough of that in the past decade. Castiel was injured and temporarily forgotten. Nick had to know that there was no intimidating him. He may have had the weapon and the extra inches in height, but it was only luck that made him victorious before. Plus Castiel was an air force officer, while Nick was still just some ex-con with a gun. So no, he wasn't paying Cas any attention now, as he was mostly harmless in his current state and Nick had to know that there was no way he could make him tremble in fear.

His focus was on Gabriel, and that was fine so. He really should not be paying any attention to Cas. There were only the barest shifts in Nick's eyes, but Gabriel caught them, he was confused. By all means, Gabriel should've been afraid of him. He wasn't, but Nick was surely expecting it. Gabriel was no soldier, nothing extraordinary, just a simple doctor. He was not armed and he had such a height and weight disadvantage, that he had absolutely no realistic chance against him in any physical confrontation. Him being afraid would've made sense.

It also would've made him incapable to put two coherent thoughts together in his mind. Like Castiel, God, how could he just march inside like this? Wasn't he expecting any danger, was he just coming home? It didn't matter now, no use pondering on it for long. The only thing about Castiel that Gabriel still kept in his mind was, that while he didn't have such a serious head-injury, it would be still good to get him into a hospital, and soon.

Nick kept staring at him, again waiting for a reaction he would not get, not from Gabriel. He was not afraid of strangers, not like that. Strangers couldn't do real harm, not really. Sure, they could make you bleed or break a bone, but that really was not the same. If this would've been Michael doing all this, he would've been afraid, maybe even beyond afraid. He almost panicked when Dean got angry with him, but Nick? A jealous temper tantrum of an aggressive child, yelling and smashing things. Besides, Gabriel had more important things to focus on than what he was supposed to feel right now, that didn't matter, so he didn't pay attention to it at all.

'It's not gonna happen,' Gabriel told him after a longer pause.

'What?' Nick asked. He was angry now, it would've been hard to tell whether that made things better or worse.

'I'm not going to be suddenly afraid of you,' Gabriel clarified and he moved up and sat on the couch. Nick looked at him with something close to curiosity now, Michael was still just down on the floor without seemingly any intention to get up and Gabriel could practically feel Castiel's eyes on him too.

'It's the easiest to understand, 'Gabriel continued. 'What is so enticing about being feared. When you can make sure that the people around you are aware that you're capable of harming them in all the ways they fear the most. Once they fear you, you're powerful. It's simple, really.'

'On the other hand, it makes one wonder,' he kept going. Not like Nick seemed to want to interrupt. 'In my experience, the ones who crave power and control the most, are the ones who have been weak and powerless.' Nick's face darkened at the words, but he didn't speak. He was almost expressionless, almost. 'Trust me, I recognize the signs.' Nick narrowed his eyes.

'What signs?' his voice was clipped, his tone low and threatening, even if his overall demeanor still would've indicated calm.

'The signs that make me think that you were right... we are similar in some ways.' Because still, if there was one thing Gabriel was good at, was recognizing weakness and scars. That made him walk over to the too silent, too intense little blue-eyed boy, all the others avoided on the playground. That made him stop and walk close to the boy, who was sitting alone at the backdoor of his house, pain and sorrow practically radiating off of him. With Nick, it seemed even more familiar, deeper scars Gabriel knew all too well.

'So tell me, who was your nightmare?' he asked and Nick gripped his gun even tighter. 'Who made you weak? Who made you want to run away, but too afraid to actually leave? Who made you want to hide? Who made you choke on your words every single time you wanted to ask for help? Who was it? Brother? Mother? Father?'

'Shut up,' Nick said in a dangerously low tone.

'Oh Daddy it is,' Gabriel concluded.

'You don't know anything,' Nick told him.

'I know what you made so focused on Michael. I know how mighty you might've felt when you broke his pride, his arrogance, stripped him of his will to fight. Because I remember he used to be cocky, before prison, before he met you.' He thought about it for a second again, something still not adding up. 'Doesn't explain why you want _me_ to fear you.'

'Because you're a coward,' Nick said.

'Oh, is that so?'

'Yes, because you locked up and ran away from your nightmare,' Nick said, using Gabriel's own words now as he leveled him with a dark look. 'But I killed mine.'

There was a beat of silence. Gabriel was very careful of the way he reacted, it was easier than he would've thought.

'And?'

'You... should have fear in your eyes... and hatred' he said. 'But there's nothing. Why?'

'Maybe I can deal with my issues better than you,' Gabriel answered.

'No! I was brave, I did what had to be done. I did better. I am better!'

'But I'm the one who had a decent life so far, well, considering. While you were in a cell for who knows how long. That's it, isn't it? This is not just about Michael wanting to get to me the second he knew where I was. This is about everything that damn newspaper picture showed to you. Not just did your friend, who you reshaped to your liking, put me before you. It's everything I have, what you don't have, won't ever have. You think you did better, so you would deserve all this.'

'I am better than you,' Nick repeated.

'And yet, I'm the sane one.'

'I wouldn't exactly call you sane either,' Nick retorted immediately, his cold stormy eyes still locked on Gabriel's face. His breathing was quicker than it was before, but he still didn't raise his gun again, nor did he move closer.

'We could argue about that one for a long while,' Gabriel shrugged. He didn't want to. He was most of the time convinced that he was not really “crazy” in the traditional sense of the word. He was no danger to anyone, not even to himself; he knew that, he always kept that in mind when he felt too different from the people around him. Especially when he felt incompetent in his own life and found himself looking at things differently than anyone else seemed to be. Maybe a few weeks back Nick's words would've affected him more, but not now.

Now he only thought about keeping Nick's attention on him. And who knows, maybe he was not too gone in his anger and hurt to actually calm himself. Maybe, maybe not.

'So what's it gonna be?' he asked after a heavy silence fell between them. 'This is pointless and you know it.'

'To be feared...  is to make sure that the people around you are aware that you're capable of harming them in all the ways they fear the most.'

'I'm not afraid of you,' Gabriel replied. Nick kept his eyes on him for another second before he descended down onto the floor. One knee on the carpet for balance, he actually put the gun down right next to his foot as he reached for his ankle and pulled a knife out from the small holster that was there under his jeans.

'You will be,' Nick told him quietly. Gabriel didn't react. He was not afraid of the gun, he won't be afraid of a knife either. 'Get up, Mikey,' Nick added in a bit louder tone.

'Nick...'

'I said get up,' the blond-haired man repeated. Michael moved after a moment. Nick also got up after switching the knife into his left hand and picking up his gun again. Michael was just hovering next to him, obviously having no idea what the other man wanted, then his green eyes widened as Nick held out the knife for him. He didn't reach for it though.

'Take it,' Nick said. Michael shook his head a little, so the other man stepped closer, crowding in on him, holding the knife right in front of his face. 'Take it.'

Michael sucked in a shuddering breath as he glanced sideways at the other man, then he took the knife slowly. His arm immediately dropped down to his side, the weapon only hanging between his limp fingers with the softest grip. The strength put onto it only enough for it not to fall out from his hand.

Nick stepped back a little, moving slightly behind Michael, but even yet he was not turning his back on Castiel. He could probably see him from the edge of his sight.

'Mikey, remember the first lesson I thought you? About survival?' he asked in a conversational tone.

'Nick, please,' Michael started, but he was cut off.

'Answer me,' Nick demanded.

'Yes,' Michael said.

'How sometimes only the strongest remain standing?'

'Yes.'

'Let’s see how well you remember,' Nick mused. 'This is a case of survival.'

'No--'

'In its finest, purest form,' Nick added.

'Don't do this, Nick,' Michael asked him again.

'I'm not going to do anything,' the other answered. 'You will,' he said and raised his gun. The barrel was only a few inches away from Michael's head. The dark-haired man froze for a second, then his breathing picked up again. Shallow, ragged breaths he visibly had to fight to get into his lungs. For the first time in a long time Gabriel's gaze shifted away from Nick, landing right on Michael. His brother looked pale and shaky, the knife was still just dangling in his hand though, no intent, no flexed muscle, he just stood there. His face was just as unreadable. He wasn't even looking at Gabriel, his eyes were unfocused or locked on something behind Gabriel. He saw from the corner of his eye that Castiel managed to get himself in a sitting position, but he hoped that he wouldn't do anything stupid and hasty.

'This should be a really easy choice,' Nick said then. 'Very easy... Mikey, survival. You or little brother?'

'You can't make me do this,' Michael said.

'I beg to differ,' Nick answered easily, pressing the gun to Michael's temple briefly to get him to take a step closer. He did, and his eyes finally focused on Gabriel down on the couch. Gabriel looked back at him, just like he looked back at Nick too, but this was different. Michael stared at him with such defeat and fear in his eyes he never would've thought to see on his brother's face. And he couldn't tell what he was thinking. Even with Nick he had an idea, as a matter of fact, he was easy to read after a while, so Gabriel was right about him too, but now he couldn't tell. He was looking right into his brother's eyes and he couldn't guess what was running around in his head, nor what he was going to do. This single thing was more terrifying than anything Nick has done so far, this crippling uncertainty. This person, who was so very different, but still somewhat the same as the Michael he remembered. Just different enough for Gabriel to not know him, just similar enough to make that all too familiar grip of fear rear its ugly head in his heart.

He tried to keep his calm this time too, but something must've shown on his face or in his eyes, because Michael let out a long breath and gripped his knife tightly. There was intent on his face now, fierce determination.

Gabriel flinched when he moved, but Michael didn't move towards him. He raised his arm and the knife, but he swung it backwards making Nick jump back and growl in pain as the blade nicked his arm. Michael spun around and turned towards him immediately, knife raised in his hand in front of him.

'Mikey, don't test me!' Nick growled.

'It's _Michael_ , you fucking dick!' Michael growled right back and twirled the blade over in his hand, with the ease and skill of someone who was obviously not wielding a knife for the first time. The next second he leaped forward, the blade angled backwards and he swung his hand to the left. Nick jumped back again, avoiding the blade, but Michael was already striking at him again, slicing back from left, and when he missed he, swung his hand for the third time in the same movement, slicing up. Nick let out a pained cry as he got out of his way, but only barely. There was blood running down the side of his face and neck now, where Michael managed to cut him.

'Fine,' he shouted, raised his gun, and pulled the trigger without a second of hesitation. The shot was way too loud in the apartment. It made Gabriel's ears ring immediately and he was sure that everyone on the floor heard it, maybe even a floor up and below.

It barely registered in his mind how Michael lost his knife and stumbled backwards, crumbling to the floor. Castiel was already up and charged at Nick with all the strength he could manage in his current condition, shoulder first he slammed into him. It brought them right next to Gabriel again, he didn't even notice before that he ducked down at the shot, but he obviously did in reflex. Nick and Castiel struggled for a second, but Cas must've still been dizzy as Nick could grab a hold of him and toss him right back to the floor.

Gabriel wanted to jump up as the man raised his gun again, aiming at Castiel, but before he could react or the blond-haired man could pull the trigger, along with the sound of shattering glass Nick fell over and hit the floor, a gun-wound on his chest and blood pouring out rapidly from it. The front door was cracked open, broken down and the sound of footsteps filled the apartment.

'Castiel!' Gabriel called.

'I'm fine!' the other man called back right away. Gabriel got off the couch and rushed over to his brother. Way too much blood already. Michael was fighting for breath, his face pale, his whole body shaking, probably on the verge of going into shock. Gabriel found the wound and shrugged off his shirt to have something to use to stop or slow down the bleeding. He put pressure on it and Michael let out a pained cry.

'Gabriel...'

'Shut up,' Gabriel silenced him. The blood soaked his clothes, making everything slippery. Michael was panting too fast. 'Try to breathe for God's sake!' Gabriel yelled at him.

'I'm sorry,' he squeezed out. 'I'm so sorry,' his voice was breaking up, he fought for every faint word. His eyes were glazed over with yet unshed tears.

'No, shut up. You can't do this!' Gabriel told him. He was aware that there were other people inside now, some of them talking, but he didn't hear anything, he focused on the task at hand. 'Michael, listen to me! You can't do this to me!'

Michael was losing focus, his eyes moving away from Gabriel's face. He was on the brink of losing consciousness. 'No! Look at me! You can't say you're sorry and die in my fucking living-room! You hear me?! You don't have the right!' Michael opened his eyes again and he focused on Gabriel with what seemed like a lot of effort.

'So sorry,' he sobbed out, tears breaking free and running down his face, his hand came up to grip at Gabriel's wrist weakly. His whole body was shaking from blood-loss or fear or shock, maybe all three. Michael fell silent then, breathing still too ragged and shallow and too much blood soaking into the carpet under them despite Gabriel holding the wound.

'Get an ambulance already!' Gabriel yelled to the room in general. Michael's hand slid down to the floor when he didn't have enough strength to hold onto Gabriel anymore.

 


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter XXIV

One of the SWAT guys cut the cord that tied his hands together. He was pulled to his feet and got dragged out of their apartment despite his protests. He watched as Gabriel knelt on the carpet, the piece of shirt he pressed to Michael's wound rapidly getting soaked with blood. He was led to the elevator, a hand on either of his arms, but he could see how the EMTs rushed into their place coming from the stairway. They must've been waiting a floor below.

His head was still dizzy and it hurt, obviously, but he was sure that he was fine. He was not so certain in Gabriel's case, and no he didn't mean the cut Nick's gun made on his chin. When they finally got down to the first floor and were walking across the entrance hall another two EMTs rushed passed them, heading up.

There were two patrol cars parked at the entrance and a SWAT van at the side. The officers were still holding his arms, even if he didn't need support to walk dammit, he just couldn't fight them off, there was no point.

'Castiel,' he finally turned his head to his right and now that he removed his helmet and mask Castiel recognized one of Dean's friends, he couldn't recall his name right now though. 'Listen, we gotta get you seated someplace, the ambulance is gonna have to take the two guys that got shot, so you wait, okay?'

'Two? Both are alive?' he asked.

'For now,' the guy shrugged.

The paramedics first rushed out with Michael. He wasn't conscious now. Gabriel finally got out of the building too. Both of his hands were bloody and Castiel really started to hate seeing him like this, looking worn and tired, covered in someone else's blood. He wanted to go to him, but he had enough common sense to realize, it was not a good idea to jump up so suddenly.

'Gabriel,' he called. The older man looked at him and started walking closer. He was only a step away when the main entrance opened again and the EMTs got out with Nick. Gabriel turned and watched as he was taken to the ambulance. The guy was looking right back at him when he could. This time the paramedics were accompanied by two police officers too and soon he was out of sight.

'Gabriel, look at me,' Castiel asked and Gabe tore his eyes away from their attacker, but he didn't really look at Castiel, nor did he say anything for a few moments.

'We need to get you to the hospital,' he said after a while.

'I asked you to look at me,' Cas repeated and Gabriel's eyes finally landed on him directly. He seemed distant, wrung tight and shielded away from everything, almost looking completely expressionless. 'You're still not looking at me.'

Gabriel sighed. 'We don't have time for this, just, let’s get you into the hospital, okay?'

Castiel wanted to argue, because no, it was most definitely not okay. It was anything, but okay. He wanted Gabriel to look like himself again, he wanted to see the warmth and care in his eyes. Castiel wanted him to snap out of this, whatever it was, and just be Gabriel again. He had absolutely no idea what to say, and that was rare of him. Should be push it? Leave it alone? And still, he didn't know, couldn't even guess what was going through Gabriel's head. He was just so... blank. Castiel didn't know what to do.

'Cas! Gabriel!' They both turned their heads at the voice. Dean was running towards them. He didn't say anything when he got there, he crouched down next to Castiel taking his face in his hands, his eyes searching, looking him over.

'Are you okay? I couldn't see you at all,' he said. His voice was thick with worry and tension.

'I'm fine, got hit on the head, but...' his eyes trailed to Gabriel and Dean turned to look up at him too.

'I don't care if it's a patrol car taking us, but Cas needs to get into a hospital now,' Gabriel said. Dean looked back at Cas and his expression said it clearly, he noticed the same thing Castiel noticed right away. It would've been hard not to notice actually. They got really good at picking up on even small things about Gabriel. Cas looked at Dean helplessly, showing that he had no idea what he could say to help. Yes, he may have been slower and more tired than on an average day right now, but he really couldn't think of a single thing. Dean squeezed his knee reassuringly.

He then stood up and pulled Gabriel into a tight hug before the other man even had time to protest or say anything. Dean's hand went up to Gabriel's hair and pulled the shorter man's head down to his shoulder.

'Dean...'

'Just calm down,' Dean told him quietly.

'We gotta--'

'No, just relax... just breathe, okay?' Dean silenced him again, not letting him go, but holding him close in his arms. 'It's over now. We're all okay. Let go.'

Gabriel was tense and still in Dean's arms for long moments, all silent hard edges, then suddenly he let out a shuddering breath and simply just sagged against the other. The hard, coiled up tension seeped out of him a little. He let some of his weight rest on the younger man and Castiel found himself letting out a breath of relief himself.

'You're gonna get blood on you,' Gabriel said quietly.

'I don't care,' Dean answered right away and looked down at Castiel over Gabriel's shoulder to give him a small smile. They stood like that for a little while, silently, just being close. Cas stood up slowly not to get dizzy.

'Whoa, hey Cas, sit,' Dean said right away as he noticed what he was doing. Gabriel immediately turned in his arms at that. And yes, finally all that detached coldness was gone. He didn't hesitate in wrapping his arms around Gabriel's neck to pull him closer.

'I was so worried about you,' he told him.

'What do you think how worried I was about you?' Gabriel replied immediately. 'I wish I could've gotten you out of there.'

'And leave you alone? No,' Castiel told him. 'I hurried to get to you as soon as possible for a reason.'

'Stupid.'

'You too,' Castiel smiled a little, not letting go. Dean stepped closer to them and rested a hand on Castiel's back and pressed a quick kiss to the side of his head too.

They were fine, they were together. Nothing else mattered for now.

x~x~x

They didn't want to wait for an ambulance. Dean got a patrol car to take him and Gabriel to the hospital, so that Castiel could be checked over and Gabriel could clean himself up. In the mean time Dean said that he was going to pack some clean clothes for all of them, get his car from the station and meet them at St. Anthony's, so that they could drive down to Castle Rock.

Not like they could stay in their apartment. Well, they could as the bedroom was okay, but one of the kitchen windows was broken and their front door was broken down too. The living-room was a whole other story, there was just too much blood and too big a mess there. Castiel couldn't exactly recall how bad it was, he wasn't paying that much attention to the room before he was taken outside, but he was sure that they needed a new carpet and maybe even a new couch to get rid of all traces of blood. They definitely would not go back there while it looked like this.

Dean told them that he was gonna call his Dad and Castiel asked him to call his parents too. He lost track of his own cellphone, it was probably somewhere in the apartment though.

In the end he needed a few stitches and he had a mild concussion. His doctor was Kali, of all people. When they arrived to the hospital she rushed to them and gripped Gabriel in a tight hug, telling him not to dare to worry her again like this. It was the most emotional Castiel has ever seen the woman to be. After the MRI she was sure that there was no serious damage with his head and deemed him to be fine enough to leave. She said he had a thick skull, or whatever blunt object was smashed to his head was not that sturdy. Oh yes, they needed a new DVD player too.

When he was finally allowed to get out of his room he went to look for Gabriel, but he wouldn't have been able to find him if not for one of the nurses helping him out. Gabriel was sitting in one of those white chairs in one of the corridors. He had clean blue scrubs on and his hair was wet, he obviously took a shower and changed while Castiel was checked over.

'Cas! You're fine enough to get up? What did Kali say?

'It's a mild concussion and I got some stitches, relax, I'm fine,' Castiel told him gesturing at the bandage on his head then sat down next to the other man. 'What's in the bag?' he asked gesturing at the bag on the chair next to Gabriel.

'My clothes that are not ruined forever,' Gabriel replied. Castiel looked around on the empty corridor.

'Why are you sitting here?' he asked then, not really understanding. Gabriel looked up and gestured to the left side of the corridor.

'The operating rooms are there, well some of them,' he said. Castiel frowned a little before thinking it through and realizing what Gabriel meant.

'You want to check up on Michael?' he asked carefully.

'No,' Gabriel replied quietly, shaking his head. 'He's probably not even out of surgery yet. The bullet hit him in bad spot, it's most likely not easy to remove it and he lost a lot of blood too, so...' he trailed off and shrugged.

'So...?' Castiel tried to prompt.

'I don't know Cas,' Gabriel answered. 'I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing here.' He was probably as honest as possible and Castiel believed him that he had no answer.

'Alright. Let’s wait for Dean here then,' he said and Gabriel nodded. Castiel leaned closer to him, so that their shoulders touched and a moment later Gabriel took his hand in his, entwining their fingers.

x~x~x

Castiel could tell that even after Dean got there, Gabriel was still not sure whether he wanted to stay or not. In the end he visibly got annoyed with himself, stood up and declared that they were leaving. So they did.

Castiel chose to sit in the backseat on their way to Castle Rock. Gabriel was still mostly silent, but it was understandable. Cas was just happy that he didn't have that cold demeanor around him anymore. That was honestly freaking him out, and he was definitely going to talk with Chuck about it later.

His mother was hugging him basically the second he was inside the house. It was one of her bone-crushing hugs, but Castiel expected it actually. He saw from the corner of his eye that John greeted Dean with a brief, but tight hug too. His mother looked so worried as she pulled back to look at his face. Cas smiled at her reassuringly, because they were fine now. Her eyes shifted to the side and her face just fell for a second, looking close to heartbroken, then she side-stepped him with one final pat to his shoulder. She was at Gabriel's side, throwing her arms around him so quickly, that he seemed surprised for a second.

'What do you think you're doing, just standing by the door like this?' she asked silently.

'It's just been a difficult day, Katrina,' Gabriel replied, returning the hug then pulling back. Castiel could see that for a moment his mother was a little reluctant to let go.

Katrina sighed and stroked his cheek. 'I know, solnyshko.' She smiled a little and Castiel felt even more at ease. Being home was good, it was safe and soothing.

Castiel was caught by surprise this time when his little brother stalked across the room to him and hugged him. It was very rare for Jesse to do something like this, it was also a sign of how worried his mother was that she woke him up too at this hour to tell him what happened.

'Not angry at me anymore?' Castiel asked, having nothing better to say.

'No, you idiot,' Jesse said as he pulled away and looked at the floor. His father rested his hand on Jesse's shoulder before he too stepped closer for a brief hug.

'Alright, all you boys need to rest now,' Katrina said then.

'First Dean's going to call his brother,' John said.

'Dad, I don't think we should worry him with--'

'I am not going to listen to him being pissed at me, like the last time when you didn't call him right away.' Dean still had that arguing expression on his face. 'No, call Sam, tell him what happened, and that all of you are fine. Now,' he stressed and Dean visibly gave up.

'You guys go ahead,' he said and for the first time ever in front of John, he brushed Castiel's arm with his fingers and pressed a kiss to Gabriel's head as he passed him by the door and stepped out.

'Alright, everyone else is on sleeping duty now,' James added as he grabbed the bag Dean packed for the three of them.

Once they were at Castiel's old room, Gabriel reminded him of his concussion. So yes, they won't actually sleep that much just now. They decided to wait up for Dean, even if they knew that once him and Sam started talking, it would take a very long time for him to be done with the call. Katrina obviously set the bed while she waited for them and Cas didn't want to get in it without cleaning up first, so he went to grab a shower.

Dean was still not back when he got out. He searched for a clean pair of boxers and pulled a t-shirt on too. Gabriel was still in his scrubs, and he was lying on the bed staring at the ceiling. Castiel laid down next to him, putting a hand on his chest and pulling close. Gabriel covered his hand with his own.

'What's on your mind?' Castiel asked.

'My brother,' Gabriel replied.

'I can but try to imagine, how difficult this is for you,' Castiel said.

'I just... he just kept saying sorry, Cas... he's...' Gabriel took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. 'He was practically choking on his own blood, but he just kept repeating sorry over and over again.' Castiel stayed quiet, he knew Gabriel's silences mostly, so he knew there was more he wanted to say. 'And right now, he's either dead or dying or maybe he's fine, but... whatever it is the case, it's not making a difference... and I just... I don't think I can do this, Cas.'

'Do what?' Castiel asked in return sliding even closer to Gabriel and pulling on his hand a little to get him to turn towards him on the bed.

'Forgive,' Gabriel said after a long pause. 'Even with all of this... and I just, I don't think I can.'

'No one is expecting you to,' Cas said right away, making sure that Gabriel was looking at him before he continued. 'He hurt you in ways no brother should ever harm another. You have scars even still that you carry from your past, and he's the cause for a lot of them. He may have changed, a great deal even, but... no one should expect you to forgive him for what he has done. And even if you're unable to, it won't make you a bad person, not at all.' Gabriel took a breath again, thinking for a little while.

'I'm pretty damn conflicted about this,' he said. 'It's like... my head is telling me that he was probably through hell being locked up with Nick in the past years, he got his punishment... but... still... everything else in me is just... like something wants to tear me down from the inside out if I just think about letting him get in my life again.'

'Forget your head a little,' Castiel said. 'You can't do what's logical here. Only do what you're comfortable with. If you can't forgive him, don't. We can make sure he stays out of our lives.'

'This is such a mess,' Gabriel sighed.

'Yes, but you got Dean and me to help you sort it out,' Cas smiled.

'Thanks.'

'Always, you know that.' Gabriel leaned closer to kiss him them. It was a small, tender kiss, almost chaste, not leading to anything. Just lips on lips, feeling the other being there.

'Why aren't you guys asleep?' Dean asked as the door opened.

'Cas has a mild concussion, so we're gonna have to make sure we don't fall asleep for long,' Gabriel supplied. Dean closed the door and sat down to the bed. He looked down at both of them with a frown on his face.

'What is it?' Castiel asked.

'He hurt you... both of you. Fucking bastard,' he almost growled the last words. His eyes first were on the bandage on Castiel's head, then it traveled over to the already darkened bruise and the cut on Gabriel's face.

'We're fine,' Gabriel told him. Dean leaned down and kissed first Gabriel then Castiel on the lips briefly. He too grabbed a quick shower and crawled in bed. Cas' old bed was not as big as their bed at home, but that only meant that they had to be a little closer, stay wrapped up tight in each other. Right now though, they would've done that without a narrow bed giving them a reason for it.

 


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter XXV

'What are you doing down here so early?' Dean asked when he finally found Gabriel down in the kitchen after waking up and noticing him gone from bed. He was sitting at the table with a mug of coffee next to his arm and a bunch of papers all in front of him.

'Filling out Michael's medical papers,' Gabriel answered quietly. Dean stopped short and he was sure his eyes widened a little.

'You don't have to do that,' he said.

'No one else will,' Gabriel answered simply. Dean looked at him for a moment, even if Gabriel was not looking at him, but down at the document he was filling out. He went to pour himself coffee, and squeezed Gabriel's shoulder while he passed him.

'So, does that mean he's fine?' Dean asked, while he had his back to the other man.

'Yeah, Kali called. It was a little touch and go for a while, but he's stable.'

Dean didn't comment on that one. He was one part relieved that Michael didn't die, because Gabriel would've been affected by that, and not in a good way. On the other hand, the bastard was the cause for the worst things Gabriel had to go through his life, so Dean had no sympathy for the guy and he couldn't care less about him. He just wanted Gabriel to be okay, and all of them to recover from this nightmare that Michael's return brought along as smoothly as possible.

He had no idea how it would go, he wasn't sure how Gabriel was going to deal with this on the long run. Dean sat down next to him at the table, sipping his coffee silently. Castiel was asleep, but not since long, so they could let him rest for a bit before having to wake him up again. Dean's eyes landed on the papers on the table and he frowned.

'Where did you get all this stuff anyway?' he asked. He was pretty sure Gabriel didn't up and drove all the way back to Denver just to get these.

'I grabbed them yesterday at the hospital,' came the answer. Which meant that he planned to do this from the start.

'I have no clue what's going through your head,' he admitted.

'I'm not sure either,' Gabriel told him and he finally lifted his pen from the paper and looked up at Dean. 'I'm just... going with the flow, doing stuff that's not freaking me out.'

'Okay, that sounds good,' Dean nodded. He just hoped that Gabriel would tell them if he felt freaked out about anything regarding this, instead of trying to force himself. He tended to be honest about such things lately, but Dean was still worried, he just knew he won't ever stop being worried even if just a little. He wanted Gabriel to keep being okay, but this whole Michael thing was a very shaky ground.

'Planning on seeing him?' Dean asked and Gabriel's pen stopped on the paper again.

'I don't know,' he answered after taking a breath.

'Do me a favor and call Chuck beforehand if you decide to go, okay?'

'Yeah, okay,' Gabriel nodded. 'Nick survived too, by the way,' he added as he went back to scribbling on the form.

'Who?' Dean frowned, not following the sudden change in topic.

'Nick... our captor, Michael's ex-cellmate,' Gabriel explained. Dean gripped his mug tightly, his fingers whitening.

'Dammit,' he breathed out. 'I really didn't have a clear shot, I thought I got him.'

'You were the one who shot him?' Gabriel asked, raising an eyebrow.

'Didn't have time to aim properly when Cas threw himself at him,' Dean grumbled. He was normally not that eager to kill anyone, but with this bastard, he really wished he could've gotten him at a vital spot.

'Never be sorry for not taking a life, Dean.' Both Gabriel and Dean looked up and turned where Katrina walked into the kitchen, a shopping bag in her hand.

'This time I am, Katrina. Trust me I wouldn't have had nightmares over it,' Dean told her. 'It would be better for everyone without that scumbag alive.'

'I'm sure he will be sent right back to prison,' Katrina replied.

'But for how long? A decade? Two? Just thinking about this guy being free ever again pisses me off,' he said, feeling how the anger over what happened bubbled up within him again. 'He broke into our home! Hurt Cas, he was holding a fucking gun at Gabe's head! I want to wipe this fucker off the face of the Earth!' he growled.

'Language, Dean. I could call Mr. Crowley or someone else,' Katrina said while she was putting away everything from the shopping bag. 'Make sure he doesn't cause trouble for anyone again.'

Dean thought about it. 'Yeah, maybe. Depends on why he was in prison the first time around.'

'He killed his father,' Gabriel said. He was filling out a different sheet of paper now. Both Dean and Katrina turned to look at him for a moment, but he didn't elaborate.

'Son of a bitch,' Dean cursed. 'He told you that?'

'Told me some, figured out the rest,' Gabriel answered. 'I had to keep him occupied with something,' he added when Dean kept looking at him with a slight surprise on his face. 'So I kept talking and he kept talking in return.'

'Okay, gonna have to make a phone call,' Dean said finishing off his coffee. He definitely had to ask Victor about the guy and give him this information. Maybe it was already in this Nick guy's file, but better safe than sorry. Plus he wanted to make sure that the bastard was under locks even before they transported him into jail where he will wait until the trial.

Gabriel went back to his papers and folders, while Katrina started preparing breakfast. Dean admired her skill to act completely natural even when things were all screwed up. It gave all of them a sense of stability, that not everything in their lives was upside-down.

He went over to the living-room and dialed Victor's number. The sergeant picked up almost immediately, but that was no surprise, during work hours he always did.

' _Hello Dean, everything alright at home?_ ' Victor asked as a way of greeting.

'As they can possibly be at the moment,' Dean answered honestly. 'Listen, you got an ID on the guy with Michael already, right?'

' _You're still not supposed to be involved in this,_ ' Victor reminded him.

'Screw that, I wanna know who the guy is and why this whole crap happened. Gabriel said his name is Nick and he was Michael's cellmate.'

Victor stayed silent for a moment, obviously thinking about whether to start speaking, then he sighed and Dean knew that he won.

' _Yes, Nicholas Lusepher. I got his file already._ '

'I know he's alive, tell me he's on lock-up in the hospital.'

' _He's not exactly in a condition to be a danger to anyone,_ ' Victor told him. ' _But I got some uniforms at the hospital in case he woke up._ '

'Good,' Dean nodded even if he knew Victor would not see that. 'I wonder why the hell a guy like him could be let free. He's dangerous for fuck's sake. He also told Gabriel that he killed his own Dad, that in the file too?' Dean asked next.

' _It is, but that's not what landed him in prison,'_ Victor told him. ' _He was fifteen when he did that and after the investigation it seemed like it was self-defense. A bit of an overkill though, sixteen stab wounds on his old man. The neighbors found Nicholas with the corpse a day later._ '

'Well fuck, abused kid?'

' _Undoubtedly. He was in state care until he hit eighteen, got therapy and everything for a few years.'_

'The load of good that did,' Dean remarked.

' _He had some minor troubles after eighteen. Pickpocketing, vandalism and a couple of bar brawls, nothing major,_ ' Victor continued, he probably had Nick's file in front of him.

'So what landed him behind bars?' Dean asked.

' _Deadly assault,_ ' Victor answered. ' _He was twenty-two and got jumped by two guys in an alley who wanted to have more than his wallet_.' Dean felt how his stomach moved unpleasantly. _'He beat one guy to death, the other got away with a few broken bones and some internal bleeding. Nick got sixteen years. A better lawyer probably would've got him to get away with less, but the survivor wanna-be rapist was some upper-middle class white-collar businessman with a family and nice ringing services to the community behind him, you get the picture.'_

'Yeah, hard not to. And who was the genius who thought it was an awesome idea to put a child abuser in the same cell with an aggressive thug who was abused as a kid? Cause it sounds like a winning combination.'

_'I'm pretty sure that the guys over at the State Penitentiary thought it would be fitting. You bet that child abusers don't get treated better inside than child molesters, not by the guards and definitely not by the other inmates.'_

Dean hummed in agreement, he didn't have any first-hand experience about prisons, but he knew enough now to know Victor was right. The guards definitely put Michael in that cell deliberately, it was more than a little against the regulations, but Michael sure as hell didn't have a good lawyer watching out for his rights.

Castiel stood at the living-room entrance when Dean looked up next. He smiled and gestured at the phone, Cas smiled back a tired smile and nodded, heading towards the kitchen.

'How did he come out alive from there?' Dean wondered.

' _No idea, Nick obviously didn't go too far. I could call the penitentiary, but you can bet they're going to be pretty tight-lipped about things like this._ '

'Yeah, no kidding. I still don't get why the hell he did all of this,' Dean said.

' _We're gonna have to wait till he wakes up to interrogate him. We're going to need Castiel and Gabriel to make formal statements too.'_

'Okay, we'll see how soon we can get to that. Michael made a statement yet?'

' _No, he barely got out of surgery alive. We have to wait, he's still out on pain meds._ '

'So, for how long can we expect to lock this Nick guy up?' Dean asked.

' _Not sure. Just looking at his file, I'm gonna say that it's more likely for him to land locked up in some nuthouse than back in prison.'_ Dean thought about that for a second.

'No way they're ever letting him out from there again,' he said. From those high security asylums where the real headcase criminals went was not exactly easy to be let free.

' _Depends on the State Attorney too_ ,' Victor answered.

'Oh, no problem with that,' Dean replied.

' _Crowley?'_

'Crowley,' Dean agreed. Tony Crowley used to be a lawyer, but after some years, after he got rich and successful enough running the Denver office of Morthelli & Beskydy, he finally stopped defending scumbags. It was about time. Dean suspected this whole thing was some sort of a preparation to bigger plans, maybe political plans on Crowley's part, but Dean didn't give a damn. He was a damn good lawyer and it was good to have him on their side. He was definitely their inside guy in the Prosecutor's Office at this point.

' _Give him a call, he can't stand me,_ ' Victor said.

'I don't think he likes me either, but he was pretty good friends with Gabriel's mom so I'm sure he's going to be interested in this one.'

' _Good. When can you get Castiel and Gabriel in for their testaments?'_

'Tomorrow, we barely slept,' Dean answered.

' _Good enough for me,_ ' Victor agreed. ' _And ballistics came back by the way,_ ' he added.

'Huh?' Dean frowned.

' _Figures you forgot. The ballistics from the victims at the warehouse office building,_ ' Victor clarified.

'Tell me, you're not about to give me bad news,' Dean told him as his fingers tightened around his phone a little.

' _The shooter had your bullet in him,_ ' Victor said. ' _The hostage was shot by a different rifle.'_

Dean breathed out and his muscles relaxed too. He knew that he didn't miss, but it was still good to be confirmed. He was distracted and didn't think about this at all, but it was great to put it behind him completely now.

'Okay, awesome. Thanks Victor.'

' _Sure thing. Rest and I'll see you tomorrow._ '

'Yeah, bye,' he hung up and walked back to the kitchen. He could smell that Katrina was already in the middle of preparing food. He loved being home, even if their reasons for being here were not actually pleasant ones.

Gabriel was still going through papers and Cas was sitting at the table with a mug of coffee. He looked horrible. Gabriel's huge nasty bruise looked bad, but Cas still looked like death warmed over. Dean didn't resist the urge to lean down and put a kiss on his cheek, squeezing his shoulder and smile at him when the tired blue eyes found him.

'Feeling better?' he asked.

'Yes, I am,' Castiel replied. Dean looked at Gabriel, the other man still focused on the documents.

'Seriously, how many papers there are to fill out?'

'I finished that, these are his medical records.'

'Where the hell did you get that?' Dean asked in surprise.

'I printed it out while Cas was in the MRI,' Gabriel replied. Seriously, Dean really couldn't follow his logic. Why the hell would he search for Michael's medical records in the first place, how could he even think about getting a copy for himself last night?

'Are you sure you should be looking over those?' Castiel asked. 'And why didn't you tell me that this was what you had in your bag?'

'I just... it's just medical papers,' Gabriel answered and he had an audible hint of defensiveness in his tone.

'Gabriel?' Dean raised an eyebrow.

'I just wanted to know... why can't I know? It's just taking a look at his crap... disturbing medical records.'

'What is in there?' Castiel asked immediately with a deep frown. Dean figured that nothing good, after what he learned about Nick just now.

'Okay, I'm confiscating these,' he said and started gathering them up from the table.

'I already read it so, feel free,' Gabriel shrugged. 'It's a long list of shit,' he added.

'When a guy like Michael lands in a prison like that, such things happen, okay? Nobody looks fondly at some arrogant child abusing bastard.' Katrina didn't remind him this time to watch his mouth. She was making food, not interrupting them, but she was definitely paying attention.

'I got that, yeah. Countless amount of minor injuries, from bruises, cuts and burns to broken bones and missing teeth.' Gabriel said.

'That is not what bothers you,' Castiel said, looking at the other man.

'He had two suicide attempts,' Gabriel replied quietly, his fingers playing with the edge of the cover on the table. 'Two. He drank disinfectant when he was on cleaning duty the first time and he cut up his wrists at his second attempt.  I'm fine, it's just... a little disturbing for me.'

'Whatever Michael does or doesn't do, it has nothing to do with you,' Dean told him.

'I know, but it's not like I can erase his existence or just wipe away our past. He's there, even if I don't see him, don't talk to him, he's there. It's nagging at the back of my mind... I just need some time to figure this out, okay?'

'You definitely need to call Chuck,' Dean answered, because this was over his head and that twitchy little guy could get Gabriel to see things clearly easier than anyone else.

'Seconded,' Castiel nodded. 'We're here too, but I'm sure it would be good to hear what he has to say about all this.'

Gabriel looked at both of them for a moment before nodding. 'Yeah, I think that would be good.'

'But only after breakfast,' Katrina spoke up and walked closer, putting his arms around Gabriel's neck as she leaned down. 'You need to take a breath and clear your head a little,' she said. Gabriel smiled mildly and put a hand on hers for a brief moment.

'Put those papers away now,' Katrina added and went back to the stove. They didn't argue with her.

Gabriel looked a lot more at ease during breakfast and Dean was glad about that. He didn't know what he was expecting exactly, but apparently Gabriel wasn't taking all of this that hard. He was also watched constantly by both Dean and Cas to be honest. Dean was sure that the only reason he didn't show even the slightest trace of annoyance at the treatment was because he was too occupied with his own thoughts.

Dean let them know about them having to make their statements then they ordered Castiel to get more rest. Dean made some phone-calls to start arranging the cleanings and repairs in their apartment. Sure he could go and take a look himself, but he really didn't want to. Perks of being a cop, he knew exactly where to call to get such mess dealt with, not every cleaning lady in the yellow pages was willing to wipe blood up from floors after all.

Gabriel helped Katrina around the house. Dean knew he had to do something, because Gabriel just wasn't the type to sit around. If he wouldn't have been able to do this, he would've been a lot more stressed probably. Again he wondered if they should press him to find a hobby, he wouldn't bury himself in work all the time then.

They were all dead tired by the time they went to bed, even if they didn't do that much during the day. Just like the night before they were close together on Cas' bed, wrapped up under one blanket.

'You're nothing like him, you know,' Cas said out of the blue in the dim bedroom. Dean blinked his eyes open in surprise, having no idea what he was talking about. He felt Gabriel tense a little in his arms, so he ran a soothing hand down his stomach reflexively.

'I know he said you were, and I know even you said it, but you're nothing like him. So I don't want you to think that even for a second.'

Dean figured it had to be Nick he was talking about, because surely Michael wouldn't have said something like this. He didn't say anything, just stayed where he was, pulling closer until his chest was pressed to Gabriel's back and he continued to stroke his stomach slowly. Castiel was on the other side, face-to-face with Gabriel.

'I didn't think I was,' Gabriel said.

'I was there, I know you did, maybe only a little. And I don't want that, because there really is nothing in you that's even remotely like him,' Castiel said firmly, with absolute conviction. Gabriel was silent for a moment, then his hand reached Dean's and he huffed out a small laugh.

'What?' Dean asked quietly.

'Chuck told me the same thing on the phone, I'm too damn predictable,' Gabriel answered. Castiel leaned closer and put a kiss on his lips in reaction. Dean tightened his arms for a moment and kissed his shoulder. It was good to know that Gabriel could laugh despite everything going on. It made Dean more relaxed than anything the other man could've said to them.

'I want to go to the hospital tomorrow,' Gabriel told them after a little silence. Dean wanted to look at Cas, but it was too dark too see the expression on his face anyway. He figured they were still thinking the same thing.

'Alright,' Dean said.

'We can go after we're done with the police,' Castiel answered. Dean swore to himself that he won't say anything about this. He sure as hell didn't want Michael to even breath the same air as Gabriel, but it was not his call. There was no way for him to completely understand this, to put himself in Gabriel's place, it was just impossible, so he wouldn't say anything. He was just going to make sure that no one hurt him, not Michael, not anyone. He also knew without having to ask, that Castiel was with him on this. 

 


	26. Chapter 26

_The pain was sharp and sudden, and as the blood bubbled up from the wound so did the tears in his eyes. A sob broke out from his mouth as he clutched his hand tightly, but as the pain was just not going away it turned into a ragged cry._

_'Gabriel!' came from the doorway, but Gabriel didn't turn around, just clutched his hand tighter. Michael walked across the kitchen, carefully not stepping on the scattered pieces of glass that shattered on the floor. 'What are you doing here?' the older boy asked as he was approaching._

_'S'hurting,' Gabriel said between two sobs. Michael looked around quickly, grabbed a clean cloth from the kitchen drawer and crouched down to the floor._

_'Shh, it's okay, it's gonna be okay, just be quiet. Please be quiet, little brother. It's okay, lemme see...' ha managed to get Gabriel's hand away from his chest to wrap the cloth around the wound to stop the bleeding. 'See? Not so bad... You're gonna wake up Father, so just stay quiet, okay? Please.'_

_Gabriel bit back the next noise that wanted to come out of his mouth and nodded up at his brother as he sniffed a few times. Michael smiled, but only briefly, still holding his hand in place, and it was not hurting that much now like this._

_'Michael?' the older boy let go of his hand so fast like it was burning him and stood up abruptly. There were steps approaching them, stopping suddenly at the doorway. 'What did you do?' came the stern question and Michael took a further step away._

_'I didn't do anything, he came in here all by himself! I found him like this!' Michael answered right away. Gabriel was scoped up from the floor by two strong arms, his bloody hand held tightly again, his head cradled to a wide chest._

_'Lying is not going to get you out of trouble,' rumbled the voice from the chest under Gabriel's ear. 'It just makes it worse.'_

_'I'm not--'_

_'Be quiet and go to your room. I'll deal with you later.'_

_Michael left without a word. Dad bandaged his wound very carefully, talking in a quiet tone all the while he was doing it and wiped away the tears. Then he put him to bed, making sure his hand was not hurting anymore and checking the blanket covering him twice. He stroked his hair and put a kiss on his head. Gabriel couldn't sleep though, because Mom was shouting really loudly when she got home._

x~x~x

Chapter XXVI

Dean was anything but happy about all of this, Gabriel could tell easily, he appreciated that he was not speaking his mind though. Castiel was carefully neutral, hovering somewhere between quiet support and cautious disapproval. He also didn't say a word. Gabriel was sure that he would've been easily talked out of this, so he really was grateful that Dean and Cas didn't do it.

'Here it is Dr. Morgenstern,' said nurse Rosen as she handed over the plastic bag that contained Michael's wallet, his watch and everything else they found in his pockets. Gabriel immediately spotted the piece of newspaper among them, even if it was blood-stained now a little.

'Thank you,' he answered and opened it. He only needed one more thing to be done with all of the papers and he was sure that he could get those from his brother's wallet, so he asked for his stuff.

'Do you need anything else?' she asked, but Gabriel shook his head. The nurse walked back out from the doctor's lounge then. Dean was sitting at the opposite side of the table, while Cas was right next to him.

Gabriel opened the walled to search for Michael's ID number, but he stopped abruptly almost immediately.

'What?' Dean frowned right away. Gabriel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was really hard to deal with. Castiel leaned closer to take a look at what Gabriel saw, namely the old photograph in Michael's wallet.

'Never saw this picture,' Castiel remarked.

'Me neither,' Gabriel answered. It was him and Michael, but he was only two years old maybe, so Michael around eleven. This whole thing was a mess, especially in his own head. Dean came over from the other side to take a look too. Gabriel kept staring at it for a moment before he noticed that there was a hand around him on the picture, someone was holding him. He got the picture out and sure enough it was a larger photo folded up. He carefully smoothed it out and yeah, he expected as much, it was still strange. It was a full family photo of them. His mother was next to Michael, resting a hand on his shoulder, while Gabriel was held in his father's arms. He didn't remember his father, he's never even seen a picture of him. And suddenly he was there.

He must've gone too still, because both Dean and Cas reached out to him, Castiel resting a hand on his arm, Dean sliding closer until their thighs touched.

'I don't know why, but I always imagined your dad to have dark hair,' Dean said, breaking the silence. Gabriel glanced up at him then back at the picture. His father had the same dark-blond, brownish hair he had; even their eye-color was the same.

'I don't even know why,' Dean added, but he was right. Gabriel did too actually, back on the very rare occasions he thought about his father.

'I guess we just assumed that you got your hair-color from your mom so it would leave Michael having his black-hair from your Dad,' Castiel said, shrugging. Gabriel frowned at the picture.

'Apparently not,' he concluded. He put the photo down and got out Michael's ID to scribble the number down onto one of the papers. There, he was done with that. He turned the pen over in his hand a few times. 'Ok, I guess it's time to go in now,' he said.

'Ok, fine, let’s get this over with,' Dean stood up. Gabriel followed, holding the folder in one hand and picking up Michael's stuff with the other.

'I rather do this alone,' he said and the protest was immediately there on Dean's face. He was just opening his mouth when Castiel stood up and stepped closer, cutting him off by gripping his arm and pulling him out of Gabriel's way.

'Which is fine,' he said pointedly. 'And we're going to be waiting right outside of the door.'

Dean huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. There was something beyond endearing about him being this protective. Gabriel appreciated it, he really did, but there were things he really wanted and could do without someone holding his hand.

'It's fine,' he told him, resting his hand on Dean's upper arm for a moment, capturing his gaze. Dean reluctantly nodded, still not being happy about it. They walked over to the room in almost complete silence. Cas stopped when they reached the door, not letting go of Dean's arm either, stopping him too, much to the other's annoyance. Gabriel was sure that if it would've been up to Dean he would have been wrapped around him completely, just so he could glare down at Michael over his shoulder like a big bad protective wolf.

'Just call if you need us,' Castiel said, he managed to control his worry a lot better than Dean.

Gabriel was nervous, he had absolutely no idea what he was going to say or what Michael was going to say or anything. Maybe he would freak after a minute having to be alone with him, he really had no idea. But he owed it to himself to step through the door and see how it made him feel, if it made him feel anything at all. He just had to know, had to face this, close this down or move on, something. He couldn't just ignore Michael's existence. So he took a breath and did it, opened the door to walk inside.

x~x~x

Michael turned his head when the door opened and his eyes widened at the sight of Gabriel. He moved and sat up a little in his bed, but just kept staring at the other man silently.

'If I'm going back to prison you really shouldn't have bothered saving me,' was the first thing he said. Gabriel walked closer and put the plastic bag down to the small nightstand next to Michael's bed, his wallet and the photo on top of it.

'You're not going to prison,' Gabriel answered then walked past the bed, only stopping when he was at the other side of the room. Michael was in a singular room, but that was no surprise. Gabriel leaned to the wall, the folder still in his hand. He didn't really know what he wanted to say. There were hundreds of things that ran through his head in the past day, everything from nice empty platitudes to the cruelest, harshest accusations. Still, the words didn't come, he looked out of the window and stayed silent. It was strange. In his mind, it was really hard to put together the Michael he remembered with this man lying on the hospital bed, all thin and pale and quiet.

'Why are you here, Gabriel?' he asked.

'Why did you want to find me?' Gabriel asked in return, because he was sure that there were a lot of similarities between the answers to these questions.

There was a sound of rustling sheets and Gabriel turned back to see how Michael carefully reached over to the nightstand and pulled the photo out from under his wallet. He settled back into the bed with a wince and unfolded the picture, trying to smooth out the deep creases with his hands a few times, unsuccessfully of course. The picture was way too old and crumpled for that.

'One of these things doesn't belong,' he remarked looking down onto the photo. 'Father surely always thought so,' he continued and Gabriel remained silent. He didn't have anything to say, or couldn't decide what to say, so he let the other man talk.

'I know I used to tell you that he was a great, important and respected person... he wasn't really, not at all, not one bit. I thought he was, despite everything, not knowing any better for a long while. He was not a good person. Not even remotely.'

Gabriel didn't know where Michael was going with this, but he let him speak. What does he have to lose listening? It's not like he remembered his father, there were some vague memories in the back of his mind about a deep voice, about a distant scent, but that was all.

'Father was convinced that Mother cheated on him and that I was not his son,' Michael continued and this was the first thing that made Gabriel look at him for more than a brief moment. 'I didn't understand it at first, why he was too distant, too harsh. I don't look like him, I don't look like Mother either, I don't even know whether it's true or not. I only know that I tried and failed to be what he might've wanted. I'm not a smart person, not that I'm stupid, but I'm not exactly clever either. I was nothing special, not even as a kid, probably almost below average to be honest. He sure thought that proved him right, because his son would be different, his son would be better.'

Michael fell silent and put the photo back to the nightstand, like he was not able to look at it any longer.

'Then you were born, looking so very like him even as a baby. He was good to you, kind, caring. I didn't even realize just then that the way he acted was not how he was, it was just how he treated me. He was not hurting me, not like that. It was the small things, how he read to you for hours, while he always just told me to stay in my room. How he would not look at me the way he looked at you. How he never failed to say what a sharp little boy you were, learning everything so fast. You were barely one year old and you could already say so much, while I was not speaking well even at three.'

Gabriel felt how he gripped the folder in his hand a little tighter.

'I was not jealous. He thought I was, he was sure of it, kept telling me how greed and jealousy poisons the soul. He didn't let me hold you, play with you, be with you, made sure we never were alone, he kept staring at me with warning on his face whenever I was within touching distance, like I was some sort of a disease and I would infect you by being there, like I wanted to hurt you,' he fell really quiet at the last words, his voice dimming out to a small whisper. 'It didn't even feel like I had a brother, but I wasn't jealous. I just thought I was wrong, different, flawed.'

Silence settled between them and Gabriel still had nothing to say, because what exactly was he supposed to say? Michael seemed surprised that he was still there, so it was probably more than what was expected already.

'Mother argued with him a lot about it and I don't even know whether she sent him away or was it him who left on his own in the end. Only Mother used to pay real attention to me, but when Father left I lost that. She started to work a lot to be able to keep up the life we had. The house, the bills, everything was paid by Father before and suddenly she was alone. I was sure Father left because of me back then, that all the ways I failed him was finally too much. I worked during the summers since I was fourteen, I don't know if you remember that or not, I tried... I wanted to be there for her, prove that I was not as bad as Father always thought I was.'

'It was not enough, so despite Father being gone Mother asked Grandpa and Grandma Morgenstern for help, she thought that no matter what, they would still care for their grandchildren, right? You know what Grandma Morgenstern told her? That they would be more than happy to raise their grandson properly, but they won't give money to some whore and her bastard son. Mother didn't let them take you, so they opened up an account for you instead. Making sure that Mother wouldn't be able to reach that money.'

That Gabriel knew. The account from his grandparents opened up for him when he turned eighteen, it was what he used to move to Copenhagen, he paid his college and most of Med School from it. He just had no idea that he was the only one who got support from his Father's parents. His mother never spoke a word of any of this.

'I wanted us to move. I wanted her to sell the house, so we could move to somewhere cheaper, something we could actually afford, but she was having none of it,' Michael shook his head ruefully and for the first time since he started talking his fists clenched on the top of his covers before he continued. 'Then she started sleeping with that bastard so she could keep the house and all her possessions... and I hated her so much for it.'

Gabriel was too young to remember any of this. His first clear memories are from the age of six and seven, he couldn't really recall these first few years after his Father left them.

'For becoming something Father accused her to be. I kept telling her it was not worth it, she wouldn't listen. And as days and weeks passed, every time she would stay out late I kept wishing she would've left Grandma Morgenstern take you away, kept asking why Father didn't take you with him when he left. If it would've been just the two of us, she wouldn't have had to do that. I was... angry... constantly... so very angry, for so very long, that after a while I just couldn't stop being angry... at _everything_.' His fists unclenched, but he had to grip the covers tightly to stop them from shaking and he shut his eyes for long moments, taking a few deep breaths.

'I hated Father for treating me so wrongly. I hated Mother for lowering herself like that for all the useless things she wanted to keep, I hated all of her pricey vases, expensive carpets, crystal glasses and jewelry. I hated her for not listening to me. I hated you for being so perfect, the way I never was. And hated that you were the only one who didn't look at me like I was wrong simply by existing...' he opened his glistening eyes, but didn't search for eye-contact. 'I wish I could've been better, I wish I walked away, disappeared. I wish I never hurt you, I wish I could've stopped...' his voice broke and he fell silent. Not uttering a single word for long minutes. His breath was quick and shallow and he had his eyes closed again. Gabriel remained by the wall. Still and silent, watching this man and suspecting that this was the first time he ever managed to tell this to someone, anyone. That probably no one listened before.

'I'm not making excuses here, this is not what it is,' Michael spoke up again. 'I'm not, since there's no excuse. I just wanted to tell you... just because.'

Gabriel was not good at deciding how he felt about things. Hell, the only thing he learned to build upon recently, was how he felt about Dean and Castiel. Believing and trusting how they felt about him in return. How he could trust Chuck and trust Katrina if he felt like falling, that there were hands reaching out to pull him back up again. That he could believe in them, that he won't be left behind, won't ever be alone. It was not easy and sometimes he still doubted it to its very core, he couldn't help it. He was so not ready for trying to figure out this one.

'I don't think I can forgive you, Michael,' he said after the silence was too much to bear. Michael looked up at him for a moment and while his eyes were shiny with moisture, he didn't cry. He averted his gaze, started staring down at his hands and how they were tightly clenched in the covers again, he nodded jerkily, sucking in a breath.

'Alright,' he said quietly in hoarse voice. Accepting it without question.

'Definitely not now,' Gabriel continued. 'And I don't know if I ever will be able to. I don't know.'

Michael just nodded again, not looking up.

'I get it,' he said. 'Still, you saved my life so... thank you.' He did raise his head to look Gabriel in the eye when saying that, wanting to make sure that he knew his gratitude was sincere.

'No, I'm saving your life now,' Gabriel told him. He took a few steps closer to stand by the foot of the bed and dropped the folder in Michael's lap, then he crossed his arms over his chest. Michael frowned as he picked it up.

'What is this?' he asked.

'That's an address, a name, and a filled out form that's gonna get you in the council-house of the Donnerman Foundation. Which is basically a roof above your head, a bed to sleep on, and a job so that you can earn your keep and pay them back the medical bill they're going to temporary take over from you, since you don't have insurance.'

Michael looked up from the folder at him with widened eyes. So much unvarnished disbelief in his green eyes, endless confusion that rendered him speechless. He just blinked then kept looking down at the folder in his hand, like it was not supposed to exist, or like he didn't believe that it existed and was expecting it to disappear. Gabriel continued talking, since he had no idea what else to do.

'So when you get discharged, you're going to go to that address, ask for the person whose name I written down there and give him the form. You'll go through the personal meeting, sign whatever document you need to sign, and accept whatever job they decide you're capable of doing.'

Michael looked up at him again, he was holding the folder so tightly in his hands now that he was going to crease the papers.

'Why would you--' he stopped, his voice breaking again. 'Gabriel--'

'I had some patients sent there before,' Gabriel explained. 'People like you, who were in prison for a very long time and wouldn't be able to find accommodation or a job on their own.'

This time, no matter how many breaths he took or how he tried to stop it, there were tears in Michael's eyes. He closed the folder and clutched it to his chest like it was the single most valuable thing he ever had in his possession.

'Thank you,' he said again, his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes were wet and red and he tried to control himself, he was practically shaking, but he was still crying silently.

'You will be forced to stand on your own feet there, believe me,' Gabriel added. 'So you go and straighten your life out. And after you did that... maybe, just _maybe,_ there's going to be a slight chance that I will be willing to see you ever again, _maybe_. I will know where you are, but I don't want you to come anywhere near my life. Not here to my workplace, not my home, nowhere close to any of my family here or in Castle Rock. Are we clear on this?'

Michael nodded even before the last word was out of Gabriel's mouth.

'I won't bother you,' he said.

'Okay,' Gabriel replied. 'Don't make me regret this.' He himself wasn't sure whether that was supposed to be a threat or wish, he didn't try to figure it out.

Michael just nodded again, wiping at his face, but he was breathing too raggedly and was shaking too much to actually speak.

'Goodbye, Michael,' Gabriel said and headed to the door.

It took him half an hour to print and fill out the form that he just handed over. It took only a minute to scribble down the address and the name of the coworker at the foundation he knew personally, yet Michael was clutching the folder like a life-line. Gabriel knew that this simple piece of paper he signed for about half dozen of his patients over the years was no solution to anything, even if this was the first time he filled it out himself and didn't just sign it when a social worker pushed it under his nose. It cost him nothing but a little time, but he just knew that it was still more than anyone has ever done for his brother.

He still didn't know whether there would come a time when he would want to see him again, whether he ever would be able to forgive or forget what he has done. He heard how instead of the silent tears a real sob broke out of Michael before he shut the door. He felt drained, strangely sad and cold because of everything. This was a lot at once. He shut his eyes and leaned to the wall next to the door. He was pulled a step forward the next moment and he recognized Castiel's embrace without having to open his eyes.

'Are you okay?' he asked.

'Yeah, I'm okay,' Gabriel answered. He was being honest, he was not completely fine and well, but he was okay. He opened his eyes then. 'Where's Dean?' he asked.

'He was practically vibrating with tension, so I sent him out to grab some fresh air. He's going to meet us by the car.'

'Okay, let’s get going,' Gabriel said. He wanted to get out of here, eat something and curl up in a bed and just clear this all out of his mind. Castiel hummed in agreement.

x~x~x

Michael was unable to stop the tears, especially after the door closed behind Gabriel and he was alone again. He just couldn't calm down. His brother, who was hurt by him the most, who was treated so unfairly by him. He didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve any of this. He expected hate, he expected disgust, anger. Maybe it was pity, maybe something else, but for Michael is was so much at once he couldn't handle the weight of it. The one who should hate him the most just handed him over the chance for a life, a real honest life, on a silver platter. Just like that, so simply. No hateful words, no angry looks.

He cried, because he felt even more like a scum than before, now in the light of Gabriel's actions, but also because no one bothered before, not like this. And from all the people, Gabriel... how was that possible? How could he ever atone for his sins, how could he ever repay such a gesture, how was he going to say sorry and thank you a million times? No words would ever be enough in exchange for the lack of hate in Gabriel's eyes. He was not forgiven, he knew that, he wasn't even sure he wanted to be forgiven. Definitely not just yet, he has not earned forgiveness after all, maybe he won't ever earn it. But he has been given more already than he had any right to wish for.

He snapped his head up when the door opened again and he sniffed to get his sobs under control right away. His eyes landed on the badge in the tall man's belt first then he noticed the hard set of his shoulders and the tightness of his jaw. His eyes were hard and stormy and Michael felt immediately on edge.

'What... how can I help you officer?' he asked, wiping his face again, straightening up on the bed as much as he could and trying to look at least a little bit less pathetic.

'My name's Dean Winchester,' the cop answered as he walked closer. He stood at the foot of the bed, exactly where Gabriel stood. He knew the name of course. Boy from across the street, the deputy-sheriff's son. He grew up to be a very big guy.

'You got something to say to me,' he said. It was no question.

'Yeah, first of all I hate it that Gabriel wastes even a thought on you, and I sure as hell don't want you to walk the same ground or even breath the same air as him. I'm not arguing with him, because no matter what, this is up to him. Anything about you is his call. If it would've been up to me, I would've let you bleed out on our floor.'

It was easy to tell that he was honest, Michael didn't doubt it for a second.

'But like I said, it doesn't matter what I think, only what Gabriel wants. Now, I'm going to tell you something, and I want you to listen very carefully, because I'm only going to say it once. You hurt him again or disappoint him in any possible way and you're not going to make it back to prison alive. You understand me?'

He did, it was clear as daylight. Michael knew the look on his face, knew he was not bluffing.

'Yes,' he said, nodding. He barely bit back the “sir” that wanted to come out as a reflex. After so many years it became his default answer if he was asked by a cop or a guard.

'Good,' Dean basically growled at him and moved to get out.

'I'm not gonna screw this up,' Michael told him.

'Don't make fucking promises, because I don't care. I can't possibly have a lower opinion of you. Just make sure I don't have to come after you.'

'If I ever do something like that again, you won't have to, because I'm gonna end it myself,' Michael answered. Dean looked at him one more time before stomping out of the room, shutting to door with force.

 


	27. Chapter 27

XXVII

They all startled awake when Dean's phone started blaring AC/DC's 'Big Gun' from the nightstand. Dean sat up to reach over to grab it. Gabriel grunted in displeasure, trying to bury himself back in the pillows and under the sheets, he slid closer to Castiel in the process. Cas was more than happy to pull him closer and trace his fingers down the back of his skull then his back.

'Yeah?' Dean grunted sleepily to the phone, sliding up on the bed to lean to the headboard. There was silence from Dean as he listened, Castiel only heard the muffled sound of someone speaking on the other end. He had trouble remembering whether 'Big Gun' was Victor's or Ellen's ringtone.

'What? How the hell could something like that happen?' Dean asked suddenly and his voice was a lot more alert now. Castiel started to pay more attention hearing that tone and Gabriel shifted too, extracting himself from Castiel's arms to turn towards Dean.

'Yeah, I get that... so accident?' Dean asked on the phone, then he snorted. 'Yeah, tell me about it... I'm sure as hell no one will be pushing any sort of thorough investigation though.'

Castiel was frowning now, curious about what happened, and why Dean had to be called in who knows what time during the night. Way too early or way too late, depending on where one was looking at it.

'Sure, thanks for the info,' Dean said and hung up. Castiel heard as he put the phone back down to the nightstand.

'What happened?' Gabriel asked.

'Um... Nick Lusepher is dead,' Dean answered.

'What? How?' Castiel asked in surprise, sitting up and switching on the lamp above his bed. They were still in Castle Rock, but the cleaning up was finally done in their apartment, so they planned to go back home tomorrow, or was that later today? He had no idea.

'Well, they switched his meds in the hospital, but it seems like it was missing from his chart that he was allergic. He went into shock and they couldn't stabilize him again.'

'Why switch his meds?' Castiel asked.

'He probably didn't need that strong medication now,' Gabriel said.

'Who cares?' Dean asked. 'I'm not gonna have sleepless nights over this.' he said and settled back into the bed again, pulling closer to Gabriel resting his arm around his waist.

'I find it a little strange,' Castiel remarked. 'Something like this missing from a medical history.'

'He was probably never treated with these specific meds before,' Gabriel said as he yawned. 'Prison medical wards use a lot smaller variety of medications than a hospital.'

That sounded plausible. Castiel shrugged and turned off the lamp again. Not like he cared, so why bother talking about it.

'Sounds like a rather unpleasant way to die,' he remarked as he rested his head on the pillow again.

'No kidding,' Gabriel mumbled. 'Getting something you're allergic to intravenously, it's like pumping poison to your veins.'

'Yeah, well... you know, karma's a bitch,' Dean said.

'I suppose,' Castiel shrugged and he left it at that, trying to get back to sleep again.

x~x~x

Luckily, their front door didn't need to be changed, only the lock broke. It was a lot better than having to buy a brand new door, so Castiel counted it as a win. The carpet from the living room was a goner and while the wooden floor looked nice, they're going to have to buy something new. Well, Castiel was going to have to buy something new, because he knew how likely it was for Dean and Gabriel to go carpet shopping. Maybe he could drag Gabriel along, probably. The kitchen window was replaced as well, so the only signs that anything happened in their apartment, were the missing carpet and DVD player. Oh, and the mess in their bedroom. Nothing major, just their stuff was all over the place.

'You okay?' Dean asked. Castiel turned to look at Gabriel, who was standing by the bedroom door looking out at the living-room.

'Yes, I'm fine,' Gabriel said, turning back into the room. 'Let’s just tidy up already.'

It took them over an hour to get everything back into its place in the apartment and as soon as they were done Gabriel called dibs on the shower and disappeared in the bathroom.

'Do you think he's fine?' Dean asked turning to look at him. Castiel considered it for a moment.

'I think he is,' he said.

'He's a bit quiet,' Dean remarked.

'You can't expect him to be all chipper and energetic right away. He's fine, Dean.'

'I'm just worried. What? I can't be worried now?' Dean asked in return.

'You can, just don't exaggerate,' Castiel told him.

'I'm not.'

'You asked him whether he was fine over a dozen times today,' Cas remarked.

'So?' Dean crossed his arms over his chest and frowned at him. Castiel sighed, he really was not the right person to get Dean to stop being so protective, or to get him to take his worrying back a notch.

'Don't say I didn't warn you,' Castiel said, then he went over to the kitchen to check what they needed to throw out from the fridge and what was still edible.

'What's that supposed to mean?' Dean asked, but Cas just shook his head. He was expecting this to be honest. Well, he sort of anticipated it a little, because if things went down the way he thought they would, it really meant that things were back to normal. So he was going to stand by the sidelines and let things unfold on their own, while making sure they don't escalate too much.

He was just tying up two garbage bags in the kitchen, being done with the cleaning up there, when he heard it. It was maybe a little mean, but he just couldn't stop the small smile from curling up his lips a bit. Neither Dean nor Gabriel could see it from the other room of course, fortunately.

'Oh, for fuck's sake, Dean. For the hundredth time, yes, I'm fine,' Gabriel said in a stern and annoyed tone. Castiel washed his hands before he started walking back to the bedroom. No hurry.

'Hey, you can't blame me for worrying.'

'No, but you could _really_ stop asking the same fucking question every five minutes.'

'You really gonna get pissy at me, just because I wanna make sure you're okay?' Dean asked.

'You made sure I was okay back at 9 AM, now you're just driving me crazy!'

'Whoa, no! I don't deserve this shit! What the hell, Gabe? You want me not to care, because sure that would turn out real good for you.'

'You know just... just shut up,' Gabriel told him.

'No! I'm not gonna sh--'

Dean's voice was cut off as he let out a surprised sound. Both of them fell silent after a heavy thud came from the bedroom. Castiel stopped by the door and yeah, of course.

Dean was on his back on the bed, his legs hanging off from the edge a little with Gabriel – shirtless still after his shower – on top of him, holding his face with both hands and kissing him hard. Dean only stayed still for a moment, obviously from surprise, but a moment later he was kissing back. Kissing, well maybe this angry clash of lips, all bites and shoves could still be called that. Dean freed his mouth after a moment or two.

'Gabriel, you can't just--' Gabe shifted his body on top of his, slotting a knee between his legs, and pressing down onto his groin. A hard and precise roll of hips that had Dean biting off his own words with a moan.

'I said... shut up, Dean,' Gabriel repeated and dived in to kiss the younger man under him again. Castiel could see the moment their balance shifted. First it was clashing intents and the fight for dominance on both sides, then like all anger slipped out of him, Dean went pliable. Both his arms wrapped around Gabriel, one sliding up to his hair, the other resting between his shoulder blades.  Dean's legs fell open and Gabriel hummed a pleased sound as he rolled his hips down again. Castiel pushed himself off from the doorway. As fun it was to watch, Gabriel still looked too frustrated for Castiel's liking, even with Dean giving up fighting so easily.

He marched over to the bed, knelt down on it and dragged Gabriel's head away from Dean to pull him up and seal his lips on his. One of Gabriel's hands came up and he gripped Castiel's shirt, pulling him even closer. The tense set of Gabriel's shoulders vanished during their kiss, but the fire in his eyes was still there when he pulled back. Gabriel smiled up at him then dropped back down on Dean, his fingers sliding in his short hair to pull his head backwards and put biting kisses on his neck.

'Oh fuck,' Dean breathed out. Castiel could see, that the way Dean let go so fully and completely, was not just him giving up the fight. No, he always loved Gabriel taking charge in bed, he surely missed that lately. Castiel leaned down to the bed next to Dean, letting the tip of his nose touch and slide up Dean's cheek. The other man turned his head for a kiss and Castiel liked how red and swollen his lips were already, loved the darkened green of his eyes and how his breath was coming quicker than a moment before. Their kiss was quick and hard and Dean broke it when a groan escaped his mouth.

Gabriel lifted himself up a little to have space to undo Dean's jeans then he was sliding down pulling it along. Dean got on with the program and pulled his t-shirt over his head and scooted up on the bed more when his jeans and boxers were off. Castiel followed his example, even if he did keep the jeans for now. Looking at him, Castiel just wanted to eat him up, or at least run his tongue over all the exposed skin and toned muscles. He just looked too good spread out on the sheets like this, his dick was half-hard, but rapidly getting more and more interested. Gabriel looked him over once, then he licked his lips and got back on the bed.

Dean opened his mouth, probably to say something, but he closed it almost immediately when Gabriel's palms slid up on his thighs and with a smirk, that Castiel missed to see on his face so very much, he leaned down and took Dean in his mouth. Dean threw his head back and groaned, his hands clenching in the sheets.

'Oh fuck, Gabriel...' he moaned out. Gabriel hummed in answer, his head moving slowly on Dean's length. Castiel let his fingers spread out on Dean's chest, feeling his beating heart, stroking the warm skin and playing with the nipples. His eyes were locked on Gabriel though. He was taking his time, his licks all slow and thorough. Dean was barely holding himself back from bucking up his hips, he was biting his lips hard as sweat was glistening on his forehead.

'C'mon... c'mon, Gabriel...' Dean mumbled. Gabriel pulled off of him and put open mouthed kisses on his hipbones, shushing him, petting his stomach slowly. Dean let out a small noise of complaint, but didn't say a word. Castiel could see how Gabriel smiled at that.

Gabriel started inching up on Dean's stomach, his mouth leaving a wet trail of kisses on the heated skin. Every moment brought him closer to Castiel until they were at the same level when Gabriel closed his lips around Dean's nipple. Gabriel glanced up at him so Castiel just stared back.

'Where do you want me?' Castiel asked simply as he trailed a finger down Gabriel's arm. He was pleased by the way goosebumps appeared on his forearm. Gabriel looked him up and down with a glance.

'You're overdressed, and grab me the lube,' he said simply then moved the rest of the way up to mouth at Dean's jaw, of course it turned into another kiss as soon as Dean moved his head. Gabriel was comfortably between Dean's legs again. He was still wearing his pants, but Dean didn't seem to care as their bodies grind together slowly. Castiel got off the bed to get rid of the rest of his clothing then took the lube out of the nightstand. Gabriel broke the kiss and moved away, but Dean followed the movement.

'Stay still, big boy, let me play with you,' Gabriel told him with smile that promised all the best things.

He took the lube from Castiel, then slid back down on the bed again, sitting back on his heels.

'I'm sure Dean can entertain you, while I'm done here,' he remarked and dipped his head back down. Dean let out a long moan at the touch of Gabriel's tongue on his dick, and he let go of the sheets to grip Castiel's arm to pull him down.

Castiel put a hand on his chest and started kissing him. Dean was probably expecting something else, a dirtier way for Castiel to keep himself entertained, as Gabriel put it, but Cas liked kissing. He liked kissing a lot. Dean kissed back with vehemence and Castiel loved swallowing all the moans and quiet sounds that escaped him whenever Gabriel did something to him. Castiel could feel how his heartbeat was rising under his palm and how it took him more and more effort to stay still. He was moving a little, rocking his hips down while he twisted one hand in Castiel's hair the other in the sheets. His kisses grew more heated by the second, he was slowly giving up on keeping in the sounds that wanted to get out of him too, and Castiel felt himself hardening in reaction.

He let go of Dean's lips so they could catch their breaths. He kept his hand on Dean's chest, moving to one nipple then to the other as he looked over to Gabriel. He got rid of his pants and was kneeling between Dean's legs, that were spread a lot wider now, and he had his fingers buried in him. Dean was rocking down onto his hand gently. Gabriel looked back at him and smiled.

'You looked good kissing like that,' he said.

'Want me to do something else to him too?' Castiel asked with a smile of his own, not as wide as Gabriel's, but surely just as promising.

'Yeah, fucking do something to me,' Dean said. Gabriel wrapped his free hand around his dick and stroked a few times, Dean fell silent with a pleased moan.

'No, I want you to do something to _me_ ,' Gabriel said. Castiel's mind just stopped for a moment. He heard how Dean started encouraging this plan very vehemently next to him, but he just kept his gaze on Gabriel.

'You mean...'

'I let Dean, it's only fair,' Gabriel answered and raised an eyebrow suggestively. Castiel really didn't have a preference when it came to this, so he probably would've never asked for it on his own, but now his dick twitched in interest as heat pooled in his stomach at the thought, so yes, he was very much behind this plan too.

'Same time?' he asked.

'Wait your turn,' Gabriel smirked before he leaned down again to close his lips around the head of Dean's dick. He also moved his hand, probably pushing in one more finger. Dean groaned loudly as his back arched up from the bed. Gabriel was in a very teasing mood, he was probably making a point. Castiel had no problem with this, he could wait alright, he would enjoy the view and that would just make his own pleasure all the more delicious.

'Turn over, big boy,' Gabriel said as he let Dean's dick slip from his mouth again and he drew back his hand. Dean turned right away and Gabriel pulled him up to his knees the second he was in the right position. Oh, Dean was going to beg. Castiel knew that look on Gabriel's face, knew that scorching heat in the depths of his amber eyes when it was flavored with such intent.

'C'mon, Gabriel!' Dean urged him.

'You just can't learn patience.'

'I don't wanna be patient, I want your cock inside of me, you fucking me until I scream,' Dean answered in a deep, demanding tone. If it was possible, Gabriel's eyes darkened even further at the words. He slicked up his dick and moved behind Dean.

'You and your fucking filthy mouth,' Gabriel remarked quietly gripping Dean's hips tightly, then he pushed inside in one go, making Dean choke on whatever reply he wanted to give. Watching the arch of Dean's spine as pleasure and maybe a little pain ripped through his body, was one of the most beautiful things Castiel has ever seen. As the muscles tightened and shifted under his sweat-slick skin. It was a beautiful line of flesh starting from his neck and strong shoulders to the fine curve of his firm ass. Oh yes, he loved Dean being on his knees like this, resting his weight on his hands or elbows. Both of his hands were clenched in the sheets as the muscles in his arms tightened. Cas just couldn't resist licking a long line on his back this time and Dean moaned at the touch, Gabriel also let out a very pleased sound that was soaking in arousal.

He slid closer to Gabriel on the bed while his hand slid over Dean's back, his fingers digging into skin and muscle, until he reached Gabriel's hand that was gripping Dean's hip. He let his fingers run up Gabriel's arm to his shoulder and neck as he moved even closer.

'Gabriel... move,' Dean asked, pushing himself back a little. Gabriel rocked his hips forward languidly, sliding in deep before pulling out almost all the way and repeating the movement. Dean let out a long deep moan, his back arching just as beautifully as before.

Castiel slid behind Gabriel, kneeling up on the bed. He rested both of his hands on his shoulder first, spearing his fingers on his skin, but then he let his palms slide down to the small of his back. He slid his hand around him after a moment, resting it on Gabriel's stomach, basically embracing him from behind, but leaving him enough space to move. His put his head right above Gabriel's shoulder to have the perfect view of Dean's entire back and the way Gabriel's dick was sliding slowly in and out of his slick stretched hole. He just had to move and put one of his hands on Dean, just stroking him once to let him know where he was.

'You're going to make him beg?' he asked quietly next to Gabriel's ear, his voice dropped down impossibly deep as he got more and more aroused from the sight of his two lovers. 'It wouldn't take long now.'

Gabriel pushed forward again all the way, bottoming out and staying there for a moment, Dean let out a delicious sound of pleasure. Gabriel's movements were hard, but slow, oh so very slow, Castiel knew that he would be driven crazy from it in Dean's place.

'Oh yeah, he's gonna beg,' Gabriel answered, there was a hint of a smile in his voice. A light, happy tone of delight Castiel could hear even through the thick veil of lust in his voice.

Dean moved and pushed back more adamantly as the moments passed, groans and heavy breaths falling from his lips, but Gabriel kept up his slow pace. Sliding in deep, all the way and pulling out again just as slowly. Castiel knew how that felt, having Gabriel's length fill him up like this, how the lubed flesh moved within, a slow drag of wet heat stretching him out. Oh, he liked to be fucked hard and fast, but that slow burn, slow build-up of pleasure, that was something else. He got harder as he watched Dean, watched how he was panting and moaning despite not having that fast and heavy pace he wanted just yet.

The heat rising up in him made him turn his head to put a biting kiss on Gabriel's neck and the other man's hips snapped forward in reaction.

'Oh God, fuck yes, please,' Dean groaned out.

'I'll get you there, big boy,' Gabriel replied. Cas didn't feel like pulling away again, so he kept dragging his lips over Gabriel's neck. Mouthing at the beating pulse and the soft skin. Nipping down with his teeth to his shoulder, then back up again to bury his nose behind Gabriel's ear. He breathed in the scent of his hair then nibbled at his earlobe. All the while his fingers started to wander on Gabriel's stomach, running up to his chest, his nipple, then his throat.

Gabriel's breath picked up and his pace got a little faster. He was still thrusting in deep and Dean just became louder, Castiel loved every sound, just like the way Dean's legs shifted a little wider. His whole body was begging for more. Castiel decided to help him a little to get what he wanted, maybe it was also his own arousal prompting him though. He dragged his lips up to Gabriel's ear again.

'I think I'm going to fuck you the way you're fucking Dean right now,' he said in a deep tone that managed to make Gabriel thrust in a little bit harder as he bit his lips. 'I think I would like that, you on your hands and knees, like Dean, just look at him.'

Gabriel snapped his hips forward again and Dean groaned loudly, pushing back.

'Oh, just like that... don't stop,' he panted out and this time Gabriel didn't slow back down.

'But Dean was rough with you. Maybe you'd like that more?' he asked then and Gabriel bit back a groan in reaction, his pace speeding up just a little more.

'Ah, fuck Gabe, yes, like this... God, yes, fuck me...' Gabriel's attention shifted back to Dean right away at that and Castiel smiled a little before he bit his ear and slid a bit back to leave him enough space.

'Harder, please! Fuck, I wanna fucking feel you for days!' Dean gripped the sheets tight and Gabriel was no longer holding back, he snapped his hips forward repeatedly just as hard as Dean wanted it. Dean was close, very close since he was talking with this much raw need in his voice. He didn't stay silent for a moment now, he kept repeating his demands, his pleas, his wants over and over again, especially when Gabriel found the right angle to thrust into him. Gabriel reached over to close his hand around his dick, it wouldn't take much. Castiel moved to Gabriel's side, running his hand down his spine, leaning close again.

'C'mon, you can come, I know you want it. I'm going to make you come again then,' he said. Gabriel bit back a curse and shut his eyes for a moment. Dean was coming, Castiel could tell from the sounds falling from his lips and the way pleasure made his body tighten up in his release. Gabriel followed him over the edge, letting out a long groan, and Castiel was completely hard watching them. He picked up the lube from the corner of the bed and coated his fingers. He waited a few moments then grabbed Gabriel's head and sealed their lips together in a hard, wet, open-mouthed kiss.

Gabriel moaned into his mouth then broke the kiss, glancing away and pulling out of Dean. Castiel drew him back close the second he could to kiss him again. One of Gabriel's hands was coated in Dean's come, so that hand was just hanging by his side, with the other he gripped the back of Castiel's neck. Cas slid his fingers down to his ass and over his hole, making the skin slick around the tight ring of muscle. He caught Gabriel's gaze for a moment to make sure he was fine with it, but he saw no hesitation there, so he dived back in for a kiss and pushed one finger in slowly.

Gabriel gasped a little into the kiss. Maybe his muscles were just all languid from his orgasm, but he relaxed easily and Castiel had no problem working in his first finger, soon he was at the second. He obviously didn't want to hurt Gabriel, but he seemed to like the quick pace, there was no distress on his face, no flickering pain.

It was Castiel's turn to moan and suck in a breath when he felt how Gabriel's hand, still warm and slick with Dean's come closed around his hard dick. It was such a dirty thing to do, smearing Dean's come all over Castiel's hardened flesh, such a Gabriel thing to do. He smirked at him and started to stroke, Castiel in return pushed his fingers in deeper, scissoring them and loosening the tight muscle. Gabriel groaned and captured Cas' mouth in a biting kiss. Yes, he really liked it to be a little rough when he bottomed then.

He just worked in a third finger when Gabriel shifted and started pushing him down to the bed. Castiel's fingers slipped out, then he let himself be pushed down on his back. He blinked up at Gabriel in surprise for a brief moment, but apparently Gabriel wanted to stay in charge even with him. Castiel didn't mind. Gabriel straddled his hips then wrapped his still slick fingers around Castiel's dick again, stroking him a few times.

'You better stop that, if you don't want me finish like this,' Castiel told him, because he watched Dean and Gabriel, which was undoubtedly the most arousing thing, and he was only human.

Gabriel smirked at him then moved a little to be in the right position and Castiel practically jackknifed back onto the bed at the feel of the head of his cock touching that wet opening. Castiel heard Dean letting out a small noise next to them. He couldn't blame him, looking up at Gabriel was threatening to overwhelm his mind too, he just looked too good. He was breathing hard, his skin was damp and glistening with sweat, but he had that small smile playing on his lips, he had that glint in his darkened eyes and he was just as bossy and confident as he always was in the past years, before everything happened.

The head of his dick slipped inside and Gabriel let out a shuddering breath, relaxing, adjusting. Castiel gripped his hips, but stayed still, letting him sink down in his own pace. He was getting really close, but he really wanted to hold out longer. Gabriel slowly inched down on his length, taking him completely after torturously long minutes. Castiel had to focus on not moving and thrusting up with all of his willpower.

He loudly cried out in pleasure unexpectedly when Gabriel started to move. Not just slowly moving up and down, no, he started to move in honest and Castiel was beyond words in a second. There was no chance for him to tease, to take charge, nothing. He just threw back his head and focused really hard on not to come, because he wanted more from this, he really wanted to feel this just a little longer. Gabriel was riding him, pushing down onto his length, rolling his hips down with force and Castiel just panted and mumbled incoherently. God, it felt amazing.

He managed to grab a hold of his mind after a few moments and he started thrusting up and it was Gabriel's turn to cry out. This was too good, there was no way for him to hold out too much longer. And Gabriel? Gabriel looked just perfect on top of him like this. Castiel sat up and closed his arms around him, flipping them over. Gabriel let him, and Castiel thrust into him hard again and again, fast and deep, until he was gone. Too much heat, too much pleasure, too much everything and he was coming, emptying himself in the heat of Gabriel's body and sealing his lips on his, twisting his hand in his hair and holding him tightly.

He rested his forehead on his shoulder after he rode out his orgasm and stopped moving, catching his breath. Gabriel was panting very hard under him so Castiel moved to pull out and roll off of him as soon as he could. Gabriel winced and let out a small pained sound, but that much was expected.

'Holy shit, that was hot,' Dean said, his voice thick and breathless. Gabriel chuckled.

'You're a sex demon, time for you to admit it,' Castiel said as he looked over to him. Gabriel laughed, despite being breathless.

'Talk about topping from the bottom,' Dean added and moved closer, trying to not land on the wet spot on the sheets, and kissed Gabriel again. 'I think I missed this,' he said then.

'I missed it too,' Gabriel replied.

'You two were just missing sex,' Castiel told them. Two pair of eyes turned towards him immediately. 'You _always_ start snapping at each other when you don't get laid for a few days.'

'No we're not,' Dean objected right away.

'Yes, you do,' Castiel said with a small chuckle.

'No we're--'

'We kinda do,' Gabriel interrupted.

'Fine, we do... sometimes,' Dean gave up with a huff.

'But Castiel gets all whiney and pissy about stuff like breakfast and coffee when he's not getting laid,' Gabriel said.

'I am not getting whiney,' Castiel objected right away. He was maybe a bit more easier to agitate, especially if he didn't get his morning coffee the way he liked it on such days, but that was it.

'Keep telling yourself that,' Gabriel answered. Castiel slid closer and Gabriel yelped and jumped at the bite he got.

'Oh no you didn't just bite me, you little bastard,' Gabriel groaned and dived at him.

'Bad move,' Castiel said, holding Gabriel's arms at bay. 'I'm not the ticklish one out of the two of us.'

'Oh, don't you dare, Castiel!' Gabriel warned, like he could get himself out of this with such useless threats. 'No, no, no, no, stop it. Cas! Stop it! Noo!!' Hearing the laughter bubbling up from Gabriel was the best sound Castiel could imagine and he was grinning so widely that it almost hurt his face. Dean was laughing loudly next to them, trying to get out of the battle-zone. Then he curled up around Gabriel like a protective shield when Gabe managed to climb over him in his haste to get away from Cas. Castiel stopped and put a kiss on Dean's shoulder. Gabriel struggled to stop laughing while he was catching his breath in Dean's arms. There were literally tears in his eyes as he threw out some threats about revenge.

Castiel saw that like this, Dean finally believed that he was fine.

 


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter XXVIII

Gabriel let out a long whistle that made both Dean and Castiel turn around and look at him.

‘I very much approve of the uniforms,’ he said, staring at the two younger men, letting his eyes wander up and down on their bodies from the doorway.

Both of them were wearing their dress blues. Although Dean managed to win the battle on the white gloves, because he sure as hell didn’t want to put them on, it was the only part of the formal uniform he didn’t like. Cas scowled at him for a moment before letting it go. He didn’t have to wear gloves for his uniform after all, so he had no idea how freakin’ ridiculous it was to keep them on for long. Dean still considered himself lucky, because he did like the uniform way better than any kind of a suit, so he was glad that Katrina told them that they should wear these instead of civil clothes.

Gabriel himself was wearing a dark, modern cut suit with golden cuffs, a black shirt and a dark gold tie that made his eyes stand out so vividly that it looked like they glowed. He also had that little gold lapel pin, the coin with a cross on it – St. Anthony’s logo – on his suit jacket. Yeah, maybe he had no uniform to wear, but he looked absolutely stunning.

Dean grinned at Gabriel’s words and the look on his face. There was also a small smile on Castiel’s lips too because of the compliment. Dean stepped slightly behind Cas and draped an arm around his hips just to make the view better.

‘Like it?’ he asked suggestively. Gabriel’s face was answer enough, so Dean grinned at him. Castiel shoved him away gently, straightening out his jacket again.

‘No messing up our clothes,’ he warned.

‘Spoilsport,’ Dean pouted at him.

‘No worries, Dean-o,’ Gabriel said. ‘I’m gonna mess up your uniform just fine, after we get home,’ he smirked and Dean felt a pleasant tingle running down his spine in reaction.

‘I like that plan,’ he said with a smile.

‘Did you pick up the presents?’ Castiel asked looking back at Gabriel.

‘Yes, of course I picked up the presents,’ Gabriel replied. ‘So, are you two gonna keep fussing with your clothes like a pair of girls or can we finally get going? We got a whole bunch of things to do before the party.’

‘We’re taking the Impala,’ Dean said, letting the girl comment go… for now.

‘You don’t plan on drinking then?’ Cas asked, raising an eyebrow.

‘Of course I plan on drinking,’ Dean answered. ‘Gabriel can drive back home.’

‘Oh-holy full metal jacket, is it my birthday? It’s been a few years since I have been given this great honor.’

‘Shut up,’ Dean told him, but he had to focus too hard not to smile, so it didn’t came out even a little bit angrily.

‘Dean, did you pick up the champagne I ordered?’

‘Yes, Cas I got the champagne,’ Dean answered. ‘Relax already.’

‘Can we just go now?’ Gabriel asked, and Dean knew, he would not be afraid to start whining if it would make them get going. There was a hint of it in his tone already.

‘Yes, we can go. You’re so impatient,’ Castiel grumbled.

‘And you fixed your insignia five times in the past two minutes,’ Gabriel replied.

‘Ass,’ Cas murmured, but finally moved away from the mirror. Dean just chuckled as he followed while Gabriel dramatically thanked the Heavens that they were finally moving out of the bedroom. Cas scowled at him and pinched his ass hard in revenge when he moved past him.

x~x~x

They barely got out of the car when the front door slammed open and Sam appeared in it. He practically leaped off the two small steps, crossed the front garden in a blink with long hurried steps just to cover his brother in a bear hug to end all bear hugs. Dean managed to keep his balance, just barely, and wrapped his arms around his little brother in return with a laugh.

‘I thought you won’t make it here this early,’ Dean said when they finally let go of each other, ending the hug with some manly pats on the shoulder. They were both grinning very hard, but that was understandable. The last time Sam was home from Stanford was Spring Break.

‘Managed to catch an earlier plane, almost lost my luggage, but I made it,’ Sam replied and finally raised his head to look behind Dean at Gabriel and Castiel.

‘Hey guys!’ he greeted cheerfully. He stepped away from Dean to hug Cas first.

‘It’s very good to see you, Sam,’ Cas answered, returning the hug warmly. Then Sam wrapped his long arms around Gabriel too.

‘Holy crap kid, you got even bigger,’ Gabriel said and it made Sam laugh as he let go of the shorter man.

‘I’m not growing anymore, Gabriel,’ he said.

‘Not taller, bigger. You put on some extra muscles there, aren’t you supposed to be a nerd or something?’

‘Funny,’ Sam made a face. ‘Maybe, it’s just you getting smaller.’

‘Watch it,’ Gabriel warned pointing a finger at his face. ‘I swear, what the hell are you eating at college? At least Jesse had the decency to stay at my height.’

‘He is not exactly happy about that,’ Castiel remarked and they all chuckles.

‘Overgrown smartasses,’ Gabriel scowled. ‘In the house, all of you move, pronto.’

Dean and Sam laughed without hiding it as they started walking back into the house, Castiel managed to hide his chuckles more or less. Gabriel just rolled his eyes and let out an exaggerated sigh as he shepherded them inside.

x~x~x

It was hard to get Katrina not do anything. She was used to be the hostess, hell, she loved being a hostess. As all the guests and family members – including a bunch of cousins and uncles and who-knows-what relatives all the way from Russia – were arriving, it was getting harder and harder to make sure she was not running around checking whether things were in order. James did a fairly good job at keeping his wife by his side, but once in a while he got pulled away by a relative or old friend for a chat and Katrina was back in the house or the kitchen where the caterers were preparing after unloading from their van. Drinks were being cooled, welcome drinks were poured out and appetizers were prepared.

This time around it was Gabriel who found her first.

‘Katrina, you should be out chatting with your guests,’ he greeted.

‘Oh, shoo! I’m just checking on things,’ she replied.

‘There’s no need for that, we got everything under control. And these guys know how to do things,’ he said gesturing at the waiters and waitresses in the kitchen.

‘I’m not used to things being taken out of my hands,’ she said with a huff.

‘You will have to bear it this one time,’ Gabriel chuckled. ‘And you have a perfectly fine husband standing all alone outside without his wife, and that is just not acceptable.’ Katrina laughed.

‘Oh, he has a lot of experience with my family at this point. He will stand his ground even without support.’

‘Still, you should be out having fun.’

‘I can’t let you boys deal with everything.’

‘Yes, you can, and us boys will be very happy if we don’t have to hunt you down every hour to make sure you’re having fun,’ Gabriel said as he took her hand and started pulling her out of the kitchen towards the backyard.

The fence between the Winchester house and the Turner house was taken out, making one garden out of the two to give space to the large tent that was set up. Wooden floor was put down on the inside, lights and flowers decorating the white material and the wooden columns, all tables were set with candles lit on them. Guests were slowly filling up the place too. Even the band was in place now, playing music, quietly for now.

Katrina sighed, but gave up on arguing.

‘Fine, how do I look?’ she asked by the door with a smile as she smoothed out her evening gown and Gabriel smiled in return.

‘You are by far the most beautiful lady, in every possible way,’ he said.

‘Ah, you charmer, come here’ she laughed and pulled him in for a hug.

‘And you’re the most wonderful mother I could have ever wished for too,’ he added quietly. ‘If you don’t mind me calling you that.’ Katrina pulled back to look at him, putting a hand on his cheek and smiled.

‘Never, dear,’ she embraced him again. ‘I love you, solnyshko. Thank you.’

They stayed like that for a few moments before Katrina pulled away with a laugh.

‘Oh, you’re almost making me weep like a little girl,’ she said, blinking a few times and wiping her eyes carefully not to smear her make-up.

‘Come on then, James is waiting. This is your anniversary, stop coming back to the kitchen, you understand me?’ Katrina laughed again and hooked her arm through Gabriel’s to get back out. She didn’t set a foot in the kitchen again during the evening either.

x~x~x

Castiel warned them that there would be long speeches, lot of toasts, lot of music and singing and dancing, because Katrina’s side of the family was simply like that. Dean lost count of all the faces. There were a lot of people in uniforms too, as both the Turner and the Dunayevskaya family had a long tradition of being in the army. Admittedly, it was one of the most amusing things Dean had ever witnessed when James’ Dad, Frank and Katrina’s Father, Wasilij started exchanging Cold War stories with Jesse being their translator. Dean found it bizarre that they were laughing so much.

He also had way too much attention from some unidentified female relatives, not as much as Castiel though. Apparently quite a lot of second cousins – or more like their mothers – were set on scoring him since he was un-married and “single”. He should’ve just lied about having a girlfriend, but it was not like Cas to get anyone involved in something like this. He said, everyone who was important already knew the truth, and it would be pointless to get things more complicated. He was annoyed though, Dean could see it in his forced smiles and the angry sparks in his blue eyes.

During Katrina’s and James’ first dance Dean when looked over at his Dad and thought of his Mom. Because it was there on his face, that no matter how many years passed, he still missed her. He did invite Kate Milligan thought, the secretary at the Sherriff’s office. Dean did not ask about her, she seemed nice and his Dad’s face was just that bit lighter when she smiled, so it was fine, whatever there was between them.

After a few dances Katrina appeared from the crowd, smiling brightly, grabbing Gabriel’s hand and dragging him to the dance floor despite his initial protest of not knowing how to dance to this sort of music. Dean laughed, but Katrina looked back at him and Sam and told them that she will be back for them too. Dean watched with a smile on his face how Gabriel first struggled a little, but then Katrina basically took over leading and taught him how to dance to whatever music that was playing.

‘You know, I’m sure now. I want this,’ Sam said next to him.

‘What? Dancing to weird Russian music, you’ll have your chance,’ Dean answered.

‘No, you jerk,’ Sam told him. ‘I want someone who will look this happy, like Katrina is now, even after thirty years of marriage,’ he said, and then added. ‘Someone who looks at me like you were looking at Gabriel just now.’

‘What? I wasn’t looking in any way,’ Dean objected. Sam made a face without dignifying that with an answer. ‘Fine,’ Dean settled on saying, a bit embarrassed that he was staring at Gabriel this obviously, but he couldn’t help it.

‘Look, I know I told you I was fine with everything when you told me, but I should’ve said more,’ Sam started.

‘No, Sammy, really.’

‘Just shut up and listen,’ Sam cut him off. ‘I’m way more than just “fine” with it, okay? I should’ve already told you that. I mean, Cas and Gabe are like brothers to me too, y’know? And you’re all happy and that makes me happy for you. Honestly. I couldn’t wish anything better for you, for either of you. Sorry I was a little brief with my answer before.’

Dean had a high variety of things he could’ve replied with to this, but he didn’t want to make a joke when his brother had that caring, honest, supportive face of his on.

‘Thanks, Sammy,’ he said finally.

‘And, umm, I don’t wanna sound like an ignorant ass or something, but I have no clue how to ask this. Uhh… so Gabriel’s okay now, right? Like fully.’

‘Yes, he’s fine. I mean, sometimes it’s still hard to follow what’s going around in his head, but he’s being honest and y’know, we’re all fine with each other again.’ he trailed off. Talking about this was not his forte, but this was Sam, so it was a little easier. Sam just nodded, maybe not knowing what to say to that, or maybe he just didn’t want to force Dean to talk about such things more.

‘I need a drink.’

Both Sam and Dean turned and looked at Cas as he stopped next to them.

‘That bad?’ Dean asked.

‘Well, most of my relatives seem to accept “I live for my duty” as a valid life choice, but unfortunately not all of them. I swear, I’ve been asked when I will have a wife and children at least a dozen times in the past hour.’ Dean chuckled at that, Sam seemed a little sympathetic, but only a little, if the smile on his face was anything to go buy.

Cas grabbed a drink from a passing waiter and took a large gulp.

‘Really, it can’t be that bad,’ Dean said.

‘One of my second cousins was practically flaunting her… wobbly parts at me,’ Castiel said with a very uncomfortable face.

‘You mean her boobs?’ Dean asked with an amused smile.

‘Yes,’ Cas said with a borderline distasteful face and drowned the rest of his drink.

‘Wow, you really are gay to the core,’ Dean laughed.

‘Shh,’ Cas hushed him as he frowned and quickly looked around whether anyone heard it. ‘Don’t make fun of me.’ He warned.

Sometimes Dean just couldn’t help it. Cas was so blatantly terrified if a woman made a move on him that it was beyond amusing. Dean and Gabriel both had girlfriends at some point in their lives, but Castiel was never interested, and that was putting it mildly. Dean didn’t push it though, no matter how fun it would’ve been, because he planned to get laid again in this lifetime.

x~x~x

‘So, what are our final experiences?’ Dean asked as he leaned back on the passenger’s side of the front seat. He would tick in the ‘success’ box to be honest. The guests were having fun, they were having fun, the food was delicious, the photos will look awesome and there were only tiny glitches during the night, and those could be looked over. Most importantly, Katrina and James looked as happy as they were a newly-wed couple.

‘Single women are scary,’ Cas said from the backseat and both Dean and Gabriel laughed at his sullen tone.

‘You’re just too handsome,’ Gabriel told him glancing up in the rearview mirror.

‘I also think that it’s time for all of us to admit that Katrina is ruling this family, I can’t believe I freakin’ danced… a helluva lot too,’ Dean added.

‘It wasn’t so bad,’ Gabriel told him.

‘I don’t like dancing,’ Dean answered. ‘I can’t believe I managed to not get completely drunk,’ he added.

‘I drank more,’ Castiel replied.

‘Yeah, but you’re a freak who only gets drunk after a few bottles, not a few shots.’ Cas chuckled in a very pleased way at that.

‘And it also turns out that I’m clearly not as forgotten as I would like to be,’ Gabriel said.

‘Meaning?’ Dean turned to him.

‘Some of the local guests were looking at me funny after I introduced myself, s’like high school all over again.’

‘Sorry about that,’ Castiel spoke up. ‘Hope nothing bad happened.’

‘Nah, I’m good at ignoring people,’ Gabriel replied easily while shrugging, then he took a left turn.

‘Where are we going?’ Dean asked with a frown, because this was not the way to Denver.

‘Just a little detour,’ Gabriel replied. Cas sat up straight in the backseat. His uniform jacket was undone and his hair looked chaotic at this point. It suited him well. Dean also loosened his tie and had his jacket undone, only Gabriel looked almost like he did at the start of the evening. It was a mystery how he managed to do that. It was probably the lack of alcohol. Dean had the urge to run his fingers through his hair to mess it all up, or pull his tie loose and suck a hickey on his neck. To make him look less sharp, more debauched. Yeah, okay booze made him horny, no surprise there.

He looked out at the darkened streets, wondering where Gabriel was going, but his question was soon answered.

‘Rock Park?’ Cas asked as he looked around. ‘It’s been ages since we’ve been here.’

‘Yep,’ Gabriel agreed and drove until he could park down the Impala at the spot his Dodge parked for many-many years, whenever they came here.

‘What are we doing here?’ asked Dean.

‘What? I can’t be a little nostalgic?’ asked Gabriel in return as he killed the engine. ‘Everyone was either nostalgic or emotional tonight. You don’t want me getting emotional.’

He said this in a light tone and had a smile on his face too, so Dean smiled in return. Gabriel opened the door and got out so after a moment Cas and Dean followed. The night air was cool, but not cold, it was actually pleasant to be out in the quiet, dim darkness and breathe in some fresh air after all the noise and the crowd. It was very late; Dean actually had no idea how late.

He walked to the front of the car to sit on the still warm hood and look up at the night-sky. It’s really been ages since they’ve been here. Castiel joined him on the hood a moment later, sitting down close enough that their shoulders were touching. Gabriel stood a step away from the car, with his back to them for now and he seemed to be looking out at the rock.

‘I still think it looks like a cake and not a castle,’ he said and both Dean and Cas smiled at the declaration.

‘This is nice,’ Castiel said. ‘This was a good idea.’

‘Gabe, come here too,’ Dean said, raising his arm in a welcoming gesture. Gabriel turned back and took a step closer.

‘Um, so listen guys…’

‘Okay, I knew there had to be a reason,’ Castiel said right away. ‘I hope this time around you plan on telling us something good here. I have way too many unpleasant memories of this park already.’

‘Not just unpleasant ones,’ Dean said. ‘Sure a few were shitty, but not all.’ This was the place Gabriel told them that he was leaving, this was the place where him and Cas seemed to break apart, but those were not the only memories from this place. Many nights came to mind, when they walked across the park to pick up Gabriel when he texted them and asked to be helped back. Many days spent sitting around Gabriel’s car, just talking and laughing endlessly. Nostalgic, yeah that was about right.

‘Good, I hope,’ Gabriel answered.

‘Okay, so what is it?’ Dean asked. Gabriel sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

‘Something totally ridiculous, but… I’m going through with it.’

‘Now, I’m intrigued,’ Castiel stated.

‘So… we don’t have an anniversary, cause it’s silly, and we don’t need it, and I still agree with that.’

To be honest, none of them was able to remember the exact date all three of them got together. It was around one and a half or two and a half weeks after Gabriel came back from Europe, they didn’t know, it was actually amusing. Besides, Dean and Castiel have been together longer, so that would’ve been an entirely different date, which they also couldn’t remember of course. Why was there a need for a special date to spend time together, when they were spending most of their days together already? Hell, they wouldn’t do anything special besides what they did on most Sundays and their birthdays, so what was the point?

‘Okay, so… I just had this stupid idea, and damn Chuck insisted that I go through with it, and I really hate him for it right now.’

‘Dude, what?’ Dean asked.

‘So I uh… sorta got us a present,’ he said.

‘Oh? What kind?’ Castiel asked. ‘I like presents,’ he added with a smile. Gabriel huffed out a small laugh in reaction, some of the tension already slipping out of his shoulders.

‘It’s ridiculously girly,’ Gabriel said with another sigh. He looked undoubtedly like he was feeling like that too and Dean started to be very curious and very amused at the same time.

‘Gabe, come on. It can’t be that bad. Nothing can be more girly than shopping for curtains with Cas, and we both suffered through that one.’

Gabriel laughed and while it hurt like a bitch where Castiel pinched his arm, it was totally worth it.

‘Yeah, not _that_ girly,’ Gabriel said and reached to the inner pocket of his suit. Now that was interesting. He had a small leather holder in his hand; it looked like one of those thin cigarette cases. ‘So, we all know we won’t ever be “officially” together. I mean, not like couples, or anything like it, and that’s fine, well, it is what it is, there’s no changing it, but… I just wanted, I don’t even know… something. Tell me if you hate it, no hard feelings.’

He held out the case and Dean took it, he was faster in reaching for it than Cas. He managed to open it for the second try and both him and Cas fell silent for a moment.

‘I know, it’s stupid,’ Gabriel said after a second of silence.

‘You got us matching rings,’ Castiel said, looking up at him. Dean kept his gaze down on the case, whit the three identical rings inside; they were cool looking rings to be honest, they were black with two silver cable inlays running around in the middle of them.

‘It’s just… you know… present,’ Gabriel shrugged. Dean now saw why Chuck might’ve insisted that Gabriel go through with this idea of his.

‘I told you I like presents,’ Cas said.

‘C’mon be honest,’ Gabriel huffed.

‘I think they’re awesome,’ Dean said and reached to the box to get one out. They were slightly different in size, but he was pretty sure that his was the biggest.

‘No, no… hold it,’ Castiel grabbed his hand. ‘Which one is Dean’s?’ he asked looking at Gabriel.

‘The one on the left,’ Gabriel answered, still looking at them carefully. Castiel picked up that one and looked at him expectantly. Dean chuckled and rolled his eyes a little but didn’t argue and let Cas grab his left hand.

‘You’re not supposed to put a ring like this on by yourself,’ Castiel remarked at he slid it in place. ‘There,’ he looked up with a satisfied look on his face and leaned in for a kiss. It was a sweet press of lips at first, their mouths just touching and moving, sliding together for a long moments while they stayed as close within each others space as possible, breathing in the same air, feeling the warmth of the other. Dean smiled at him before looking over at Gabriel. He looked a lot less worried now and that was always nice to see.

‘My turn,’ Dean declared and gestured Gabriel to come closer. ‘Come here.’ He pulled him closer as soon as he could until Gabriel was standing between his legs. ‘Which one is yours?’ he asked in a quiet voice, not looking away from Gabriel’s face.

‘The middle one,’ Gabriel answered in the same tone. Dean picked that one up and slid it on his finger, the second it was in its place they were kissing. A harder, more fiery kiss and Dean chased the taste of Gabriel’s lips, before he pulled away, sliding his hands down on Gabriel’s side to rest his palms on his hips. It was good to see the smile playing on Gabriel’s lips from this close.

Gabriel turned to move closer to Castiel then, picking up the last ring.

‘Castiel,’ he said and slid the ring to its place after taking hold of Cas’ hand.

‘This is a great present, Gabriel,’ Castiel told him, entwining their fingers. They leaned closer and kissed, deep and unhurried, a lazy drag of lips, exploring each others’ mouths, while their hands stayed linked together.

‘Okay, I totally overstressed this one,’ Gabriel huffed out a laugh when he pulled away from the kiss.

‘It’s part of your charm,’ Castiel told him with a hint of a smile. It earned him a half-hearted snort from Gabriel. Dean smirked.

‘I think, it’s absolutely--’

‘I’m warning you,’ Gabriel looked at him, because he recognized his tone. Dean always said something along the lines of cute or adorable in such situations.

‘Incredible, that you care so much about even the smallest things, just to make sure we’re happy.’

The building indignation vanished from Gabriel’s face and got replaced by something much gentler, happier, a little embarrassed too maybe.

‘It was nothing,’ he said.

‘No. You gave us, everything,’ Castiel said and he didn’t mean just the rings. Dean knew that with absolute certainty and from the look on his face, Gabriel knew it too. Cas tilted his head to capture Gabriel’s gaze. ‘Us,’ he said, moving his head gesturing at the three of them. He looked down at the ring. ‘So thank you… for dragging me out of that sand box.’

Gabriel smiled, letting out a breath.

‘And you know, thanks for kidnapping me from my backyard too,’ Dean told him with a grin. Gabriel laughed quietly then stayed silent for a moment, the smile not faltering from his face, but obviously thinking about what to say.

‘My pleasure,’ he settled on finally. And Dean thought that right now things were damn near perfect. He was not stupid to think that they were actually perfect, but who gave a damn? Cas was right, they had everything, what they needed, what counted, what actually mattered. They had this, each other, screw everything else.

‘Okay, time go home guys,’ Gabriel spoke. ‘I think, I promised some messed up uniforms,’ he added with a smirk a beat later.

Yeah, life was pretty damn good.

=  THE END  =

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Masterpost at Livejournal](http://scyllaya.livejournal.com/64522.html)
> 
>  
> 
> It includes amazing fanarts by ~KraeHi, make sure to check them out!


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